7-5-00
HELLO!!!!  Greetings!!!!  It is SO good to be back (on my website) I can hardly stand it.  See, I couldn't work on it while I was in Michigan and I wasn't able to work on it this past week either because the phone line was messed up.  So I'm finally on, updating, changing, writing, etc etc.
I'll supply you with parts of journal entries to give you an idea of what's been going on and then I'll write as usual.
Here goes.
Friday, July 14
I discovered some really great buttery chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen tonight.  Anyway.  I worked lunch and dinner tonight and I only work lunch tomorrow.  I'm eating at Tom's table tomorrow night with him and Jeb.  [large chunk of useless, pointless info being omitted]  I bought this hair bleaching kit, but didn't realize it was JUST the bleaching.  Actual color is completely separate.  Man, that sucks.  I might just go buy some Manic Panic in town.  I went to see Jessica this morning after getting my work permit.  It's weird- I don't get coldin my room at night, I get cold in the morning.  Oh well.  Tomorrow I'm definitely going to the beach.
Tuesday, July 18
Breakfast with everybody was fun this morning.  Jessica and I went to the library and I checked my email from there.  Man, I don't want to go home.
Wednesday, July 19
Oh- that song "500 Miles" just came on the radio.  Anyway.  A neat thing happened tonight.  I told everybody that I don't smoke or drink.  And they were cool about it, if not a little surprised.  Tonight on the dock we all decided to jump in the water with our underwear on.  It was frickin cold!!  Then we went up to the tennis courts and spooned.  My ass hurts because people kept hitting it all night.  It got smacked hard.  I think I"ll wake up at 12 tomorrow, hang out and read at the cottage, and then go to the beach a couple hours later.  That soundl ike a plan.  I need to write Michael a letter.  I'll do that tomorrow too.  I wish I had a car up here.  That'd be great.
Friday, July 21
Well, I did it.  I dyed my hair dark pink.  No, not all of it, just...a lot.  My hands are pretty stained too.  I sent off a letter to Michael today.  I went to the library to check me mail.  I kind of smell.  But for a reason!!! Jess and I covered ourselves with clay trying to scrub the pink dye off our skin.  Poor Jeb has been feeling like crap.  Tonight is the first Venetian night.  Nobody's figured out what boat to go on.  We're all waiting for someone to tell us what to do.  I cut my finger while sorting silverware last night.  It hurts like a bitch.  Granhatter was pleased with my hair [sarcasm].
Saturday, July 22
Well this has been a pretty strange say considering that we all collectively drove my mother to tears, I was exhausted all day, and we sat out talking to John about Jordan.  I told John to tell Jordan that I'm sorry.  John said he knows.  Jessica said he probably doesn't.  So.  Sarah leaves on the 27th.  I leave the 31st and so does Sarah Holtz, who got here late last night.  Corley and James leave the 30th.  I got a Chocolate Therapy book from Jessica in the mail today.  Chris and Dana leave tomorrow.  I'm pretty sure we're all canoeing down the Jordan River Monday.  I don't know where my purple pen is.
Sunday, July 23
So after the beach picnic a few of us went down and jumped in the lake.  We came back up to the tennis courts.  The pink is fading fast.  I suppose I'll redo it when I get...home.  My Sequanota time is dwindling!! Only a week left!  I leave next Monday.  *sigh*  I better go to bed now, I don't want to be completely exhausted-- only a little.  Hey, I'm the muscle power, ok?  I'm in the front of the canoe!!
Monday, July 24
Today was the canoe trip down the Jordan.  That was fun.  Poor John Vance got really sick.  Had a bad asthma attack.  Went to the beach after that.  Came up to Jessica's cottage and watched Reality Bites.  I wrote another song.  I think that's cool.  I mean, they need work and everything, but hey, I'm impressed with myself!  I'm moving up in the ways of poetry.  I'm so bored.  I finally decided to juat go to Dairy Queen with my dad and it turns out that right after I left, Josh and Corley came by to get me.  Go figure.  So anyway, I called Jessica Taylor in Atlanta and we talked for an hour.  It's 11:11.  And I've been home.  For hours.  And hours.  What the crap?  Ayway I walked up and down the line, saw everybody was in the clubhouse, and kept walking.  Naturally.  Maybe if I go to bed now, I'll be really really really extra rested tomorrow and I can get up and go to lunch.
Well I got back at midnight a bit ago-- Jessica came by and dragged me out.  Went down to the dock.  This Macy Gray album is really good.
Tuesday, July 25
It's 10:04, I'm tired.  I'm bored.  I think I should go find Tom, which will of course make my mom angry because WHY would I go out at TEN?!  WHAT is there POSSIBLY to do at this time of night?!  Oh man.  I'll go find Tom.
OK, I went to Tom's and hung out there with him and his friend Joel for a while and Jeb came over and we all just talked for a while.  Then we went to the clubhouse and watched part of The Beach with Margaret, John, Josh, Emily, and Lexi.  Earlier today I went with Jessica and her mom to the Bier Gallery and then into town.  Saw the Hillsdale Guy and found out his name's Eric. [Hey Eric if you're reading this!]  Talked to  him quite a while.  He couldn't figure out why I liked Charlevoix so much.  I don't know if it's really Charlevoix- maybe just Sequanota- maybe that to me, this place is home.  It heals me.  It's timeless and beautiful.  Doesn't change, even though the people do.  I come here and slip right back into it as if I was never gone.  Only I am gone.  For a year.  An long, hard, stressful, impossible, tortuous, cruel year at a totally unforgiving school.  Yes, I finally finished Slaughter House 5.  Finally.  Time for bed.
Wednesday, July 26
I miss Jessica Taylor.  She and I, we're both screwed up.  Yeah, pretty much.  School is going to be a ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS, but it won't be impossible.
Friday, July 28
There was this curly-haired guy playing hackey sack on the sidewalk with some of his friends and as I walked by I reached up and kind of ran a hand through his hair.  He turned around and looked a little surprised. [but he smiled.]  I saw him later, fronting the band that was playing inside the coffee shop.  OK, here's some math:  cute, curly-haired guy + band + coffeeshop + warm, relaxed atmosphere = Caroline's perfect night.
But no.  [omitting angry reason and supplying calmer one:  Abby and Jessica didn't want to be there so we left.]
God!!  I hate these "I should have" thoughts.  I didn't want to see Scary Movie a third time but i did want to stay and listen to the music.  SO- I should have stayed.  Yes, do you realize how perfect and marvelous in every way that would have been for me?  Just look at the math!  Even if I HAD been by myself if they'd left.
Saturday, July 29
Well things are better just because I'm not thinking about them.  I went to town with Sarah, Leann, Corley, Katie, Alex, and Tom, and saw the curly haired guy again.  He was singing again and we all went and talked to him [Sarah and Leann got to sing.]  Tomorrow's my LAST day.  My last beach picnic, last Vespers, last everything.  And I'm not incredibly sad, just very very scared about this upcoming year.  I got very sunburned on my face today.  Only a little darker on my body.
Sunday, July 30
Well, my last day is over (and technically since it's close to 1 am, my lastlast day is already starting.)  I went to the beach picnic, went to Dairy Queen, walked aimlessly in the rain...and said my good byes.  I half feel that I'm going to get up tomorrow and go about my day and see everybody as usual.  But I'm not.  It's kind of hit me, but not totally.  I'm definitely sad.  It's been a good summer.  These people, for all their faults and differences and problems are beautiful and wonderful [I was tired and sentimental, ok?].  And this place...this place heals me utterly and completely.  Memories and strength just wash over me when I watch the water and the sky and all the people [you thought that last one was bad, huh?]
I'm going to wake up tomorrow, get ready, go wake up Jessica and then go wake up the entire Schulze cottage.  I'm so terrified to start school.  Not because of the people or anything like that.  But...college decisions, major papers, incredibly long hours spent studying...  I don't want to plan anything or have any expectations.  Nope.  Definitely not.  Walking aimlessly into the future with a sunny outlook is my only hope.  Man, I need sleep don't I?  *sigh* everything's ending.  I'm sad.  but I'm glad it happened.

Hey!  Still awake?  As I was typing all that I realized it was pretty boring and uneventful but that's because I left all the good stuff out.  Like....what was REALLY going on inside my head...  So don't judge me by what's on here.  Well, go ahead, I can't stop you, but whatever.  See, you really can't get any idea what Sequanota's like just by my journal entries.  Of course not, come on, I'm an over-emotional teenager!!
I went to a Thai restaurant with my parents tonight.  It was pretty good.  I went to the pool for the first time since I've been back.  Saw a lizard under the chair next to me.  Thought about trying to catch it.  Quickly killed the idea.  It was SO hot outside.  I went to American Eagle.  Yeah, it's my new favorite store.  *cough*tooexpensive*cough*  Better than Abercrombie though.  It must be some kind of rule that all male employees of the Cumberland American Eagle must be gay.  I don't know why.  I guess it just turned out that way.
Are you a female who goes to school with me?  If so, won't you agree that the dresscode majorly sucks?  MAJORLY???!!!!  ARRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!  Collared shirts again????  JEEZ!!! I THOUGHT I WAS OUT OF MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!  Yeah, speaking of, I'll be a Junior.  Yippee- ai- ay.  I'll also be the layout editor for the school newspaper (don't worry, just because I don't use correct grammar or spelling on here doesn't mean I won't in the paper).  Yeah so basically my job is the most underappreciated yet stressful job.  I"m really the only one on the staff who matters.  (Uh, Joey, thanks for the outlook and attitude.  And I'll get your hat back for you eventually.  Maybe I'll mail it to you.)  I'm serious.  The staff writers this past year were pretty much worthless.  See, if Joey and I and John Horn had run the paper ourselves, it really would have been a quality publication.
I'm not anywhere close to being done with summer reading.  I HATE Gulliver and his stupid Travels!!!!  ARRGH!  I was so proud of myself because I felt like I had read alot while at the pool today but I looked, and I'm only done with Part I.  So much for progress.
Anyhooooo......some more sentimentality?

Monday, July 31
I feel like I've woken up from some dream.  I've opened my eyes expecting everything to be the same, but I'm back in Atlanta.  I honestly feel like Sequanota was a blink in time and I never really left home.  But the other part of me can't stop thinking about what a great time I had.  I've caught myself all day long smiling at some recent Sequanota memory and then I realize I won't see any of those people for a year.  And even some I won't see next summer- we get the cottage in August next year.  At least I got some email addresses and things like that to keep in touch.
I'm absolutely exhausted from a day of traveling.  I've also been freezing all day.  The Chicago airport was about -20 degrees.  When we left Michigan, it was overcast.  When we got into Chicago, it was raining.  When we got home, it had just finished raining.  Get this- Atlanta was under 95 in July- nice and overcast, low humidity.
I want to write Peter Gabriel a letter to tell him how moving his music is.  My back is killing me.  My whole left arm felt numb and tingly earlier.  I might have pinched a nerve or something.
Friday, August 4 [this is a long one, I'll try to cut useless things out]
Wow, haven't written in a couple days.  Something's wrong with our internet so I haven't been able to check my email.  It's only painful when I really think about it.  I mean, how much profoundly amazing email could I be getting right now?  Aside from the daily horoscopes, not much.  I went to Blockbuster.  Rented Sleepy Hollow (again), Niagra Niagra, and Mansfield Park.  Mansfield Park was really good.  Niagra Niagra definitely is one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen.  What I miss most about the internet is working on my webpage [no kidding!].  I keep getting new ideas-  ways to change and improve things or just new things to add.  Last night, Clay, Jessica, Stacy, and me went to dinner and Michael joined us for a movie afterwards.  We saw Loser.  What a bad movie.  It dragged and the whole thing was basically stupid [Jessica tried to point out the romantic parts or whatever, but no.  It was bad].  We went to Wal-Mart after that.  At midnight.  I've never been to a Wal Mart at Midnight before.  I keep thinking of these songs I want to get off Napster before it shuts down [hey never used it, might as well get something out of it] and then I remember that i can't get online.  I need to go back-to-school shopping.  Like now.  I need collared shirts.  *&^% dresscode.  Damn the Man!!!!  Yeah.  It's weird how many Christian shows are on at 2 in the morning (see, technically, it's tomorrow already, being 2:40 am and all).  I guess for all those night owl Christians home on Friday nights, the Christian programming time slots are convenient.  MTV still doesn't play music videos, even when the majority of the country probably isn't even watching.  How cheap.  They just showed Sex in the 90's again.  I'd already seen it.  It's just people talking about relationships and breaking up and picking up people in bars...quality entertainment.  Jessica Vance called from Michigan today.  It's amazing how much I want to be up there.  How much I want to be on the beack with my feet in the sand.  I'm definitely avoiding doing my summer reading.  And the papers!  Oh God, the papers.  Any way I look at it...I don't want to do them.  How will I survive AP language?  On a freaking rotating schedule?  I'll most likely end up with a 1:30 lunch so I'll starve throughout the day.  I wonder if I'll end up trying to reinvent myself this school year?  Who would I be?  I'd much rather be a goth chick or a laid back slacker who just looks like a laid back slacker when the truth is I'm on my fourth cup of coffee and am going psychotic because of school pressure.  Sure, why not.  That's me anyway [note to those of you who care:  I have never lied about my personality, I just like toying with the idea- I haven't lied to you!  I'm not a poser, I don't try to impress people any more than you].  I guess this year I could try to be nicer, more accepting, more open, less judgmental...where's the fun in that?  Truth is, I haven't really considered my multiple personalities yet.  Like last summer, for instance, I knew I was going to have a GREAT year and I'd be happy, etc etc, and I guess I did for the most part, but I think that's because I finally fell in with myself and my main group of supportive, wonderful friends while at the same time making new friends.  I guess my fiery ambition to be Miss Everywhere has died down a bit.  There's not really a part of me missing...there's parts that need fufillment of some kind, but I"m not sure how.  I guess when I'm fufilled I'll know....?  (No Jeb, I don't feel that I'm missing out by being straight edge)  My hair's pink again, I forgot to mention that.  Well come on!  I had to do it!  If nothing else it's a conversatino starter.  AND all those punk cuties notice it [riiiiiight].  LIke the guy at Atlanta bread Company with the 300 ear piercings.  I truly feel we connected when he handed my my sandwich.  Should I go up to go to the pool tomorrow?  Is it worth it?  Will I get any personal fufillment from it?  The more important question:  will it damage my precious pink streaks?  I'm going to write a huge rant about people in the Sequanota dining room ASAP.  I read somewhere that my simultaneously squeezing and pulling on the tops of your ears, endorphines are released.  So yeah, cool.  I get a feel-good rush when I pull my ears up.  It is now 3 am.  My ears hurt from pulling them.  Hm, maybe I will get up in 7.5 hours and go to the pool.  Can't have my beautiful tan fading too soon!  Might as well get skin cancer.

OK!!!  Well now don't you feel enlightened [if you made it this far]?
Um, I don't think there's anything else to say, I think those journal entries covered pretty much everything.
OH YES, how could i forget?  I missed my car like a person when I was up north.  Everybody has jeeps in Michigan and I just kind of stared lovingly at them.  I figured when I got home I'd take an hour to sit in my car in the garage, just holding the steering wheel and playing with the fuzzy dice....that didn't happen exactly, but I started driving places immediately.  I love my car.  SOmeday I'll get a picture of us together and put it up on the site.  Until then, use your imagination to think up a beautiful maroon '88 Jeep Cherokee with plaid interior, pink fuzzy dice, and a leopard print steering wheel.  Oh and stickers on the back....what a great car.
Stacy and I went to see What Lies Beneath.  it's very good.  Go see it.  But Stacy and I looked a little silly when we grabbed each other's arms or squealed like the frightened little girls we were.  Maybe if we'd had some big macho guys there to grab on to.  but nevermind.  I'm going now.  Nite.