["Tuff E'Nuff" by Fabulous Thunderbirds plays as the following clips from last week's show are shown: [Moon Dog Gator whips Virgo with the Chain. Moon Dog Gator places Virgo on the turnbuckle. Moon Dog Gator nails Virgo with a superplex. Moon Dog Gator chokes Virgo with the Chain.] [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau whips Jagged Edge into the guardrail. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau grabs the ring bell. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits Jagged Edge with the ring bell. Jagged Edge is busted wide open.] [Kim Kelly grabs Carey Stone by the hair. Kim Kelly scratches Carey Stone's face. Carey Stone bites Kim Kelley's hand. Kim Kelly slaps Carey Stone. Carey Stone picks up the Brick. Carey Stone hits Kim Kelley with the Brick. Kim Kelly is out cold.] [Sandman hits Dr. Hate with the keyboard. Sandman hits Dr. Hate with the keyboard. Sandman whips Dr. Hate into the guardrail. Dr. Hate picks up the keyboard. Dr. Hate hits Sandman with the keyboard. The keyboard is broken in half. Sandman is busted wide open. Dr. Hate sets up a table. Dr. Hate sets up Sandman on the table. Dr. Hate tries to drive Sandman through the table with a moonsault, but he moves out of the way. The table is broken in half.] [Phoenix scrapes Ronnie Martin's face across the cage. Ronnie Martin is busted wide open.] [Jesse Aires sets up Coldblooded on the table. Jesse Aires executes an elbowdrop through the table. The table is broken in half.] [Desperado shoves Billy Joe Taylor into the referee. He goes for the pin. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, three.] Screen then fades to an aerial shot of The Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota The ring is in the center of mall and thousands of fans are chanting "SWF" Screen then fades to a shot of Johnny "The Muscle" Ventures and Vance McMihn.] VM: Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to the conclusion of the SWF Tough Man Title Tournament!! And we've got quite the line up. We'll see Moon Dog Gator take on "Paralyzer" Patrick Bordeau! Also, Phoenix meets Underground wannabe Sandman! JV: And in what is probably our real main event, we'll see the rematch of Jesse Aires and Desperado. VM: When they met two weeks ago on SWF Slaughterhouse the match went on for over half an hour and left both men hospitalized. And of course we'll see the winners of those matches meet in a triangle match for the SWF Tough Man Belt! So Johnny, who do think is going to take home the gold? JV: Well I think Phoenix has to be the favorite since back in the HOWF he held the equivalent of the Tough Man title, Do you know what they call a Tough Man Title in the HOWF? VM: You mean they don't call it a Tough Man Belt? JV: No man, they got the Jagermeister system over there. Yvette's system doesn't mean anything to them. VM: So what do they call it? JV: They call it the Hardcore Belt. VM: The Hardcore belt? So what do they call the World Belt? JV: Well a World Belt is a World Belt, except they call it Le World Belt. VM: Le World Belt. I like that. So what's a World Belt called in LAW? JV: I don't know, never made it to LAW. But anyways, I'd have to say I think Bordeau is our man. He's looked the most impressive in Hardcore matches out of anyone. What about you? VM: Well Moon Dog is the guy I like the most, and I'm also pulling for Aires, but I think Phoenix is going to walk away with the belt since like you said, he has been the equivalent of a Tough Man Champ before. Well, let's go to our special ring announcer, from the Price is Right, here is Rod Roddy!! [There crowd applauds.] RR: Thank you. Now let's give it up for the man who's put his whole thing together. Booker Brian Frenck, come on down!! ["Cities On Flame with Rock & Roll" by Blue Oyster Cult plays as Booker Frenck makes his way to the platform where the 8' wheel is.] BF: Thanks everyone. Well, we've narrowed the field to 6. Tonight one of these men will walk away, well maybe not walk away, but one of these men will leave here as the first ever SWF Tough Man Champion. Rod, will you do the honors and introduce the first two contestants? RR: I certainly will. Our first contestant is from Jackson, Mississippi and weighs in much more than I ever have, at 370 pounds, please welcome, Moon Dog Gator!! ["Bring The Noise" by Anthrax & Public Enemy blares as Moon Dog Gator makes his way to the platform. The crowd cheers him on.] VM: Moon Dog getting a bit more support since he's now switched his allegiance to The Unholy Alliance. RR: And his opponent, being accompanied by his lovely wife Carey Stone, from north of the border in Toronto, Ontario, weighing in at 243 pounds, here is the man who calls himself "The Paralyzer", I'm talking about none other than Patrick Bordeau!! ["Poison" by The Prodigy blares as Carey and Bordeau make their way to the platform. Fireworks are launched behind Bordeau. The crowd boos although some cheers can be heard.] BF: Hi guys, congratulations on making it to the semifinals. It's time to spin the big wheel. [Booker Frenck spins the wheel. A giant scoreboard above the wheel displays the types of matches as they go by. Large Trout Death match, One arm tied behind the back match, Billiard Room match and then finally stops on Barbed-wire 4 corners match.] BF: Alright guys, this match is your standard four corners match except you will be bound together by a 6 foot piece of barbed wire and the ropes will be replaced by barbed-wire. Hope y'all paid your insurance bill. Now let's head to the ring. [Moon Dog Gator, Patrick Bordeau, and Carey Stone make their way to the ring area as the roadies are finishing up replacing the ropes with Barbed-wire.] VM: Well I think it's safe to say that there will be some blood in this match. Both men are in the ring. The roadies are done putting the barbed wire up, and referee Sean Ceigersmidt has bound the two men together with the barbed-wire. [Moon Dog Gator attacks Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau before the bell. Moon Dog Gator nails him with a headbutt. Moon Dog Gator scrapes Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau's face across the barbed wire. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau is busted wide open. The bell rings.] VM: And Moon Dog cuts Bordeau open before the match even started. JV: Moon Dog still using some of those tactics that the late Mr. America taught him. VM: Late? He's not dead. JV: No but I heard that he might as well be. [Moon Dog Gator executes the Doctor Bomb. Moon Dog Gator takes him down with a swinging punch. Moon Dog Gator hits him with the Barbed Wire. Moon Dog Gator nails him with a headbutt. Moon Dog Gator executes the Doctor Bomb. Moon Dog Gator scratches his head furiously as he barks.] VM: Moon Dog is just all over Bordeau. JV: I gotta say, even the little bit of time The Unholy Alliance has spent with Moon Doggie, has really paid off. [Moon Dog Gator hits him with the Barbed Wire. Moon Dog Gator goes for a cobra clutch, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau counters it with an armdrag takedown. In turn, Moon Dog Gator counters it with a lariat. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex.] VM: And finally Bordeau is able to get an offensive maneuver in. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a bodyslam, but Moon Dog Gator blocks it. Moon Dog Gator takes him down with a swinging punch. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a dropkick, but Moon Dog Gator counters it with a side step. Moon Dog Gator executes a clawhold.] VM: The man who you said will be the first Tough Man champ is in serious trouble Johnny. JV: It's still early in the match, Bordeau will come back. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau reaches the ropes after being trapped for 8 seconds. Moon Dog Gator scratches his head furiously as he barks. Moon Dog Gator chokes him with the Barbed Wire. Moon Dog Gator hits turnbuckle number one.] VM: And Moon Dog has the barbed wire wrapped around the neck of Bordeau and is tagging in the turnbuckles. JV: Did you see that?! Bordeau tagged the turnbuckle from Gator's back! VM: And Bordeau is squirming around. He's slipping off of Moon Dog's back. [Moon Dog Gator tries to hit turnbuckle number two, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau is there before him. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits turnbuckle number two.] VM: Bordeau broke free!! JV: And Moon Dog is totally confused! Bordeau is running for the turnbuckles and Moon Dog is getting pulled along, unsure of what is happening! [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits turnbuckle number three.] VM: He's hit the third turnbuckle! JV: Moon Dog is still dumbfounded. I think the idiot couldn't count to four so he thought the match was won after tagging that first turnbuckle. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits turnbuckle number four.] VM: He did it!!!! Despite only landing one move, Bordeau has won the match. JV: Just goes to show it takes more than strength to win a match. You need brains too. VM: And Bordeau's intelligence earns him a trip to the finals. Let's go to Rod Roddy for the official word. RR: The winner is Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau, in a time of 1:33. VM: And an extremely quick win for Patrick Bordeau. Well let's go back to Booker Brian Frenck. BF: Thank you Vance. And congratulations to Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau, who is the first of three to make it to the finals. Now Rod, I see here that there are no wrestlers in the ring. Would you happen to have two names of wrestlers to fill that ring? RR: Why, I certainly do, the first person is an American weighing in at 320 pounds, here is Sandman!! ["Enter Sandman" by Metallica blares as Sandman makes his way to the platform. The crowd boos loudly.] RR: And the other wrestler hails all the way from Nameless, Tennessee, weighing in at 333 pounds, Phoenix, come on down!! ["Shitlist" by L7 plays as Phoenix emerges from the lockerrooms. The fans boo. Fireworks go off behind him and the female fans take lots of pictures. Phoenix then makes his way to the platform. Phoenix starts to pose some more.] BF: Hold it right there Phoenix. No pose downs tonight. [Phoenix stops posing.] BF: All right, congrats to both of you making it this far. Now let's see what kinda crazy gimmick match you guys will be wrestling in. [Booker Frenck spins the wheel. A giant scoreboard above the wheel displays the types of matches as they go by. Atlasphere Death match, Escape Only Cage match, Iron Man match and then finally stops on Blindfold match.] BF: Hey, all right. I was hoping someone would get this. Basically, you to guys are gonna be wearing hoods over your head so you can't see what you're doing. Fun huh? So guys, please enter the ring. [Phoenix and Sandman head towards the ring. The roadies have just finished replacing the barbed-wire with regular ropes.] VM: So Johnny, have you found out anymore about Sandman and the Underground situation? JV: It's not going to happen. Why would the Underground waste one of their 5 spots on him? VM: They have 2 spots left right? JV: Officially, yes. But as far as the Underground is concerned, no. VM: The hoods have been placed on the two men, and the bell has rung. [They lock up. Sandman executes an enzuigiri.] VM: Sandman takes a gamble with that judo kick and pays off as it hits Phoenix. And now Sandman is feeling around for Phoenix. He's found him and pulling him up. [Sandman executes a choke slam. Sandman nails him with a short clothesline. Sandman steps a couple feet back. Sandman goes for a flying clothesline, but misses by about 4 feet.] JV: Mistake there by Sandman. Going for those flying moves won't work if you can't see. You need to keep in constant contact worth your opponent. [Phoenix executes a DDT. Phoenix goes for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout. Phoenix executes a headlock takedown.] VM: Phoenix seems to be following your advice Johnny. JV; Well Phoenix is a very smart wrestler. [Phoenix executes a backdrop driver. Phoenix whips Sandman into the turnbuckle, but Sandman reverses it.] VM: And Phoenix hits the turnbuckle. Both men are trying to find each other again. [Sandman catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, shoulder up.] VM: Sandman finds Phoenix and hits him with that suplex but only gets a 2 count. [Sandman goes for a Tombstone, but Phoenix blocks it. Phoenix nails him with an octopus hold.] JV: I really think submission holds are the way to go in a match like this. If you let go of your opponent, you have no idea where he may be. But with a submission hold, you know exactly where he is, and you're doing damage to him. [Sandman breaks the hold after 6 seconds. Sandman misses with a clothesline.] VM: Sandman was facing the wrong way with that clothesline. He's turning around now. [Sandman nails him with a kick to the midsection. Sandman catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout. Sandman goes for a figure-four leglock, but Phoenix blocks it.] VM: The figure four unable to be applied since Sandman grabbed the wrong foot. JV: Expect a lot of mistakes like that. You can't waste time trying to figure out which leg you got. [Sandman misses with an elbow. Sandman hits Phoenix with a kick. Sandman whips Phoenix into the ropes. Phoenix misses with a shoulderblock. Phoenix misses with a shoulderblock.] JV: Phoenix is totally disoriented now. VM: But Sandman using his other senses heard Phoenix trying to connect with those shoulderblocks and has figured out where he is. [Sandman executes a football tackle. Sandman takes him down with an enzuigiri. Sandman executes a short clothesline. Phoenix misses with a clothesline. Phoenix hits Sandman with a shoulderblock.] VM: After the wild clothesline, Phoenix tries a shoulderblock in a different direction and connects. [Phoenix whips Sandman into the ropes, but Sandman reverses it. Sandman misses with a shoulderblock.] JV: They really need to stop doing those irish whips to the ropes. Phoenix executes an elbowsmash. Sandman nails him with a kick to the midsection. Sandman takes him down with a clothesline. Sandman nails him with a bearhug.] VM: That elbowsmash not having much effect on Sandman as he comes back with a couple moves of his own. [Phoenix reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds. Sandman nails him with a thrust kick to the head.] VM: And that huge thrust kick sends Phoenix reeling. [Phoenix goes for a flying forearm, but misses by about 2 feet. Phoenix hits the ringpost.] VM: Ouch! JV: Big mistake! VM: Phoenix didn't quite have his bearings set straight and did a flying forearm right into the ringpost. [Sandman takes him down with a powerslam. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout. Phoenix takes him down with a DDT. Phoenix goes for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout.] VM: Phoenix trying to shrug off the effects of hitting the ringpost. [Phoenix executes a front-layout suplex. Phoenix takes him down with a jumping DDT. Phoenix executes a Hotshot. Phoenix takes him down with a jumping elbow thrust. Phoenix executes a kneeling headbutt.] JV: And he's done quite a good job of it. [Phoenix takes him down with a short clothesline. Phoenix takes him down with a front-layout suplex. Phoenix takes him down with a double chickenwing submission.] VM: And Phoenix has gone back to the submission hold. [Sandman manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 6 seconds. Sandman nails him with a jumping DDT. Sandman executes an armdrag takedown. Sandman takes him down with a short clothesline. Sandman takes him down with a backbreaker.] VM: And now Sandman is in control. [Sandman takes him down with a figure-four leglock. Phoenix manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 5 seconds. Phoenix nails him with a Russian legsweep. Phoenix executes a backdrop driver.] VM: A lot of see-saw action in this match. JV: Well whoever has the better idea of where their opponent is, has the advantage. [Phoenix executes a kneebreaker. Phoenix nails him with an octopus hold. Sandman reaches the ropes after being trapped for 8 seconds.] JV: Sandman smartly moves away from Phoenix to get a chance to recuperate. [Phoenix executes a flying lariat, but misses by about 3 feet. Phoenix bumps into ringpost head first. Phoenix is out cold.] VM: And for the second time tonight, Phoenix misses with a flying move only to hit the ringpost. JV: Phoenix should've known better than to try that move. Especially after hitting the ringpost the first time. VM: Sandman is trying to find Phoenix who is laid out on the mat. JV: He's found him, but because of the hoods, he can't see that Phoenix is unconscious. [Sandman nails him with a reverse neckbreaker.] VM: And that reverse neckbreaker has awaken Phoenix. [Phoenix takes him down with a headlock takedown. Phoenix nails him with a jumping DDT. Phoenix executes a front-layout suplex. Phoenix is going for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, three.] VM: And Phoenix got the pin after that front-layout suplex. Now the question is can Sandman get up before the Reverend Mark Matarese counts to 10. [Mark Matarese counts: one, two, three, four,] VM: Sandman is trying to, but is having trouble. JV: Those hoods really cut down on the amount of oxygen you breathe. It's only natural to have trouble standing up. [five, six, seven, eight, nine,] VM: Sandman is pulling himself up by the ropes. Will it be in time? [ten.] VM: No! Sandman goes home and Phoenix makes it to the finals. RR: The winner is Phoenix, in a time of 7:44. VM: A big win for the former HOWF Hardcore champ. Let's go back to Booker Brian Frenck BF: Rod, I see that you have a list in front of you. What is on that list? RR: Well, Brian, on this list, I have 2 wrestlers. The first wrestler, is from the Southwestern part of the United States and weighs 237 pounds. Jesse Aires, Come on Down!! ["Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica blares as Jesse walks to the platform. The crowd cheers him on.] RR: And his opponent is here with his manager Sean O'Brien. He is from Amarillo, Texas, weighing in at 270 pounds, please welcome Desperado!! ["American Pie" by Don McLean plays as Desperado and Sean O'Brien make their way to the platform. The crowd boos heavily.] VM: This is the rematch that many people have been waiting to see. However Desperado and Aires are not playing this up to be a big rivalry. As far as they're concerned, this is just another match. BF: All right guys, 2 weeks ago, you had the most brutal match in all of SWF history. I'm sure I speak for the fans when I say, Let's see if we can top that! Now let's spin the wheel! [Booker Frenck spins the wheel. A giant scoreboard above the wheel displays the types of matches as they go by. Scaffold match, Hot coal match, Ladder match and then finally stops on Mall Brawl Death match.] BF: It's a falls count anywhere in the Mall Death Match! If you guys would head... [Jesse Aires attacks Desperado before the bell. Booker Brian Frenck dives out of the way. Jesse Aires nails him with a side suplex. Desperado takes him down with a powerslam. The bell rings. Matt Compton counts: One, two, kickout.] VM: For two men who have been saying there isn't rivalry going on, they sure don't seem to be wasting any time. JV: They didn't even make it to the ring for the match to start. [Jesse Aires rolls off the platform. Desperado jumps off the platform. Jesse Aires misses with a kick. Jesse Aires nails him with a bodyslam. Jesse Aires executes a camel clutch. Desperado manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 5 seconds.] VM: The two men are brawling in the aisleway right now. JV: You get the feeling this is going to be a good match? [Jesse Aires nails him with a hiptoss. Jesse Aires executes a fistdrop. Jesse Aires nails him with an elbowsmash. Jesse Aires flips his hair back and stares at his opponent.] JV: He should really get a haircut. [Jesse Aires executes a hiptoss. Jesse Aires executes a fistdrop. Jesse Aires executes a piledriver.] VM: Aires is all over Desperado and the two men have made their way to the main concourse. [Jesse Aires throws Desperado into the mall fountain. Jesse Aires enters the mall fountain. Jesse Aires misses with a clothesline. Jesse Aires hits Desperado with an elbow.] VM: Both men in the 2 foot deep mall fountain. [Jesse Aires executes a thrust kick to the head. Jesse Aires goes for the Badlands, but Desperado counters it with an armdrag takedown. Desperado holds Jesse Aires underwater. Matt Compton counts: One, two, three, four.] VM: And Desperado is trying to drown Aires! JV: No he's not. He was just showing Jesse all the change at the bottom of the fountain. [Desperado throws Jesse Aires out of the mall fountain. Desperado follows him out. Jesse Aires executes a forearm smash. Jesse Aires catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex. Matt Compton counts: One, kickout.] VM: Nice suplex but it only gets a one count. [Jesse Aires nails him with a kick to the midsection. Jesse Aires whips Desperado into an ATM, but Desperado reverses it. Desperado charges into the ATM, but Jesse Aires lifts his leg.] VM: And both men fighting at the ATM. JV: Well they want to get some money so they can purchase SWF Merchandise. Like the Johnny "The Muscle" Ventures shirt, available for only $19.95. VM: You have your own SWF T-shirt? JV: Yup. VM: I'm hurt, I don't have my own T-shirt. JV: That's because no one likes you. [Jesse Aires takes him down with a gutwrench suplex. Jesse Aires takes him down with a snap mare. Jesse Aires is going for the pin. Matt Compton counts: One, two, kickout.] VM: And Jesse's onslaught continues. [Jesse Aires nails him with an elbowdrop. Jesse Aires whips Desperado into the ATM. The ATM starts spitting out money.] JV: Excuse me.... I'll be right back. VM: Sit down! You're not going to steal that money from the ATM. JV: It's not stealing. It's giving away the money. [Sean O'Brien starts putting the money in his pockets. Jesse Aires hits Desperado with a backdrop. Jesse Aires flips his hair back and stares at his opponent. Jesse Aires whips Desperado into a Dairy Queen.] VM: And into the Dairy Queen they go. [Desperado goes for a short lariat, but Jesse Aires counters it with a duck-down move. Jesse Aires executes a back suplex. Jesse Aires orders a soft serve cone. Jesse Aires shoves the soft serve cone down Desperado's throat.] JV: Isn't that nice. Apparently there aren't any hard feelings after all. Jesse just bought Desperado an ice cream cone. [Jesse Aires throws Desperado back out onto the main concourse. Jesse Aires takes him down with a bodyslam. Desperado is busted wide open.] VM: And that bodyslam onto the linoleum floor cuts Desperado open. [Jesse Aires whips Desperado into Champs Sports Jesse Aires takes him down with a bodyslam. Jesse Aires is going for the pin. Matt Compton counts: One, two, kickout.] VM: And Aires tried to get the pin in Champs Sports, but was unsuccessful. JV: Hey McMihn, did you see that football jersey in the background. VM: No, why? JV: It was a Raiders Jersey. #88 and the name said Johanson. VM: Ah, that would be the jersey of former HOWF star Raider. [Jesse Aires whips Desperado into the ski equipment. Desperado takes him down with a DDT. Jesse Aires is busted wide open.] VM: And despite the fact that there is carpeting in this store, that DDT still busted open Aires. [Desperado grabs a ski pole. Desperado hits him the ski pole.] JV: All right! Now it's really getting hardcore! [Desperado takes him down with a chop. Desperado hits him with the ski pole. Desperado is going for the pin. Matt Compton counts: One, two, kickout.] VM: Despite a couple hits with the ski pole, Desperado only got a two count. [Desperado whips Jesse Aires onto the main concourse Desperado throws Jesse Aires over a bench. Desperado goes for a power bomb, but Jesse Aires blocks it. Sean O'Brien comes from behind and distracts Jesse Aires.] VM: And the two men are back on the main concourse, much to the relief of the Champs Sports employees. JV: Yeah but now all the other stores are in danger. [Desperado whips Jesse Aires into a B. Dalton Books. Desperado throws Jesse Aires onto a pile of books.] VM: Right you were Johnny. Now the two men are tearing apart this bookstore. [Desperado executes a Vader attack. Sean O'Brien comes from behind, but Jesse Aires nails Sean O'Brien. Desperado whips Jesse Aires into the Cliff Notes Rack.] VM: Desperado taking advantage of his managers distraction and throws Aires right into that rack filled with the blinding yellow and black Cliff Notes. JV: Good ol' Cliff Notes. Couldn't have passed any of my english classes if it wasn't for those things. [Desperado takes him down with a vertical suplex. Desperado grabs an unabridged dictionary. Desperado hits him with the unabridged dictionary.] VM: And Desperado just whacked Aires up side the head with that huge dictionary. JV: That's gotta be a 35 pounds dictionary or so. That thing is bigger than most telephone books. And it's got a hard cover. [Desperado takes a swing at Jesse Aires with the unabridged dictionary, but he gets out of the way. Jesse Aires snatches the unabridged dictionary from him. Jesse Aires hits him with the unabridged dictionary. Jesse Aires flips his hair back and stares at his opponent. Jesse Aires hits him with the unabridged dictionary.] JV: So I guess words really can hurt someone. VM: You're jokes are really bad Johnny. [Jesse Aires throws Desperado out onto the main concourse. Jesse Aires throws Desperado through the doors of Planet Hollywood. Jesse Aires takes him down with a gutwrench suplex.] VM: And into the wonderful establishment brought to us by Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. JV: You know, that gives me an idea. How about Square Circle Cafe? We'll decorate all the walls with wrestling paraphernalia, serve outrageously priced food and $30.00 t-shirts with the name of the city on them! VM: Please, aren't there enough of those stupid theme cafes? [Jesse Aires grabs an overpriced cheeseburger from a guy wearing a UTenn sweatshirt and Slugs hat. Jesse Aires shoves the cheeseburger down Desperado's throat. The guy in the UTenn sweatshirt and Slugs hat starts complaining to management.] JV: That poor college student will never know what that $12 cheeseburger tasted like. [Jesse Aires is going for the pin. Matt Compton counts: One, two, shoulder up. Jesse Aires goes for a fistdrop, but Desperado counters it with a roll away.] VM: Aires took too much time with that fistdrop and Desperado was able to get out of the way. JV: Hey who's that coming towards them? [Desperado nails him with a spinebuster slam. Matt Compton counts: One, two, Bruce Willis pulls Desperado up.] VM: The former star of Moonlighting is interfering in the match! [Bruce Willis yells "Get out of my restaurant!!!" Desperado and Jesse aires look at each other. Desperado hits Bruce Willis with a fist to the midsection. Desperado yells "That's for Die Hard 3!" Jesse Aires hits Bruce Willis with a roundhouse right. Jesse Aires yells "And that's for Hudson Hawk!"] VM: And the two wrestlers don't seem to be very fond of Bruce Willis's work. JV: I guess they haven't seen 5th Element yet, otherwise they'd still be beating on him. [Desperado flings Jesse Aires over a row of tables. They're brawling out the doors and onto the main concourse. Desperado takes him down with a clothesline. Desperado throws Jesse Aires into Record Town. Desperado grabs a Right Said Fred CD.] VM: And now the two men have made their way into Record Town! JV: Desperado has some rather questionable music preferences. [Desperado hits him with the Right Said Fred CD. The Right Said Fred CD breaks in half.] JV: I take that back. Desperado was doing all of us a favor. I hope Desperado makes his way down to the New Kids On The Block section. [Desperado executes a faceslam. Desperado knocks Jesse Aires into the wall of cassette tapes. A store clerk comes running over.] Store Clerk: Can I help you guys? Desperado: I'm looking for Mojo Nixon. Store Clerk: He don't work here. Desperado: If you don't got Mojo Nixon then your store could use some fixin'." (ooc: bonus points to all of you who understand that reference) [Desperado throws Jesse Aires into a listening station. Desperado flings Jesse Aires over a couple of CD racks. Desperado grabs a Kiss CD.] JV: He better not destroy that Kiss CD!! VM: It's only a CD. JV: But Kiss is my favorite group. Hell, I even used one of their songs as my intro music. [Desperado hands the CD to the store clerk and says "Hold on to this. I'll be back later to pick it up." Desperado whips Jesse Aires into the Country music section. Sean O'Brien comes from behind, but Jesse Aires nails Sean O'Brien. Desperado throws Jesse Aires out onto the main concourse.] VM: And back out to the concourse they go. JV: And it looks like they're headed to one of my favorite restaurants. [Desperado nails him with a vertical suplex. Desperado enters Hooters. Jesse Aires follows him in.] VM: That would be your favorite restaurant. [Desperado takes him down with a slap. Desperado grabs some Buffalo Wings. Desperado throws the Buffalo Wings at him.] JV: These guys really seem to like using food as a weapon. [Desperado executes the Desperate Measures and goes for the pin. Matt Compton counts: One, two, three.] VM: And that choke-brainbuster of Desperado's scores the first pinfall. JV: All Jesse's gotta do is stand up before Compton counts to 10. [Matt Compton counts: one, two, three, Desperado starts flirting with a Hooters Waitress] VM: And Aires is struggling to get to his feet. Last time these two men met, Aires received a severe concussion after being hit with the Desperate Measures 12 times! [four, five, six, Jesse Aires gets back to his feet.] VM: Aires is back on his feet. JV: And Desperado isn't happy. Now he has to stop flirting with the waitress. [Desperado whips Jesse Aires out onto the main concourse. Jesse Aires runs into Brookstone. Desperado runs after him. Jesse Aires hits Desperado with a backdrop.] VM: Interesting strategy there by Aires. [Jesse Aires whips Desperado into the massaging chair, but Desperado reverses it. Jesse Aires hits Desperado with a shoulderblock. Jesse Aires executes a spinning mule kick. Jesse Aires goes for a thrust kick to the head, but Desperado counters it with a duck-down move.] VM: And now Jesse Aires is coming back. [Desperado goes for a faceslam, but Jesse Aires blocks it. Desperado goes for a side suplex, but Jesse Aires blocks it. Jesse Aires nails him with a hiptoss. Jesse Aires flips his hair back and stares at his opponent.] JV: Maybe if Aires is lucky, they'll make their way to Super Cuts. [Jesse Aires whips Desperado into the foosball table. Desperado charges Jesse Aires. Jesse Aires hits Desperado with a backdrop. Desperado breaks through the wall and lands in Circuit City.] VM: DID YOU SEE THAT!?! Desperado got backdropped right through the wall!!!! JV: Very poor construction. [Jesse Aires goes through the hole in the wall. Jesse Aires climbs on top of the counter. Jesse Aires jumps onto him with a jumping elbow thrust from the counter.] VM: And Aires making good use of his surroundings. [Sean O'Brien comes from behind, but Jesse Aires nails Sean O'Brien. Desperado grabs a blender. Desperado hits him with the blender.] JV: Lucky for Aires that blender wasn't plugged in. [Desperado goes for a faceslam, but Jesse Aires blocks it. Jesse Aires throws Desperado over a row of dishwashers. Sean O'Brien comes from behind and distracts Jesse Aires. Desperado grabs a microwave. Desperado hits him with the microwave.] VM: Desperado going for the bigger kitchen appliances now. [Desperado catches him in a power bomb. Matt Compton counts: One, two, thr... shoulder up.] VM: Aires showing that he can still take a licking and keep on ticking. [Desperado hits him with the microwave. Desperado goes for a side suplex, but Jesse Aires blocks it. They're brawling back onto the main concourse.] VM: And they're out of Circuit City and it looks like they're headed for Music Videos To Go. JV: One of those cheesy places where you can lipsync to a hit song and make a crappy video of it. [Jesse Aires nails him with an elbowsmash. Jesse Aires goes for the Badlands, but Desperado counters it with a backward kick. Desperado whips Jesse Aires through the doors. The two men knock each other into the recording booth where a guy is lipsyncing to the Bee Gee's "Stayin' Alive".] JV: Someone needs to tell that guy that disco is dead. [Desperado goes for a vertical suplex, but Jesse Aires reverses it. Jesse Aires rips the speaker off the wall.] JV: Thank god. Now we don't have to listen to that horrible music. [Jesse Aires takes a swing at Desperado with the speaker, but he gets out of the way. Desperado snatches the speaker from him. Desperado hits him with the speaker.] VM: Unfortunately for Aires, Desperado is the one that was able to capitalize with the speaker. Now the two men have made their way back out to the main concourse. [Jesse Aires goes for a vertical suplex, but Desperado reverses it. Desperado takes him down with a DDT. Desperado throws Jesse Aires through the window of Alamo Flags.] VM: And now they're in the flag shop. JV: I really hate to see the bill for all the damage done in this match. [Desperado flings Jesse Aires over a row of flags. Desperado grabs a steel flagpole. Desperado hits him with the steel flagpole.] JV: Kinda reminiscent of the U.S. Capitol Death match a couple weeks ago between Jagged Edge and Sandman. [Desperado nails him with a short lariat. Matt Compton counts: One, two, three.] VM: And Desperado scores another pinfall. [Matt Compton counts: one, two, three, Jesse Aires gets back to his feet.] JV: Didn't take Aires long to get back to his feet that time. [Desperado hits him with the steel flagpole. Desperado goes for a power bomb, but Jesse Aires blocks it. Jesse Aires flings Desperado into a row of flags. Desperado grabs a Texas State flag.] VM: Desperado finds a flag of his home state. I wonder what he's going to do with it. [Desperado chokes him with the Texas State flag. Matt Compton counts: One, two, three. Sean O'Brien comes from behind, but Jesse Aires nails Sean O'Brien. Desperado whips Jesse Aires into the flagpoles.] VM: That has to hurt. JV: Jesse is lucky that none of those flag poles were sticking out. Otherwise he could've been impaled. [Desperado grabs a shelf off the wall. Desperado hits him with the shelf.] VM: That swing was hard enough to knock Aires out of the store. [Desperado executes a short lariat. Matt Compton counts: One, two, thr... kickout.] VM: And another near pin there. JV: They're right in front of one of my favorite stores now. VM: They're in front of Spencer's Gifts, which is one of the more mainstream Adult stores. [Desperado flings Jesse Aires into Spencer's Gifts. Desperado grabs a vibrator Desperado hits him with the vibrator.] JV: I think that's a first for the wrestling world. [Desperado executes the Desperate Measures on the linoleum floor and goes for the pin. Matt Compton counts: One, two, three.] VM: And again with that choke brainbuster. [Matt Compton counts: one, two, three,] VM: Aires is barely moving. [four, five, six, seven,] VM: Aires is beginning to struggle to get to his feet. Although I think he should really stay down so he doesn't risk injury again. [eight, nine, Jesse Aires gets back to his feet. Desperado throws his arms up in despair.] VM: He did it! Aires got back up on his feet! I don't believe it! JV: And neither does Desperado. VM: Aires staggers out of Spencer's. [Jesse Aires staggers into Starlog. Desperado following him in. Desperado goes for a thrust kick to the head, but Jesse Aires counters it with a duck-down move.] VM: And now the two men are fighting in the Sci-fi collectibles shop. [Jesse Aires takes him down with a short clothesline. Jesse Aires is going for the pin. Matt Compton counts: One, two, Sean O'Brien distracts Matt Compton by showing him the lifesize Yoda.] JV: O'Brien has done his homework. He knew that Compton is a huge Star Wars fan. [Jesse Aires nails him with a vertical suplex. Matt Compton takes the lifesize Yoda up to the counter. Sean O'Brien comes from behind, but Jesse Aires nails Sean O'Brien. Matt Compton shells out $200 for the lifesize yoda. Desperado grabs a scale model of the Starship Enterprise. Desperado hits him with the scale model of the Starship Enterprise.] JV: Trekkies everywhere are fainting. [Desperado throws Jesse Aires out onto the main concourse. Desperado goes for a powerslam, but Jesse Aires counters it with a lariat. Desperado falls back into Glamour Shots.] JV: Now they're in the photo studio where middle aged women go and put on lot's of makeup to try to look sexy. [Jesse Aires goes for a bodyslam, but Desperado blocks it. Desperado grabs a hand mirror Desperado hits him with the hand mirror. Desperado sets up Jesse Aires on the makeup table. Desperado executes a DDT through the table. The table is broken in half.] VM: Desperado drove Aires right through that make-up table. JV: Let's see, that's one blender, one microwave, one scale model of the Starship Enterprise, one speaker, one window, one texas state flag, one hand mirror, one make up table.... VM: What are you doing? JV: making a list of everything they've destroyed so far. [Desperado nails him with a fist to the midsection. Sean O'Brien comes from behind, but Jesse Aires nails Sean O'Brien. Desperado hits him with the handmirror. Desperado is going for the pin. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, three.] VM: and another successful pin for Desperado. [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: one, two, three, four, Jesse Aires gets back to his feet.] VM: And somehow Aires gets back to his feet. JV: He's gotta be taking some drugs. [Jesse Aires staggers out of Glamour Shots. Desperado throws Jesse Aires onto the escalator. They're brawling up the escalator. Desperado goes for a bodyslam, but Jesse Aires counters it with a small package.] JV: A small package on a moving escalator? [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, thr... kickout.] VM: Desperado barely kicks out in time. [Both men get off the escalator at the top. Desperado knocks Jesse Aires into the hardware department of Sears.] JV: Everyone, be on the lookout for Bob Vila. [Desperado grabs a hammer. Desperado hits him with the hammer. Desperado yells "You are all pitiful excuses for human beings!" at the Sears customers.] JV: Way to draw attention to yourself idiot. VM: I think everyone had already noticed the two men fighting being followed by two men who are carrying a laptop computer and a lifesize Yoda. [Desperado hits him with the hammer. Desperado throws Jesse Aires out of Sears. Desperado goes for a vertical suplex, but Jesse Aires blocks it. Jesse Aires throws Desperado onto the up escalator.] VM: And they're headed for the 3rd floor. [Jesse Aires hits him with a bulldog headlock. Both men go tumbling down the escalator. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda and Sean O'Brien dive out of the way. Jesse Aires and Desperado tumble into a group of 10 nuns, knocking down 8 of them.] JV: Ooh, a 7-10 split. That's going to be a tough spare. [Desperado hits him with the a nun.] JV: That'll get ya a free trip to hell. [Jesse Aires falls onto the up escalator. Desperado gets on the up escalator. Both men get off at the top.] VM: And they have now made it to the 3rd floor. JV: And most of the stores on the 2nd level remain unscathed. [Desperado flings Jesse Aires through the Electronic Boutique window. Desperado grabs a Sega Saturn. Desperado hits him with the Sega Saturn. Desperado is going for the pin. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, three.] VM: And yet another pinfall. But all these pinfalls don't do any good if Aires doesn't stay down for the 10 count. [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: one, two, three, four, Jesse Aires gets back to his feet.] VM: Unbelievable. Despite all the punishment Aires has taken, he has again made it back to his feet. [Desperado executes a powerslam. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, three.] JV: But Desperado didn't let that bother him. He just caught Aires in a powerslam as soon as he stood up. [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: one, two, three, four, VM: I think this might be it. [five, six, seven, eight, Jesse Aires gets back to his feet.] JV: No way! [Desperado throws Jesse Aires out of Electronic Boutique and into Burger King.] VM: Desperado getting very frustrated now. Desperado goes for a faceslam, but Jesse Aires blocks it. Sean O'Brien comes from behind and distracts Jesse Aires. Jesse Aires catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, three.] VM: And Aires finally scores a pinfall. [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: one, two, Desperado gets back to his feet.] VM: And Desperado got back to his feet very quickly. [Jesse Aires hits him with a clothesline Jesse Aires goes for an elbowdrop, but Desperado counters it with a roll away. Desperado is going for the pin. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, three.] VM: And Aires just didn't have the strength to break out of that pin. [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: one, Jesse Aires gets back to his feet.] JV: But he was able to get back to his feet after a one count? [Sean O'Brien comes from behind, but Jesse Aires nails Sean O'Brien. Desperado grabs a napkin holder. Desperado takes a swing at Jesse Aires with the napkin holder, but he gets out of the way. Jesse Aires snatches the napkin holder from him. Jesse Aires hits him with the napkin holder. Jesse Aires throws him out of Burger King and into the elevator doors.] JV: It's a shame those elevator doors weren't open. [Desperado nails him with a DDT. The elevator doors open up. Desperado nails him with a slap. Jesse Aires falls into the elevator. Desperado enters the elevator and pushes the button for the first floor.] VM: And they decide to take the quick way back down. JV: Actually the quick way would be if they threw each other over the guardrail and fell to the first floor. [The elevator doors open up on the first floor. Desperado nails him with a facebite. Desperado nails him with a short lariat. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, thr... kickout.] VM: Another near pinfall. [Desperado throws Jesse Aires into the Nordic Track store. Desperado knocks Jesse Aires into the Nordic Track. Desperado takes him down with a clothesline. Desperado throws Jesse Aires over the Nordic Health Rider. Desperado executes a tilt-a-whirl suplex. Desperado yells "These are all pitiful excuses for exercise machines!"] JV: I guess Desperado can forget about doing endorsements for Nordic Track. [Sean O'Brien comes from behind, but Jesse Aires nails Sean O'Brien. Jesse Aires staggers over to The Safety Zone.] VM: And Aires is heading over to the store for James Bond wannabe's. [Desperado goes for a chokehold, but Jesse Aires blocks it. Sean O'Brien comes from behind, but Jesse Aires nails Sean O'Brien. Desperado grabs the pepper spray. Desperado sprays him with the pepper spray.] VM: Desperado just blinded Aires with that pepper spray! [Jesse Aires grabs a tazer. Jesse Aires hits him with the tazer. Jesse Aires is going for the pin. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, three.] VM: And Aires fights back and gets a pin after hitting Desperado with the tazer. JV: Shocking! VM: Your jokes really are bad. [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: one, two, three, Desperado gets back to his feet.] VM: And Desperado gets back to his feet somehow. JV: His body is still twitching involuntarily every now and then though. [Desperado throws Jesse Aires out of the store. Desperado takes him down with a Vader attack. Desperado nails him with a chop. Jesse Aires crawls into Radio Shack.] VM: And now into Radio Shack. These guys seem to want to take this match to every store. [Desperado grabs a low quality stereo. Desperado hits him with the low quality stereo. Desperado executes a stomachbreaker.] JV: I'm surprised that stereo didn't break into a hundred pieces. VM: Well I'm sure that stereo won't work all that well now. JV: Like anything from Radio Shack ever does. [Desperado yells "These are all pitiful excuses for electronics!"] JV: I think Desperado can rule out any endorsements. [Desperado is going for the pin. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, thr... shoulder up. Desperado throws Jesse Aires out of Radio Shack and into Suncoast Motion Picture company.] VM: And now Desperado decides to try his luck in a different store. [Desperado takes him down with a facerake. Desperado knocks Jesse Aires into a Jerry MacGuire display.] JV: I still haven't seen that movie. [Desperado throws Jesse Aires over the music video section. Desperado executes the Desperate Measures on the carpeted floor and goes for the pin. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, three.] VM: And a powerful choke brainbuster there and Aires is out of it. [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: one, two, three,] JV: It's over. Aires isn't even moving. [four, five, six, seven,] VM: Well he's started moving, but I still have to agree with you. [eight, nine, Jesse Aires gets back to his feet.] JV: Aires is like the villain in those horror films. Just when you think he's gone, he comes back to life somehow. [Desperado hits him with a copy of Pulp Fiction. Desperado executes a bodyslam. Desperado executes the Desperate Measures on the concrete floor and goes for the pin. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, three.] VM: Ok that should be it. JV: He barely made it up before so he shouldn't be able to make this. [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: one, two, three, four, Jesse Aires gets back to his feet.] JV & VM: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! JV: I want that man tested for drugs immediately after the match. [Desperado throws him into FAO Schwarz. Sean O'Brien comes from behind, but Jesse Aires nails Sean O'Brien. Desperado grabs an overpriced game of Monopoly. Desperado hits him with the overpriced game of Monopoly.] JV: I never understood how FAO Schwarz can stay in business with those outrageous prices. VM: It's a status thing. People shop there just to prove that they can afford to shop there. [Desperado nails him with a low blow. Desperado takes him down with a vertical suplex. Desperado whips Jesse Aires into a rocking horse. Desperado hits him with the overpriced game of monopoly. Desperado knocks Jesse Aires into a stack of other overpriced games. Desperado takes a swing at Jesse Aires with the overpriced game of Monopoly, but he gets out of the way. Jesse Aires snatches the overpriced game of Monopoly from him. Jesse Aires hits him with the overpriced game of Monopoly. JV: You know I think a game of Monopoly would've been shorter than this match. [Jesse Aires throws Desperado out of FAO Schwarz and into Nordstrom. Jesse Aires goes for a snap suplex, but Desperado counters it with a vertical suplex. Jesse Aires re-reverses it.] VM: And they go from the overpriced toy store to the overpriced clothing store. [Jesse Aires whips Desperado into the rack of clothes. Jesse Aires throws Desperado over the rack of clothes. Jesse Aires grabs a hanger. Jesse Aires hits him with the hanger. Desperado takes him down with a thrust kick to the head.] VM: And that thrust kick knocks Aires right on out of Nordstrom's. [Sean O'Brien comes from behind and distracts Jesse Aires. Desperado nails him with a punch.] VM: And that punch causes Aires to fall into Foot Locker. [Desperado grabs a pair of spiked cleats. Desperado hits him with the pair of spiked cleats.] JV: I give Desperado credit for choosing a good shoe to use as a weapon. [Jesse Aires goes for an atomic drop, but Desperado counters it with a bulldog headlock. In turn, Jesse Aires counters it with a throw-off.] VM: And Aires throws Desperado off and right into Arby's. [Desperado grabs an order of fries. Desperado hits him with the order of fries. Desperado yells "You all serve really good food!"] JV: What? Did I hear that right? I think Desperado is trying to land an advertising deal with Arby's. [Desperado goes for the Desperate Measures, but Jesse Aires counters it with a double leg-hook. Jesse Aires grabs a tray. Jesse Aires hits him with the tray.] JV: Definitely a more effective weapon than the fries. [Jesse Aires is going for the pin. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, three.] VM: And Aires has scored another pin. Could this be the beginning of a comeback? [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: one, two, three, four, five, Desperado gets back to his feet.] VM: Not that time. [Jesse Aires whips Desperado out of Arby's and into Tekno Comix. Jesse Aires catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: One, two, Sean O'Brien distracts Matt Compton by showing him the latest issue of Superman.] JV: We really need to ditch this Compton guy. [Jesse Aires executes an armbar submission. There is no referee there to ask Desperado. Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda is back on the job. Desperado submits after 15 seconds.] VM: Desperado seems to be really hurt. JV: Yeah that Belly-to-belly really knocked the wind out of him. Luckily O'Brien was able to distract Matt. Which in turned hurt Desperado, cuz he was submitting instantly, but since Matt wasn't around he didn't hear the submission and didn't make Aires break the hold. [Matt Compton with the lifesize Yoda counts: one, two, three,] VM: Desperado is just lying there in pain. It looks like he's not even trying to get up. [four, five, six, seven, eight,] JV: Get up Desperado! [nine, ten.] VM: THAT'S IT! Jesse Aires manages to come from behind to pull off a major victory. JV: Unbelievable. VM: Let's go back to the ring for the official announcement. RR: The winner is Jesse Aires, in a time of 33:01. VM: Wow so both of the matches between Desperado and Aires have gone over 30 minutes. JV: They are extremely evenly matched guys. I think any matches of theirs will go down in the books as one of the best matches ever. VM: Well let's go to Booker Brian Frenck. BF: Wow, What a match! Anyways, we have our three finalists for the Toughman Title. They are "Paralyzer" Patrick Bordeau, Phoenix, and Jesse Aires. Now in order to be fair to Jesse Aires who just wrestled, there will be a regular non-tourney match now to give him a chance to rest up and get ready. So Rod, go ahead and call those men to the ring. RR: I'll be happy to. From Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 234 pounds, here is Cyanide!! ["4am" by Our Lady Peace blares as he makes his way to the ring. He get's a mixed reaction since no one knows anything about him.] RR: And his opponent, coming with his manager, Bones Douglas, from San Antonio, Texas, weighing in at a huge 390 pounds, here is Damien Grundy!! ["Lock Up The Wolves" by Dio blares as the two men make their way to the ring. the crowd gives a mixed reaction, though there are a lot of boos because of Bones Douglas's reputation in HOWF.] BF: All right, guys...[The two wrestlers turn to face Booker Frenck on the platform.] Seeing how you guys are the new blood in the SWF, I decided to make this a First Blood match. And as you may not realize, all matches on SWF Slaughterhouse are No-DQ, No-countout, No-timelimit, matches. So have fun guys. [They lock up. Damien Grundy nails him with a double underhook piledriver. Damien Grundy executes a double underhook piledriver. Damien Grundy executes a camel clutch.] VM: Damien Grundy is off to a fast start. [Cyanide reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds. Damien Grundy runs into the ropes. Cyanide goes for a roundhouse right, but Damien Grundy blocks it. Damien Grundy catches him in a Northern Lights suplex. Damien Grundy takes him down with a double underhook piledriver. Damien Grundy executes a facebite. Damien Grundy executes the Stinger Splash. Damien Grundy catches him in a Northern Lights suplex. Damien Grundy executes a spinebuster slam.] VM: Damien Grundy is putting on quite the show right now. JV: Yeah, but since we don't know anything about Cyanide, we don't know if Grundy is really good or if Cyanide sucks. [Damien Grundy goes for a double underhook backbreaker, but Cyanide blocks it. Cyanide whips Damien Grundy into the turnbuckle, but Damien Grundy reverses it. Damien Grundy takes him down with a bearhug. Cyanide manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 21 seconds.] VM: Grundy has that bearhug locked on tight. [Cyanide goes for a swinging neckbreaker, but Damien Grundy counters it with a side suplex. Damien Grundy nails him with an armlock leglock submission. Cyanide breaks the hold after 7 seconds. Cyanide nails him with a spinning mule kick.] JV: Finally, some offense from Cyanide. [Cyanide runs into the ropes. Damien Grundy hits Cyanide with a kick. Damien Grundy executes a tiger driver. Damien Grundy runs into the ropes. Damien Grundy misses with a kick. Damien Grundy goes for a spinebuster slam, but Cyanide counters it with a swinging neckbreaker. Cyanide nails him with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. Cyanide nails him with a kick to the thigh.] VM: Cyanide finally able to show us a series of moves now. [Cyanide whips Damien Grundy into the ropes. Damien Grundy misses with a clothesline. Cyanide nails him with a spinning mule kick. Cyanide goes for a roundhouse right, but Damien Grundy blocks it. Damien Grundy goes for a hangman, but Cyanide counters it with a backward kick.] JV: I'd have to say that this is a rather lackluster match. VM: Well it's hard to get into matches when you don't know either of the wrestlers. [Cyanide whips Damien Grundy into the ropes. Damien Grundy misses with a clothesline. Cyanide hits Damien Grundy with a clothesline. Damien Grundy falls out of the ring. Cyanide goes through the ropes.] VM: And both men go outside. JV: Good this is where they need to be in order to have a really good chance on busting each other open. [Cyanide knocks Damien Grundy into the ringsteps. Cyanide takes him down with a scorpion deathlock. Cyanide makes the cut throat sign. Cyanide nails him with a scorpion deathlock. Cyanide throws Damien Grundy back into the ring. Cyanide brings the table into the ring.] VM: Cyanide learns quickly. He decided to bring the table into the ring to do more damage. JV: He didn't need to take the match back inside. He could've done real damage outside. VM: True. [Damien Grundy runs into the ropes. Cyanide nails him with a fist to the midsection. Cyanide takes him down with a fist to the midsection. Cyanide sets up Damien Grundy on the table. Cyanide tries to lethal injection Damien Grundy through the table, but he moves out of the way. The table didn't break.] VM: Cyanide wasn't able to execute that leaping DDT finisher of his. [Damien Grundy whips Cyanide into the ropes, but Cyanide reverses it. Cyanide nails him with a chokehold. Matt Compton counts: One, two, three, four. Cyanide takes him down with a chokehold. Matt Compton counts: One, two, three.] JV: Why do they break the hold? The could choke them out until the cows come home and they won't get DQ'd. [Cyanide executes a sleeperhold. Damien Grundy manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 12 seconds. Damien Grundy takes him down with a facebite. Damien Grundy whips Cyanide into the turnbuckle. Damien Grundy sets up Cyanide on the table.] VM: And now Damien is going to try to use the table. [Damien Grundy executes a tiger driver through the table. The table is broken in half.] VM: Huge tiger driver through that table. JV: If this were a regular match, I think Grundy could pin Cyanide about now. [Damien Grundy goes for a power bomb, but Cyanide blocks it. Cyanide nails him with a fist to the midsection. Cyanide goes for a spinning mule kick, but Damien Grundy counters it with a duck-down move. Damien Grundy throws Cyanide out of the ring. Damien Grundy goes through the ropes.] VM: And I think Damien just realized that and has taken the match outside in the hope of busting open Cyanide. [Damien Grundy whips Cyanide into the guardrail. Cyanide is busted wide open. Sean Ceigersmidt sees the blood and stops the match.] JV: That didn't take long. VM: An impressive win for Damien Grundy who didn't even break a sweat. RR: The winner is Damien Grundy, in a time of 7:42. JV: Well thank god that match is over. VM: It wasn't that bad. JV: Maybe not, but it's kinda like the opening band for Kiss. Sure the band may be decent, but you don't want to see them, you want to see Kiss, so you want them to get off stage asap. VM: Interesting analogy. Well let's go back to Booker Brian Frenck. BF: All right guys, now the event you've all been waiting for. THE SWF Toughman Title match!!! Rod, Introduce the combatants! RR: All right Brian. Our first contestant made it the finals by defeating former SWF World Champ Jagged Edge and The Unholy Alliance's newest recruit Moon Dog Gator, Please welcome "Paralyzer" Patrick Bordeau!! ["Poison" by The Prodigy blares as Carey and Bordeau make their way to the ring. Fireworks are launched behind Bordeau. The crowd boos although some cheers can be heard.] RR: Wrestler #2 made it here by defeating Ronnie "Rols Royce" Martin and the man who would love to join the Underground, Sandman, Give a round of applause to Phoenix!! ["Shitlist" by L7 plays as Phoenix emerges from the lockerrooms. The fans boo. Fireworks go off behind him and the female fans take lots of pictures. Phoenix then makes his way to the ring. Phoenix starts to pose some more.] RR: And finally our last contestant made it to the finals by defeating Billy Joe Taylor and Desperado in that tremendous match we just saw not too long ago, give it up for Jesse Aires!! ["Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica blares as Jesse walks to the ring. Several fireworks are launched. The crowd cheers him on.] BF: All right thank you Rod. Gentlemen, one of you three will become the first ever SWF Toughman Champion. A title which is more impressive than the world title in my opinion due to the graphic nature of the matches. Now, everyone has been wondering what type of sick match I have planned for this title match. well it's not sick at all. This match will require the use of your minds as well as your muscles. I call it, the Dealer's Choice match. There are 3 ways to eliminate your opponent. 1. By tagging all four turnbuckles. 2. by driving your opponent through the table. or 3. by causing your opponent to bleed. And to make things more interesting, you will each be given a baseball bat. And to help even things out a bit, the first two men in the ring will be Bordeau and Phoenix since Jesse Aires had the most recent match. Gentlemen, LETS GET READY TO RUMMMMBLLLLE!!!!!!! [Scott Thomas gives the bats to the three men. Carey Stone leaves the ring and Jesse aires steps over the ropes and stands on the apron.] VM: We are just moments away from the start of the match. Johnny, what are your feelings on the match style Booker Frenck has chosen. JV: Well I have to say that he surprised me. I would've thought he'd try to create the most brutal match possible, but instead he has come up with a rather tame match. However, with the multiple ways to win, strategy is going to come into play. I think this is going to be a great match. Basically I think whoever can think the best on their feet, will win this. VM: Well the bell has ring and the Toughman Title match has begun! [They lock up. Phoenix throws Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau out of the ring. Phoenix goes through the ropes.] VM: And Phoenix takes it outside instantly. JV: And this is where the strategy comes into play. When the match is outside, you shut off the 4 corners option but you expose yourself to greater risk from the first blood and table break options. [Phoenix goes for the Razzle Dazzle, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau counters it with a single-leg takedown. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits him with the Baseball Bat.] VM: Phoenix went for his finisher extremely early in the match. JV: And as a result left himself wide open and Bordeau smacked him right in the ribs with baseball bat. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau executes a bodyslam. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau throws Phoenix back into the ring. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau chokes him with the Baseball Bat.] VM: And Bordeau finds another use for that bat. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau executes a side suplex. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau re-enters the ring. Phoenix follows him back in. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes him down with a side suplex. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau tries to hit turnbuckle number one, but Phoenix takes him down.] VM: Bordeau decides to re-enter the ring and go for the 4 corners option. [Phoenix executes a kneebreaker. Phoenix whips Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the ropes. Phoenix goes for a dropkick to the knee, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau counters it with a side step.] VM: Phoenix trying to work on Bordeaus knee misses that dropkick to the knee. JV: And Phoenix landed on his hip wrong. He's in a bit of pain right now. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits turnbuckle number one. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits turnbuckle number two.] VM: And Bordeau deciding to go the 4 corners route after Phoenix's miscue. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits turnbuckle number three. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits turnbuckle number four.] VM: That's it. Bordeau tags all four corners and eliminates the HOWF Hardcore Champion, and the man I picked to win, Phoenix. RR: Ladies and Gentlemen, Phoenix has been eliminated. [Phoenix leaves the ring and Jesse Aires enters.] JV: You know, we didn't even get one tag in the triangle match. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails him with a hiptoss. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau throws Jesse Aires out of the ring. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes through the ropes.] VM: And Bordeau takes the match outside now. JV: Interesting. Aires has experience in 4 corners matches so taking it outside helps Bordeau, but Aires also has Table match experience. So that hurts Bordeau. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex. Carey Stone comes from behind and distracts Jesse Aires.] VM: But that is where I think the real advantage is. Bordeau has a manager and Aires does not. and since this is a no DQ match, I wouldn't be surprised to see Carey to get a little more involved. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau reenters the ring. Jesse Aires follows him back in. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau tries to hit turnbuckle number one, but Jesse Aires is there before him.] VM: Bordeau tried to tag the turnbuckles before Aires got back in, but Aires uses his speed and tags the turnbuckle before him. [Jesse Aires tries to hit turnbuckle number two, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau is in the way.] JV: Bordeau smartly positioned himself to block Aires immediately after Aires tagged the corner. [Jesse Aires takes him down with a jumping elbow thrust. Jesse Aires executes a side suplex. Jesse Aires whips Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the ropes. Jesse Aires misses with a clothesline. Jesse Aires takes him down with a short lariat.] VM: Aires in control. JV: And that surprises me. Bordeau has had the most time to rest while Aires has had the least. Bordeau should really be the one dominating right now. [Jesse Aires whips Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the ropes, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau reverses it. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau executes a kick to the midsection. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a headlock takedown, but Jesse Aires counters it with a back suplex.] VM: And as soon as things start going Bordeau's way, Aires puts a stop to it. [Jesse Aires tries to hit turnbuckle number one, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes him down.] VM: Bordeau tackles Aires to prevent him from reaching the turnbuckle. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails him with a side suplex. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau executes an abdominal stretch.] VM: Bordeau has that abdominal stretch on tight in the middle of the ring. JV: Which creates an interesting situation. Submissions are not accepted in this match, so you could conceivable keep that hold on for days. But on the downside, since you can't win via submission, you have to let go sometime to try to win another way. [Jesse Aires manages to escape the hold after being trapped for 25 seconds. Jesse Aires whips Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau into the turnbuckle. Jesse Aires runs shoulder-first into the corner.] JV: That'll knock the wind outta ya. [Jesse Aires takes him down with a DDT. Jesse Aires nails him with a spinning mule kick. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a swinging neckbreaker, but Jesse Aires counters it with a side suplex. Jesse Aires nails him with a short clothesline.] VM: Aires is on fire!! JV: And he's going for the turnbuckles. [Jesse Aires hits turnbuckle number one. Jesse Aires tries to hit turnbuckle number two, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau is in the way.] JV: Smart move by Bordeau. As soon as he realized that Aires was going for the turnbuckles, he positions himself to prevent Aires from tagging all four. I think Bordeau has shown the most ring smarts so far in this match. [Jesse Aires executes a piledriver. Jesse Aires executes a thrust kick to the head. Jesse Aires goes for the Badlands, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau counters it with an armdrag takedown.] VM: Bordeau able to counter that diving full nelson of Aires's. [Jesse Aires nails him with a vertical suplex. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails him with a hiptoss. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a side suplex, but Jesse Aires blocks it. Jesse Aires goes for a snap mare, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau blocks it. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau executes a headlock takedown.] VM: Both men trading blows now. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a punch, but Jesse Aires reverses it. Jesse Aires throws Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau out of the ring. Jesse Aires jumps onto him with a jumping elbow thrust from the apron, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau moves out of the way.] VM: Bordeau smartly moves out of the way and Aires executed a jumping elbow thrust on the guardrail. JV: I think he might've hit his funny bone. He's trying to get feeling back in his right arm. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau executes a single-leg takedown. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau reenters the ring. Jesse Aires follows him back in.] VM: And back into the ring they go. JV: When they're inside the ring, there's really only one way to win. The table option is out since there aren't any tables in the ring yet, and the chances of getting cut open are considerably less. So if you're inside, the most likely avenue to victory is tagging the 4 corners. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a brain buster, but Jesse Aires counters it with a vertical suplex. Jesse Aires goes for a back suplex, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau blocks it. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau nails him with a Frankensteiner.] VM: Bordeau pulled that frankensteiner out of nowhere!! [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau yells "It's time to get wrecked!". Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau tries to hit turnbuckle number one, but Jesse Aires is there before him.] JV: Bordeau made a mistake there by wasting time. [Jesse Aires goes for a short clothesline, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau counters it with a duck-down move. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes him down with a single-leg takedown. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes him down with an abdominal stretch.] VM: Bordeau again locks on that abdominal stretch. JV: But he's a bit closer to the ropes this time. [Jesse Aires reaches the ropes after being trapped for 26 seconds. Jesse Aires goes for a side suplex, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau blocks it. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes for a side suplex, but Jesse Aires blocks it. Jesse Aires executes a thrust kick to the head.] VM: Huge thrust kick there and now Aires is picking up his baseball bat. [Jesse Aires hits him with the Baseball Bat. Jesse Aires goes for the Badlands, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau counters it with an armdrag takedown.] VM: And again Bordeau manages to counter Aires's finisher. JV: Well one of the advantages of having his semi-final match first was that it gave him a chance to watch the other matches to study his future opponents. Aires did not have that option since he had to worry about Desperado while the other matches were happening. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau whips Jesse Aires into the ropes. Jesse Aires nails him with a hiptoss. Jesse Aires goes for a fistdrop, but Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau counters it with a roll away.] VM: Aires telegraphed that one and Bordeau moved out of the way. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau takes him down with a kick to the midsection. Jesse Aires throws Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau out of the ring. Jesse Aires goes through the ropes.] VM: And now Aires takes it outside. [Jesse Aires nails him with a piledriver. Jesse Aires reenters the ring. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau follows him back in.] VM: Aires not keeping it outside very long. [Jesse Aires executes a snap mare. Jesse Aires executes a back suplex. Jesse Aires throws Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau out of the ring. Jesse Aires goes through the ropes.] VM: And Aires takes it back outside again. JV: I think Aires is having trouble deciding what strategy to use. [Carey Stone comes from behind and distracts Jesse Aires. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau is handed the Brick. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau hits him with the Brick.] VM: Carey lobs the brick over the distracted Jesse's head and Bordeau catches and hits Aires with it. JV: Not a bad strategy by Bordeau. The brick has a rather rough surface, so you have more of a chance of cutting your opponent open with that than a baseball bat. [Carey Stone comes from behind and distracts Jesse Aires. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau sets up a table.] VM: And Bordeau has now opened up the third option with that table. [They're brawling inside the ring area. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau executes a single-leg takedown. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau throws Jesse Aires back into the ring. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau throws Jesse Aires out of the ring. Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau goes through the ropes.] VM: And now there seems to be some indecision on Bordeau's part. [Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau whips Jesse Aires into the guardrail. Jesse Aires is busted wide open.] JV: But he still managed to bust Aires open! [Scott Thomas sees the blood and stops the match.] VM: That's it! Aires is eliminated and Bordeau is the SWF Tough Man Champion!! RR: The winner, and first ever SWF Tough Man Champion, is Paralyzer Patrick Bordeau in a time of match: 8:14!! [The crowd both cheers and boos. Booker Brian Frenck comes down and gives the belt to Bordeau and then raises his arm in victory as Carey Stone hugs him (Bordeau that it, not Booker Frenck. Not that he wouldn't mind that.) JV: What did I tell ya McMihn? I said Bordeau would win the belt and he did! VM: You certainly did. Congratulations to "Paralyzer" Patrick Bordeau. We are out of time. For Johnny "The Muscle" Ventures, I'm Vance McMihn saying so long and see you next week. [fade to black]