Horn broken. Watch for finger.
Keep honking... I'm reloading.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
All generalizations are false.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
I brake for no apparent reason.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
Rehab is for quitters.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
No radio - Already stolen.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Caution: I drive like you do.