8-8-00  BACK
Oh man, Napster is so addictive.  Now that the sound on my computer is actually working, I can't stop downloading and listening to music I get from there.  Of course, the whole downloading process is painfully slow since each song takes forever and I only do one at a time for fear of overloading my computer....
I have amassed a huge list of songs I eventually want to get, but I most likely won't make it even halfway through before Napster gets the ax.  So how's it goin?  I really haven't had anything interesting to update on here...not that my usual content is stimulating....
I'm not going to whine about summer reading.
I'm actually in the middle of downloading a Chantal Kreviazuk song.  Can I just tell you how much I love Stevie Nicks?  *sigh*  She's got the greatest music. 
So, onto a kind of touchy subject for some people:  religion.
I turn around for one second, and when I turn back around, I realize I'm agnostic!  I believe there is a God.  I believe that the Bible is most likey inaccurate to some degree about a lot of stuff.  But I don't attend church and I hardly ever pray or acknowledge God in my daily routine.  He (or She or Whatever) is kind of like some distant relative that you don't really ever see or talk to, but is still on your Christmas card list.  I no longer refer to myself as Presbyterian when people ask.  I usually say I'm Christian.  Despite the fact that I was brought up in a Presbyterian church, I don't agree with a lot of the belief system.  I'm some kind of radical in that I don't hate gays or attend church or think women should be less equal.  As you might know, I'm into tarot, runes, astrology, and the like, which all deal with spirits/gods/whatevers other than "The God Our Lord."  I mean, who knows.  I ackowledge some other being, some spirit, that's larger than myself or any of us.  That's the point, isn't it?  It's not who's right or wrong.  As far as I'm concerned, we're all wrong.  Even though I'm not incredibly religious, the thought that God is some man-made concoction really frightens me.  I suppose I just need something like that to believe in, and we all do, and that's why it doesn't matter if God is man-made or not.  But I for one, would sure hate to find out that all this mess is for nothing.  Wars, prejudice, etc.  And I'm not condoning religious war or anything like that.  I also like to think that there's some kind of place we all go to after we die.  I was casually thinking that when the world explodes, would we all meet on the other side?  For eternity?  But what if there's nothing, and the rest of eternity is blackness, nothingness, and you don't exist?  Sit there for a second and ponder your existance.  You've existed for a while, haven't you?  Even when you die and come back (I'll get to that later), you exist.  But to go for the rest of All Time and not be concious of anything, to not be aware or...capable of thought.  That's scary.  It's also an overwhelming thought and possibility, bigger than everyone.
OK, reincarnation.  I believe this happens.  There actually is no doubt in my opinionated mind that reincarnation is something that occurs.  I don't know whether people can come back as inanimate objects or animals can come back as people or if you come back as something for your punishment or whatever....but I think people come back as themselves, just thousands of years later.  Your soul, I guess, but more your mind's concious state, comes back time after time in different incarnations of pysical self.
And does ANYBODY have ANY idea what the CRAP causes deja vu?  I get it all the time and have no idea what it is.  Of course, according to The Matrix, it's a "disturbancein the matrix."  Or something.  Yeah, but that's crap.  As I've experienced it, there are two types: 1. When you've dreamt something and had it actually happen; 2. When you've experienced something twice or even multiple times.
For example, I was in the Charlevoix theater watching Scary Movie and I had deja vu.  But it wasn't deja vu.  At a specific moment in time, I recalled that moment from before....and before.  I was having deja vu of a deja vu moment.  Strange, huh?  Then I've had it where I remember something very distinctly from a dream.  That, to me, is the weirdest.  Did my subconcious actually predict this, or am I going crazy?
Something about religions interests me:  how details from religions past can carry over from myths and legends into present day beliefs.  Goddesses like Athena or Artemis or Aphrodite carry over from Earth Mothers who in turn become the virgin Mary.  I find it fascinating how religions overlap like that.  And there's always a hero, one strong god.
And after reading Anne Rice's Memnoch the Devil, my head is filled with much religious rubbish which got me thinking...Did Christ die aware he was God and would be safely up in heaven, pain free, or did he die as a man, fearful?  Well I assume he was fearful of the phsyical pain either way, but....
I used to have a good relationship with God, but it's deteriorated.  I don't know if I stopped caring a little or what.  Maybe I'm not as concerned with God as I with spirituality in general.  Inner peace and that sort of thing.  Maybe God stopped caring.  No, I don't really think that.  I think if some great being is up there, he cares.
I don't see natural disasters as some act of God.  I see that as something that would happen anyway.  I don't think religion in general will ever become a totally positive thing until we have some kind understanding between everybody that free-will is okay.  Once we all can accept each other, or at least tolerate one another, and live peacefully, religion will be something private, personal, and beautiful- something to be celebrated.  Until then, we have some work to do.