Yeah, I figured doing a short entry might be good, just to keep my hand in. Actually, I decided to do an entry this evening, since it's a Friday night and I have nothing but free time on Friday nights (cue the pity party...), but I ended up getting into a nice, long phone conversation (pity party over). Add to that the fact that I think I'm getting sick and I need to rest, and I better just do a shorter entry. Besides, I don't know how much I have to say, really.
But I wanted to start out by making an observation. To set up, it seems like every entry I do just kind of flows out pretty easily onto the virtual page. My thoughts and feelings just kinda go, and there isn't generally a lot of filtering going on. I hope people realize that. But (and here's my observation), it seems like every entry I do feels right at the time, and then I'll go back and read it a day or two later, and some of them just seem wrong. The last entry was one of those.
Obviously, the factual junk wasn't wrong. I really did rent a U-Haul and help Gibson move, I really did act as Best Man at Jesse's wedding, etc. But the stuff about friends and relationships and stuff (spurred by my impressions of The Catcher in the Rye, combined with a lonely, gray, boring day) seemed, on second reading, really off the mark.
Okay, so I wasn't lying about my friend who seems to always either forget or forgive people for being annoying. That's true. The fact that this kind of behavior baffles and frustrates me is very true. But a point I was trying to get across (and I don't think I did very well) is that I kind of admire this friend of mine for that behavior. If I ever had claim on calling myself a Christian, that's the kind of behavior that would be appropriate, isn't it? I mean, people taking advantage of you... maybe not. But the forgive and forget thing is kind of like a self-sacrifice: "Yeah, I know this person annoys the crap out of me; I know they're just going to be stupid; maybe they'll drive me absolutely insane... but maybe they won't this time. I'll give them another chance." That takes a lot more patience in people than I seem to be able to muster lately. And yes, that bothers me. But no, I'm not trying to imply that my friend is being stupid... I'm trying to imply that my friend has something figured out that I just haven't managed to wrap my head around yet.
As for the "complete lack of friends in town" thing that I implied... I realized that wasn't quite true, either. A lot of times, I feel like I don't have any really close friends -- the kind that you share anything with, the kind you always hang out with even when there's nothing else to do. That kind of friend. So I started thinking about it some more. I realized that I might not have any friends that I can pin that kind of label on, but what friends I do have are the kind I could trust to be there. Maybe we don't hang out all the time, but I know that if I needed them, they'd be there. They might not bail me out of jail or anything, but you get the idea.
That was driven home the other night by my trombone quartet. We had a rehearsal downtown, at my church (great acoustics. Quite fun!). Afterward, we all went to get supper at a local pizza place. Just sat in the booth, eating pizza and garlic knots, and talked. It's been a long while since I sat down and chatted with a few friends, so that was really nice. Then, one of the guys hosted people at his apartment to just hang out and watch Monday Night RAW. I guess they've been doing this every week for the past year or so. Okay, I've never really had any interest in pro wrestling. Always thought it was a little silly. I went last week and I still think it's a little silly. But it was a fun evening of just hanging out, watching TV with friends, and chatting. Good times.
So yeah, I do often feel like a complete loner... but I do have friends. Thanks, guys.
And I think that'll wrap this one up. Gotta get some sleep to try to keep any sickness from fully forming. G'nite, all.