6-16-00   BACK
It's been raining on and off since last night and just before writing this I started to get all excited because the heavens opened up yet again.  See, in case you haven't been paying attention to the news and announcements of water bans and droughts and such, GA is suffering from a lack of water.   So I was all preapred to get up and do a happy dance and say hallelujah repeatedly, but the rain stopped.  After approximately 120 seconds.
Oooh, but my mommy made me eggrolls.  *delightedly opening a package of sweet and sour sauce*  I wonder if this sauce is tasty?  *ears perk up* was that....thunder????  Is it too soon to rejoice?  Oh how i love thunder storms.  BIG ones where it gets pitch black outside and the sky is all menacing and thunder and lightning are just tearing up the atmosphere.....eh, the sweet and sour sauce isn't that bad.  I have a nice cold bottle of Cranberry Grapefruit SOBE to wash it down.
I chose to stay home in my pjs today due to certain specific pains in the lower abdominal region.  I love being lazy.  Ah, what a great feeling.  I mean I hate being bored but I haven't been bored- I've been reading People and In Style.  And surfing the web looking at other people's websites.....
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It just got muey dark outside...the wind's blowing.....the trees are swaying...and HARK!  I hear an ominous clap of thunder from far in the distance....Looks like I picked the perfect lazy day to stay home in bed.   Oh you don't understand how much I love this weather.
There's a literal DOWNPOUR outside.  It's fabulous.  We've been too long without this weather.  I could just sit here and watch it.  While eating my tasty eggroll.
ACH!!!!!  It just got calm outside.  And sure, as I say this, a huge roll of thunder.  Looks like I can still do that happy dance.
I'm going to add some new sites of random people to my links page as I come across good ones.  I found a particularly amusing one that you should check out.  But you have to go to the link page for it.
LINKS

There ya slackers.  I put a link so you wouldn't have to navigate all the way back.  I also updated my galleries and changed the front page.  I've been a busy little computer nerd, haven't I?
You know, back a couple months ago I planted some flowers in the front yard and have completely neglected them.  That hasn't made me sad until right now.

OK I'm back, it's now 5 till 11.  It was 6:30 when I left for dinner.  I love my dogs.  I really do.  They're big chubby furry sweeties.  I"m looking at this picture of Jenni and me and she looks good and I think I could have looked better if my hair hadn't accidentally gotten into my mouth to make it look like I"m chewing on it.... oh well.  I"m looking through a bunch of pictures actually, that are awaiting an album, and I realized that all the pictures Jessica gave me from her lil birthday shindig a couple months ago are deteriorating at an amazingly fast rate.  All the colors are fading, shapes are becoming less distinct....they're aging or something really fast.  All the ones of me doing obscene things with party hats!  And of all of us at the Cheesecake Factory!  What a tragedy!  Oh jeez I just came upon a rather embarassing photo, thank goodness you people can't see what I'm looking at.  Hm some of these are from my locker, some are just from random times.  I love looking at pictures.  I've got so many picture albums.  I totally get my love of picture taking from my mom.  She's the camera lady, without a doubt.  Oh here's one from the Halloween Dance in eighth grade.  It's me with my pink streaked hair and black lipstick, Rebecca in her dance costume and Jessica looking normal except for the 3 green streaks in her hair and the black lipstick I made her wear.  I remember getting a lot of people to wear my black lipstick at that dance.  Even some brave guys.  heeheehee.  Woah here's a picture of me with Jessica and if you don't look at our smiles or hair we look almost exactly alike.  HAhahahaha here's the one of Phillips Walker sleeping.  Tyler and Anjali at the Tori/Alanis show last August (God, has it already been a year?  Wow)  Ah, the rest are ones I've already scanned. "Memories...dadadadada....memories....what happiness is...."  yeah nevermind I thought I knew the words to that song but I don't.  Do you remember middle school dances?  Those horrible excuses for socializing and entertainment.  More like a huge trip to no-self-esteem land.  Where every part of a couple stood an arm's-length away from the other person.  And rumors flew when Taylor and Taylor danced close at the Christmas dance (how scandalous!)  I remember this one picture of Rip Warren dancing with Nicole Lobdell....wow.  Some memories were not so sweet.  What were our big issues in middle school?  boys, I guess.  Who liked whom.  Christine, Andy, and Taylor.  7th grade history with Mrs. Orrell.  Dresscode?  I don't remember that being as much of a pain, I mean I'm positive it was, I just have blocked out most middle school from my mind.  Those were the worst three years of my life (worst consecutive three years) up to this point. 
Mostly I remember middle school being stupid.  Everything about grades 6 through 8 was pointless and stupid.  My life didn't amount to anything.  At least I sort of liked myself by the end of eighth grade.  I changed that much.  But what did we all chase, collectively, but pointless, stupid "dreams"?  Popularity?  Oh jeez, give me a break.  I roll my eyes at that now.  I look at some of those same people and laugh now, knowing that while a lot of them are my friends, I mean we like each other, I like myself as a whole being apart from any sort of defining group.  Yes I have my primary group of friends that I hang out most with, but I think everybody does.  And it's whoever starts dressing trendy and noticing boys first that gets the luck of the draw.  Also, I never had long, flowing blond hair.  I think this is a must.  And I was blessed with fine, oily, dirty-blond hair which is now sporting some major red tones.  And I now know how to actually DO my hair, which is always a good idea, but stupid middle schoolers shouldn't.  There's some girl in middle school, I don't know her name or anything, but she's so incredibly tiny and dresses so trendy and has this short bleach blonde 'do.  And I just think when I see her, that is so wrong.  Things like fashion and crap shouldn't matter when you're that young.  And they don't, really.  We just think they do, in the fish tank that is our reality.  Especially at my school, which is a tiny private school.  You know everybody, every nonissue is magnified, it's all black and white.
That's why, when I reached high school, it was a breath of fresh air (literally- the middle school wing smells reeeally bad...someone give those precocious youngsters some deoderant!).  Nothing mattered that much anymore in the way of fitting in.  You sort of settle.  Well, I did, anyway.  I guess I can't speak for everyone- I'm sure there are still ladder-climbers in my high school somewhere, I'm just not aware of them.  I like doing stuff with different people.  And when I don't feel like doing something different, it's totally fine.  I'm not doing anything for anybody else.
Now, I'm not saying I'm totally secure with myself.  I'm not trying to be preachy or pretentious or whatever.  I've got my share of insecurities and issues, as many people could probably tell you.  But I just don't think they matter as much anymore.  I don't know, I guess people like me, who grew up insecure pretty much, have to learn that not everybody is watching you, judging you, caring about what you do, waiting to criticize your every move.  I think the key in getting over this insecurity is to accept the fact early on that you're a nerd.  I don't care if you're Miss All American Beauty Queen with all the grace of a dancer and the poise of a princess, you're still a nerd deep down.  I have long ago accepted this fact, and I believe it has made me a much better person.  I am a nerd for so many reasons.  This webpage for instance.  It speaks for itself. 
I'm a nerd because, for all my obnoxious outspokenness, I get all tongue-tied when I'm around a guy I like.  I'm a nerd because get crushes on random people all the time and I will wax poetic till the cows come home...or until the end of about 3 weeks.  I"m a nerd because I collect the special-edition Barbie dolls and like wild print underwear.  I'm a nerd because when I get on the treadmill, my work out gear consists of over-sized boxers and an ancient Tshirt.  I like oldies.  I sing in the shower.  I'm bad at art, yet I consistently feel the urge to be creative.  I sing and dance at any given moment.  I don't smoke.  Or drink.  Or do any drugs.  Ever.  I talk to my dogs all the time like they can understand me.  I talk to myself when i drive.  Sometimes, all I want is to be taken care of, and when my mommy fixes me chicken noodle soup, it tastes better than anything.  I followed a guy in California once because I thought he was Gavin Rossdale.  I'm very very naturally pale.  My nose is pointy.  I am addicted to certain TV shows.  I think certain deceased rock stars are very exceptionally sexy.  I'd give anything to live in the 60's and be a hippie.  I think Mel Gibson is incredibly attractive.  I fantasize about what it would be like to have been a princess. I sing, dance, and play air guitar in front of my mirror.  I like to try on fancy dresses and dance when nobody's home.  I love love love poetry.  I am a fool for any guy that seems deep, philosophical, poetic, musically inclined, or can simply make me laugh.  And yet I'm chicken and usuallly don't let anything develop.  I love Disney movies and can't wait to see Chicken Run.  People with accents are fascinating.  Sometimes my dreams are so realistic that they scare me.  I studied astrology only to go nowhere with it.  I want to be an archeologist.  Or a rock star.  I haven't had sex.  I like to chase fireflies, watch the stars, and often choose quiet times with a few friends over loud parties.  I've never been to a rave and am DESPERATE to go to one.  I like my black shiny pants and am also DESPERATE to wear them out.  I like the sound they make when I walk.  I often write poetry that is pretentious in nature.  I have been spooted to be a hypocrite on occassion.  I am a fool for the movie Romancing the Stone.  Michael Douglas is still attractive to me.  I hate gold, love silver.  My thumb ring makes me feel cooler.  I am such a romantic sap sometimes.  I cried at Gladiator and Titanic.The first time I ever heard the phrase "spit or swallow" I was still too young to understand it.  I have watched Seventh Heaven, but I have NEVER liked it.  I don't like monkeys.I have a major fear of spiders.  Sometimes I'm afraid of the dark.  I love to cuddle.  I know many people from Texas, though not intentionally, and actually, I like them all.  I don't like my knees or my stomach.  I like going goth, but I am too much of a nerd at heart to pull off the coolness quotient.  I love my dog collar, though I rarely have the opportunit to wear it.  I don't understand computer lingo.  There are few things better than a good cup of coffee on a lazy day with a friend.  I love walking barefoot, even though my feet are too sensitive to handle it most of the time.  I used to have an eyeliner fixation.  I have since recovered.  I am very protective of my car and treat it like a child.  I talk to it too.  I often wish I could walk in high heels.  But barefoot is better by far.  I didn't learn to dive successfully until a few years ago.  I can't do a cartwheel.  I hate to freak dance.  But I can't stop myself from dancing when I hear "Love Shack" by the B52's.  I think it's sick when the girl pours hot wax on Ricky Martin's chest in that video.  Hot wax hurts.  I've done a love spell before.  I don't think it worked.  If it did, they managed to keep it from me very well.  I'm neurotic about layout editing.  I'm a huge procrastinator.  I feel good about myself when I get several answers in a row right on Jeopardy.  I watch Wheel of Fortune.  A lot.  I scream at other drivers in my car. I would like very much to be a bad ass.  I see no reason to experiment with drugs.  I feel left out when I'm the only one sober and yet I still won't drink.  I dance to "It's Raining Men"  because it's one of my favorite songs.  I stop whatever I'm doing if Free Bird or Joker comes on the radio.  Leather pants captivate me.  Especially when they're on Jim Morrison or someone equally as...attractive.  Anne Rice is an amazing author- I lovelovelove to read.  I didn't learn anything in biology.  I am a born again country lover.  I deplore, despise, and loathe rap music.  I keep journals.  Because I want to.  I occassionally burn incense, until it interferes with my breathing.  I love to sleep.  No one should ever call me before noon, because even if I'm awake, I will resent the fact that you're talking to me before noon and that I'm awake to respond.  i like to drive fast and feel a sense of accomplishment when I pass a sports car.  I eat that nutella stuff straight from the jar.  The rosie odonnel show can be funny.  I watched Ellen and i thought it was funny.  I also used to watch Family Matters, Boy Meets World, and stupid friday night shows like that.  I tend to get in my worst fights on AOL because people can't tell when you're being sarcastic or not!  I feel like a hypocrite when I pray and I don't like that feeling.  I like that stuff you losers have dubbed "chick music."  I have no idea how to go about obtaining an MP3 and if i did, I wouldn't know what to do with it.  I could care less about Metallica, Limp Bizkot, and Napster.  I like that Limp Bizkot song "one of those days".  Or whatever.  I never remember song titles, but I can sing tons of songs word for word.  Sometimes, it's possible for music to be too loud, but not when it's Fleetwood Mac, Alanis, or any other music I truly adore.  Korn and that stuff is ok sometimes.  What does the Who sing?  I repeatedly get crushes on guys who aren't available without knowing it.  I was scared to go into Hot Topic for like EVER until I finally found myself at home in there somehow.  I can be the biggest sap about OTHER PEOPLE'S relationships.  Dry white out is the best stuff on earth.  Even though it's a nasty job, I love waitressing up north.  Getting to sit down with everybody after dinner is worth the whole process.  I'm jealous that the Jessicas have great relationships.  But sometimes I'm not.  I type out my most random thoughts to an unfeeling MACHINE.  I would date a guy purely for his accent (if he happened to be Irish or Scottish or something like that).  I would also get involved with someone based soley on the fact that he was Italian.  I LIKE Michael Jackson ok?  I also think it's the cutest thing in the world that Amy Grant and Vince Gill got married.  I like that light headed feeling I get when I ride an elevator.  I'm secretly protective of my guy friends.  They don't realize I would kill any girl for hurting them.  Same for my chicas.  I LOVE the jackson five as well.  I stay up forever and then complain the next day about being tired.  I also complain about wanting a better this or that but I tend not to exsercize.  If you ever see me say anything different, know that I'm LYING.  Sure, a workout's good once you get started or once you see results, but I am lacking in motivation.....although, my new bathing suit should be motivation enough.  I have 33 people on my aol buddy list.  My nickname is ezrae268.  I feel sad when I don't have any new email.  Tickle fights are the bomb.  I hate it when people refer to anything as "the bomb."
OK that's totally enough for now.  There are so many other things I could write, but if you know me, you know them.  Like I said, it's important to embrace the inner nerd.  Let him or her shine and you'll shine as well.  There won't be a reason to be so hypercritical of yourself.    Focus on what's most important to you and don't forget to reach out when you feel like it.
Oh stop it, I'm getting misty.