[Camera pans to the outside of the arena as a Black Limo pulls up with Shhh on the license plates. Behind him is Sandman's hearse. Mr. Jones opens the door of the Limo and out steps Mr. Shhh and Shoko. Sandman nd Michelle as soon at their side. Dean Oberman enters the shot and addresses the camera.] DO: Well the World Champion and the Toughman Champion are about to enter the building. Let's see if we can get a few words from them before they get inside. [David Storm, Brian Christian, Mr. Meteorite #69, and Biggie Z start to exit the door and stop in mid step. From behind them, Pagan pushes his way through moving right into Mr. Shhh's face. David Storm pats Pagan on the back.] DO: Looks like we may have trouble as Pagan and his flock have exited the building and are now in the way of Shhh and Company. [Pagan and Mr. Shhh start yelling at each other. Pagan suddenly pulls out a chain and hits Mr. Shhh with it. Mr. Shhh is busted open above his right eye.] DO: Oh my!! Pagan just nailed Shhh right in the face with that steel chain. [Shhh nails Pagan over the head with the gold cane. Shhh and Pagan tangle up and start rolling around the ground while throwing punches at each other. Sandman starts to come over but Mr. Meteorite #69 nails him with a clothesline.] DO: Sandman had tried to come over to help but Moon Do..uh Mr. Meteorite took him down and now those two are going at it. [Sandman nails Mr. Meteorite #69 with a roundhouse right. Mr. Shhh and Pagan are still on the ground exchanging punches. Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith charge David Storm and Brian Christian who get leveled by the two bodyguards.] DO: All hell has broken loose! We need to get security out here before someone is seriously hurt. [Biggie Z tries to pull Mr. Jones off of Brian Christian. Security personnel start to enter the scene and try to break up the fight. Several of the security guards get pushed away. Finally, enough security personnel arrive to break up all of the fights. Security tries to restrain the two sides as Mr. Shhh and Pagan continue to yell at each other.] DO: I do not know what is going on between these two former friends, but let me tell you, there is definitely some bad blood between them. And if something isn't done soon, we could very well have a homicide on our hands. Don't go away, Around The World is next. [Screen fades up to an orbital shot of the Earth as "Dancin' In The Streets" by David Bowie and Mick Jagger plays. The camera zooms into the earth and then finally starts to dissolve to a shot of Mr. Roboto practicing kendo in a dojo on Mount Fuji. Fade to a shot of Sven Pieterson yodeling in the mountains of sweden. Fade to a shot of Panzer Sturm and Fraulein Domina standing outside of their castle in Germany. Then dissolve to a shot of "Tiger" Tom Pho practicing his martial arts in the jungles of the Phillipines. Fade to a shot of Artful Dodger pickpocketing a pedestrian in front of Big Ben in London. Fade to a shot of Sean McKenzie and Lady Jezebel playing golf in the highlands of Scotland. Dissolve to a shot of Giant Killer walking the frozen Tundra of Greenland. Dissolve to a shot of Equalizer standing in front of Niagara falls and finally dissolve to a shot of the Rock 'n Roll Animal standing in front of the Rock 'n Roll Hall Of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio, USA. The screen then dissolves to an interior shot of the L.A. Forum. The scene the fades to a shot of Corporal Punishment sitting by himself at the broadcast desk.] CP: [looks around for a few seconds.] Looks like it's just me tonight. Well in that case, let me tell you how the Third World Order is going to take over this fed... We're going to start off by winn... [Dean Oberman comes running in.] CP: Damn. You're here. DO: Sorry I'm late. The commotion outside was just chaotic. Never before have I seen two people go at it like that. CP: Yeah yeah. Who cares? You interrupted my speech about how the T.w.O. is going to take over this fed. DO: So, how did your title match go? CP: Conspiracy!! Never before have I seen such an incompetent ref. I must've had him pinned for a 5 count dozens of times. But that damn ref with his snail's pace count. But as soon Headhunter tries to pin me, he has a count faster than the speed of light. Frenck will do anything to prevent the T.w.O. from winning a belt. DO: You don't say. Anyways, we got a great line up for you. CP: Don't brush me off like that. DO: Sure. Whatever. We'll see the debut of former SWF commentator, Captain Canuck. CP: I'm twice the announcer he ever was. DO: We'll also see The Judge and the Artful Dodger in competition tonight. And in our main event, Doug Bacon will meet Rigor of the Living Dead. CP: And their careers are definitely dead. DO: Let's go up to Rick Ascott for our first set of introductions. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is scheduled for one fall. ["Monster Mash" by Bobby Pickett starts to play.] Introducing first, from Dusseldorf, Germany, weighing in at 300 pounds, here is Monster Mark!! [Monster Mark emerges from the entrance and makes his way to the ring. The crowd boos loudly.] CP: All right! Let's hear it for my main man Mark! [Monster Mark enters the ring as the music fades out and "Rock & Roll Ain't Noise Pollution" by AC/DC starts to play.] RA: And his opponent, from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 233 pounds, here is Mark "Captain Canuck" Thomas!! [Canuck emerges from the entrance carrying a Canadian flag and a Revolution flag. The crowd cheers him on.] CP: Well isn't that special. He had a Revolution flag made. You know, the T.w.O. is so great that we don't need no stinking flag. DO: Except maybe a white one. CP: What was that? DO: And there's the bell. [They lock up. Monster Mark whips Captain Canuck into the ropes, but Captain Canuck reverses it. Monster Mark hits Captain Canuck with a clothesline. Monster Mark whips Captain Canuck into the ropes, but Captain Canuck reverses it. Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with a shoulderblock.] DO: Mark still on his feet after that shoulderblock. CP: Well look at the size difference between these two. Canuck doesn't have a prayer. [Captain Canuck goes for a European uppercut, but Monster Mark blocks it. Monster Mark whips Captain Canuck into the ropes. Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with a clothesline. Monster Mark falls out of the ring. Mark Matarese counts: one, two, three, four, five, six, Monster Mark reenters the ring.] DO: And that huge clothesline knocks Monster Mark out of the ring. [Captain Canuck yells "Are we having fun yet?".] CP: Not until you leave! [A small "Captain Canuck" chant is being started. Captain Canuck goes for a bow-and-arrow submission, but Monster Mark blocks it. Monster Mark hits a legsweep on Captain Canuck. Monster Mark uses an inverted atomic drop on Captain Canuck. Monster Mark locks Captain Canuck in a cobra clutch. Captain Canuck reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds. Monster Mark goes for a kick to the midsection, but Captain Canuck blocks it. Captain Canuck goes for a DDT, but Monster Mark counters it with a kneebar.] DO: Excellent counter there by Monster Mark. CP: And look at Thomas squirming. He's in pain! Hahaha! I love it! [Captain Canuck is struggling to reach the ropes. Captain Canuck is inching his way towards the ropes.] CP: Now there's one thing I don't understand about Canuck. "Canuck" is a derogatory term. Why on earth would he use that for his nick name Dean? DO: Well, I... CP: I mean that would be like you entering wrestling and calling yourself Brother Baldy. [Captain Canuck tries to fight the pain. Captain Canuck reaches the ropes after being trapped for 30 seconds.] DO: The Captain finally able to reach the ropes. CP: I'll have you know he's not a real captain either. He's draft dodger even. [Monster Mark goes for a choke against the ropes, but Captain Canuck blocks it. Captain Canuck nails Monster Mark with a low blow.] CP: Cheap shot!! DQ him ref! [Captain Canuck takes Monster Mark down with a dropkick. Captain Canuck goes for a dropkick, but Monster Mark counters it with a side step. The crowd is going crazy. Monster Mark goes for a back heel kick, but Captain Canuck blocks it. Captain Canuck hits a clothesline on Monster Mark. Captain Canuck executes an enzuigiri on Monster Mark.] DO: Canuck all over the big man. CP: Don't worry, he'll blow it. DO: I had no doubts that Monster Mark would blow it. CP: Not him you idiot! Canuck! [Captain Canuck nails Monster Mark with an enzuigiri. Captain Canuck yells "Are we having fun yet?".] CP: [The crowd is really behind Captain Canuck. Captain Canuck whips Monster Mark into the ropes. Captain Canuck goes for an Asai moonsault, but Monster Mark counters it with a Tombstone. The crowd is going crazy.] CP: That's right! Drill his head into the mat!! [Monster Mark uses a Hotshot on Captain Canuck. Monster Mark hits Captain Canuck with an enzuilariato. Monster Mark hits a kneeling headbutt on Captain Canuck. Monster Mark is going for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout.] DO: Only a two count there. CP: Another slow count. That had to be at least an eight count. [Monster Mark takes Captain Canuck down with a fist to the midsection. Captain Canuck nails Monster Mark with an enzuigiri. Captain Canuck executes an enzuigiri on Monster Mark.] CP: Damn enzuigiris. [The crowd is really behind Captain Canuck. Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with a dropkick. The crowd is going crazy. Captain Canuck whips Monster Mark into the ropes. Captain Canuck misses with an elbow. Captain Canuck hits a chop on Monster Mark. Captain Canuck takes Monster Mark down with a chop. Captain Canuck whips Monster Mark into the ropes. Monster Mark misses with an elbow. Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with an elbow.] DO: Canuck again all over Monster Mark. CP: Don't let the family down Mark. [Captain Canuck is going for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, shoulder up. Captain Canuck executes a moonsault on Monster Mark. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, in the ropes...] DO: 2 very near pins there. CP: Of course they were. Did you see how fast Matarese was counting there? DO: That count was the same speed as all of the other counts. Including the ones when Monster Mark was going for the pin. [Monster Mark hits a double-axhandle chop on Captain Canuck. Monster Mark gets a full nelson on Captain Canuck. Captain Canuck reaches the ropes after being trapped for 9 seconds. Monster Mark whips Captain Canuck into the ropes, but Captain Canuck reverses it. Monster Mark hits Captain Canuck with a backdrop. Monster Mark nails Captain Canuck with a short lariat. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, shoulder up.] CP: I still say that was a bit slow. By the way, did you notice that everyone in the ring is named Mark? DO: Yes but I didn't feel it was worthy of being mentioned. [Monster Mark is getting a good reaction from the crowd. Monster Mark hits Captain Canuck with a back heel kick. Monster Mark hits Captain Canuck with a swinging neckbreaker. Monster Mark executes the Monster Mash on Captain Canuck.] DO: Monster Mark just stomped all over Canuck!! CP: Time to play Taps. [The crowd is going crazy. Monster Mark goes for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, in the ropes...] CP: What?!?! No!! Robbery! That was a three count. Canuck didn't get his foot in the ropes in time. This match should be over!! DO: Stop your whining. [Monster Mark catches Captain Canuck in a sleeperhold. Captain Canuck breaks the hold with a jawbreaker after 10 seconds. Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with an Asai moonsault. Mark Matarese counts: One, kickout. Captain Canuck has the crowd going wild. Captain Canuck goes for a dropkick, but Monster Mark counters it with a side step. Monster Mark is going for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout.] CP: Again! How long will these injustices go on? I demand Justice! Where's The Judge? I know he's backstage somewhere. [Monster Mark whips Captain Canuck into the ropes. Captain Canuck and Monster Mark get hit with a double clothesline. Captain Canuck hits a chop on Monster Mark. Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with a low blow.] CP: And another cheap shot. You know that if it was one of us doing that we'd be DQ'd by now. DO: Please, you guys use those tactics more than anyone else. CP: I resent that remark. [Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with an enzuigiri. The crowd is behind Captain Canuck all the way. Captain Canuck uses an Asai moonsault on Monster Mark. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout. Captain Canuck whips Monster Mark into the ropes, but Monster Mark reverses it. Captain Canuck bumps into Mark Matarese.] CP: And now he tackles the ref. This is not right. DO: That was an accident and you know it. [Captain Canuck and Monster Mark get hit with a double clothesline. Captain Canuck uses a chop on Monster Mark. Mark Matarese is back on the job. Captain Canuck chops Monster Mark. The chants for Captain Canuck are deafening. Captain Canuck punches Monster Mark.] CP: Look at that! Closed fist! And still Matarese doesn't do anything. [Captain Canuck goes for a clothesline, but Monster Mark counters it with an armbar submission. Captain Canuck breaks the hold after 8 seconds. Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with a clothesline.] DO: And Mark stays on his feet after that massive clothesline. CP: If it was massive, Mark wouldn't be on his feet. [Monster Mark goes for a Hotshot, but Captain Canuck counters it with a lariat. Captain Canuck goes for an Asai moonsault, but Monster Mark counters it with a Tombstone. The crowd is going into a frenzy.] CP: See what happens when you go for a move too often, DO: Well he hasn't figured out to duck the enzuigiris yet. [Monster Mark takes Captain Canuck down with a back heel kick. Monster Mark whips Captain Canuck into the ropes. Monster Mark hits Captain Canuck with a clothesline. Captain Canuck falls out of the ring. Mark Matarese counts: one, two, three, four, five, six, Captain Canuck reenters the ring.] CP: C'mon!! That was well past a ten count. Where do I go to file a complaint? DO: President Frenck's office. Then you have to go to the unemployment line after that. [Monster Mark whips Captain Canuck into the ropes. Captain Canuck misses with an elbow. Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with a clothesline. Monster Mark falls out of the ring. Captain Canuck goes through the ropes. Captain Canuck whips Monster Mark into the guardrail. Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with a DDT.] CP: Break it up ref! DO: If it was Mark on top of Canuck, you'd be cheering him on. CP: What's your point? [Mark Matarese counts: 1. Mark Matarese counts: 2. Mark Matarese counts: 3. Captain Canuck reenters the ring. Monster Mark follows him back in. Captain Canuck hits an Asai moonsault on Monster Mark. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, in the ropes...] CP: Matarese scared me with that one. Mark had his foot under the rope before he even started counting. [Monster Mark uses a lariat on Captain Canuck. Monster Mark locks Captain Canuck in a choke against the ropes. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, three, four. Monster Mark uses a lariat on Captain Canuck. The crowd is going into a frenzy. Monster Mark executes an avalanche on Captain Canuck.] CP: That's it Mark!! Kick his butt. DO: Just like Headhunter kicked yours? CP: Conspiracy I tell you. [Captain Canuck runs into the ropes. Captain Canuck misses with an elbow. Captain Canuck nails Monster Mark with a dropkick. Monster Mark catches Captain Canuck in a cobra clutch. Captain Canuck reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds. Monster Mark hits an elbowdrop on Captain Canuck. Monster Mark runs into the ropes. Captain Canuck hits Monster Mark with a clothesline. Captain Canuck takes Monster Mark down with a chop. Monster Mark throws Captain Canuck out of the ring.] CP: Did you see the way Mark just picked him up with ease and threw out Canuck? And it looks like Canuck is hurt bad. Guess it's going to be a countout. [Mark Matarese counts: one, Captain Canuck reenters the ring.] CP: Doh! [Monster Mark goes for a short lariat, but Captain Canuck blocks it. Captain Canuck hits an enzuigiri on Monster Mark. Captain Canuck whips Monster Mark into the ropes. Captain Canuck executes a chop on Monster Mark. Captain Canuck nails Monster Mark with a dropkick. Captain Canuck gives the sign for the Incredible Drop. Captain Canuck executes the Incredible Drop on Monster Mark.] CP: Noooo!!!! DO: Flying scissors kick off the top rope! And here's the cover! [A few fans are cheering on Captain Canuck. Captain Canuck goes for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, three.] CP: No! That count was way too fast! DO: There was nothing wrong with that count. There's a reason why Matarese is the Head referee. CP: Yeah, to screw us over. RA: The winner is Captain Canuck!! In a time of 11:11! DO: An impressive win by Captain Canuck. CP: The only thing impressive was the fact that Matarese could keep a straight face as he screwed Monster Mark out of a sure win. DO: Say what you will. We have to take a commercial break. We'll be right back. ------------- Commercials for TT, Slaughterhouse, and Beach Brawl. ------------- DO: Welcome back to the... CP: "Screw the T.w.O." show. But that's alright. As long as I'm announcing, I can preach the evils of the SWF. DO: Well then you don't have much time as we have another set of announcers coming in next week. CP: What? You mean I'm not going to be announcing anymore? DO: Afraid not. CP: I speak the truth about the SWF and they respond by pulling me off the air. Fine. But my message lives on. Fight the power! Don't give into the establishment! DO: Uh.....ok. Let's go to our next match. RA: The following match is scheduled for one fall. ["Sirius" by Alan Parsons Project starts to play.] Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by his manager, Sapphire, from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 265 pounds, here is Duke "The Dream" Diamond!! [Duke and Sapphire emerge from the entrance. The crowd doesn't seem to care.] CP: Hey all right! It's "The Dweeb"! [They enter the ring as the music fades down and "I Shot The Sheriff" by Eric Clapton starts to play.] RA: And his opponent, being led to the ring by his manager, The Bailiff, from Canada, weighing in at 295 pounds, here is The Judge!! [The two emerge from the entrance and make their way to the ring. The crowd boos loudly.] CP: Remind me to talk to The Judge about hearing my case against the SWF officials after the show. DO: I'll be sure to do that. Both men are in the ring. Sean Ceigersmidt is the referee and there's the bell. [They lock up. Duke Diamond nails The Judge with a bridging back suplex. Both men's shoulders are on the mat. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, shoulder up. Duke Diamond goes for a spinning toe hold, but The Judge counters it with a small package. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, shoulder up.] DO: Both men with pin attempts right away. [The Judge goes for a forearm smash, but Duke Diamond blocks it. Duke Diamond hits The Judge with a jumping DDT. The crowd is cheering on Duke Diamond. Duke Diamond locks The Judge in an octopus hold. The Judge is struggling to reach the ropes. The Judge reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds. Duke Diamond puts The Judge in an octopus hold. The Judge reaches the ropes after being trapped for 8 seconds.] CP: So what exactly what do we know about "The Dweeb"? DO: You mean Duke "The Dream" Diamond? CP: He ain't my dream. [Duke Diamond hits The Judge with a dragon suplex. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, shoulder up. The crowd is really behind Duke Diamond. Duke Diamond takes The Judge down with a waistlock suplex. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, kickout. Duke Diamond runs his hands through his hair.] DO: well he's been a veteran in many other leagues, however he is yet to get his first win here in the SWF. [There are lots of chants for Duke Diamond. The Judge uses a DDT on Duke Diamond. The crowd is cheering on The Judge. The Judge goes for the Death Sentence, but Duke Diamond counters it with a palm blow.] DO: The Judge tried to go for that modified Tiger driver there but Duke put a stop to that. [Duke Diamond kicks The Judge. Duke Diamond chops The Judge. The crowd is responding to Duke Diamond. The Judge chops Duke Diamond. Duke Diamond chops The Judge. Duke Diamond chops The Judge. Duke Diamond punches The Judge.] CP: Wow. Just look at that huge variety of moves this guy knows. He must know almost as much as Bill Goldberg. [Duke Diamond nails The Judge with a waistlock suplex. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout. Duke Diamond goes for an octopus hold, but The Judge blocks it. The Judge goes for a headbutt, but Duke Diamond blocks it. Duke Diamond throws The Judge out of the ring. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: one, two, three, four, five, The Judge reenters the ring. Duke Diamond uses a jumping DDT on The Judge.] DO: Right now Duke is all over Judge. [Duke Diamond attempts to place The Judge on the turnbuckle, but The Judge blocks it. Duke Diamond goes for a neck snap, but The Judge blocks it. The Judge goes for a short clothesline, but Duke Diamond counters it with a duck-down move. Duke Diamond goes for a kneebreaker, but The Judge counters it with an elbowsmash. Duke Diamond locks The Judge in a standing wristlock. The Judge is valiantly trying to break the hold.] CP: C'mon Judge! You can grab those ropes. Don't let the Dweeb beat you. [The Judge reaches the ropes after being trapped for 12 seconds. Duke Diamond hits The Judge. A few fans are cheering on Duke Diamond.] CP: Hey, I see Duke brought his family. [The Judge punches Duke Diamond. A small "The Judge" chant is being started. The Judge chops Duke Diamond. The Judge hits Duke Diamond. The Judge executes a flying bulldog on Duke Diamond. Duke Diamond nails The Judge with a short clothesline. Duke Diamond runs his hands through his hair.] CP: Now, I forget. Is Duke Bo or Luke? DO: Uhhh....Neither. CP: Coy or Vance from the replacement season? [A small "Duke Diamond" chant is being started. Duke Diamond goes for the Bad Dream, but The Judge counters it with a kick to the head. There are lots of chants for The Judge. Duke Diamond begs off. The Judge uses a European uppercut on Duke Diamond. The Judge locks Duke Diamond in a double chickenwing submission. Duke Diamond tries to escape the hold. The Judge lets go after 13 seconds.] CP: The court had mercy on his soul. [The Judge whips Duke Diamond into the turnbuckle. The Judge charges into the corner, but Duke Diamond moves out of the way. The crowd is cheering on Duke Diamond. Duke Diamond takes The Judge down with a spinning mule kick. The crowd is cheering on Duke Diamond. Duke Diamond nails The Judge with a backspin DDT. The crowd is cheering on Duke Diamond. Duke Diamond nails The Judge with a frog splash. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, kickout.] CP: The Judge just isn't with it today. [Duke Diamond is getting a good reaction from the crowd. Duke Diamond goes for a waistlock suplex, but The Judge counters it with an elbowsmash. Duke Diamond puts The Judge in an octopus hold. The Judge reaches the ropes after being trapped for 7 seconds. Duke Diamond goes for a backspin DDT, but The Judge blocks it. The Judge goes for a palm blow, but Duke Diamond blocks it. Duke Diamond chops The Judge. Duke Diamond punches The Judge. The crowd is cheering on Duke Diamond.] DO: The Judge is unable to get any offense in against Duke Diamond. CP: You know what they call Duke when he plays golf? DO: I'm afraid to ask. CP: Diamond in the Rough!! Get it? Because he's so bad that he's always in the rough? DO: Thank god this is our last week together. [The Judge hits Duke Diamond. The Judge punches Duke Diamond. A small "The Judge" chant is being started. Duke Diamond chops The Judge. Duke Diamond hits The Judge. The crowd is cheering on Duke Diamond. Duke Diamond whips The Judge into the ropes. Duke Diamond nails The Judge with a spinning mule kick. Duke Diamond goes for a backspin DDT, but The Judge blocks it. The Judge uses a Tombstone on Duke Diamond. The crowd is responding to The Judge. The Judge nails Duke Diamond with a DDT.] DO: The Judge is coming back and it looks like he's setting up for the Death Sentence again. [A small "The Judge" chant is being started. The Judge executes the Death Sentence on Duke Diamond. A small "The Judge" chant is being started. The Judge goes for the pin. Sean Ceigersmidt counts: One, two, three.] CP: Time to bury the Dweeb. [The chants for The Judge are deafening.] RA: The winner is The Judge!! In a time of 7:13! DO: Nice showing by the Judge. Fans don't go away, we still have two more matches for you tonight. --------------- More commercials. While I'm typing this, you should all go to the bathroom, get yourself a snack, see what's on the other channels, etc. --------------- DO: Welcome back to Around The World. Broadcasting live from Los Angeles, California. CP: Where the smog s so think, you cut it with a knife. DO: Let's go to our next match. CP: Can we not, and just say that we did? DO: No. CP: Damn. RA: The following match is scheduled for one fall. ["Walking On The Sun" by Smashmouth starts to play.] Introducing first, being led to the ring by his manager, Ziggy Mour, from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, weighing in at 333 pounds, here is "Biggie Z" Zack Adams!! [Biggie Z and Ziggy emerge from the entrance and make their way to the ring. The crowd gives a mixed reaction. Mostly boos for his association with David Storm and Brian Christian. Zack enters the ring as the music dies down and "Fire It Up" by Busta Rhymes starts to play.] RA: And his opponent, being led to the ring by his manager, Westminister, from London, England, weighing in at 178 pounds, here is The Artful Dodger!! [Artful Dodger and Westminister emerge from the entrance and make their way to the ring. The crowd boos loudly.] DO: Corporal, who do you like in this match? CP: Well Tranzor Z has the obvious size advantage. He's a good foot taller and almost twice the weight of Brooklyn Dodger. And while it's possible for a smaller man to win, I think Dodger is just to small. DO: Well I think Dodger has what it takes. CP: Figures. You midgets always stay together. [They lock up. Biggie Z goes for a jack-knife power bomb, but The Artful Dodger blocks it. The Artful Dodger nails Biggie Z with a DDT. The Artful Dodger goes for a DDT, but Biggie Z backdrops The Artful Dodger out of the ring.] CP: Mistake 1. He went for the same move back to back. Mistake 2. He bothered to show up. [Biggie Z goes through the ropes. Biggie Z goes for a jack-knife power bomb, but The Artful Dodger counters it with a backdrop. Scott Thomas counts: 1. The Artful Dodger reenters the ring. Biggie Z follows him back in. The Artful Dodger goes for the STF, but Biggie Z counters it with a small package. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.] DO: Only a two count. Now Biggie Z was one of the men involved in the brawl earlier on tonight. So it's possible he's not 100%. [Biggie Z uses a power bomb on The Artful Dodger. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout. A small "Biggie Z" chant is being started. Biggie Z takes The Artful Dodger down with a punch. Biggie Z goes for a piledriver, but The Artful Dodger counters it with a backdrop.] CP: Dodger is going to pull a muscle if he keeps doing those backdrops. [The Artful Dodger gets a cobra clutch on Biggie Z. The Artful Dodger lets go after 11 seconds. The Artful Dodger hits Biggie Z with a ropeburn. The Artful Dodger hits a Northern Lights suplex on Biggie Z. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.] DO: Oh my! I thought Hardrock, I mean Biggie Z was going to nail him with a DDT, but somehow Dodger managed to execute that Suplex on the big man. [The Artful Dodger has the crowd going wild. The Artful Dodger struts across the ring. The Artful Dodger has the crowd going wild. The Artful Dodger runs into the ropes. Biggie Z hits The Artful Dodger with a kick. Biggie Z nails The Artful Dodger with a flying forearm. Scott Thomas counts: One, kickout.] CP: That's what happens if you start showing off for the crowd. [Biggie Z is getting a good reaction from the crowd. Biggie Z puts The Artful Dodger in a cobra clutch. The Artful Dodger is struggling to reach the ropes. The Artful Dodger is valiantly trying to break the hold.] DO: Biggie Z has Dodger in the cobra clutch. And he's too far away from the ropes. CP: Well a man of normal height would've been able to reach them. [The Artful Dodger tries to fight the pain. Biggie Z lets go after 24 seconds. Biggie Z executes a kneedrop on The Artful Dodger. The Artful Dodger begs off. The Artful Dodger goes for a front facelock, but Biggie Z counters it with an inverted atomic drop. Biggie Z runs into the ropes. The Artful Dodger goes for a clothesline, but Biggie Z counters it with a duck-down move. Biggie Z hits a diving elbow smash on The Artful Dodger.] CP: I don't condone this stuff, but Dodger, I got one word for you. "Steroids." [Biggie Z is getting a good reaction from the crowd. Biggie Z takes The Artful Dodger down with a dragon suplex. Scott Thomas counts: One, kickout. The crowd is really behind Biggie Z. Biggie Z hits a flying forearm on The Artful Dodger. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, kickout.] DO: Despite the fact that Biggie Z keeps on hitting Dodger, Dodger manages to kick out. [Biggie Z runs into the ropes. The Artful Dodger hits Biggie Z with an elbow. The Artful Dodger whips Biggie Z into the ropes. Biggie Z hits The Artful Dodger with a clothesline. The Artful Dodger falls out of the ring. Biggie Z goes through the ropes. Biggie Z whips The Artful Dodger into the guardrail. Biggie Z nails The Artful Dodger with a legdrop. Scott Thomas counts: 1. Scott Thomas counts: 2. Biggie Z nails The Artful Dodger with a choke slam. Scott Thomas counts: 3.] DO: Biggie Z is just manhandling Dodger. [Biggie Z throws The Artful Dodger back into the ring. Biggie Z goes for a power bomb, but The Artful Dodger blocks it. The Artful Dodger goes for a Western lariat, but Biggie Z counters it with a duck-down move. Biggie Z runs into the ropes. Biggie Z misses with a clothesline. Biggie Z misses with a clothesline. The Artful Dodger uses a clothesline on Biggie Z. The Artful Dodger whips Biggie Z into the ropes. Westminister trips Biggie Z. Scott Thomas warns Westminister.] DO: Westminister trying to help out his wrestler in anyway that he can. [The Artful Dodger goes for a Western lariat, but Biggie Z counters it with a duck-down move. Biggie Z takes The Artful Dodger down with a flying forearm. There is no referee to count. Biggie Z has the crowd going wild. Biggie Z hits a jumping DDT on The Artful Dodger. Biggie Z is going for the pin. There is no referee to count.] CP: And he really has. He's still talking to Scott Thomas who is missing all of these pin attempts. [Biggie Z throws The Artful Dodger out of the ring. Biggie Z goes through the ropes. They're brawling inside the ring area. Biggie Z whips The Artful Dodger into the guardrail. Biggie Z hits a knee to the back on The Artful Dodger.] DO: Dodger has yet to get an offensive move in on the outside. [Scott Thomas is back on the job. Biggie Z whips The Artful Dodger into the guardrail. Biggie Z knocks The Artful Dodger into the ringsteps. The crowd is behind Biggie Z all the way. Scott Thomas counts: 1. Biggie Z takes The Artful Dodger down with a flying forearm. Biggie Z whips The Artful Dodger into the guardrail.] DO: I hate to say it, but I think this match should be stopped. It's clear that Dodger doesn't have a chance against a man of Biggie Z's size. CP: Told ya. [Scott Thomas counts: 2. Biggie Z reenters the ring. The Artful Dodger follows him back in. Biggie Z catches The Artful Dodger in a figure-four leglock. The Artful Dodger is valiantly trying to break the hold.] CP: Now what is Tranzor Z doing? He can get the pin anytime he wants. But he chooses to go for the submission instead. And let me tell you, those Brits are stubborn. [The Artful Dodger's shoulders are on the mat. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, shoulder up. The Artful Dodger's shoulders are on the mat. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, shoulder up.] DO: Dodger almost getting himself pinned as he reaches back to try to grab the ropes. [The Artful Dodger reaches the ropes after being trapped for 27 seconds. The Artful Dodger whips Biggie Z into the turnbuckle. The Artful Dodger runs shoulder-first into the corner. The Artful Dodger takes Biggie Z down with an avalanche. The Artful Dodger nails Biggie Z with a stomp. The Artful Dodger runs into the ropes. Biggie Z hits The Artful Dodger with a backdrop.] DO: And just as Dodger started to get some offense going, Biggie Z puts a stop to it. CP: Well he made a mistake. He went to the ropes to get a running start. He should've just stayed on him. [Biggie Z hits a DDT on The Artful Dodger. Biggie Z is going for the pin. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, in the ropes... Both Ziggy Mour and Westminister jump up on the apron. Scott Thomas tries to send them back down.] DO: Both managers trying to get involved. And Scott Thomas tries to restore some order. [Biggie Z goes for a legdrop, but The Artful Dodger counters it with a roll away. The Artful Dodger executes a jumping neck snap on Biggie Z. The Artful Dodger goes for a Western lariat, but Biggie Z counters it with a duck-down move. Biggie Z uses a powerslam on The Artful Dodger. There is no referee to count. The Artful Dodger gouges his eyes.] DO: Dodger takes advantage of the distracted ref and rips Biggie Z's eyes out! [Scott Thomas is back on the job. There are lots of chants for The Artful Dodger. He goes for the pin. Scott Thomas counts: One, two, three. The crowd is really behind The Artful Dodger.] DO: And he manages to get the win!! CP: It was a cheap win, but it's still a win. RA: The winner is The Artful Dodger!! In a time of 8:46! CP: Unbelievable. DO: Well believe it. Dodger proves that size isn't everything. CP: You ask any female that question and they'll tell you differently. DO: We have to take a break. Don't go anywhere. Up next Rigor tries to get revenge for Equalizer. ----------------- Yup, more commercials. Perhaps I should spend my time writing commercials instead of painting those graphics of the wrestlers. ----------------- DO: Welcome back. It's time for our main event. Trinity is still trying to get revenge on Doug Bacon for his vicious attack on their leader, Equalizer. Surprisingly, we have not heard any comments from Trinity's founder, Pagan, about the attack. Nor have we heard that he is rejoining Trinity. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall. ["Sleep When I'm Dead" by Bon Jovi starts to play.] Introducing first, weighing in at 280 pounds, here is Rigor!! [Rigor emerges from the entrance and makes his way to the ring. The crowd boos loudly. He enters the ring as the music fades out and "99 Bottles Of Beer" starts to play.] RA: And his opponent, being led to the ring by his manager, Paul Von Braun, from Sudbury, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 335 pounds, here is Doug Bacon!! [Doug Bacon and Paul emerge from the entrance and make their way down to the ring. Doug is carrying his usual 6 pack with him. The crowd is cheering him on.] DO: All right. Doug tries to put away another Trinity member tonight. There's the bell. [They lock up. Rigor nails Doug Bacon with a DDT. A small "Rigor" chant is being started. Rigor takes Doug Bacon down with a bodyslam. Rigor goes for a Russian legsweep, but Doug Bacon counters it with an elbowsmash. Doug Bacon takes Rigor down with a Russian legsweep. Doug Bacon goes over to his corner and chugs down a beer. The crowd is responding to Doug Bacon.] CP: Mmmmmm.....Beer. [Doug Bacon hits Rigor with the Running Forearm Smash. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout. The crowd is cheering on Doug Bacon. Doug Bacon nails Rigor with a Northern Lights suplex. Mark Matarese counts: One, shoulder up. Doug Bacon is getting a good reaction from the crowd.] CP: Oh great. We got that damn biased ref from before. DO: Matarese is the most impartial ref we have in this league. And remember, his is an ordained minister. You're insulting a man of god there. [Doug Bacon runs into the ropes. Doug Bacon locks Rigor in an armbar submission. Rigor tries to escape the hold. Rigor tries to fight the pain. Rigor reaches the ropes after being trapped for 18 seconds.] CP: Quit the foreplay Doug. Go for the Fried Bacon. [Doug Bacon chops Rigor. There are lots of chants for Doug Bacon. Rigor hits Doug Bacon. Rigor hits Doug Bacon. A small "Rigor" chant is being started. Doug Bacon punches Rigor. Doug Bacon kicks Rigor. The crowd is cheering on Doug Bacon. Doug Bacon goes for a clawhold, but Rigor counters it with a low blow.] CP: Ooh! You might want to put a cold can of beer on that after the match. [Doug Bacon places Rigor on the turnbuckle. Doug Bacon hits Rigor with a belly-to-back superplex. Rigor whips Doug Bacon into the ropes. Rigor goes for a sleeperhold, but Doug Bacon blocks it. Doug Bacon nails Rigor with a front-layout superplex.] DO: 2 big superplexes there. CP: Damn it, if you're going to put them on the turnbuckle, just go for the Fried Bacon. [The crowd is really behind Doug Bacon. Doug Bacon takes Rigor down with the Doctor Bomb. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout. The crowd is really behind Doug Bacon. Doug Bacon goes for a Northern Lights suplex, but Rigor counters it with a DDT. In turn, Doug Bacon counters it with a backdrop. Doug Bacon hits a flying forearm on Rigor. Mark Matarese counts: One, kickout.] DO: Bacon all over Rigor. CP: Normally, Rigor would be tagging in Mortis right about now. [Doug Bacon goes for a power bomb, but Rigor blocks it. Rigor goes for a full nelson, but Doug Bacon blocks it. Doug Bacon attempts to place Rigor on the turnbuckle, but Rigor blocks it. Doug Bacon places Rigor on the turnbuckle. Doug Bacon hits Rigor with a belly-to-belly superplex. The crowd is really behind Doug Bacon. Doug Bacon goes for a spinning power bomb, but Rigor counters it with an enzuilariato. Doug Bacon uses a backdrop driver on Rigor.] DO: I think you're right Corporal. I don't think he's used to having to wrestle on his own like this. [Doug Bacon catches Rigor in a camel clutch. Rigor tries to escape the hold. Rigor reaches the ropes after being trapped for 10 seconds. Doug Bacon runs into the ropes. Doug Bacon locks Rigor in an armbar submission.] DO: Back to back submission holds. Wait a minute. What's going on? [Rock 'n Roll Animal and Jukebox Hero come down to ringside. Rigor breaks the hold after 10 seconds. Rigor goes for a sleeperhold, but Doug Bacon counters it with a jawbreaker. Animal and Jukebox start throwing buttons out into the crowd.] DO: What are they doing? CP: I think Johnny hit it right. They can't sell their Revolution stuff, so their giving it away. [Doug Bacon whips Rigor into the ropes. Rigor misses with a clothesline. Rigor nails Doug Bacon with a powerslam. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout. Animal and Jukebox come over to the broadcast booth.] Animal: How ya doin' Dean? Nice to see you Corporal. CP: What do you punks want? [The crowd is really behind Rigor. Rigor hits Doug Bacon with a Russian legsweep. Rigor executes a backbreaker on Doug Bacon. Rigor hits Doug Bacon with a powerslam. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, shoulder up.] Animal: Oh we're just giving out some free promotional buttons. Here have one. Jukebox: Show your support by wearing one of our "Headhunter: The Next World Champ" buttons. [The crowd is really behind Rigor. Rigor goes for a sleeperhold, but Doug Bacon blocks it. Doug Bacon whips Rigor into the ropes, but Rigor reverses it. Rigor executes a kick to the midsection on Doug Bacon.] CP: Tell you what Mr. Hero, why don't you go step in that ring and give one to Doug? Jukebox: Gosh darn it, you guys got the last two. CP: I'll give you mine to give to him. Jukebox: I can't let you do that. Well gotta go. Seeya! [Jukebox and Animal head back to the locker rooms. Rigor executes the Rigor Vigor on Doug Bacon. Doug Bacon is inching his way towards the ropes.] DO: Well that was odd. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Rigor has caught Doug Bacon in the Rigor Vigor. CP: Gotta love those atomic noogies. [Doug Bacon tries to escape the hold. Doug Bacon is inching his way towards the ropes. Doug Bacon is writhing in pain.] CP: And he's too far from the ropes. I think Rigor may have him here. [Mark Matarese checks Doug Bacon's arm. He lifts it... it falls. He lifts it... it falls. He lifts it... it stays up !] DO: Doug Bacon is coming back! Don't count Doug Bacon out yet. CP: I never doubted him for a second. [Doug Bacon fights his way out of the hold after 38 seconds. Doug Bacon goes for a flying forearm, but Rigor counters it with a duck-down move. Rigor executes a backbreaker on Doug Bacon. Rigor is going for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, in the ropes...] DO: Too close to the ropes. [Rigor catches Doug Bacon in an armbar submission. Doug Bacon reaches the ropes after being trapped for 8 seconds. Rigor gets a sleeperhold on Doug Bacon.] DO: Rigor doing an excellent job wearing down the former world champ. [Doug Bacon reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds. Rigor takes Doug Bacon down with a Russian legsweep. The crowd is giving Rigor a standing ovation. Rigor is going for the pin. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, thr... shoulder up.] CP: Don't scare me like that Doug. DO: Doug Bacon barely able to get his shoulder up in time. [Rigor poses for the crowd. The crowd erupts. Rigor goes for a full nelson, but Doug Bacon blocks it. Doug Bacon executes a jack-knife power bomb on Rigor. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, kickout. Doug Bacon throws Rigor out of the ring. Doug Bacon goes through the ropes.] CP: All right, this is where he's going to kick some ass. [Mark Matarese counts: 1. Doug Bacon goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Rigor blocks it. Mark Matarese counts: 2. Rigor goes for a piledriver, but Doug Bacon blocks it. Mark Matarese counts: 3. Doug Bacon knocks Rigor into the ringsteps.] DO: Headfirst into the steel ringsteps. [Doug Bacon goes for a jack-knife power bomb, but Rigor counters it with a backdrop. Mark Matarese counts: 4. Doug Bacon uses a spinning power bomb on Rigor. Doug Bacon whips Rigor into the guardrail. Mark Matarese counts: 5.] DO: Both men in danger of getting counted out. [Doug Bacon places Rigor on the guardrail. Doug Bacon executes the Fried Bacon on Rigor on the concrete floor. The crowd is going into a frenzy. Rigor is out cold.] CP: Oh yeah baby! That's what I like to see. [Doug Bacon executes a reverse neckbreaker on Rigor. Mark Matarese counts: 6. Doug Bacon whips Rigor into the guardrail. Mark Matarese counts: 7. Doug Bacon uses the Doctor Bomb on Rigor. Doug Bacon throws Rigor back into the ring.] DO: Doug finally takes it back into the ring as Mark Matarese was approaching the 8 count. [Doug Bacon gets a double chickenwing submission on Rigor. Rigor reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds. Doug Bacon uses an elbowsmash on Rigor. Doug Bacon nails Rigor with a Russian legsweep.] CP: Rigor is dead on his feet! [The crowd is going into a frenzy. Doug Bacon goes for a surfboard, but Rigor blocks it. Rigor goes for a Tombstone, but Doug Bacon blocks it. Doug Bacon uses a short lariat on Rigor. Mark Matarese counts: One, two, three. The crowd erupts.] DO: And just like that, Doug Bacon wins the match!! RA: The winner is Doug Bacon!! In a time of 10:46! CP: 2 down, 1 to go. DO: And Doug will be facing Mortis this Tuesday on Triumphant Tuesday. Anyways, we are out of time, so for...wait a minute, I've just been handed a note. Oh my! According to this note, President Brian Frenck has signed a match this Tuesday between Pagan and Mr. Shhh as a result of the incident at the beginning of the show! CP: That ought to be good. DO: Indeed. Anyways, as I was saying, we are out of time. Be sure to tune in next week and check out ATW with its new hosts. CP: What are the names of these guys anyway? DO: I don't know. All I care about is being able to go back to a decent work schedule. [fade to black]