I've been pissed for a while a this...but didn't want to make a deal out of it. I don't like to whine, dislike whiners even more, but right about now, flakes are at the top of my sh*tlist. And what a great to way blow of my anger than to take a few well-aimed shots at these types here in this column. What or who are "flakes" you may ask? The Grand Inquisitor dictionary defines "Flake" as: Any individual who lacks a sense of personal responsibility in business, social and specially personal relationships. Does anyone come to mind? Yeah, you, out there on the cold, sitting naked by the phone...Yeah, you, out there, getting flakier by the hour. I. am. talking. to. you.

     I used to talk to a girl who said that she was turned off by people who were serious. I took this at the time that she was turned off by square-acting, humorless saps but in time I realized what she meant--the moment anyone exhibited a sense of responsibility and a true sense of values, she ran away like a 'ho escaping a vice-squad raid. The instant someone tried to engage her in meaningful conversation she would turn away and start bonding with the first, half-drugged, burned-out nitwit in close sight. She was, is, a huge Flake. Needless to say, we aren't friends.

     I've been thinking about these problematic types lately not neccesarily from people I've been dealing with in my personal life but because of many experiences had by close friends recently. Case and point: Will and Pill, who I spoke about a few weeks ago in the piece Scared Of Girls. Will and Pill (what the hell, her name is Jill) finally had some bonding time, and things were looking hopeful for Will, as Jill told him that they would be friends. Considering how Will's crazy for Jill that was good news for him. Will even spent some more quality time at Jill's place and was delighted by her company. Yet Jill is a Deep-to-the-core Flake: After that fateful night, Jill hasn't returned any of Will's calls. It's been over three weeks so far.

     Flakes don't have real friends. Flakes are the first ones to sell their friends when the law comes down on them. Flakes will steal their "friends" boyfriends or girlfriends. Flakes will enter into verbal agreements with you about paying half the rent, or paying you installments on the car you sold them...but they will dissappear and go poof in the night. Flakes meet people, fuck 'em and then won't return calls. Flakes may end relationships, but instead of actually communicating the end to the other people,they just "blow" people off. Flakes are ego-centric, self-absorbed, and callous in action--they act without considering consequences or options. As you can see, Flakes are assholes. Yep, that they are.

Where am I heading with this? Simple--Be responsible. If you promised someone you would do something go through with it. It builds good reputation. It builds strong character. Don't promised someone you will call when you won't. Don't suggest to have meetings when you won't meet. And most f**king important--don't lead anyone on romantically if you are not interested,or uncapable or having a heartfelt relationship.

     Flakes are everywhere. But don't fret. This man's prepared to take you out one at a time. Watch this space for upcoming...Anti-flake tips.