TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected
unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, lineage history and
current medical report from a doctor of my choosing.
NAME:__________________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH:____________ HEIGHT:_________ WEIGHT:___________
IQ:______________ GPA:____________ NUMBER OF YEARS IN SCHOOL_____
SOCIAL SECURITY#:__________________ DL#:____________________
BOY SCOUT RANK:_______________ SUNDAY SCHOOL
ATTENDED:___________________
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?________ If "no" explain
below. Number of years parents married:_____
Do you own or have access to a van ______, a truck with oversized
tires _____, a waterbed _____?
Do you have an ear ring, nose ring or belly button ring?______
Do you have a tattoo?_____
Have you ever been arrested?______
[If yes to any of these, discontinue application and leave
immediately.]
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does the word "NO" mean to you??
____________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, give your definition of "REAL PAIN"
____________________________________________________________________
Church you attend: ________________ How often? S, M, T, W, Th, F,
S
When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and
minister? _____________________
Please fill in the blanks:
A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want
wounded would be my ______________.
B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would
be my ______________.
C. A woman's place is in the __________________.
D. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is
___________.
E. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice first is
her ________________.
(If the answer in "E" involves a body part, leave
premises now, keeping your head low and running in a
serpentine fashion.)
F. What do you want to be IF you grow up _________________.
I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my
knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture
or mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _________________________________
Signature of father _____________________________________
Signature of mother ____________________________________
Signature of minister ___________________________________
Signature of State Representative _________________________
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 weeks for processing. You will be
contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply
again. Don't call me, I'll call you.
Thanks to Jana Eden for this joke!