9-17-00
So here I am at 11:30 on a Sunday morning, wrapped up in my huge Tarheels sweatshirt, trying hard not to think about the DBQ I have to do sometime today. I woke myself up in a really weird way today. I heard something bang against my bed's headboard and when i looked up I saw it must have been one of my rings hitting it. When I tried to move my arm I realized I couldn't. Then I realized that I'd been cutting the circulation to my arm off for quite some time and no longer had any feeling in it. Couldn't even move it. So I picked it up with my other hand and shook it back and forth for a while until I could feel blood flowing. If I hadn't been so tired, I might have found it pretty funny.
I've started this journal, which isn't a JOURNALjournal, but I write down all my "creative" thoughts and I like it. I wrote a ton yesterday.
some examples:
"Sad songs only apply when you want to be sad. Do I want to be sad? I must."
"Why does my mind have to interfere with my intentions? Why must I think at all except to think of you?"
"You only need to examine your situation when you start applying songs to yourself. For once you define your situation with a song, there's no turning back."
"Arrogance looks good on you. This is not a good thing."
and a final example:
"INTERVIEW WITH SELF
Why do I need to study? To get good grades. Why do I need to get good grades? To get into college. Why do I need to go to college? To get a job. Why do I need to get a job? To make money. Do I want to get a job? ...No."
You wanna hear about my yesterday? I woke up at 8:15 in the morning to go to an SAT class. When I got there, I waited around with Chris Smith and Christine for a half hour. The teacher never showed. Yesssss. Sure, I was pretty resentful that I was awake that early on a Saturday morning, but thank God I didn't have to sit through 3 hours of that. I think we were supposed to be taking the practice SAT that day. Oh well. Christine and I went to Dunkin Donuts then I went home. I walked into my room and collapsed on my bed, still fully clothed. I slept for 2 hours. It was wonderful. I finished all my other homework when I woke up. NOW all I have to do is the DBQ and read my books on Indian Religion and whatnot. God I hate Killian.
I don't think I did as badly on that test as I expected to. I mean I know I didn't do so hot, but whatever. I think I passed at least. You know what's depressing? Realizing I'm going to have Physics and AP US every day for the rest of the school year. THAT, my friends, is depressing.
How many of you losers haven't sold magazines? We can't let the sophomores beat us! Or the freshmen. What happend to sophomore year? Can somebody tell me? Last year was so easy. Nothing freaking mattered. Now my grades have taken a nosedive. I wasn't prepared! aaagh!! Nobody told me I wouldn't be able to have much of a life.
I want you all to know what an amazing movie Almost Famous is. You have to go see it. It's so wonderful. ANd I'm getting that soundtrack. There's this great part where they're all singing along to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" which is just a great song. So I'll get that eventually. I"m actually listenting to that song right now off Napster. The entire soundtrack is already on Napster.
Kate Hudson has to be one of the most beautiful people in the world. Her character in the movie is awing.
The shower curtain bar fell down and hit my on the head this morning right after I walked into the bathroom. It might just be me, but I don't consider this as boding well for the rest of the day. My dad's trying to fix it right now. After it hit me I contemplated going back to bed- if that's how my day starts, how will the rest of it be? hahaha.
It's 12 pm now. A half hour has gone by. My breakfast was a glass of orange juice.
Now I'm looking up Weezer songs.
I'm tired. But I'm always tired so this is nothing new.
I could go for some Waffle House hashbrowns right now. Why is this taking so long to get info?? Ah, there we go, looks like I just had to yell at it for a second to get it to work. Alright then. Good bye.
Hours later:
finished the DBQ. Had an emotional day. Didn't like it. Sinuses remained stuffed up for hours. Appreciate friends listening to me blubber on about stuff. But I sure did write a lot in that journal I mentioned. Anyway, I've been reading Albert Camus's NOtebooks from 1935-1951 and underlining things I like as I go along. Then I get to this at the beginning of the third notebook: ". . . Like those books where too many passages are underlined in pencil to make people think highly of the previous reader's taste and judgment."
Of course I put a big mark next to that one. I thought it was funny. I don't have any reason for marking passages except that I like them. I think Camus writes some really amazing things. I"ll have to get around to revising rh Camus Quotes page, seeing as how there are a million marked parts in this book. I suppose once I finish reading his notebooks I might just have to read one of his actual BOOKS. Imagine that. Reading is so much better when you don't have to do it for school.
Wanna hear some more things I wrote in that journal today? Of course you do.
"Sometimes life is too much to bear. Yet we bear it anyway. We are a race of stupid lemmings happily awaiting what lies just beyond the cliff."
"In a flash of light, it was ruined. He had ruined it for her. It hadn't been his to ruin but he'd done it anyway. She looked at her empty hands and envisioned them wrapping around his white throat."
"Over time he was less and less able to feel. Eventually there was only anger, that ugly red-blackness that inhabited his chest."
"I do believe there is a mosquito in my shirt." (this, after a mosquito flew up my shirt)
Yes, so those are a few things I jotted down. I'm kind of embarassed about having them here. But oh well. I put up some more Sequanota pictures. There are still a ton I haven't scanned but oh well I"m lazy I don't want to. They're going in an album now. Enough of that.
I think I'll go add on to the Camus page now. Au revoir.