Funny Stuff Other Stuff
|
A Quick Update Dear Mother and Dad,
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss
in writing and I am very sorry for the thoughtlessness in not having
written before. I will bring you up-to-date now, but before you read on,
please sit down. You are not going to read any further unless you are
sitting down. Okay? Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now. The
skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of
my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well
healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital, and now I can see
almost normally and only get those sick headaches once a day.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an
attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called
the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me in the hospital
and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dormitory, he was
kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. Its really a
basement room, but its kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have
fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the
exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show. Yes,
Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to
being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the
same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.
The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some
minor infection which prevents us from passing the pre-marital blood test
and I carelessly caught it from him. this will clear up with the
penicillin injections I am now taking daily. I know you will welcome him
into the family with open arms. He is kind and although not well
educated, he is ambitious.
Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your
oft-expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact
that his skin color is somewhat different than ours. I am sure that you
will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told
that his father is an important engineer for the sanitation department he
works for. Although they say he runs his office from his truck.
Now that I have brought you up-to-date, folks, I want to tell you that
there was no dormitory fire, I did no thave a concussion or a skull
fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged,
I do not have syphilis, and there is no schwartze in my life. However, I
am getting a "D" in history and an "F" in science, ...and I wanted you to
see those marks in the proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
|
