Bombergirl walked on stage holding her mike nervously. She twirled it with her fingers, making expert circles like it was a baton.

"Well, folks, this is an unprecedented battle, seeing that someone decided not to show up. This battle should be between the reigning champion (in his own mind), Shark the-not-what-you-think-it-means Rider and..." with this, she paused. She looked off arena and said, "Who in the hell is this? "Some jerk who doesn't like you"??? "Guy who hates shark"?!?!? Well, for the sake of pronunciation, he is now Bob, ok? Good."

Bombergirl turned back to the audience with a big smile on her face. "As I was saying, it should have been Sharkey vs. Bob the jerk. But, Bob isn’t here, so, uhhhh..." She stared at the camera with a desperate smile on her face, sweat beginning to bead on her forehead. "Well, gee, would someone from the audience like to fight Shark? Anyone?"

There was silence. In the back, the producer made a nasty face and a slashing motion at his throat. Bombergirl gulped, and opened her mouth. A voice from the ceiling interrupted, saying "I am here. Where is that Sharkrider guy?"

"I’m right here." said Shark, stepping out of the opposing wing. He growled, and his eyes narrowing to mere slits. His hands were clenched, making ominous fists.

"Good. I can take you on!" cried Bob, and he jumped out of his hiding spot. He make a loud thunking noise as he hit the floor.

"Well, everyone, here is our mystery challenger! And straight from his hiding spot on the...catwalk... 35 ft above our stage..." Bombergirl paused, trying not to laugh. She walked over to ‘Bob’ and tapped him with her toe. He groaned, and got up.

"I’m fine. Where is he?" He said, his eyes crossing.

"I’m here, you lamer." said Shark, grinning wolfishly.

"Put ‘em up!" said Bob, who promptly charged into the audience and started beating up the heavily muscled security guard in the front row. The man picked him up and threw him back on stage, frowning.

"Bob, are you ok?" asked the worried host.

"Yeah, great. Where’s my WEAPON!!!!" said Bob, his eyes un-crossing.

"Weapon? You want me to give you a weapon? But, I don’t want you to shoot anyone other than Shark over there, and in your condition..." Bombergirl said, then glanced at Shark. He was leaning against the wall buffing his nails on his shirt. With a sigh, she nodded and began reading from her cue card.

"In this corner is Bob with his... aut....auto killer gun!" She looked at the producer pleadingly, her eyes clearly saying "You trust HIM with an auto killer gun?!?". None the less, she handed Bob his gun.

"Well, in the words of a colleague of mine, let’s get it on!" With that, Bombergirl ran offstage.

Bob took the safety off of his gun and aimed at Shark. Bob let off a stream of bullets, and Shark skipped quickly to the side. Bob continued to fire, but this time it was obvious Shark wouldn’t be able to dodge. He began to whirl the soggy shorts in a figure eight, fast enough to make the noise of a (soggy) chain saw. The bullets hit.. And bounced off! While Bob looked on in terror, Shark took his chance. He lunged forward and in one deft motion, lifted Bob off the ground and slipped the wet undies around his legs.

"What the...!!" said Bob, looking shocked.

"Super Wedgie!!!!" shouted Shark, yanking the underwear up to Bob’s head and knotting it around his throat so it wouldn’t come off.

Bob gurgled and ran around firing randomly. Shark reached out towards the prop guy and got another pair of underwear handed to him. He followed Bob around cautiously, and when Bob stopped to re-load, he made his move.

With a speed rivaled only by that of a hippopotamus, he grabbed Bob’s gun and shoved the underwear down the barrel. With a gesture, the prop guy threw him another pair. Shark took this set of undergarments and put it in Bob’s mouth like a gag. Bob wretched at the nasty taste and passed out.

Shark smiled and began to count. When he reached 10, Bombergirl walked slowly back onto the stage. "I think we have a winner, folks, and a new nick-name! A round of applause for Shark the undershorts twisty boy!" Shark bowed and walked off stage. Bombergirl looked at Bob and sighed. "I pity the cleanup crew..."

The lights dimmed and the audience filed out. The now deformed Bob lay on the ground, with a pair of soggy underwear stretched from his waist to his neck, a gun dripping undy fluid and a gruesome gag in his mouth.

This was brutality, pure and simple.

The End!