THE INTERVIEW

Bros are pros at dodging questions


By Loretta Grantham
Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
MMMum's the word. No bop. Not even a hint of bop.

Because the Hanson brothers ain't talking.

Sure, they'll tell you about the release of their latest album, Three Car Garage (Isaac: "The die-hard fans wanted it"). And about writing songs (Zac: "You have this melody in your head").

But forget any dish on dream girls, dating or the most distinctive gift ever sent by a fan.

"Thank you for asking," Zac will reply. "But I'd really rather talk about the music."

Well, we'd really rather not.

We know about the music. It's Bazooka Joe pinkish, sing-along songish harmonized sap with lyrics like: "I saw you just the other day. And I could not help but look your way. You see you've just got this special look. That has got me completely hooked."

This doesn't mean that the stuff stinks, necessarily. But if I'm, say, an 11-year-old girl with your doe-eyed face taped on my notebook encircled by hearts, then give me a reason to stay hooked.

Don't tell me your career goals. Tell me where you'd take me for pizza. Tell me your favorite Spice Girl. Tell me something that'll make me think you're longing for me when you croon "I want to share every moment of the day with you, and I want to share every sunset and every sunrise and every moonlit night."

If I'm going to terrorize my parents for posters, T-shirts and concert tickets until they break down like sobbing prisoners of war, then you can at least serve up some fantasy!

But a recent phone chat with Isaac, 17, and Zac, 12 (Taylor, 15, "is editing a video and can't get up") revealed zilch in the way of personal nuggets.

Sigh.

Despite their youth, these two are as skillfully evasive as, well, the president of the United States.

What does your bedroom look like?

Isaac: "Not a whole lot of anything. It's pretty bland."

Zac: "Nothing."

What kind of girl would you take to a movie? (An attempt to dodge potentially volatile "dream girl" phrase.)

Isaac: "That's impossible to answer. There's no such thing as, like, the prettiest girl in the world."

Zac: "You can't describe her. When she comes along, you'll know."

What would you like for your birthday?

Zac (half-singing in that up-and-down voice kids use to amuse themselves): "I PLEAD the FIFTH."

Isaac: "I kinda don't care."

If you weren't home-schooled and attended a regular school, what would you wear
on the first day?

Zac: "I plead THE fifth."

Isaac: "I really don't know. It wouldn't even matter."

Is it weird not going to school with other kids?

Isaac: "I don't see this as a real problem. It's not like you're in your own world and that's all you do. We probably have better friends because we spend (quality) time with them. A lot of people have tons of friends, but not very many close ones."

Whoa, a real answer!

Zac: "It's better because you don't have to wait for the slow person in math or the slow person in history."

Will it mess things up if Zac's voice changes?

Isaac: "Nobody's voice is really changing. It's not a big deal."

Zac: "There's no one lead singer so it doesn't matter."

Have you seen Titanic?

Issac: "Who hasn't? It wasn't exactly a thrill."

Zac: "I PLEAD the FIFTH."

What do you like to watch on TV?

Issac: "I don't have time to watch TV."

Zac: "I don't know."

Will you visit Disney World while you're in Florida?

Isaac: "We went there long before (we hit it big). I don't think I'd want to go now. Disney World is a little too young for me. But I do like that thing at MGM that drops you, like, way down."

The Tower of Terror! A tidbit o' preference!

Zac: "First of all, Disney World isn't exactly where we'd go (because of rabid fans). It's a great place if you're 6 or if you're 4. We went when I was little."

What's it like to be rich?

Isaac: "That's not what we're about."

Zac: "I PLEAD ... "

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough already. It's time to wallow in depravity and consult ... unauthorized biographies! (The sanctioned version by Jarrod Gollihare, Hanson, The Official Book, is boring. Go figure.)

According to the (scandalous) tome Hanson: The Boys from Nowhere by Velimir Pavle Ilic and the (equally scandalous) four-book set, The Complete Hanson:

Clarke Isaac "Ike" Hanson (a Scorpio who plays guitar) was born on Nov. 17, 1980, and bites his nails. His favorite food is steak, and he's "still waiting for his first proper kiss." He likes green and can imitate the voices of Kermit the Frog and Bullwinkle.

Jordan Taylor "Tay" Hanson (a Pisces who plays keyboard) was born on March 14, 1983, and "hates rejection." His favorite food is a burger and fries, and he likes to Rollerblade. He prefers red and draws portraits of his friends.

Zachary "Zac" Walker Hanson (a Libra who plays drums) was born on Oct. 22, 1985, and "has a habit of being a little bit too physical." He'll "eat just about anything," and he digs Nintendo and Sega. He likes blue and can "speak while belching."

Besides the birthdays, is any of this true?

Isaac: "I don't really worry about it."

Zac: "I don't know. I don't know anything."

And we, Zac dear, know just how you feel.

Originally published in The Palm Beach Post on Friday, Sept. 18, 1998.