6-26-00  BACK
I took a little hiatus from my webpage.  "Little."  Yes, When I'm away for a day or two I go practically insane.  But that's why I took that hiatus.  Because I'm an internet-obsessed freak.  Every chance I get, I'm checking my email, writing something for my website, checking out other people's websites.  Yeah, but anyway.  Here are some journal entries from the past couple days.  Have fun.
From 6-25-00
"It's 4 am.  4:02 exactly.  I can't sleep.  I got up yesterday at 2 in the afternoon....I've had a re-awakening.  I've come to the conclusion that I need a life, and fast.  I can't breath anymore.  I'm not living.  I've decided I'm not getting online for the next two days.  I'd make it three, but I can't go too long- I recognize that I can't quit cold turkey....I can't just wait for change to happen, yet I don't know how to start changing.  I'm getting up at 1030.  Less than 6 hours of sleep.  I'll be dead tired tomorrow.  Then I'll be able to go to bed earlier each night.  Finally establish a sleep schedule.  I'm feeling incredibly jittery and on edge right now.  As if I'm supposed to be out doing something right now.  I have to think: how to change my life for the better?  Get a job?  Where?  Doing what?  I should have left for Michigan with my dad!  I shouldn't have stayed here!  Maybe a job's not the answer...I should...get my h air high-lighted immediately!  I feel a few blonde streaks would make me feel better.  I have to start getting out more...more movie nights.  More Starbucks and eating out with friends.  I need to plan something for like next week after Tuesday..."
----Later that day----
"I got maybe 5 hours of sleep last night.  I'm not too tired, just have a kind of queasy feeling.  It's NOT sunny.  The day I wake up at 1030, it's not frickin sunny.  Yeah, great.  This self-imposed internet restriction is going to be painful.  I mean I'll probably get used to it after a while, but...no email for two days? ... But I'm on my way to recovery from being a lazy bum...Still no sun.  I"m very distressed.  I feel a little retarted sitting out here by myself by a pool with no sun.  It's noon.  I wonder if the lifeguard gets here later on Sundays.  Grey clouds.  I should have gone to Michigan....how many days left?...18 days I think.  Well, 18 if June only has 30 days.  19 if it has 31.  But I'm pretty sure it has 30.  There will be much journal rambling since I can't get on the internet.  NOT EVEN to write on my website.  Very  much distress.  OK car just pulled up.  This should be interesting.  My flip flops have worn a hole in my toe.  That's great.  Ah, it's just an old person, and I don't think she's coming in for a swim.  AH!  Sun!  Kind of!  Yesss!!  I have lots of freckles on the backs of my hands.  Slight sun?  A little sun?  Please?  What the crap are those old people still doing in their car?  Oh.  They're coming in now with someone who looks to be their daughter and her baby.  Don't- look- don't....I kept staring at their car, I probably shouldn't stare now.  God, I could...just...fall...asleep....Stevie Wonder really ruins this perfectly good song by adding disco at the end.  aahahaaaaha....I am so tired.  I have the urge to, instead of lying on top of my towel, to crawl under it, use my tshirt as a pillow, and go to sleep.  I'm thinking there's no lifeguard on Sundays."

Yes, and that is the extent of my journal entry for yesterday, for the most part.  Fascinating no?  Well, if you couldn't already tell, I am weak and gave in to the pull of the evilnet.  Actually, the internet is a wonderful thing.  Anyway, I gave in earlier than this.  I got on last night at eleven freaking oclock to check my email.  I am weak.  I can't help it.  I may be addicted to chocolate and coffee, but the internet is the worst.  It was really windy a while ago.  I love windy weather.  Does "windy" even classify as a type of weather?  You know how I was blabbering on about it being cloudy when i was at the pool?  Well I got home and there was a huge deluge.  I'm talking MAJOR 5-minute rainstorm.  Thunder, lightening, the works.  My only problem was that it didn't last longer.  I love huge rainstorms.  I didn't fail to see the humor when it started thundering while I was still poolside, holding out for some sunshine.   It's 10 till 8 and i still haven't eaten dinner.  I had a caesar salad at 5, I guess i'm still full.  Huh, whoever knew a salad could tide me over.
I've been sniffing my hair a lot.  "My hair" isn't a handy acronym for a drug or anything, I've really been sniffing my hair.  It just smells so good!!  YES I know i'm a neurotic freak, thanks, but ever since I've switched from Finesse bodifying shampoo to herbal Essence natural volume, my hair smells pretty darn good.  The next time you see me, ask to smell my hair, and I'll let you.
I'm very jealous of Jessica Vance, who is going to be in Sequanota for the fourth of July to watch the fireworks.  SHe knows this.  Darn her.  I'm still here....But because of my idiotic blabbering, she's going to go see Chicken Run, which is good.  You need to go see it too. 
The new episode of La Femme Nikita was on last night.  It was....eh.  It all focused on Michael and his family.  Blah.  But it was sad, the poor guy, he really has a heart under that tough exterior.  Next week's is new too, so hopefully that'll be a bit better.  You know, actually exciting and suspenseful and stuff.  I think my hair's growing out little by little.  That makes me happy.  My hair got totally butcherd the last time I got it cut.....arrgh.
hahaha I have a new quote on my quote list from Jessie V., you should go check it out.  On the second quote page.  She's a nutcase, not me.  y'hear?  Oh I think it's gonna rain.  the weather now is so frickin weird.  I say "frickin" too much.  But I guess it's better than saying %@^&ing.  ;o)
I'm not gonna be in town for the Yes/Kansas concert.  I am muy distressed.  And SHUTUP, I like Yes and Kansas.  Especially Yes.  I'd go see them with or without Kansas.  But I"m getting back THE DAY AFTER THEY ARE AT LAKEWOOD!!!  Oh, the cruelty.  I wrote a new poem but due to it's very personal nature, I don't think I'll put it up quite yet.  Not that my other poems aren't personal, this is just...more so.
I love to burn incense occasionally, and i burned a cone yesterday in my NEW AND UNUSED incense cone burner thing and my mother said it smelled disgusting.  She neverlikes how my incense smells.  But if you knew my mother, you'd know how weirdly over-sensitive her nose is.  SHe can smell a burning candle when she's downstairs.  Jeez.
Hm, what else?  Oh, I was reading Nolan's vital stats on his page, and I have a couple responses:  1.  I can see how his love of cats could stem from his own personality, but cats aren't my favorite creatures.  I have a couple battle scars I've earned from cats.  The only two cats I've ever liked are my aunt and uncle's cat Tigger and Michael's cat Percy.  Percy rocks, ok?  Percy is the friendliest, most awesome cat.  What made her even funnier is that she was all nice to me and let me pet her throughout the entire time I was over, but when Michael went to pick her up she got medeival on his @$$.  hahaha woooooo.  And she was kind of wary of Stacy too, which was funny to watch.  Stacy kept crawling up to her, and she'd run away.  Oh yeah, back to responses.  2.  I think it's ok not to get all personal with people as long as you do when you need to.
You may be asking, why don't you just tell HIM that?  Well, my thoughts on this subject...or, those subjects rather, are kind of rambling and pointless in nature, so they fit much better here, along with my other pointless thoughts.  I mean, I have a couple best best friends.  Then I have a couple good friends.  And it pans out like that.  I never feel that there's somebody I can't talk to about my problems.  But I'm also comfortable with not talking to them when i don't feel like it.  That's what I have my journal for.  And this website.  But, I have a hard time NOT talking to people about my feelings.  And I try to be a good a listener to my friends as they are to me.  And I'm sorry, but if you can't listen to me whine sometimes when I need to, then psssh.  Forget you.  No, not really, but I just tend to distance myself from people who i can't relate to.  I don't know if this trait is a good one or not, but it's one of mine, so whatever.
Well, I don't know....Stacy is one of my best friends on the planet, but she and I don't get very personal very often.  I don't know who she's ever had a crush on, while friends like Jessica, Jessica, and Michael normally know the instant I'm interested in somebody.  Well I guess Jessica and Jessica are the only two who know everything about me.  You know, stuff on here is pretty superficial, I tend to keep most of the really personal stuff private.  Do I really want a bunch of people on the internet, friends or not, reading about personal stuff like who I like or whatever?  The first really personal thing I ever had on here was my poetry, and then my mention of my aunt Paula's death.  I think.  Whatever.  My point is, through all of this I guess, is that I feel better knowing that there are people i can fall back on, rely on, trust, and have them rely on and trust me back.  Who else would I feel as comfortable around just being me?  Well....sometimes I tend to be too comfortable being myself in front of random people, but let's not talk about that right now.
You know what's annoying?  Running out of toilet paper at inopportune times.  I don't know why toilet paper goes so fast.  But oh well.  You know, i realized that Jack and Jill is a pretty stupid show.  I mean, DUMB.  Yet, I watched every episode during the regular season.  I mean, I couldn't just NOT watch it, however stupid it was.
I also hate that that stupid poem I wrote got into Pegasus.  I had to write that for Lit.  Yeah, cleaning out your locker is sad, boohoo.  I'm real torn up and all.  But that poem meant nothing to me, I didn't like it, it was stupid and emotionless and the entire school got to read it.  *sigh*  Victoria suggessted I submit one of my real poems "from [my] website" for Pegasus next year.   What do you think? I think I might.  Maybe this one that I haven't posted yet.  Or maybe one I write in the future.  Who knows.  I'm cold!  My mother turns the thermostat waaaaay down and I always freeze up here!  I had to dig my fuzzy slippers out of my closet, for God's sake.
I was glad to read in the paper today that Atlanta's Pride Festival went smoothly.  It's been annoying that nothing particularly interesting to me has been in the paper lately.  But maybe that shows that I'm ignorant.  I mean, everything's about the frickin water ban.  I did read that Chicken Run came in second at the box office, right behind Me Myself and Irene!  How fabulous!  You know, the Marietta Daily Journal is pretty pathetic.  It should be the Marietta Every-Other-Daily Journal because they just don't have enough good material.  And don't get me started on their layout design!  At leas the AJC is starting to emply pull-out quotes.  Jeez.....hahaha...ha....ah, sorry.
That's all for now, I suppose.  Oh, I started today what will shortly become another failed attempt at a good story.  I have a page.  The main character is this flighty type of woman, a brand-whore, if you will.  It's written in first person and opens with her getting mugged.
My Samantha story that I started waaaay back in 8th grade is a little dusty, if you know what I mean, and the Sophie story.....yeah, I don't know what to do about it.  I have no clue what to write next about the little actress.  Oh well.  I hope my new story will turn out a little better.
someone....call me.....I'm very bored....please help me....just pick up the phone...and dial.....my number....please....oh god I"m gonna go help jessica with her fledgling website.  LOL!!  I can't wait for the day when i can link her site to mine.  I shall be her geocities mentor.  heeheehee