he tried so hard to get thourgh to me so i would go meet him and i made up excuses and finally realized i needed to talk to Steve and I did and he said to go ahead with the other guy so I made my decision(the hardect fucking decision ive ever made)

I decided to forget about Steve, move on and be with Nathan.

I tried explaining to nAthan that the reason i wouldnt go meet him right away was because i was affraid of getting hurt.

it seemed to good to be true and well it was we met on thursday i decided i wanted to be with him and move on from Steve and well he dumped me last night.

Ive cryed many times before but last night was so different it was a different kind of pain.

a pain i hope noone ever fells

i cant fully explain it but it was sort of like he tested me out didnt like me and threw me away.

he said he ususally only goes out with people he knows really well. if this is so why the fuck did he make me choose between being with him and waiting for STeve!!

im not mad at him im mad at myself for letting him get to me the way he did.

i was actually starting to care alot more for him than i thought i would.

but i understand why he dumped my sorry ass, i mean i wouldnt want to be with me either.

oh well! at least i didnt sleep with him.

because that would've killed me totally.

anyways i tried calling steve last night at like 1:30 i know that is sort of late but i needed to talk so badly i was freaking out i mean nathan was dumping me on the internet of all god damn fuckingplaces!!!!

but there was no answer. i sent him an icq message asking him to call me when he got this. i hope he does cause i need someone to tell me that it isnt because im fat or ugly or stupid or dumb or retarded.... that nathan didnt want to be with me that it really was beasue of the reasons he told me.

anyways ill miss you nathan we were so good together even though we were only together for a day. we seemed so right for eachother.

oh well! serves me right for letting someone in m life that i barely know.

bye