[Screen fades up to a series of clips from previous Slaughterhouses as
"Numbered Days" by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones play.  Screen then fades
to a shot outside of Universal Studios where several women are holding
up signs saying "Hitting Women is Not a Sport" and "The War of the Sexes
Should Not Include Violence" among other things.]

VM: Women's groups from across the country are here tonight
protesting the mixed tag team match [Screen then dissolves to a shot
inside Universal Studios of Vance McMihn and Johnny "The Muscle"
Ventures.]  Good evening, I'm Vance McMihn and with me as always is my
partner Johnny "The Muscle" Ventures.  We are broadcasting live from
Universal Studios in Hollywood, CA.  And we have got a great line-up for
you tonight.  We will see the debut of Tuk Tuk The Eskimo as he takes on
Monster Mark in an escape only cage match.

JV: Great.  Another eskimo.  It was bad enough we had to put up with
that horrible wrestler Robert Tanterra over in that Low Impact league
and now we got to deal with Tummy Tuk.

VM: Tanterra was a decent wrestler.  He was the HIWF World Champ for a
while.  Also we will see Coldblooded take on Dr. Hate in a Falls Count
Anywhere Chain Death Match.  And in the match that has brought about
huge protests, a mixed tag team match involving Jagged Edge and Kim
Kelly vs. Tough Man Champ Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau and Carey Stone.

JV: That was my idea.

VM: Well with all the bad press this match is giving the SWF, I'm sure
Booker Frenck will let you take the fall for him.  We will also see the
first running of the Tough Man Gauntlet.

JV: I think that Gauntlet is just craziness.  No one is ever going to
make it through that thing.

VM: And in the main event, in a match that will hopefully settle once
and for all the biggest rivalry in the SWF, Jesse Aires will be taking
on Desperado in a Trial By Fire Death match.

JV: That is by far the most brutal match Booker Frenck has ever come up
with.

VM: Well let's go to our special guest ring announcer, former Seattle
Seahawks star and failed Hollywood star, Brian Bosworth!!

[Brian Bosworth is standing in the middle of the ring.  He gets a mixed
reaction from the crowd.]

BB: Before I introduce the first match, I just want to say thanks to all
of you who watch my movies and tv shows.  Which obviously isn't very
many of you since they've all failed miserably.  "Lawless" got canned
after one week!!  FOX has never ditched a show that quickly.  So thanks
a lot.  Well this first match is an escape only cage match.  Introducing
first, from Dusseldorf, Germany, weighing in at 300 pounds, here is
Monster Mark!!
["Monster Mash" plays as Monster Mark walks down to the ring as the
crowd boos heavily.]

BB: And his opponent, from the Arctic Circle, weighing in at 350 pounds,
here is Tuk Tuk The Eskimo!!

["Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice plays as a big man walks down to the ring
wearing a whale skin vest and carrying a harpoon.  The crowd boos
loudly.]

VM: And the two big men are in the ring.

JV: This ought to be an interesting match.  The only way to win is to
escape the cage, which typically is something big men are at a
disadvatage.

VM: Well the bell has rung.

[They lock up.
Monster Mark rakes Tuk Tuk The Eskimo's face across the cage.
Monster Mark executes a full nelson.]

JV: Monster Mark introduces the rookie to the steel cage.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds.
Monster Mark executes an enzuilariato.
Monster Mark nails him with a cobra clutch.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo reaches the ropes after being trapped for 10 seconds.
Monster Mark walks around the ring like Frankenstein.]

VM: And now Monster Mark is getting a little cocky.

[Monster Mark goes for a lariat, but Tuk Tuk The Eskimo counters it with
a duck-down move.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a bearhug.
Monster Mark reaches the ropes after being trapped for 9 seconds.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo goes for a hiptoss, but Monster Mark blocks it.
Monster Mark whips Tuk Tuk The Eskimo into the turnbuckle, but
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo reverses it.]

JV: And Tuk Tuk smartly takes advantage of Mark's cockiness.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo runs shoulder-first into the corner.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with an elbowsmash.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo takes him down with a kick to the midsection.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a kick to the midsection.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex.]

VM: Nice belly to belly there and it looks like Tuk Tuk is going for the
door.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo tries to get out of the door.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is halfway through the ring.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is three quarters across the ring.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is at the door.
Monster Mark pulls him back in.
Monster Mark nails him with a sleeperhold.]

VM: Monster Mark pulls Tuk Tuk back in and applies a sleeperhold.

JV: Mark has that sleeper applied tight.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 23
seconds.
Monster Mark goes for a Hotshot, but Tuk Tuk The Eskimo counters it with
a lariat.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo goes for a facerake, but Monster Mark blocks it.
Monster Mark takes him down with a sleeperhold.]

VM: And another sleeper by Mark.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 5
seconds.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo executes a bearhug.
Monster Mark reaches the ropes after being trapped for 12 seconds.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo takes him down with a knee to the back.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo grinds Monster Mark's face across the cage.]

VM: And now Tuk Tuk introduces Monster Mark to the steel bars.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a forearm smash.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo goes for a kick to the head, but Monster Mark
counters it with a duck-down move.
Monster Mark executes a short lariat.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo executes a knee to the back.]

VM: And Tuk Tuk springs right back to his feet after that short lariat.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo goes for a backbreaker, but Monster Mark blocks it.
Monster Mark rakes Tuk Tuk The Eskimo's face across the cage.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is busted wide open.]

JV: And Monster Mark busts Tuk Tuk open.

[Monster Mark goes for a lariat, but Tuk Tuk The Eskimo counters it with
a duck-down move.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo rakes Monster Mark's face across the cage.
Monster Mark is busted wide open.]

VM: And Tuk Tuk quickly returns the favor.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a fist to the midsection.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a fist to the midsection.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a choke slam.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo executes a fist to the midsection.]

VM: and it would appear as though Tuk Tuk has had a bit of a background
in boxing.
[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo runs into the ropes.
Monster Mark executes a double-axhandle chop.
Monster Mark nails him with a legsweep.]

VM: And now Mark is going to climb out of the cage.

[Monster Mark tries to climb out of the cage.
Monster Mark is on his way up.
Monster Mark is at the top.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo pulls him back in.]

JV: I'm surprised that Mark made it that far.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is bleeding profusely.
Monster Mark executes neck-scissors.
Monster Mark takes him down with neck-scissors.]

VM: And Monster Mark going right to the neck scissors.

[Monster Mark goes for an enzuilariato, but Tuk Tuk The Eskimo counters it with
a duck-down move.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo goes for a DDT, but Monster Mark counters it with a backdrop.
In turn, Tuk Tuk The Eskimo counters it with a sunset flip.]

JV: Smart move by Tuk Tuk.  Even though the sunset flip wont give him a
win, it does prevent him from getting hurt from that backdrop.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo runs into the ropes.
Monster Mark hits Tuk Tuk The Eskimo with a kick.
Monster Mark runs into the ropes.
Monster Mark misses with an elbow.
Monster Mark hits Tuk Tuk The Eskimo with a clothesline.
Monster Mark nails him with a stomp.
Monster Mark takes him down with a kneeling headbutt.]

VM: Monster Mark is just all over Tuk Tuk.

JV: Well in my opinion Monster Mark is by far the best Slaughterhouse
resident wrestler.

[Monster Mark goes for a slap, but Tuk Tuk The Eskimo reverses it.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo takes him down with an elbowsmash.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo goes for a bodyslam, but Monster Mark counters it with
a small package.
Monster Mark scrapes Tuk Tuk The Eskimo's face across the cage.]

VM: And again Tuk Tuk meets the cage.

[Monster Mark runs into the ropes.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo misses with an elbow.
Monster Mark misses with a clothesline.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo takes him down with a clothesline.]

VM: And after a couple misses Tuk Tuk finally connects with a
clothesline.  And now Tuk Tuk is climbing out of the cage.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo tries to climb out of the cage.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is on his way up.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is at the top.]

VM: And Tuk Tuk is stepping over the top of the cage.

JV: Mark is back on his feet now.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is over the top.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is on the way down.]

VM: Tuk Tuk is on his way down.  This could be it!

[Monster Mark pulls him back in.]

VM: Monster Mark reaches through the cage and grabs Tuk Tuk by the
hair, forcing Tuk Tuk to climb back up and re-enter the ring.

[Monster Mark grinds Tuk Tuk The Eskimo's face across the cage.
Monster Mark whips Tuk Tuk The Eskimo into the ropes, but Tuk Tuk The Eskimo
reverses it.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo hits Monster Mark with a shoulderblock.]

VM: Despite meeting the steel again, Tuk Tuk is again going to climb
out.

JV: Tuk Tuk really needs to dish out some more punishment before trying
to climb out.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo tries to climb out of the cage.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is on his way up.
Monster Mark pulls him back in.]

VM: And you were right Johnny as Tuk Tuk didn't even make it to the top
before Mark yanked him down.

[Monster Mark rakes Tuk Tuk The Eskimo's face across the cage.
Monster Mark whips Tuk Tuk The Eskimo into the turnbuckle.
Monster Mark runs shoulder-first into the corner.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is bleeding like hell.
Monster Mark nails him with a snap mare.
Monster Mark walks around the ring like Frankenstein.]

JV: Mark is wasting time.

[Monster Mark rakes Tuk Tuk The Eskimo's face across the cage.
Monster Mark whips Tuk Tuk The Eskimo into the ropes.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a facerake.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo goes for a forearm smash, but Monster Mark blocks
it.]

VM: Tuk Tuk desperately trying to regain control of this match.
[Monster Mark nails him with a short clothesline.
Monster Mark executes a lariat.
Monster Mark rakes Tuk Tuk The Eskimo's face across the cage.]

JV: Mark is making good use of that cage.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo goes for a backbreaker, but Monster Mark blocks it.
Monster Mark catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex.
Monster Mark catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex.]

VM: Nice pair of belly to belly's there.

[Monster Mark whips Tuk Tuk The Eskimo into the ropes.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a knee to the back.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a kick to the head.]

VM: And Tuk Tuk is again going to try to climb out.

JV: I don't understand why he tries to climb out after executing a low
impact move.  He should be trying to climb out after high impact moves.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo tries to climb out of the cage.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is on his way up.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is at the top.
Monster Mark pulls him back in.]

VM: Monster Mark yanks Tuk Tuk back down.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo grinds Monster Mark's face across the cage.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo executes a kneelift.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo goes for a piledriver, but Monster Mark counters it with
a backdrop.
Monster Mark goes for a swinging neckbreaker, but Tuk Tuk The Eskimo
counters it with a side suplex.]

VM: A couple of counters there and now Tuk Tuk is going for something
big.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo places Monster Mark on the turnbuckle.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo executes the Harpoon.]

VM: And there's the 2nd rope piledriver finisher of Tuk Tuk's.  A move
not too different from your finisher Johnny.

JV: They're similar but not identical.  The Muscle Bound was a reverse
piledriver from the 2nd turnbuckle.  Basically I improved on the reverse
piledriver that Don "The Rock" Morraco made famous.  Tuk Tuk is
improving on the move that Paul Orndorff made famous.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo executes a stomp.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo scrapes Monster Mark's face across the cage.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a facerake.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo grinds Monster Mark's face across the cage.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo goes for a DDT, but Monster Mark counters it with a
backdrop.]

VM: Monster Mark is finally able to put a stop to the Tuk Tuk's
onslaught.

[Monster Mark executes a short lariat.
Monster Mark tries to get out of the door.
Monster Mark is halfway through the ring.]

VM: Tuk Tuk is slow getting up.  Monster mark may actually get the win.

[Monster Mark is three quarters across the ring.
Monster Mark is at the door.]

JV: If this happens Tuk Tuk is gonna get laughed out of the league.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo pulls him back in.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo takes him down with a forearm smash.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo grinds Monster Mark's face across the cage.]

VM: Tuk Tuk manages to stop Mark in time and punishes him for his escape
attempt by grinding him into the steel cage.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo runs into the ropes.
Monster Mark hits Tuk Tuk The Eskimo with a backdrop.
Monster Mark scrapes Tuk Tuk The Eskimo's face across the cage.
Monster Mark runs into the ropes.
Monster Mark goes for a slap, but Tuk Tuk The Eskimo reverses it.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with a bearhug.]

VM: Huge bearhug by Tuk Tuk.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo lets go after 20 seconds.
Monster Mark goes for a spinebuster slam, but Tuk Tuk The Eskimo
counters it with a swinging neckbreaker.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo nails him with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo executes a choke slam.]

VM: And Tuk Tuk seems to have figured out what you were talking about
before and is going for the door after hitting high impact moves.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo tries to get out of the door.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is halfway through the ring.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is three quarters across the ring.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is at the door.]

VM: Monster Mark is still down.

JV: It's over.

[Tuk Tuk The Eskimo is on the way out.
Tuk Tuk The Eskimo has escaped the cage.]

VM: And that's all she wrote.  Tuk Tuk has won the match.
JV: There's a surprise.

BB: The winner is Tuk Tuk The Eskimo, in a time of 9:38.

VM: Well Tuk Tuk scores a win over Monster Mark in a....

JV: Hey!  Booker Frenck is coming down to ringside!

BF: Hey Bosworth, mind if I have a word with you?

BB: Sure thing.  Hey, I really want to thank you for giving me this gig.
I really appreciate it.

BF: Yeah about that..... Look the ratings for that last match just came
in....and.....They were the lowest ratings for a SWF match ever.  And
unfortunately I think it's because of you.

BB: What?  All I did was announce the wrestlers.

BF: I'm sorry. You're fired Bosworth.

BB: You'll never be able to find another ring announcer better than me on
such notice.

BF: I disagree.  Meet your replacement.  Star of Diff'rent Strokes, Gary
Coleman!!

[The theme to Diff'rent Strokes plays as Gary Coleman runs down to the
ring.]

BB: You're replacing me with a has-been dwarf from the 80's?

GC: Whatcha talking about Bosworth?

BF: Take a hike Bosworth.  I don't know why I hired you in the first
place.  I don't even like the Seahawks.

[Bosworth storms out of Universal Studios.]

GC: Thanks Mr. F.  I won't let you down.

BF: Knock 'em dead Gary.

[Gary Coleman steps into the ring.  The steel cage has now been removed
by the roadies.]

GC: All right!  This next match is a falls count anywhere Chain Death
match.  Introducing first, being led to the ring by his manager John
Smooth, from parts unknown, weighing in at 289 pounds here is
Coldblooded!!

["Hail Mary" by Makaveli blares as John Smooth and Coldblooded make
their way to the ring.  Coldblooded wears a black tunic with a cape and
hood attached, and Coldblooded wears the hood over his head while walking
to the ring, his eyes still visible.  The cape and hood are sewn onto a
specially designed set of football shoulder pads.  Once inside the ring,
Coldblooded wears an all black outfit, covered with white lines where veins
are supposed to be.  The outfit is a one piece deal, custom made only
for him. The crowd gives a mixed reaction.]

VM: Coldblooded getting a lot more crowd support since ditching the
Sting look.

JV: That was a smart move by Coldblooded.  Before he was the laughing
stock of the SWF, but now people will see how good of a wrestler he is
and see that he is a dark disturbed man.

GC: And his opponent, from London, England, weighing in at 275 pounds,
here is Dr. Hate!!

["How Do I Know" by Leather Strip plays as Dr. hate makes his way to the
ring.  The crowd boos heavily.]

VM: Both men are in the ring and have a hold of the 20 foot chain.

[They lock up.
Coldblooded catches him in a Northern Lights suplex.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout.]

VM: And Coldblooded goes for the win right off the back.

[Coldblooded whips him with the Chain.
Coldblooded takes him down with a short lariat.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, shoulder up.]

VM: And yet another pin attempt.

JV: The odds of getting a successful pin and keeping Hate down for a 10
count is really slim.

[Coldblooded complains about a slow count.
Dr. Hate catches him in an inside cradle.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, kickout.
Dr. Hate nails him with an Indian deathlock.]

JV: And the good Doctor goes to one of his many submission moves.

[Coldblooded reaches the ropes after being trapped for 16 seconds.
Dr. Hate hits him with the Chain.
Dr. Hate executes an Indian deathlock.
Dr. Hate lets go after 15 seconds.]

JV: I don't think Dr. Hate should've let go at that time.

[Coldblooded nails him with a bulldog headlock.
Coldblooded places Dr. Hate on the turnbuckle.
Coldblooded executes a belly-to-back superplex.
Dr. Hate takes him down with a cobra clutch.]
VM: Despite that huge belly to back superplex, Dr. Hate goes right back
to the submission holds.

[Coldblooded manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 8 seconds.
Coldblooded catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, shoulder up.
Coldblooded nails him with a spinebuster slam.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, thr... kickout.]

VM: Two very close pinfalls there.

[Coldblooded goes for a DDT,
Coldblooded yells "You test my abilities well...But, the Truth is coming".
Dr. Hate counters it with a backdrop.]

JV: Mental note: If you have your opponent set up for a DDT, don't stop
to talk to the guy!

[Dr. Hate nails him with a sleeperhold.
Coldblooded manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 7 seconds.
Coldblooded catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, shoulder up.
Coldblooded hits him with the Chain.
Coldblooded executes a tiger driver.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout.]

VM: Several pin attempts so far by Coldblooded but none of them
successful so far.

[Coldblooded goes for a spinebuster slam, but Dr. Hate counters it with
a swinging neckbreaker.
Dr. Hate nails him with a chop.
Dr. Hate hits him with the Chain.
Dr. Hate goes for the Assisted Suicide, but Coldblooded counters it with
a duck-down move.]

JV: Dr. Hate trying to change things up a little.  He normally goes for
the assisted suicide immediately after a chop but this time he decided to
hit Coldblooded with a chain first.

VM: Not that it really matters since Coldblooded avoided Hate's
finisher.

[Coldblooded goes for the Stinger Splash, but Dr. Hate counters it with
a side step.
Dr. Hate whips him with the Chain.
Dr. Hate executes a rolling kick.
Dr. Hate attempts to place Coldblooded on the turnbuckle, but Coldblooded
blocks it.
Dr. Hate whips him with the Chain.]

VM: Dr. Hate deciding to use his chain there since he was unable to put
Coldblooded on the turnbuckle.

[Dr. Hate catches him in a dragon suplex.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout.
Dr. Hate executes a chop.
Dr. Hate goes for the Assisted Suicide, but Coldblooded counters it with
a duck-down move.]

JV: I think every person in the SWF knows that Hate follows the chop up
with his finisher.

VM: Well if they didn't before, they do now.

[Coldblooded takes him down with a DDT.
Coldblooded catches him in a power bomb.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, kickout.]

VM: This time Dr. Hate kicks out after a one count.

[Coldblooded hits him with the Chain.
Coldblooded catches him in a flying legdrop.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout.]

JV: I think Coldblooded is getting frustrated that he can't keep Dr.
Hate down.

[Coldblooded goes for a dropkick to the knee, but Dr. Hate counters it with
a side step.
Dr. Hate takes him down with an Indian deathlock.
Coldblooded breaks the hold after 5 seconds.
Coldblooded executes a flying clothesline.
Coldblooded goes for a moonsault, but Dr. Hate counters it with a roll
away.]

VM: The Doctor saw the moonsault coming and quickly rolled out of the
way.

[Dr. Hate executes a chinlock deathlock submission.
Coldblooded manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 5 seconds.
Dr. Hate takes him down with a figure-four sleeper.
Coldblooded reaches the ropes after being trapped for 15 seconds.
Dr. Hate nails him with a sleeperhold.
Coldblooded reaches the ropes after being trapped for 18 seconds.]

VM: And Dr. Hate with just a whole variety of submission moves!

JV: You know it's funny, The Mobster is the Undergrounds expert on
submission holds and has won 2 belts plus a tag team belt, yet Dr. Hate
hasn't gotten any gold yet.

VM: Or at least not any that he hasn't stolen.

[Dr. Hate nails him with a moonsault.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout.
Dr. Hate executes a sleeperhold.
Coldblooded reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds.
Dr. Hate chokes him with the Chain.]

VM: And now Dr. Hate is trying to choke the life out of Coldblooded.

[Dr. Hate takes him down with a rolling kick.
Dr. Hate goes for a back heel kick, but Coldblooded blocks it.
Coldblooded takes him down with a Hotshot.
Coldblooded nails him with a figure-four leglock.]

VM: And now Coldblooded has a submission hold of his own.

[Dr. Hate breaks the hold after 5 seconds.
Dr. Hate executes a rolling kick.
Dr. Hate goes for an octopus hold, but Coldblooded counters it with a hiptoss.
Coldblooded goes for a swinging neckbreaker, but Dr. Hate counters it with
a side suplex.
Dr. Hate takes him down with a Boston crab.
Coldblooded reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds.
Dr. Hate goes for a headscissors submission, but Coldblooded blocks it.
Coldblooded executes the Stinger Splash.
Coldblooded executes the Revelations and goes for the pin.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, shoulder up.]

VM: And there's one of the other things that Coldblooded has changed in
order to shed the Sting ripoff image.  He has changed the Revelations
finisher from a reverse DDT to a Northern Lights Bomb.

[Dr. Hate whips Coldblooded into the turnbuckle, but Coldblooded reverses it.
Coldblooded runs shoulder-first into the corner, but Dr. Hate
moves out of the way.
Dr. Hate nails him with a back heel kick.
Dr. Hate whips him with the Chain.
Dr. Hate nails him with a chop.
Dr. Hate chokes him with the Chain.
Dr. Hate goes for the Assisted Suicide, but Coldblooded counters it with
a duck-down move.]

JV: Despite the choke with the chain, Coldblooded knew that Hate's
finisher was coming.

[Coldblooded goes for a tiger driver, but Dr. Hate blocks it.
Dr. Hate hits him with the Chain.
Dr. Hate catches him in a dragon suplex.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout.
Dr. Hate attempts to place Coldblooded on the turnbuckle, but Coldblooded
blocks it.]

VM: And again Dr. Hate is unable to place Coldblooded on the turnbuckle.

[Dr. Hate goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Coldblooded counters it with a
backdrop.
Coldblooded yells "You test my abilities well...But, the Truth is
coming".]

JV: "The Truth is Out There."

VM: "Now the Truth Can Be Told."

JV: "You Can't Handle the Truth!"

[Coldblooded takes him down with a bulldog headlock.
Coldblooded hits him with the Chain.
Coldblooded executes a jack-knife power bomb.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout.
Coldblooded nails him with a Tombstone.
Coldblooded is going for the pin.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, shoulder up.
Coldblooded nails him with a tiger driver.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, kickout.
Coldblooded catches him in a power bomb.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, kickout.]

VM: Despite the several high impact moves there, Coldblooded has yet to
keep Doctor hate down for the three count.

[Coldblooded hits him with the Chain.
Coldblooded places Dr. Hate on the turnbuckle.
Coldblooded executes a belly-to-back superplex.
Coldblooded attempts to place Dr. Hate on the turnbuckle, but Dr. Hate blocks
it.
Coldblooded nails him with a flying clothesline.
Coldblooded executes a flying clothesline.]

VM: Coldblooded is just all over Doctor Hate now.

[Coldblooded chokes him with the Chain.
Coldblooded nails him with a sleeperhold.
Dr. Hate submits immediately.]

JV: Smart move there by Stan.  He submitted instantly to prevent any
serious damage being done and now all he has to do is stand back up
before Ceigersmidt counts to 10.

[Sean Ceigersmidt counts: one, two, three, four,]

VM: He's not standing up Johnny.

JV: He will. He's also smart enough to take his time.

[five, six, seven, Dr. Hate gets back to his feet.]

JV: Told ya.

[Coldblooded goes for the Stinger Splash, but Dr. Hate counters it with
a side step.
Dr. Hate chokes him with the Chain.
Dr. Hate nails him with a Boston crab.
Coldblooded breaks the hold after 15 seconds.]
VM: Coldblooded was in that Boston crab for a long time.

[Coldblooded nails him with a kick to the midsection.
Coldblooded goes for a German suplex, but Dr. Hate blocks it.
Dr. Hate goes for a double chickenwing submission, but Coldblooded blocks it.
Coldblooded nails him with a tiger driver.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, thr... kickout.]

VM: Dr. Hate barely kicked out in time.

[Coldblooded executes a powerslam.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, thr... kickout.]

VM: And again another kickout right as Sean's hand was about to hit the
mat.

[Coldblooded executes the Revelations and goes for the pin.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout.]

JV: Coldblooded can't seem to catch a break as Dr. Hate manages to
kickout of Coldblooded's finisher.

[Dr. Hate pushes back on his opponents eyes.
Dr. Hate executes the Assisted Suicide and goes for the pin.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, three.]

VM: And Dr. Hate takes advantage of Coldblooded's frustration and scores
a pinfall.

[Sean Ceigersmidt counts: one, two, three, four, five, six, Coldblooded
gets back to his feet.]

VM: But Coldblooded gets back to his feet before the 10 count.

[Dr. Hate whips Coldblooded into the turnbuckle.
Dr. Hate runs shoulder-first into the corner, but Coldblooded
moves out of the way.
Coldblooded goes for a DDT, but Dr. Hate counters it with a backdrop.
Dr. Hate pulls the scalpel out of his tights.]

VM: There is no place in wrestling for a scapel.

[Dr. Hate hits him with the scalpel.
Dr. Hate nails him with a back heel kick.
Dr. Hate hits him with the scalpel.]

JV: I guess you could say that Dr. Hate is a cut above the rest.

VM: I really hate your jokes Johnny.

[Dr. Hate takes him down with a chop.
Dr. Hate executes the Assisted Suicide and goes for the pin.
Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, three.]

VM: And Dr. Hate scores another pinfall.

[Sean Ceigersmidt counts: one, two, three, four,]

VM: And Coldblooded is still down.

[five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.]

VM: And that's it.  Dr. Hate emerges victorious over Coldblooded in a
very even match.

JV: And this is the 2nd time we've had a falls count anywhere match that
hasn't left the ring.  These guys really need to learn how to get
hardcore.

GC: The winner is Dr. Hate, in a time of 13:43.

VM: Never the  less, an impressive win for Dr. Hate.  Now let's go to
Gary Coleman for the introductions in our most controversial match.

GC: The following is a No-DQ, No-countout, No-time limit mixed tag team
match.  Introducing first, at an approximate combined weight of 415
pounds, here are Jagged Edge and Kim Kelly!!

[Jagged Edge and Kim Kelly walk down to the ring.  The crowd boos loudly
although several wolf whistles can be heard.]

JV: Approximate combined weight of 415 pounds?

VM: Apparently Kim Kelly refused to reveal her weight.

JV: Sheesh!  Women!

GC: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 366 pounds, here are
Tough Man Champ "Paralyzer" Patrick Bordeau and Carey Stone!!

[Bordeau and Carey walk down to the ring to a chorus of boos and wolf
whistles.]

VM: All right it looks like the men are going to start things off.

[They lock up.
Jagged Edge goes for a double underhook piledriver, but
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau blocks it.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a high cross body, but Jagged Edge
counters it with a backbreaker.
Jagged Edge takes him down with a jack-knife power bomb.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.]

VM: Jagged Edge starting off strong and almost got the pin.

JV: Well I think both men would like to keep the women out of it to
prevent them from being seriously injured.

[Jagged Edge goes for a spinning DDT, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau
counters it with a backdrop.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a kick to the midsection, but Jagged Edge
blocks it.
Jagged Edge throws Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau out of the ring.
Jagged Edge goes through the ropes.]

VM: And outside they go.

[They're brawling on the floor.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails him with a single-leg takedown.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau sets up a table.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau reenters the ring.]

JV: A single leg takedown and a table set up?  C'mon I want more
hardcore action than that.

[Jagged Edge follows him back in.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes him down with a back suplex.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes him down with a rolling reverse cradle.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, shoulder up.]

VM: Bordeau almost got Jagged Edge with that rolling reverse cradle.

JV: And now he's motioning for Carey to come in for some double teaming.

[Carey Stone enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau and Carey Stone whip Jagged Edge into the ropes.
They attempt to hit Jagged Edge with a double clothesline, but he counters
it with a duck-down move.
Jagged Edge hits them with a double clothesline.]

VM: And the double teaming failed.

[Carey Stone leaves the ring.
Jagged Edge goes for a powerslam, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau
counters it with a lariat.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau tags out to Carey Stone.]

VM: And Carey is the first woman tagged in.

[Carey Stone and Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau whip Jagged Edge into the ropes.
They hit Jagged Edge with a double backdrop.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau leaves the ring.
Carey Stone takes him down with a chinlock deathlock submission.]

JV: Wow!  Carey has really got that hold locked on tight.  This might be
it.

VM: Jagged Edge is struggling to get to the ropes.

[Jagged Edge reaches the ropes after being trapped for 37 seconds.
Carey Stone executes a handspring elbow.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau enters the ring to make it two-on-one.]
VM: Carey follows that chinlock up with a nice handspring elbow.

JV: And in comes Bordeau.

[Kim Kelly enters the ring and throws Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau out of
the ring.]

VM: And out goes Bordeau.

JV: I can't believe he got thrown out by a woman.

[Kim Kelly goes for a kick to the head, but Carey Stone counters it with
a duck-down move.
Kim Kelly hits Jagged Edge.]

VM: Huge Mistake!!

JV: As many announcers would say, malfunction at the junction.

VM: Conjunction junction, what's your function.

JV: I'm still just a bill.

[Carey Stone nails Jagged Edge with a slingshot bodyblock.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, shoulder up.]

VM: And Carey was nearly able to capitalize on that miscue.

[Kim Kelly leaves the ring.
Carey Stone goes for the STF, but Jagged Edge blocks it.
Jagged Edge goes for a Northern Lights suplex, but Carey Stone blocks it.
Carey Stone throws Jagged Edge out of the ring.]

JV; And now Edge gets thrown out by a woman.

[Carey Stone jumps onto him with a Kiss of Death, but Jagged Edge
moves out of the way.
Jagged Edge is handed the brass knuckles.]

VM: Carey missed with that plancha however.  And now Kim has tossed
Jagged Edge a pair of brass knuckles.

[Jagged Edge hits her with the brass knuckles.
Jagged Edge hits her with the brass knuckles.]

VM: I don't think a man should hit a woman to begin with, and I
especially think that a man shouldn't hit a woman with brass knuckles.

[Jagged Edge throws Carey Stone back into the ring.
Kim Kelly enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau enters the ring, but gets cut off.
Jagged Edge and Kim Kelly hit Carey Stone with a double punch.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau gets back up, but gets cut off.]

JV: What is Scott doing?  He won't let Bordeau in but he'll allow Edge
and Kim to double team?

[Jagged Edge and Kim Kelly whip Carey Stone into the ropes.
They hit Carey Stone with a double fist to the midsection.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau gets back up and throws Kim Kelly out of the
ring.]

JV: Finally.

[Carey Stone and Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hit Jagged Edge with a double punch.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau leaves the ring.
Carey Stone executes a Victory Roll.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, in the ropes...]

VM: Carey rolls up Jagged Edge too close to the ropes.

[Carey Stone goes for a flying bulldog, but Jagged Edge counters it with
a side step.
Jagged Edge goes for a roundhouse right, but Carey Stone blocks it.
Carey Stone whips Jagged Edge into the turnbuckle, but Jagged Edge reverses it.
Jagged Edge charges in with a jumping side kick.
Jagged Edge hits her with the brass knuckles.
Carey Stone is busted wide open.]

VM: And Carey's beautiful face is now covered in blood due to Jagged
Edge and the brass knuckles.

[Jagged Edge tags out to Kim Kelly.]

JV: All right, now we're gonna see a catfight.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau enters the ring and throws Jagged Edge
out of the ring.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails Kim Kelly with a dropkick.
Carey Stone nails Kim Kelly with a sleeperhold.
Kim Kelly reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau leaves the ring.]

VM: Some nice teamwork there by Bordeau and Stone.

[Carey Stone takes her down with a monkey flip.
Carey Stone goes for a ropeflip moonsault, but Kim Kelly counters it with
a knee pull-up.
Kim Kelly whips Carey Stone into the ropes.
Kim Kelly hits Carey Stone with a clothesline.
Carey Stone falls out of the ring.]

VM: And that big clothesline sends Carey tumbling out of the ring.

[Kim Kelly goes through the ropes.
Kim Kelly is handed a frying pan.]

JV: Will someone get the SWF cooking staff out of here?!
[Kim Kelly hits her with the frying pan.
Kim Kelly hits her with the frying pan.]

VM: Oh my!

JV: This Carey chick is one tough cookie.  She's been hit with brass
knuckles and a frying pan several times, yet she's still in there.

[Kim Kelly goes for a figure-four leglock, but Carey Stone blocks it.
They're brawling on the floor.
Kim Kelly nails him with a chop.
Kim Kelly throws Carey Stone back into the ring.
Kim Kelly brings the frying pan into the ring.
Carey Stone tags out to Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau.]

VM: And Carey wisely tags out after all the punishment she received.

[Jagged Edge enters the ring and throws Carey Stone out of the ring.
Kim Kelly and Jagged Edge whip Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the ropes.
They attempt to hit Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau with a double
kick to the midsection, but he counters it with a double clothesline.]

VM: Bordeau alert enough to stop the double team.

[Jagged Edge leaves the ring.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails her with a backslide.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes her down with a tilt-a-whirl piledriver.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.]

VM: Two near pin falls there.

[Kim Kelly runs into the ropes.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails her with a punch.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes her down with an abdominal stretch.
Kim Kelly reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds.]

JV: I'm impressed Kim remembered that she could grab the ropes to break
the holds.

[Kim Kelly goes for a dropkick, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau counters it with
a side step.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau leaves the ring.
He returns with a fire extinguisher.]

JV: It looks like Bordeau is trying to out do the brass knuckles.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits her with the fire extinguisher.
Kim Kelly is busted wide open.]

JV: And now Bordeau busts open Edge's woman.

VM: The feminists are going to picketing us for months after this match.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes her down with a standing moonsault.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau tags out to Carey Stone.]

JV: Back to the catfight!

[Carey Stone and Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hit Kim Kelly with a double
flying axhandle.
Jagged Edge enters the ring and throws Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau
out of the ring.
Jagged Edge climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Carey Stone throws him to the mat.
Jagged Edge rolls out of the ring.]

VM: Carey Stone saw Edge trying to sneak up on her and quickly put an
end to that.

[Carey Stone goes for a facerake, but Kim Kelly blocks it.
Kim Kelly takes her down with a punch.
Kim Kelly takes her down with flying headscissors.
Kim Kelly tags out to Jagged Edge.]

JV: Apparently Kim thinks Jagged Edge will have better success against
Carey.

[Jagged Edge and Kim Kelly whip Carey Stone into the ropes.
They hit Carey Stone with a double clothesline.
Jagged Edge and Kim Kelly hit Carey Stone with a double roundhouse right.
Kim Kelly leaves the ring.
Jagged Edge goes for a piledriver, but Carey Stone blocks it.
Carey Stone tags out to Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau.]

VM: Carey smartly tags out to her husband.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau and Carey Stone whip Jagged Edge into the ropes.
They hit Jagged Edge with a double kick to the midsection.
Carey Stone leaves the ring.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a headlock takedown, but Jagged Edge
counters it with a back suplex.]

VM: Nice back suplex there.

[Jagged Edge attempts to place Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau on the turnbuckle, but
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau blocks it.
Jagged Edge goes for a belly-to-back suplex, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau
counters it with an elbowsmash.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails him with a legsweep.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a small package, but Jagged Edge reverses it.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.]

VM: That small package almost backfired on Bordeau.

[Jagged Edge takes him down with a double underhook piledriver.
Jagged Edge whips Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the ropes.
Jagged Edge hits Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau with an elbow.
Jagged Edge catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, shoulder up.]

VM: Jagged Edge in firm control but is unable to get the pin.

[Jagged Edge whips Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the ropes.
Jagged Edge misses with a shoulderblock.
Jagged Edge nails him with a tilt-a-whirl suplex.
Jagged Edge nails him with a choke slam.
Jagged Edge tags out to Kim Kelly.]

JV: I think that's a mistake there.  Edge was doing fine, plus he is by
far a better wrestler than Kim.

[Carey Stone enters the ring and throws Jagged Edge out of the ring.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau and Carey Stone whip Kim Kelly into the ropes.
They hit Kim Kelly with a double fist to the midsection.
Carey Stone leaves the ring.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes her down with a swinging neckbreaker.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau is going for the pin.
Scott Thomas counts: One, kickout.]

VM: Only a one count.

JV: But you notice how Bordeau is back in control.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau executes a standing moonsault.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, thr... kickout.]

VM: Kim Kelly barely kicks out in time.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes her down with a small package.
Scott Thomas counts: One, kickout.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes her down with a punch.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes a swing at Kim Kelly with the fire
extinguisher, but she gets out of the way.
Kim Kelly snatches the fire extinguisher from him.
Kim Kelly hits him with the fire extinguisher.]

VM: Kim Kelly returning the favor of being hit with a fire extinguisher.

[Kim Kelly tags out to Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge takes him down with a Tombstone.
Jagged Edge attempts to place Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau on the turnbuckle, but
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau blocks it.
Jagged Edge whips Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the ropes.
Jagged Edge nails him with a spinning power bomb.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.]

VM: Again only a two count.

[Jagged Edge goes for a backspin DDT, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau
counters it with a belly-to-belly suplex.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.]
VM: A nice counter there by Bordeau almost get's him the victory.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a gutwrench suplex, but Jagged Edge
blocks it.
Jagged Edge nails him with a bearhug.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds.
Jagged Edge goes for a backspin DDT, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau
counters it with a belly-to-belly suplex.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.]

CM: And again Bordeau is able to counter that backspin DDT to almost get
the win.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes him down with a headlock takedown.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a Frankensteiner, but Jagged Edge
counters it with a power bomb.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.]

VM: Huge powerbomb there by Edge.

[Jagged Edge whips Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the turnbuckle.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails him with a hiptoss.
Carey Stone enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau and Carey Stone whip Jagged Edge into the ropes.
They hit Jagged Edge with a double backdrop.
Carey Stone leaves the ring.]

JV: I'd have to say for the most part I'm rather impressed with the
double teaming by both sides.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails him with a bodyslam.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a hiptoss, but Jagged Edge counters it with
a backslide.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau re-reverses it.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, shoulder up.]

VM: A show of strength there by both men there but neither get the three
count.

[Carey Stone enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau and Carey Stone whip Jagged Edge into the ropes.
They hit Jagged Edge with a double fist to the midsection.
Carey Stone leaves the ring.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes him down with a swinging neckbreaker.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails him with a sleeperhold.
Jagged Edge reaches the ropes after being trapped for 8 seconds.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau executes a legsweep.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau runs into the ropes.]

JV: I never understood why these wrestlers run to the ropes when they're
in control.  All that does is give their opponent a chance to regroup.

[Jagged Edge takes him down with a tilt-a-whirl suplex.]
JV: Case in point.

[Jagged Edge whips Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the ropes.
Jagged Edge misses with a shoulderblock.
Jagged Edge goes for a tilt-a-whirl suplex, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau
counters it with an enzuilariato.]

JV: Another case in point.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a small package, but Jagged Edge reverses
it.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.
Kim Kelly enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Jagged Edge and Kim Kelly whip Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the ropes.
They hit Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau with a double clothesline.
Kim Kelly leaves the ring.]

VM: Some more nice double teaming there.

[Jagged Edge goes for a Northern Lights suplex, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau
blocks it.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes him down with a headlock takedown.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau whips Jagged Edge into the turnbuckle, but Jagged
Edge reverses it.
Jagged Edge goes for a choke slam, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau blocks it.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a rolling reverse cradle, but Jagged Edge
reverses it.
Scott Thomas counts: One, kickout.]

VM: Surprisingly only a one count.

JV: well Edge didn't have him pinned very well.

[Jagged Edge nails him with a Tombstone.
Jagged Edge places Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau on the turnbuckle.
Jagged Edge goes for a top-rope DDT, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau
counters it with a front-layout superplex.]

VM: Bordeau prevents the top rope DDT and hits Edge with a front layout
superplex.

[Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau tags out to Carey Stone.
Carey Stone and Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau whip Jagged Edge into the ropes.
They hit Jagged Edge with a double elbowsmash.
Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau leaves the ring.
Carey Stone whips Jagged Edge into the ropes.
Carey Stone goes for a crucifix, but Jagged Edge counters it with a Samoan
Drop.
In turn, Carey Stone counters it with an elbowsmash.]

JV: I'm impressed.  Carey countered the counter.

[Carey Stone nails him with a fist to the midsection.
Carey Stone goes for a Victory Roll, but Jagged Edge counters it with a
sitdown.
Scott Thomas counts: One, two, thr... shoulder up.]

VM: Carey was barely able to get a shoulder up.

JV: I'm sure Jagged got some perverse pleasure out of sitting on Carey.

[Jagged Edge gives the sign for the Shattered Dreams.
Jagged Edge executes the Shattered Dreams.
Carey Stone submits immediately.]

VM: And the sleeperhold puts Carey to sleep instantly.

JV: That's funny.  I've heard that whenever he get's physical with a
woman he always falls asleep.

VM: I really do hate your jokes.

GC: The winners are Jagged Edge and Kim Kelly, in a time of 13:28.

VM: Well Jagged Edge and Kim Kelly walk away with the victory.

JV: Yeah, but don't expect that to give Jagged Edge more respect or
anything.  He made a woman submit.  Big deal.

VM: Well Booker Brian Frenck has made his way to the ring to explain the
next series of matches to us.

BF:  Good evening everyone.  Tonight we'll have our first running of the
Tough Man Gauntlet.  The gauntlet consists of three matches.  For the
first match, 2 competitors will be chosen at random and will face off in
a non-gimmick no-DQ, no-countout, no time limit match.  The winner of
that match will then wrestle in a 2-1 handicap match against 2 random
competitors.  If he is lucky enough to win that match, he will then
wrestle in a 3-1 handicap match against 3 random opponents.  The prize,
if he wins that match, is a title match against the Tough Man champ the
following week on Slaughterhouse, with his choice of stips.  Now, all of
the wrestlers names have been entered in this hat.  Gary, would you do
the honors and pick out 2 names?

GC: Sure thing Mr. F.

[Gary Coleman reaches into the hat and pulls out a piece of paper.]

GC: The first competitor is Billy Joe Taylor!!

[Billy Joe Taylor runs down to the ring while shaking hands of many of
the fans.  The crowd cheers wildly.  Billy Joe Taylor stops at a college
student wearing a UTenn shirt and holding a sign that says "Put me on
ERR" and points to him before entering the ring.]

JV: There's that damn UTenn student again.

[Gary Coleman pulls out another piece of paper.]
GC: His opponent is Dr. Hate!!

[Dr. Hate walks down to the ring while the crowd boos.  He goes over to
the UTenn student and rips up his sign.]

JV: You know I can't help but feel that there's some irony in an
Underground member ripping up his sign.

VM: Billy Joe got a very good draw by having Dr. Hate as his opponent,
who no doubt is still tired from his earlier match.  Booker Frenck and
Gary Coleman have left the ring and the bell has rung.

[They lock up.
Dr. Hate goes for an octopus hold, but Billy Joe Taylor counters it with
a hiptoss.
Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a powerslam.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, kickout.
Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a piledriver.
Billy Joe Taylor is going for the pin.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, three.]

JV: What the hell was that?

VM: Apparently Dr. Hate was very tired from his match.  A huge break for
Billy since he'll need all the strength he has to make it pass the
handicap rounds.

GC: The winner is Billy Joe Taylor, in a time of 0:37.

BF: Congrats Billy.  Now for your next 2 opponents.  Gary?

[Gary reaches into the hat and pulls out two pieces of paper.]

GC: Your opponents are Moon Dog Gator and Zodiac!!

[Moon Dog Gator and Zodiac run down to the ring while the crowd cheers
them on.  Moon Dog Gator goes over to the UTenn student and gives him a
TUA shirt which he quickly puts on and wears proudly.]

JV: I can't help but feel there's some irony in that too.

VM: What are you talking about?

JV: Nothing.

VM: Well The bell has rung, and Zodiac is going to start things off.

[They lock up.
Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a bridging back suplex.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, Moon Dog Gator makes the save.]

VM: And Billy Joe again almost had a quick win but Moon Dog came in to
break the pin.

[Billy Joe Taylor whips Zodiac into the ropes, but Zodiac reverses it.
Billy Joe Taylor hits Zodiac with a kick.
Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a piledriver.
Billy Joe Taylor climbs to the top rope and yells "YEEE-HA!!!".]

JV: "Nothing can catch the General Lee, Uncle Jesse."

[Billy Joe Taylor takes him down with a back suplex.
Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a Victory Roll.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, thr... kickout.]

VM: And another near pin.  I think Billy is going to make it to the next
round.

[Billy Joe Taylor takes him down with an armbar submission.
Zodiac reaches the ropes after being trapped for 16 seconds.]

JV: I don't believe Zodiac was trapped in an armbar submission for 16
seconds.

[Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a jawbreaker.
Billy Joe Taylor runs into the ropes.
Billy Joe Taylor and Zodiac get hit with a double clothesline.
Billy Joe Taylor runs into the ropes.
Billy Joe Taylor goes for a reverse neckbreaker, but Zodiac blocks it.
Zodiac tags out to Moon Dog Gator.]

VM: And Zodiac decides to tag out after having no success against Billy
Joe.

[Zodiac goes for a flying forearm, but Billy Joe Taylor counters it with
a duck-down move.
Zodiac leaves the ring.]

JV: And even when he tries to catch Billy Joe off guard he isn't
successful.

[Moon Dog Gator goes for a facebite, but Billy Joe Taylor counters it with
a kneelift.
In turn, Moon Dog Gator counters it with a side step.
Moon Dog Gator throws Billy Joe Taylor out of the ring.
Moon Dog Gator goes through the ropes.
Billy Joe Taylor executes a swinging neckbreaker.
Billy Joe Taylor reenters the ring.]

VM: Even Moon Dog is having problems against Billy Joe.

[Moon Dog Gator follows him back in.
Billy Joe Taylor goes for a waistlock suplex, but Moon Dog Gator
counters it with an elbowsmash.
Moon Dog Gator executes the D-Dog-T and goes for the pin.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, thr... kickout.]

VM: Moon Dog pulls his finisher out of nowhere and almost gets the pin.
[Moon Dog Gator takes him down with a double chickenwing submission.
Billy Joe Taylor reaches the ropes after being trapped for 8 seconds.
Moon Dog Gator whips Billy Joe Taylor into the turnbuckle.
Moon Dog Gator takes him down with a roundhouse right.
Moon Dog Gator nails him with a swinging punch.
Moon Dog Gator executes a roundhouse right.]

VM: Moon Dog is just all over Billy Joe now.

[Moon Dog Gator goes for the Running Forearm Smash, but Billy Joe Taylor
counters it with a duck-down move.
Billy Joe Taylor executes a bridging back suplex.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, in the ropes...]

JV: Moon Doggie has definitely gotten smarter since joining TUA.  He
wouldn't have grabbed the ropes to break the pin before.

[Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a piledriver.
Billy Joe Taylor whips Moon Dog Gator into the ropes.
Moon Dog Gator hits Billy Joe Taylor with a clothesline.
Zodiac enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Moon Dog Gator and Zodiac hit Billy Joe Taylor with a double elbowsmash.
Moon Dog Gator and Zodiac hit Billy Joe Taylor with a double flying headbutt.
Zodiac leaves the ring.]

VM: Some very nice teamwork there by Moon Dog and Zodiac.

JV: Well you know there have been many rumors about the split up of War
Machine and Zodiac after their skirmish in the Battle Royal.  Maybe
Zodiac has been training with Moon Dog to be his new partner.

[Moon Dog Gator executes a thrust kick to the head.
Moon Dog Gator scratches his head furiously as he barks.]

JV: Someone really needs to give him a flea dip.

[Moon Dog Gator executes a headbutt.
Billy Joe Taylor whips Moon Dog Gator into the turnbuckle.
Billy Joe Taylor charges into the corner, but Moon Dog Gator lifts his leg.
Moon Dog Gator runs into the ropes.
Billy Joe Taylor executes a swinging neckbreaker.]

JV: Again why do these idiots run to the ropes when they're in control?
All it does is give their opponent a chance to take charge.

[Billy Joe Taylor goes for the Crimson Tide, but Moon Dog Gator counters it
with a facerake.
Moon Dog Gator nails him with an elbowsmash.
Moon Dog Gator gives the sign for the D-Dog-T.
Moon Dog Gator goes for the D-Dog-T, but Billy Joe Taylor counters it with
a Hotshot.]

VM: Both men get their finishers countered there.

[Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a camel clutch.
Moon Dog Gator reaches the ropes after being trapped for 8 seconds.
Billy Joe Taylor executes a sleeperhold.
Moon Dog Gator breaks the hold after 9 seconds.]

VM: Billy Joe trying out some submission holds.

JV: Yeah but he made a stupid mistake by letting Moon Dog go over to his
corner.

[Moon Dog Gator tags out to Zodiac.
Zodiac and Moon Dog Gator whip Billy Joe Taylor into the ropes.
Zodiac and Moon Dog Gator hit Billy Joe Taylor with a double flying
forearm.]

JV: Yup, I think it's official.  Zodiac has dumped War Machine and Moon
Dog is his new partner.

[Moon Dog Gator leaves the ring.
Billy Joe Taylor runs into the ropes.
Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a bearhug.
Zodiac reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds.
Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a jawbreaker.
Billy Joe Taylor executes a jumping DDT.]

VM: And Zodiac is still struggling with Billy Joe.

[Zodiac goes for an octopus hold, but Billy Joe Taylor counters it with a
hiptoss.
Zodiac throws Billy Joe Taylor out of the ring.
Zodiac jumps onto him with a flying axehandle.
Zodiac knocks Billy Joe Taylor into the ringsteps.
Billy Joe Taylor sets up a table.
Zodiac goes for the Equinox, but Billy Joe Taylor counters it with
spinning headscissors.
Billy Joe Taylor takes him down with a piledriver.
Zodiac throws Billy Joe Taylor back into the ring.]

JV: Damnit!  They didn't use the table!

[Zodiac runs into the ropes.
Zodiac hits Billy Joe Taylor with a kick.
Zodiac takes him down with an elbowsmash.
Zodiac nails him with a fist to the midsection.
Zodiac executes the Equinox and goes for the pin.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, in the ropes...]

VM: And Zodiac's finisher was unable to do the job.

JV: Referee matt Compton has been under fire lately because of his
involvement in the Aires/Desperado Mall Brawl match.

[Zodiac whips Billy Joe Taylor into the ropes.
Billy Joe Taylor bumps into Matt Compton.
Billy Joe Taylor nails him with a swinging neckbreaker.
Billy Joe Taylor executes the Crimson Tide and goes for the pin.
There is no referee to count.]

VM: And I think he'll be under even more fire soon.

[Zodiac takes him down with a Victory Roll.
There is no referee to count.
Matt Compton is back on the job.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, thr... kickout.]

JV: You do realize that Compton only got the job because he's a high
school friend of Booker Frenck's don't ya?

VM: I'm sure that wasn't the only reason for his being hired.

JV: Actually, Compton, Scott Thomas, Mark Matarese, and Sean Ceigersmidt
are all old friends of Brian's.

VM: Yeah so?

JV: You don't think it's odd that all of the ref's on Slaughterhouse are
old friends of the booker?

VM: Not at all.

[Zodiac whips Billy Joe Taylor into the ropes.
Zodiac executes a sleeperhold.
Billy Joe Taylor reaches the ropes after being trapped for 17 seconds.
Moon Dog Gator enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Moon Dog Gator places Billy Joe Taylor on the turnbuckle.
Moon Dog Gator takes Billy Joe Taylor down with a superplex.
Zodiac nails Billy Joe Taylor with a flying headbutt.]

VM: There's a good combination of moves.

[Matt Compton counts: One, two, in the ropes...
Zodiac and Moon Dog Gator whip Billy Joe Taylor into the ropes.
They hit Billy Joe Taylor with a double elbowsmash.
Moon Dog Gator leaves the ring.
Zodiac takes him down with a flying bodypress.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, thr... kickout.]

VM: Billy Joe barely able to kick out in time.

[Zodiac goes for a flying bodypress, but Billy Joe Taylor counters it with
a roll away.
Billy Joe Taylor executes a bridging back suplex.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, in the ropes...]

VM: Too close to the ropes.

[Billy Joe Taylor runs into the ropes.
Zodiac hits Billy Joe Taylor with a kick.
Zodiac whips Billy Joe Taylor into the ropes.
Billy Joe Taylor hits Zodiac with an elbow.
Billy Joe Taylor catches him in a Northern Lights suplex.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, kickout.]

VM: Billy Joe using everything in his arsenal to try to get a pin.

[Billy Joe Taylor goes for a sleeperhold, but Zodiac blocks it.
Zodiac tags out to Moon Dog Gator.]

VM: And back in comes Moon Dog.

[Moon Dog Gator and Zodiac whip Billy Joe Taylor into the ropes.
They hit Billy Joe Taylor with a double kick to the midsection.
Zodiac goes for a flying forearm, but Billy Joe Taylor counters it with
a duck-down move.
Zodiac leaves the ring.]

JV: And again Zodiac tries to catch Billy off guard and fails.

[Billy Joe Taylor goes for a German suplex, but Moon Dog Gator counters it
with an elbowsmash.
Moon Dog Gator executes the D-Dog-T and goes for the pin.
Matt Compton counts: One, two, three.]

VM: And I'm afraid that's it for Billy Joe.  But I think he should be
commended for doing as well as he did.

GC: The winners are Moon Dog Gator and Zodiac, in a time of 8:42.

VM: So that ends the Tough Man Gauntlet.

JV: And we'll have to wait until next month for the next one.

VM: Well the roadies are quickly ushering Zodiac, Moon Dog, and Billy
Joe out of the ring area so they can start getting ready for the main
event.

[Roadies start to pour liquid on the area surrounding the ring and on the
ropes.  2 roadies come down to ringside carrying torches.]

GC: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for our main event.  The
following is a no-DQ, no-countout, no time limit, Trial By Fire death
match.  The area surrounding the ring will be lit on fire as will the
ropes.  A wrestler has to the count of 10 to get back to his feet after
a pinfall.  Introducing first, from the Southwestern U.S., weighing in
at 237 pounds, here is Jesse Aires!!

["Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica blares.  But no one emerges from the
entrance.]

GC: uh...here is Jesse Aires!!

[Still no one emerges from the entrance.]
GC: Um, ok, introducing first, from Amarillo, Texas, weighing in at 270
pounds, here is Desperado!!

["American Pie" by Don McLean plays but no one emerges from the
entrance.]

VM: What is going on here?

GC: Um, I said here's Desperado!!

[Finally Sean O'Brien comes running down to the ring and talks to Booker
Frenck who is still at ringside.]

SO: I can't find Desperado anywhere!  I went back to the lockerrooms to
wish him luck before his match and he wasn't there.

BF: But where's Aires?

SO: I don't know, but I checked his locker room too to see if maybe he
knew what happened to Desperado and his lockerroom was empty too.

VM: What a bizarre turn of events.

JV: I'm sure booker Frenck can't be happy that the wrestlers for the
main event have just disappeared.

BF: Under the circumstances, I guess I have no choice but to record this
as a loss for both wrestlers for not showing up.

VM: Well I guess that does it for us tonight.  Seems odd to go out on
such strange circumstances.

JV: You realize that there are now 3 SWF wrestlers missing?  First
Phoenix disappears after his run in with Tundra and now Aires and
Desperado are missing.

VM: Well we will see you next week when we will come to you live from
the Golden Gate Bridge.

JV: They're actually holding it on the Golden Gate Bridge?

VM: Yup.  So until then, for Johnny "The Muscle" Ventures, I'm Vance
McMihn saying so long!

[fade to black]