[Screen fades up to a black and white shot of an old gymnasium with a wrestling ring. The chairs around the ring are in complete disarray. The ring itself is in bad shape. There are holes in the mat. The ring apron has several tears, and one of the turnbuckles is completely broken and all of the ropes are sagging. An old janitor with a pushbroom walks into the screen while sweeping the ring area. The camera starts to zoom in as he stops and pauses for a second. The janitor then moves a chair and reaches down to pick something up. The scene cuts to an over the shoulder shot of the Janitor picking up a dusty, tarnished belt. The janitor dusts off the belt to reveal that it is the SWF Toughman belt. He then throws it into the ring. The camera follows the belt in slow motion as it flies through the air towards the ring. Scene cuts to a close up shot from above of the belt landing in the center of the ring. It lays there for a second, then the belt starts to emanate a gold glow. Blue lightning bolts shoot out from the belt to all parts of the ring as "Resurrection" by Brian May starts to play. The scene cuts back to the black and white wideshot. As the blue lightning bolts shoot across the ring, the ring transforms back into mint condition with a whiteish glow against the black and white gym. The scene then starts to show shot of wrestlers performing moves. The wrestlers are partially transparent and also have a white glow to them, giving them a ghostlike appearance. Among the shots is Sandman applying his sleeperhold. Gods Tears nailing someone with a flying reverse elbowdrop. Boom-Boom powerbombing his opponent. Rock 'n Roll Animal bodyslamming a wrestler. Equalizer executing the Face Plant. Moon Dog Gator howling in the middle of the ring. Mr. Shhh hitting a wrestler with a superkick. The Living Dead executing the Autopsy. Tom Pho punching someone. The Thugz nail a guy with a double superkick. The screen then dissolves to the SWF Slaughterhouse logo.] VM: Hello and welcome to a sold out Gund Arena here in Cleveland, Ohio. Now, normally here with me would be Johnny "The Muscle" Ventures. However, no one has seen him so far today. So it looks like it's just me tonight. Anyways we have quite a lineup for you tonight featuring some of SWF's newest... ["Hair of the Dog" by Nazareth starts to play.] VM: And already something is happening. Who's this coming down to the ring? [Flash and Gods Tears step out on to the platform. Several fans boo them while others cheer. They curse at them and make their way down to the ring. Flash grabs the microphone.] Flash: It looks like the Living Dead weren't listening to us. Well, f[beep]ers, last week on Triumphant Tuesday... we kicked your asses all over the ring. [Flash hands the microphone over to GT] GT: Despite having some differences, we walked out the winners. That means, no matter what the circumstances were, we are now officially the number one contenders to the World Tag Team Titles. Long story short, you f[beep]ed up. [Flash snatches the mic back. GT hands him his own personal bird] Flash: We demand a shot at the belts, and as previously stated.. if Equalizer comes anywhere near the ring, you forfeit the titles over to us. [GT grabs the microphone back from Flash] GT: So what the hell are we waiting for? We're here, and we know you're in the arena. I know a lot of your body parts are decayed, but if you still have any balls... come get some. [GT tosses the mic down to the mat and storms out of the ring. Flash looks around briefly and then follows] VM: How about that? The S.O.B.'s have challenged the Living Dead for another title shot. Now, I do know that the Living Dead are here at Gund Arena. Hopefully we can find out whether or not they accept. Anyways, as I was saying before the S.O.B.'s came out, we will be showing a lot of SWF's new talent tonight. Now let's take it down to our special guest ring announcer, Drew Carey! DC: Thank you, thank you very much. Wow, it's great to be here in Cleveland. Anyways, I'm not here to do my stand up act. But I am here to say that the following match is a submission match. ["War Heads" by Extreme starts to play.] Introducing first, from Quantico, Virginia, weighing in at 320 pounds, he is a member of the Third World Order, here is Corporal Punishment!! [Corporal Punishment comes out from the back and of course gets instantly booed. He walks down and occasionally shouts an insult at a fan along the way. He enters the ring as the music dies down and "If You Think I'm A Jiggy" by LOX starts to play.] DC: And his opponent, from The Bronx, New York, weighing in at 231 pounds, here is "Sexy" Tony Smooth!! [Fireworks are launched at the entrance as Ton Smooth comes running through. He slaps hands with many of the fans on the way down. The crowd is cheering him on. He enters the ring and poses for the crowd.] VM: All right. this will be our first look at this rookie who has been causing some waves in the SWF. [They lock up. Tony Smooth takes Cpl. Punishment down with a German suplex. Tony Smooth whips Cpl. Punishment into the ropes. Tony Smooth goes for a flying lariat, but Cpl. Punishment counters it with a duck-down move. Cpl. Punishment whips Tony Smooth into the turnbuckle. Cpl. Punishment goes for a flying clothesline, but Tony Smooth counters it with a duck-down move.] VM: Tony Smooth has his work cut out for him as he is wrestling the brains behind the T.w.O. who is considerably larger than him. [Tony Smooth goes for a Frankensteiner, but Cpl. Punishment counters it with a power bomb. A few fans are cheering on Cpl. Punishment. Tony Smooth puts Cpl. Punishment in a sleeperhold.] VM: The Corporal turned around to acknowledge his few fans only to have Tony sneak up behind him and put on that sleeper. And remember, this is a submission match. The only way to win is to put your opponent under or to make him give up. [Cpl. Punishment is struggling to reach the ropes. Tony Smooth lets go after 11 seconds. Tony Smooth attempts to place Cpl. Punishment on the turnbuckle, but Cpl. Punishment blocks it. Tony Smooth whips Cpl. Punishment into the ropes, but Cpl. Punishment reverses it. Cpl. Punishment misses with a clothesline. Tony Smooth nails Cpl. Punishment with a flying lariat.] VM: And John Smooth almost took Punishment's head off with that. [Tony Smooth whips Cpl. Punishment into the ropes, but Cpl. Punishment reverses it. Cpl. Punishment and Tony Smooth get hit with a double clothesline.] VM: Both men go down hard. The Corporal is the first one back to his feet. And Tony Smooth is backing off into the corner. [Tony Smooth begs off. Cpl. Punishment executes the Stinger Splash on Tony Smooth. Cpl. Punishment catches Tony Smooth in a standing wristlock. Tony Smooth is struggling to reach the ropes. Tony Smooth reaches the ropes after being trapped for 11 seconds. Cpl. Punishment whips Tony Smooth into the turnbuckle, but Tony Smooth reverses it. Tony Smooth charges in with the Stinger Splash. Tony Smooth whips Cpl. Punishment into the ropes, but Cpl. Punishment reverses it. Cpl. Punishment hits Tony Smooth with a shoulderblock. Cpl. Punishment whips Tony Smooth into the ropes.] VM: The Corporal taking full advantage of his size. [Cpl. Punishment goes for a spinebuster slam, but Tony Smooth counters it with a kneelift. In turn, Cpl. Punishment counters it with a side step. Cpl. Punishment goes for a spinebuster slam, but Tony Smooth counters it with a kneelift. Tony Smooth nails Cpl. Punishment with a bulldog headlock. Tony Smooth goes for a snap suplex, but Cpl. Punishment blocks it. Cpl. Punishment locks Tony Smooth in a standing wristlock. Tony Smooth reaches the ropes after being trapped for 6 seconds. Cpl. Punishment catches Tony Smooth in a choke against the ropes. Tony Smooth breaks the hold after being trapped for 5 seconds.] VM: Choking not a bad way to go in this type of match. There are no DQ's and if you choke someone long enough, they probably will give up. [Cpl. Punishment goes for a spinebuster slam, but Tony Smooth counters it with a swinging neckbreaker. The crowd is cheering on Tony Smooth. Tony Smooth nails Cpl. Punishment with a German suplex. Tony Smooth break dances in the middle of the ring.] VM: Tony now showing off some of his dance skills. [Johnny Ventures walks to the broadcast booth.] JV: Hey, what's going on? I thought we were supposed to be doing pre-production now? [The crowd is cheering on Tony Smooth. Tony Smooth hits Cpl. Punishment with a belly-to-belly suplex. There are lots of chants for Tony Smooth. Tony Smooth break dances in the middle of the ring. The crowd is really behind Tony Smooth. Tony Smooth whips Cpl. Punishment into the ropes, but Cpl. Punishment reverses it.] VM: Where have you been? You're late! The show's already started! JV: What are you talking about? It's only a little after 7. [Tony Smooth hits Cpl. Punishment with a kick. Tony Smooth nails Cpl. Punishment with a flying elbowdrop. The crowd is really behind Tony Smooth. Tony Smooth hits a gutwrench suplex on Cpl. Punishment. Tony Smooth break dances in the middle of the ring. The crowd is really behind Tony Smooth.] VM: Try 8. You were supposed to set your clock ahead an hour last night. JV: Why would I do a stupid thing like that? [Tony Smooth goes for a clothesline, but Cpl. Punishment counters it with a duck-down move. Tony Smooth begs off. Cpl. Punishment goes for a jumping DDT, but Tony Smooth counters it with a backdrop. Cpl. Punishment hits a side suplex on Tony Smooth. Cpl. Punishment uses an enzuigiri on Tony Smooth. Tony Smooth takes Cpl. Punishment down with a bulldog headlock.] VM: Daylight savings you idiot. Remember when you showed up an hour early because you forgot to se your clock back an hour in October. Same deal. JV: Blah blah blah. This whole Daylight Savings thing is just way too confusing. Just because Ben Franklin was one of presidents we have to do what he says. VM: Ben Franklin was never president. But I'll give you credit for at least knowing that he was the one that came up with Daylight Savings. [Tony Smooth goes for a DDT, but Cpl. Punishment blocks it. Tony Smooth chops Cpl. Punishment. The crowd is on its feet cheering for Tony Smooth. Tony Smooth kicks Cpl. Punishment. The crowd is going into a frenzy. Cpl. Punishment punches Tony Smooth. The chants for Cpl. Punishment are deafening. Cpl. Punishment hits Tony Smooth. The crowd is behind Cpl. Punishment all the way.] JV: So who's this black guy wrestling Corporal Punishment? VM: He's one of SWF's newest wrestlers, "Sexy" Tony Smooth. [Cpl. Punishment whips Tony Smooth into the ropes. Tony Smooth misses with a clothesline. Cpl. Punishment misses with a shoulderblock. Cpl. Punishment nails Tony Smooth with a Samoan Drop.] JV: Any relation to former SWF manager, John Smooth? VM: No. [The crowd is on its feet cheering for Cpl. Punishment. Cpl. Punishment goes for a kick to the head, but Tony Smooth blocks it. Tony Smooth executes the PhD on Cpl. Punishment.] VM: Reverse DDT by the youngster! JV: But he's not going for the pin! VM: That's because it's a submission match. Now you see why these pre-production meetings are so important? [The crowd is on its feet cheering for Tony Smooth. Tony Smooth executes a side suplex on Cpl. Punishment. Tony Smooth whips Cpl. Punishment into the turnbuckle. Tony Smooth charges in with the Stinger Splash, but Cpl. Punishment moves out of the way. The crowd erupts. Cpl. Punishment takes Tony Smooth down with a jawbreaker. Cpl. Punishment goes for a power bomb, but Tony Smooth counters it with a backdrop. Tony Smooth takes Cpl. Punishment down with an elbowsmash. Tony Smooth goes for a bridging back suplex, but Cpl. Punishment counters it with a headlock takedown. Cpl. Punishment hits Tony Smooth with a dropkick.] JV: Tony seems to be having some trouble with the Corporal. VM: Well seeing how Corporal Punishment outweighs Tony by about 90 pounds, I can understand that. [Cpl. Punishment goes for a dropkick, but Tony Smooth counters it with a side step. Tony Smooth hits the Stinger Splash on Cpl. Punishment. The crowd is going into a frenzy. Tony Smooth goes for a German suplex, but Cpl. Punishment blocks it. Cpl. Punishment whips Tony Smooth into the ropes, but Tony Smooth reverses it. Tony Smooth goes for a bulldog headlock, but Cpl. Punishment counters it with a back suplex. In turn, Tony Smooth counters it with a bulldog headlock.] VM: Good move by Smooth. Corporal tired to go for that back suplex, but he wouldn't let him. [The crowd is on its feet cheering for Tony Smooth. Tony Smooth uses a jumping DDT on Cpl. Punishment. Tony Smooth goes for a bodyslam, but Cpl. Punishment blocks it. Cpl. Punishment goes for a ropeburn, but Tony Smooth blocks it. Tony Smooth locks Cpl. Punishment in a sleeperhold.] VM: And Tony has slipped on that sleeperhold. Could that be enough? [Cpl. Punishment is valiantly trying to break the hold. Cpl. Punishment is inching his way towards the ropes. Cpl. Punishment summons one last burst of energy.] JV: The Corporal is giving everything he has to break out of that hold. [Mark Matarese checks Cpl. Punishment's arm. He lifts it... it falls. He lifts it... it falls. He lifts it... it falls. Mark Matarese stops the match after 16 seconds.] VM: And that will do it! Tony gets a win in his debut match. ["If You Think I'm A Jiggy" by LOX starts to play. The crowd is giving Tony Smooth a standing ovation.] DC: The winner is Tony Smooth!! In a time of 7:21! [Tony Smooth and Corporal Punishment make their way back to the ring.] VM: I understand that we have Dean Oberman standing by with SWF President, Brian Frenck. Dean? [Cut to a shot of Dean with Brian.] DO: Thank you Vance. Well Mr. Frenck, I understand you have some news for us. BF: That's right Dean. First off, Gods Tears and Flash came out earlier and challenged the Living Dead to a rematch. I am pleased to announce that the Living Dead have accepted and they will wrestler here tonight! [The crowd pops.] DO: That is very big news. Thank you very much Mr. President. Well back to... BF: I'm not yet Dean. I have another issue to address. As many of you know, last week, after Triumphant Tuesday, I suspended Equalizer for 2 weeks due to his attacks on SWF personnel. Now he was told that he was not to come within 100 yards of any SWF event. And that failure to follow that would result in his suspension increasing by another week. Well, he didn't listen. He showed up at Around The World on Thursday and insisted that Aleisha interview him. Well he clearly violated the 100 yard rule, so his suspension is now being extended by one week. So Equalizer, if you're listening, and I know you are, you are now suspended without pay until April 21st! VM: Whoa! That's very big news. BF: And remember, we got the PPV on the 29th. You screw up 2 more times before the 21st, and we won't see you in Baltimore. DO: That is indeed big news. Thank you very much Mr. Frenck. Anyways, back to you Vance. [Cut back to a shot of Johnny and Vance at the broadcast booth] VM: Thank you Dean. Equalizer is definitely on thin ice right now. JV: Indeed. And you know Frenck would love for Equalizer to miss the PPV. Equalizer is going to have to be very careful about what he does now. Right now he's playing right into Frenck's hands. VM: Well, we have got to take a break. We'll be right back. --------------------- You know, I've been telling myself, I should actually write some commercials to put in here instead of just the standard "commercials" line. But I haven't had time lately. so for now... Commercials for ATW, TT, and Birthday Blast. --------------------- VM: All right, welcome back. Let's go to our next match featuring another one of SWF's new guys. DC: Ok, this next match is a Table Match. The winner must drive his opponent through a table. ["Time Warp" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show starts to play.] Introducing first, from San Francisco, California, weighing in at 250 pounds, here is Time Warp!! [Time Warp emerges from the entrance and makes his way to the ring. The crowd gives a mild reaction. He enters the ring as his music dies down and "Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson starts to play.] DC: And his opponent, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 335 pounds, here is Hell Hound!! [Hell Hound emerges from the back and walks down to the ring. The crowd is booing loudly. Hell Hound ignores them. He enters the ring and goes right after Time Warp.] VM: Hell Hound is not wasting any time. [Hell Hound punches Time Warp repeatedly. Hell Hound then picks Time Warp up and lifts him over his head. He then tosses Time Warp over the ropes all the way to the spanish broadcasters table.] Victor Machismo & Jose Venturo: Ay Caramba!! [The table is broken in half.] VM: And just like that Hell Hound gets the ring. JV: Well it was only Time Warp. DC: The winner is Hell Hound!! In a time of 0:21! [Hell Hound goes and grabs a mic.] HH: Hey! I thought I was going to get some competition here in the SWF. I sure hope there are a lot better guys than this Mind Warp guy. Now Tanega, you and me are going to meet on ATW Thursday. I hope you're a lot better than the guy I just faced. [Hell Hound throws down the microphone and walks back to the lockerrooms.] VM: Hell Hound throwing the gauntlet down for his opponent on Thursday, Tanega Watanabe. Whom we will see in action next. DC: The following is a table death match. ["Rock Of Ages" by Def Leppard starts to play.] Introducing first, from Sheffield, England, weighing in at 220 pounds, here is Deaf Leopard!! [Deaf Leopard makes his way down to the ring, pretending to play the music on his guitar. The crowd boos him. He enters the ring and the music dies out and "Jimmy Olsen's Blues" by Spin Doctors starts to play.] DC: And his opponent, being led to the ring by his manager, Mike Weaver, from Tanega, Japan, weighing in at 219 pounds, here is Tanega Watanabe!! [Tanega and Mike Weaver emerge from the entrance. Tanega shakes hands with many of the fans along the way. The crowd is cheering him on. He enters the ring and bows to the fans on all sides of the ring.] VM: Ok, here's the man Hell Hound will be facing on Thursday. [They lock up. Tanega Watanabe whips Deaf Leopard into the ropes. Deaf Leopard and Tanega Watanabe get hit with a double clothesline. Deaf Leopard hits a crotch slam on Tanega Watanabe. The crowd is responding to Deaf Leopard. Deaf Leopard whips Tanega Watanabe into the ropes, but Tanega Watanabe reverses it. Deaf Leopard bumps into Sean Ceigersmidt.] JV: Damn refs. So I understand Tanega and Hell Hound are putting their motorcycles on the line in the match. VM: That is correct. Hell Hound's Harley vs. Tanega's Bultaco. JV: Better deal for Tanega. [Tanega Watanabe hits Deaf Leopard with a jumping side kick. Tanega Watanabe hits a punch on Deaf Leopard. Tanega Watanabe hits Deaf Leopard with a jumping side kick. Deaf Leopard whips Tanega Watanabe into the ropes. Deaf Leopard misses with an elbow. Deaf Leopard hits Tanega Watanabe with an elbow. Deaf Leopard whips Tanega Watanabe into the turnbuckle. Tanega Watanabe comes back and rocks Deaf Leopard with a clothesline.] JV: Now this Tanega guy is from a city in Japan called Tanega, right? VM: Yeah. [Deaf Leopard executes a crotch slam on Tanega Watanabe. Sean Ceigersmidt is back on the job. Deaf Leopard goes for a jack-knife power bomb, but Tanega Watanabe blocks it. Tanega Watanabe takes Deaf Leopard down with a spin kick. Tanega Watanabe throws Deaf Leopard out of the ring. Tanega Watanabe goes through the ropes. Tanega Watanabe whips Deaf Leopard into the guardrail.] JV: Well isn't that kinda stupid? VM: How so? [Tanega Watanabe nails Deaf Leopard with a flying clothesline. Tanega Watanabe executes the Tanega Kick on Deaf Leopard on the concrete floor.] VM: Ax kick off the top rope. And Deaf Leopard looks hurt. [Tanega Watanabe goes for a jumping side kick, but Deaf Leopard counters it with a duck-down move. Deaf Leopard throws Tanega Watanabe back into the ring. Deaf Leopard executes an over-the-shoulder stomachbreaker on Tanega Watanabe. Deaf Leopard tries to put Tanega Watanabe on the Stretcher. Tanega Watanabe blocks it. Tanega Watanabe goes for a jumping side kick, but Deaf Leopard counters it with a duck-down move.] JV: well when was the last time you met someone named Detroit? You never hear "Hey Chicago, how's it going? Hey, have you seen New York City? "Yeah, He and Miami we're heading over to Des Moines house." VM: Well it's a different culture over there. [Deaf Leopard whips Tanega Watanabe into the ropes, but Tanega Watanabe reverses it. Tanega Watanabe hits Deaf Leopard with a backdrop. Tanega Watanabe goes for an enzuigiri to the face, but Deaf Leopard counters it with a duck-down move. Deaf Leopard takes Tanega Watanabe down with a kneebreaker. Tanega Watanabe whips Deaf Leopard into the ropes, but Deaf Leopard reverses it. Tanega Watanabe goes for a back heel kick, but Deaf Leopard counters it with a duck-down move.] VM: Deaf Leopard doing a good job of avoiding the karate kicks of Tanega. [Deaf Leopard hits Tanega Watanabe with a jack-knife power bomb. Deaf Leopard whips Tanega Watanabe into the turnbuckle. Deaf Leopard runs shoulder-first into the corner. Tanega Watanabe nails Deaf Leopard with a Yakuza kick. Tanega Watanabe executes a savate kick on Deaf Leopard. Tanega Watanabe takes Deaf Leopard down with a kick to the midsection. Tanega Watanabe goes for a tiger driver, but Deaf Leopard counters it with a backdrop. Deaf Leopard nails Tanega Watanabe with a fallaway slam. Deaf Leopard tries to put Tanega Watanabe on the Stretcher. Tanega Watanabe blocks it.] JV: You know, I think this has been as good as Deaf Leopards ever looked. Not that he's looking good mind you. [Tanega Watanabe hits a Yakuza kick on Deaf Leopard. Tanega Watanabe whips Deaf Leopard into the turnbuckle. Deaf Leopard begs off. Tanega Watanabe hits a spin kick on Deaf Leopard. Tanega Watanabe executes a Yakuza kick on Deaf Leopard. The crowd is cheering on Tanega Watanabe. Tanega Watanabe goes for a dragon suplex, but Deaf Leopard counters it with a backward kick. Deaf Leopard executes a crotch slam on Tanega Watanabe.] JV: And a future generation is saved from a bunch of wannabe's running around. VM: That's Watanabe. JV: Whatever. [Deaf Leopard goes for a backdrop driver, but Tanega Watanabe counters it with a facerake. Tanega Watanabe gets an armbar submission on Deaf Leopard. Deaf Leopard reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds. Tanega Watanabe uses a cartwheel kick on Deaf Leopard. Tanega Watanabe goes for an armbar submission, but Deaf Leopard blocks it. Deaf Leopard kicks Tanega Watanabe. A small "Deaf Leopard" chant is being started. Deaf Leopard kicks Tanega Watanabe. Tanega Watanabe punches Deaf Leopard. Tanega Watanabe is getting a good reaction from the crowd. Tanega Watanabe punches Deaf Leopard.] VM: So far, most of Tanega's success has been with the karate moves. JV: What do you expect. Leopard's never seen any before. VM: I'm sure Mr. Roboto must've shown him some. JV: Keep in mind, Roboto only speaks Japanese and no one else in the T.w.O. speaks Japanese. [The crowd is really behind Tanega Watanabe. Tanega Watanabe takes Deaf Leopard down with a dragon suplex. Tanega Watanabe executes a flying karate chop on Deaf Leopard. Tanega Watanabe places Deaf Leopard on the turnbuckle. Tanega Watanabe executes a top-rope Frankensteiner on Deaf Leopard. The crowd is giving Tanega Watanabe a standing ovation. Deaf Leopard begs off. Tanega Watanabe takes Deaf Leopard down with a fist to the midsection. Deaf Leopard begs off. Deaf Leopard goes for a German suplex, but Tanega Watanabe blocks it. Deaf Leopard begs off.] VM: Deaf Leopard now running away from Tanega. JV: What a wuss. [Tanega Watanabe hits Deaf Leopard with a rolling kick. Tanega Watanabe takes Deaf Leopard down with a tiger driver. Deaf Leopard begs off.] VM: Deaf Leopard is desperately trying to convince Tanega to stop his attack as he climbs to the top turnbuckle. [Tanega Watanabe executes the Tanega Kick on Deaf Leopard.] VM: And another axe kick off the top rope. JV: This one is over. [Tanega Watanabe tries to put Deaf Leopard on the Stretcher. Tanega Watanabe puts Deaf Leopard on the Stretcher. The attendants carry Deaf Leopard back to the locker room. The crowd erupts.] JV: Of course we're all happy when we see any member of the T.w.O. leave on a stretcher. ["Jimmy Olsen's Blues" by the Spin Doctors starts to play.] DC: The winner is Tanega Watanabe!! In a time of 7:57! VM: All right, so far all of the rookies have looked very impressive. We have to take a break. We'll be right back! --------- Commercials for Birthday Blast. Yeah, we're hyping that up to death. But we're not as bad as WCW. Every other word out of Schiavone's mouth is always about the upcoming PPV. or the main event of the evening. Anyways, there are also commercials for SWF T-Shirts, and the SWF website. --------- [Screen fades up to the locker rooms where Corporal Punishment, Time Warp and Deaf Leopard are. Deaf Leopard is holding an ice pack on his head.] CP: Damn it guys. We're looking horrible out there. We're letting a bunch of rookies beat us. But don't worry, I got a plan to make people take notice of us. TW: What is it this time? CP: I saw this done in another league. The fans went crazy for it. I hired a stuntman and got some pyrotechnics. The stunt man is standing on a spot marked with a giant X out there. When Monster Mark gives the cue, we flip the switch, and wham. Everyone thinks Mark has supernatural powers. It can't fail. [Cut to a shot of Vance and Johnny.] VM: Ok welcome back. We still have 3 matches left. Including the tag team title match, between the Livi...[suddenly the lights go out and "Monster Mash" by Bobby Pickett starts to play] JV: Damn, I didn't know he was wrestling tonight. [Monster Mark comes out decked out in a Frankenstein costume. He walks around the ring. The crowd boos him loudly. He sees a stagehand standing on a giant X painted on the floor. Monster Mark walks over to him. Monster Mark then lifts his hand and points at the stage hand. [Backstage] CP: Now! [Time Warp flips the switch] [Monster Mark is pointing at the stage hand and nothing happens. He then points at him again and still nothing happens.] [Backstage] CP: Damn it! What's happening? Why isn't it working? TW: I don't know. Maybe the contact points are dirty? [Meanwhile back out in the ring area, Monster mark continues to point at the stage hand. He then points at him with two hands and still nothing happens. The stage hand figuring that something went wrong turns around and starts to walk away. Monster Mark decides to follow him while continuing to point at him.] [Backstage.] TW: Oh, here's the problem! We forgot to plug it in! [Time Warp goes to plug it in.] CP: Noooooo!!!!!!! [Of course, despite the Corporal's yell, it is too late. Time Warp plugs it in just as Monster Mark steps on the giant X and instantly bursts into flames.] MM: AAAAAAH!!!! VATER!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! HEEEELLLLP!!!!!! [Roadies instantly come out with fire extinguisher and spray him down. After they put the fire out, they start dragging Monster Mark back to the locker rooms.] [cut to a shot of Johnny and Vance.] VM: ...... JV: ...... VM: ...... JV: ...... VM: Well, um, that was, uh, interesting. JV: Uh, yeah. You would've thought after the failure of T.w.O.'s stunts the past 2 weeks, they would've given up by now. VM: You would think so. Anyways, let's send it back to Drew Carey. DC: Hey, is that burning flesh I smell? Anyways, this next match is scheduled for one fall. ["Where Ever I May Roam" by Metallica starts to play.] Introducing first, being led to the ring by their manager, Slaine, weighing in at a combined weight of 555 pounds, here is The Warrior Clan!! [The three men make their way to the ring. The crowd gives a mixed reaction. They enter the ring as the music dies down and "Song 2" by Blur starts to play.] DC: And their opponents, being led to the ring by their manager, Master Of Pain, weighing in at a combined weight of 530 pounds, here are Sound & Fury!! VM: Very tough break for the new team to draw the former SWF Tag Champs. [Danny Bens and the Master of Pain run down the aisle to the music, Danny casting glances through the audience and behind him. Bens enters the ring, looks over his opponents, and continues to look around the arena.] VM: I don't see Boom-Boom. Where is he? [The big screen darkens, the music cuts off abruptly, and "Pinff" begins to play. The leather-clad face of Boom-Boom appears on the screen. In the ring, the Mangler looks angry.] Boom-Boom: Well, Danny, I thought that maybe tonight, you might be able to fight this one yourself. I mean, you being a big TTK member and all. Funny, I don't see them with you. Oh well. Guess you should have thought of that before you joined... [Danny yells at the screen, gesturing in a rage. Boom-Boom smiles.] Boom-Boom: Now, now... getting angry won't help. You should save your strength. Looks like you'll need it. Remember Danny, "It's ALL good, baby!" BAHAHAHAHA! [Screen flickers into static. Danny looks around wildly, then prepares to face both opponents.] VM: Boom-Boom has left his partner to fend for himself! JV: And yet another sign of all the stables crumbling in the SWF. VM: So now, it's just Danny vs. the Warrior Clan. The Clan has to be liking this. [They lock up. Akira nails Danny Bens with a superkick. Danny Bens whips Akira into the ropes. Danny Bens hits Akira with a kick. Danny Bens hits Akira with a cartwheel kick. Danny Bens uses a chop on Akira.] VM: And right off the back Danny is showing off his martial arts skills to Akira. JV: Any relation to... VM: No relation to former SWF wrestler Akira The Samurai. [Danny Bens executes a DDT on Akira. Danny Bens nails Akira with a belly-to-belly suplex. Akira goes for a backbreaker, but Danny Bens blocks it. Danny Bens goes for a snap mare, but Akira blocks it. Akira catches Danny Bens in a sleeperhold.] VM: Sleeper! JV: But he's too close to the ropes. You know seeing how they out number him 2 to 1, they may as well forget the submission holds and just beat the snot out of him. [Danny Bens reaches the ropes after being trapped for 8 seconds. Akira hits Danny Bens with a backbreaker. Akira runs into the ropes. Danny Bens misses with an elbow. Akira hits Danny Bens with an elbow. Tenzan enters the ring to make it two-on-one.] VM: And here comes the double teaming. And there's no one to help Danny. [Akira and Tenzan whip Danny Bens into the ropes. They hit Danny Bens with a double kick to the midsection. Tenzan leaves the ring. Akira takes Danny Bens down with a splash. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout. There are lots of chants for Akira. Akira goes for a piledriver, but Danny Bens blocks it. Danny Bens nails Akira with a European uppercut. Danny Bens executes a European uppercut on Akira.] JV: Even if Danny does get lucky and nails him with his Ab Blaster, there's no way he'll get the pin. The other guy can walk right on in and break the pin. There's no one to stop him. [Danny Bens whips Akira into the ropes. Akira takes Danny Bens down with a dropkick. Akira takes Danny Bens down with a punch. Akira whips Danny Bens into the ropes, but Danny Bens reverses it. Danny Bens hits Akira with a backdrop. Danny Bens runs into the ropes. Akira takes Danny Bens down with an enzuigiri. Akira is getting a good reaction from the crowd. Akira goes for a half Boston, but Danny Bens blocks it. Danny Bens goes for a kneelift, but Akira counters it with a side step. Akira tags out to Tenzan.] VM: And now Tenzan, the other Clan member from the far east is in the ring. [Tenzan hits Danny Bens with a dropkick to the knee. Tenzan goes for a figure-four leglock, but Danny Bens counters it with a small package. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout. Danny Bens goes for a dropkick, but Tenzan counters it with a side step. Tenzan uses a stomachbreaker on Danny Bens. A small "Tenzan" chant is being started. Tenzan is going for the pin. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout. Tenzan complains about a slow count. Danny Bens hits an inside cradle on Tenzan. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.] JV: Akira was out of position there. That was close. This would be a huge victory if Danny can win without his partner. [Danny Bens goes for a handspring bodyblock, but Tenzan counters it with a side step. Akira enters the ring to make it two-on-one. Akira hits a flying lariat on Danny Bens. Akira is getting a good reaction from the crowd. Tenzan goes for a cobra clutch, but Danny Bens blocks it. Akira leaves the ring.] VM: And the Clan seems to be able to double team at will. [Danny Bens hits a flying clothesline on Tenzan. There's a small reaction to Danny Bens. Danny Bens takes Tenzan down with a European uppercut. Danny Bens goes for flying headscissors, but Tenzan counters it with a throw-off. Tenzan tags Akira.] VM: And another tag. They could keep this up all night. Bens doesn't have a prayer. [Tenzan nails Danny Bens with a scorpion deathlock. Akira executes a somersault legdrop and goes for the pin. Akira has the crowd going wild.] VM: Oh my!! They call that the Final Journey. Somersault legdrop to the head while the guy is in a scorpion deathlock. [Scott Thomas counts: One, two, three. The crowd is going into a frenzy.] ["Where Ever I May Roam" by Metallica starts to play.] DC: The winners are The Warrior Clan!! In a time of 4:13! VM: A great way for the Warrior Clan to start off as that will go down in the record books as a win over former tag champs, Sound & Fury. Fans, I have been told that there is some commotion going on backstage. Let's see if we can find out what's happening. [Cut to a shot in the locker room. Gods Tears and Tony Smooth are in the middle of a fist fight. Flash comes up from behind and nails GT with a steel chair. GT stands up straight and turns towards Flash as if he didn't even feel it] GT: What the f.... [Flash slams the chair right into the head of GT. GT falls face first onto the floor] GT: Oof! [Flash looks around at the camera and takes off] [cut back to Vance & Johnny] VM: What was that? JV: I don't know, but it certainly looks like they're problems in the S.O.B.'s Even the new stables are crumbling before our eyes. It's the end of the stable era! Hallelujah! VM: Gods Tears and Flash earlier challenged The Living Dead to a rematch. And the Dead did agree and the match was suppose to happen after our next match. But I don't see how these two can get along now. [The roadies have just finished replacing the ropes with barbed wire in the ring.] DC: The following is a triangle match with the ropes replaced by barbed wire. ["Look Into My Eyes" by Bone Thugs 'n Harmony starts to play." Introducing first, from the Philippines, weighing in at 245 pounds, here is the current SWF Toughman Champion, "Tiger" Tom Pho!! [Tom Pho walks down to the ring. He slaps hands with a few of the fans that are cheering him on. He enters the ring and the music dies down. "Some Like It Hot" by Power Station starts to play.] DC: Next, being led to the ring by his manager, Trisha Deneke, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 234 pounds, here is the current SWF American Champion, Hot Shot Donovan!! [Hot Shot and Trisha make their way down to the ring. The crowd boos loudly. He enters the ring and the music dies down. "Enter Sandman" by Metallica starts to play.] DC: And finally, from America, weighing in at 320 pounds, here is former SWF Toughman Champion, Sandman!! [Sandman emerges from the entrance and stands on the platform. Suddenly, Rigor & Mortis come out and grab Sandman. While Rigor has Sandman in a full nelson, Mortis pulls out a cloth and a bottle of liquid. He pours the liquid onto the cloth then holds it against Sandman's nose and mouth.] VM: What is this? The Dead are attacking Sandman!! JV: As if things weren't bizarre enough already. [Sandman struggles but eventually goes limp. Rigor & Mortis then haul Sandman off. The camera follows them. They go through a couple hallways and the finally to a door marked exit. They open the door and outside is a taxi cab. The throw Sandman into the back of the cab.] Cabbie: Ok, where to? Rigor: Hmmm.... Good question. I know how about Las Vegas? Cabbie: Las Vegas? Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how far that is? Mortis: Oh yeah. He's right. Better make it Los Angeles. Rigor: Yeah L.A. sounds good. [Rigor hands the cabbie a big wad of money. The cabbie counts it and then has a huge smile on his face.] Cabbie: California, here we come! [The taxi cab drives off.] Mortis: Damnit! I meant to ask him to bring back some Chinese food. Oh well. [cut back to the ring inside.] VM: Uh, ok, I guess this is a one on one match now. JV: I understand the weather is great in L.A. [They lock up. Tom Pho hits Hot Shot Donovan with a punch. Tom Pho kicks Hot Shot Donovan. There's a small reaction to Tom Pho. Tom Pho punches Hot Shot Donovan. Tom Pho rakes Hot Shot Donovan's face across the barbed wire. Tom Pho nails Hot Shot Donovan with a DDT. Tom Pho whips Hot Shot Donovan into the turnbuckle. Tom Pho uses a kick to the midsection on Hot Shot Donovan. Tom Pho takes Hot Shot Donovan down with an elbowsmash.] VM: Tom Pho is all over Donovan who is filling in for Equalizer who could not wrestle due to his suspension. [Tom Pho nails Hot Shot Donovan with a kick to the head. Hot Shot Donovan bumps into Mark Matarese. Tom Pho nails Hot Shot Donovan with a clothesline. Tom Pho hits Hot Shot Donovan with a punch. Tom Pho chops Hot Shot Donovan. A few fans are cheering on Tom Pho. Tom Pho punches Hot Shot Donovan. A few fans are cheering on Tom Pho. Tom Pho punches Hot Shot Donovan.] VM: We are yet to see any offense from the reigning American Champ. JV: What are you talking about? What about that tackle on Matarese? [Tom Pho hits Hot Shot Donovan with an elbowsmash. Tom Pho goes for a kick to the midsection, but Hot Shot Donovan blocks it. Hot Shot Donovan hits a jawbreaker on Tom Pho. Hot Shot Donovan throws Tom Pho out of the ring. Hot Shot Donovan goes through the ropes. Hot Shot Donovan hits Tom Pho with a dropkick.] VM: Donovan finally comes alive and he takes it outside. JV: Always a mistake against a Toughman champ. [Hot Shot Donovan nails Tom Pho with a swinging neckbreaker. Tom Pho is busted wide open.] VM: Blood now dripping from the back of Pho's head. [Hot Shot Donovan whips Tom Pho into the guardrail. Hot Shot Donovan reenters the ring. Tom Pho follows him back in. Mark Matarese is back on the job. Hot Shot Donovan goes for a tiger suplex, but Tom Pho blocks it. Tom Pho takes Hot Shot Donovan down with a kick to the thigh. Tom Pho punches Hot Shot Donovan. A few fans are cheering on Tom Pho. Hot Shot Donovan chops Tom Pho. Tom Pho kicks Hot Shot Donovan. Hot Shot Donovan kicks Tom Pho.] VM: And Donovan doesn't want to get into a kickboxing fight with Pho. Pho did win several kickboxing titles in the Philippines. [There's a small reaction to Hot Shot Donovan. Tom Pho nails Hot Shot Donovan with a bodyslam. Tom Pho goes for a spin kick, but Hot Shot Donovan counters it with a duck-down move. Hot Shot Donovan kicks Tom Pho. There's a small reaction to Hot Shot Donovan. Hot Shot Donovan kicks Tom Pho. A small "Hot Shot Donovan" chant is being started. Hot Shot Donovan scrapes Tom Pho's face across the barbed wire.] VM: The barbed wire not cutting up Pho's forehead. JV: Well we gotta make up for the lack of blood in the previous matches. [Hot Shot Donovan executes a back suplex on Tom Pho. Hot Shot Donovan grinds Tom Pho's face across the barbed wire. Hot Shot Donovan uses a flying dropkick on Tom Pho. Hot Shot Donovan goes for a gutwrench suplex, but Tom Pho blocks it. Tom Pho scrapes Hot Shot Donovan's face across the barbed wire. Tom Pho scrapes Hot Shot Donovan's face across the barbed wire. Hot Shot Donovan is busted wide open.] VM: I understand there is yet more problems in the back. Let's see what's happening. [Cut to a shot in the locker rooms. Flash is grabbing every single box he can find. He opens it up and puts it into a wagon, which already has like 50 boxes in it. He continues to tear apart the locker rooms looking for more boxes.] VM: What on Earth was he doing? JV: This is Flash were talking about. No one ever knows what he is doing. The guy attacked his own partner for gods sakes. [Hot Shot Donovan is bleeding like a faucet. Tom Pho hits Hot Shot Donovan with a piledriver. Tom Pho takes Hot Shot Donovan down with a spin kick. Tom Pho rakes Hot Shot Donovan's face across the barbed wire.] JV: You get the feeling Donovan is really pissed at Equalizer right now for getting himself suspended? [Tom Pho goes for a superkick, but Hot Shot Donovan counters it with a duck-down move. Hot Shot Donovan scrapes Tom Pho's face across the barbed wire. Hot Shot Donovan takes Tom Pho down with a belly-to-belly suplex. Hot Shot Donovan gives the sign for the Hot Kick. Hot Shot Donovan goes for the Hot Kick, but Tom Pho counters it with a duck-down move.] JV: And that's why you don't tell your opponent what you're going to do. You don't see football teams telling the other team what play they're going to run. [Tom Pho is getting a good reaction from the crowd. Tom Pho nails Hot Shot Donovan with a clothesline. Tom Pho goes for a bodyslam, but Hot Shot Donovan blocks it. Hot Shot Donovan nails Tom Pho with an inverted atomic drop. Flash comes down to the ring pulling along the wagon filled with empty boxes.] VM: Now what? This evening just gets stranger and stranger. [Flash goes over to the time keeper's table and wrestles the Toughman belt away from the timekeeper. He then bites down on the belt.] Flash: Ow! I think I chipped a tooth! [Flash then walks off with the Toughman belt, pulling the wagon behind him.] VM: I feel like this is an episode of the twilight zone. We had a guy attack his partner, go around pulling a red wagon filled with empty boxes, try to eat a title belt, we had another man catch on fire, another guy was kidnapped and shipped off to Los Angeles. JV: And the show's not even over yet. [Hot Shot Donovan scrapes Tom Pho's face across the barbed wire. Hot Shot Donovan nails Tom Pho with a dropkick. Tom Pho uses a kick to the head on Hot Shot Donovan. Tom Pho executes a clothesline on Hot Shot Donovan.] JV: It's a shame Sandman couldn't be here. I would've like to have seen him in the match. [Tom Pho executes a punch on Hot Shot Donovan. Tom Pho goes for neck-scissors, but Hot Shot Donovan counters it with a duck-down move. Tom Pho takes Hot Shot Donovan down with neck-scissors. Tom Pho hits Hot Shot Donovan with a flying lariat. Tom Pho grinds Hot Shot Donovan's face across the barbed wire.] VM: He was here! The Living Dead kidnapped him! JV: Kidnap is such a strong word. They merely gave him a free trip to L.A. [Tom Pho takes Hot Shot Donovan down with a punch. Tom Pho hits Hot Shot Donovan with a kick to the midsection. Trisha Deneke throws Hot Shot Donovan the high heel shoe, but Tom Pho intercepts it. Tom Pho hits Hot Shot Donovan with it and goes for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, three.] VM: Pho nails Donovan right in the temple with Trisha's high heeled shoe and gets the three count. JV: Trisha needs to work on her over hand toss. That went right to Pho. ["Look Into My Eyes" starts to play. The crowd is responding to Tom Pho.] DC: The winner is Tom Pho!! In a time of 6:52! [Tom Pho then notices that his title belt is missing, and yes Tom, it really is gone this time, and then goes running off to the locker rooms.] VM: Well thank god we only have one match to go. We'll be right back after these messages. ----------- Commercials for ATW, TT, and Birthday Blast. BTW, I had the wonderful opportunity to meet George "The Animal" Steele last night. Pat & I went out to a minor league wrestling show in Baltimore hoping to get some work. A mutual friend of ours made it on, but no luck for us. Anyways, we're back there in the locker rooms along with Steele. Now to show how differently Pat and I think. Pat's there trying to convince George to do a show for CPW (the other league we work for) but I go up to him and say "Hey, loved ya in Ed Wood." anyways, there's my story. Ready for the final match? I thought so. ----------- VM: All right welcome back. There is no way this evening can get any stranger. JV: I don't know, we're about to see Flash and Gods Tears team up after Flash nailed GT on the head with a chair. DC: All right, it's time for our main event. The following match is for the SWF Tag Team Titles. ["Sleep When I'm Dead" by Bon Jovi blares] Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 536 pounds, here are the SWF Tag Team Champions, The Living Dead!! [Rigor and Mortis come out. They make their way to the ring only to get booed by the crowd. They enter the ring and the music dies down. "Hair Of The Dog" by Nazareth starts to play.] DC: And their opponents, weighing in at a combined weight of 574 pounds, here are Flash and...[Flash comes running down to the ring and cuts of Drew Carey and grabs the microphone.] Flash: Ladies and gentlemen, my partner Gods Tears could not be here tonight. Therefore, I would like to introduce to you the man who is soon to be one half of the new tag team champions of the world.... straight out of Detroit..... HELL HOUND!!!! [Hell Hound comes down to the ring. The crowd boos loudly.] VM: I was wrong. Things can get stranger. The SWF rookie, Hell Hound, who we saw just manhandle Time Warp earlier is now Flash's partner. JV: And can you imagine what would happen if Hell Hound & Flash win those belts tonight. VM: Well, I can't see Flash getting any stranger, so maybe it would be a good thing. [Flash uses a punch on Rigor. Flash hits Rigor with a brain buster. Flash hits an atomic drop on Rigor. Flash goes for a backspin DDT, but Rigor blocks it. Rigor goes for a piledriver, but Flash counters it with a backdrop. Flash takes Rigor down with an inverted power bomb.] VM: I will say that Flash is off to a very fast start. JV: And don't forget, because the Dead lost due to disqualification last week, the titles can changes hands on a DQ or countout now. [Flash goes for a stomp, but Rigor counters it with a roll away. Rigor nails Flash with a spinebuster slam. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, shoulder up. A small "Rigor" chant is being started. Rigor tags out to Mortis. Mortis and Rigor hit Flash with a double low blow.] JV: That was a public service to all of America. [Rigor leaves the ring. Mortis goes for a figure-four sleeper, but Flash blocks it. Flash whips Mortis into the turnbuckle. Flash charges into the corner. Flash executes a choke slam on Mortis. Mortis catches Flash in a chokehold. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, three, four. Mortis whips Flash into the ropes, but Flash reverses it. Mortis hits Flash with a shoulderblock. Mortis uses a fist to the midsection on Flash. Mortis nails Flash with a low blow.] VM: Flash is having a little bit of trouble. He needs to tag out to the biker. JV: I'm sure Flash wants to be win this by himself to rub it into Gods Tears. [Mortis uses a rana on Flash. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, shoulder up. A small "Mortis" chant is being started. Mortis hits a DDT on Flash. Mortis is going for the pin. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout. Gods Tears starts to walk down the aisle.] VM: Here comes trouble Gods Tears is making his way to the ring. And you know he want's revenge. [Mortis goes for a springboard rana, but Flash counters it with a power bomb. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout. Flash see Gods Tears. Flash leaves the ring.] VM: Flash is now going after Gods Tears. JV: And Hell Hound is yelling at him to get back in the ring. Flash is still the legal man. [Flash and Gods Tears are yelling at each other. Meanwhile, Ceigersmidt is counting.] VM: If Flash doesn't get back in the ring, this match is over. [Flash and Gods Tears are still yelling at each other.] DC: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners, by way of count out, The Living Dead!! In a time of 4:15! [Flash instantly turns around and realizes what he has done. He turns back to Gods Tears. Gods Tears just smiles and walks away. Gods Tears starts beating himself for the stupid mistake and Hell Hound comes over and yells at him some too.] VM: Gods Tears just cost Flash a chance to win the tag titles. JV: Well flash tried to screw GT, so GT screwed harder. VM: Fans, we are out of time. You can see us this Thursday as we will be filling in on Around The World. So long! [Fade to black]