6-30-00
Just as Louis Black hypothesized the reason for aneurysms with his whole horse/college shpeel, I have a theory as well.
What causes people like me to have aneurysms is driving behind people like I drove behind today.
Nevermind that 75 North was already at a standstill at 3:30 in the afternoon. Nevermind that no one let me over into the lane I needed to be in. My problem was on the loop after getting off 75 South at my exit.
There were three cars: an old man, a stupid woman in a dark green Accord, and me (the old man was first). The two numbskulls in front of me are going incredibly slow, and I can't pass because there's a little black sports car like right next to me. So. The stupid woman finally gets over into the right lane to pass the old man. And the sports car kind of falls back, so I think "Yes! There is a God! I can pass this old man now!" Well, apparently God thought he's have a couple laughs at my expense first.
I follow the stupid woman into the right lane with the hope of passing the old man. Meanwhile, she's had her right blinker on THE ENTIRE TIME SHE'S BEEN ON THE LOOP!!! Anyway, when you pass someone, aren't you supposed to speed up a little? Well she was going slower than the old man!! But when she finally caught up enough to pass him slightly and I got my hopes up of passing him and getting back into the left lane, the old bastard starts speeding up!!! In the meantime, I'm screaming. Out loud. No obscenities, just screaming. I thought I'd pop a vessel right there. So I floor it (which isn't very drastic- my car has no pickup) and FINALLY I pass him.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can any of you tell me, seriously, where some of these people get their licenses??? Hey, listen, if you know you're a bad driver or you can't see over the steering wheel or you have a habit of going 45 in a 55 mile per hour zone, JUST TAKE PUBLIC TRANSIT!!!!! Spare us all a few brain cells and sanity and stay off the roads!!! Before I got onto 75 South, people (big LARGE trucks a minivans to be exact) were just pullin out in front of me! HELLO??!!! Wanna get your car sideswiped??? JEEZ!!!! *^*%^!! $%$@#@!(&!!
While I'm on the subject of cars and driving and whatnot, what about those people who pick their noses in their car? Who do they think they're fooling? WE CAN SEE YOOOOOU! Despite what you've been told, their is no bubble around you that makes your nose picking invisible.
Alright, I have a theory, so stick with me....(and if you or your family owns a minivan, let me go ahead and warn you that you could possibly be offended.....HA.)
What is wrong with minivan drivers? Almost every time I've come close to getting in an accident and it was the other person's fault, the "other person" has always been a minivan! What the crap is wrong with you people?? I personally feel that minivan drivers are crazy. They have driven their kids and the neighbors kids and the dog and fish to one too many soccer games. I just don't know, people. Minivan drivers appear to be totally clueless. And you know the funny part? Even though there are tons and tons of female minivan drivers, the male ones are out there too. And they try to drive it like it's a BMW sports car or something. Yeah! You! MACHO GUY! I'm laughing at you and your inability to drive a car! Get off the road!!
And you there! Blasting your bass and making your battered car door rattle as if it's about to fall off (actually saw this today)! You are NOT cool. All that proves is that you are most DEFINITELY not well-endowed IN THE LEAST!!! You are not "pimpin'". You are not "hip" or "tight" and you sure as hell make me want to kill you!
And you there! Christian girl blasting Christian music out of your speakers as if it were rap and God could hear the bass in heaven: he can't! He doesn't care about you! Christian music was created to annoy the rest of us! *cough*Sarah*cough*
deep breath.....breathe in, breathe out....kill insane drivers, breathe in, breathe out....
Yes, well, in other areas that are pissing me off:
I hate the Oxygen channel. It is so degrading. Maybe I'm an alternate feminist or something. But anyway. How does Oxygen celebrate women at all? It makes us all seem like halfwits!! All that's ever on when I go by is yoga, or talk shows, or celebrity interviews and more freeking yoga!!! I am insulted, not only as a female, but as a member of the human race, when I hear some of the incessant babble that goes on on that channel!!! Why do we even need women's TV?? All it is are those stupid made for TV movies with Susan Lucci and Traci Gold suffering from anorexia, getting stalked and raped and murdered and divorced. Why? Who's in charge here??? I say we all start a petetion to get Oxygen Network off the air! And fast!
I love Weezer. Why do I love Weezer so much? I really don't know. It could be that they have such meaningful lyrics amid all the geek-rock music. It could be that I like the music itself. It could also be that whenever I'm playing Pinkerton, I can't resist the urge to dance in front of my mirror like a crazy person in my underwear. Whatever the reason, I connect to Weezer's music and it is then that my urge to be a rock star is at its peak. I love how when I'm angry, their music helps me get out my anger or when I'm happy, it keeps me happy and when I'm just blah, it kind of cheers me up and puts me on a happy type of wavelength. Does anyone know when their 3rd CD is due out?? I'm dying here.
And on the subject of new CDs, does anyone know when the new Veruca Salt album is due out? I thought it was supposed to be out in April, but I haven't heard anything about it.
I saw the end of Kittie's video on MTV today. I kinda liked the song.
I saw my lifeguard and Andrew Kown at Chili's tonite. Weirdness...I also saw Mo Dunn, but I see that girl everywhere!! It's hilarious. I saw her at my hair salon, the Jump Little Children concert....
ps- did you know that high blood pressure contributes to water retention? or something? i don't remember. But whatever high blood pressure contributes to, I sure must have a whole helluva lot!!!