"Monique" was a French exchange student staying at our college for the summer. One Sunday night at food service, she let slip that she had never seen Gone With the Wind, but would like to, someday.

Overhearing this, "Cliff" peeled it back to the dorm lounge, and tore through the newspapers, looking for some place that was showing Gone With the Wind. Finding one, he raced back to food service and asked Monique if she'd like to go.

Now Cliff wasn't exactly the type of guy Monique would normally go out with. In fact, he probably wasn't the type of guy any girl with a shred of self-esteem would go out with. But Monique had already publicly declared that she wanted to see the movie, and there it was, so she had to say yes.

Then Cliff sprung it on her that the showing as at 10 pm. Well, there was class the next day, but okay...

And it was in San Francisco, a 40-mile drive up the Peninsula. She was starting to get a bad feeling about the excursion.

Later that evening, they drove up in Cliff's car. It wasn't a dinner-and-movie date; it was nothing-and-movie. They arrived late, and by the time they finally made it to the door, the first part of the film was already over. Cliff walked up to the window and bought one ticket. (Excuse me? I would have paid a hundred bucks just for the privilege of gazing into Monique's gorgeous green eyes... but I digress.)

Gone With the Wind was a long movie, and it was even longer with Cliff. But it finally ended, and at last, they could go home. It was nearly 2 am.

"Do you wanna go somewhere else?" asked Cliff.

"No, just take me home."

Cliff started driving.

"Isn't this the wrong way?" Monique asked.

Cliff insisted that it was just a more scenic route back. It was dark, and she wasn't even from this country, but even she knew that they didn't cross a BRIDGE on the way up. Well, after about a half hour of going the wrong way, Cliff finally figured out he was on the wrong side of the Bay. Monique was seething.

Right around then, Cliff decided that he was hungry.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"No, let's go home." Her lovely green eyes, now narrowed to tense slits, were beginning to see red.

Actually, she was tired and hungry, but that was overruled by her intense desire not to spend one minute more than necessary in his enchanting company.

"Well, I'm hungry," Cliff stated.

Consequently, he started taking every single exit ramp on the way back, trying to find a McDonald's that was still open in the wee hours of the morning. After getting on and off the freeway about a billion times, they finally came upon some greasy spoon that was open.

"Let's go in," he said.

Monique managed to force a one-word answer past clenched teeth: "No."

"I'm going in," he warned.

"I'll...wait...here," she fumed, with a livid fury that was the archetype for what Hell hath not.

So Prince Charming leaves her in the car, and goes in by himself to get a hamburger and Coke.

When they finally got home, it was 4 am.

"How do I know all this?" you're asking me. The next day, Monique told everyone, and I mean EVERYONE. The legend of Cliff spread like wildfire. Heck, I wasn't even in California at the time, and I heard about it. I don't believe Cliff got many dates that summer. And today, nearly 20 years hence, when I feel a twinge of pain remembering some faux pas in my past, I think of Cliff, and realize that I'm not so bad, after all.

16-SEP-1999.