Bumper Stickers
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Pardon my driving, I am reloading.
Join the Army, travel to exotic lands, meet exciting and unusual people. Then kill 'em.
Smile, it's the second-best thing you can do with your lips.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
So many pedestrians....so little time.
Women have to be in the mood, men just have to be in the room.
Sex is like Pizza - even when you think it's bad, it's kinda good.
Fight crime....shoot back.
1024x768x256.... sounds like one mean woman.
CAUTION: This vehicle makes wide stops and sudden right turns
Disgruntled Employee of the Month
Caution: I break for imaginary objects
Just do me
Like I give a rat's ass what you think
Only Idiots Read Bumper Stickers
Elections that are for $ale are not FREE
Love slave wanted. Apply within.
I club baby seals
If you can't stop in time to read this, smile as you go under
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I love cats . . . they taste just like chicken.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Cover me! I'm changing lanes.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
Laugh alone, and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times, I let her sleep.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Make it idiot-proof, and someone will make a better idiot.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Sex on television can't hurt unless you fall off.
I'm a corporate executive. I keep things from happening.
If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
My wife said if I don't quit fishing she's gonna divorce me. God, I'm gonna miss her.
I still miss my ex- but my aim is improving.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
I remember when sex was safe and motorbikes were not.
God loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a ****!
The more I know men, the more I love my dog.
Good cowgirls keep their calves together.
Just when I think I can make ends meet, someone moves the ends.
Caution! I can go from 0 to bitch in 2.5 seconds.
The best way to get on your feet is to get off your bum.
To hell with the dog - beware of the owner.
If you get any closer, I'll break wind.
I never get lost - folk are always telling me where to go.
I'm not a bum, my wife works.
Get even - die in debt.
Don't take life too seriously - it isn't permanent.
Get even - live long enough to be a problem to your children.
If Reindeer can fly, our windscreens are in big trouble.
The rings of Saturn are made entirely of lost airline luggage.
The Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
He who laughs last is generally a bit slow.
Intel - still number 0.999873464508
Sorry about the crayon. They won't let me have sharp objects.
I have a rock garden. Last week, three of them died.
Ambidextrous: able to put sugar in coffee with either hand.
If life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and salt!
Then Q met Loren - after which he was known as O.
People like that are the reason we have middle fingers !.
A single fact can ruin a good argument.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
I did NOT escape.... they gave me a day pass.
I plan to be a late bloomer - it's the only chance I've got.
If not for politicians, we wouldn't NEED assault rifles.
G = Guns, PG = Plenty of Guns, PG13 = more than 12 guns.
Cat bathing is a martial art.
Morals for sale, never used. Contact Bill Clinton.
Democracy: 3 wolves and a sheep voting on what's for lunch.
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
You're about as subtle as an axe between the eyes.
Conserve toilet paper, use both sides
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
No Radio - Already Stolen
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
LOVE: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
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