If you hate e-mail chain letters as much as I do, you'll probably have a laughter related heart attack from this letter. I sure did, just ask the Old Man, Rose, and the Little Girl, they were all around as I was reading it. And besides, look, I didn't just forward the e-mail on, I'm putting it on the fucking site. READ IT.
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. Please take the time to read this. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams,extreme, unbearable virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed via anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if I send them on, that poor 6 year old girl in Alabama with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000!?! How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What bullshit. Basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Oooooooh, but the evil chain letter leprechauns may come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by a hermaphrodite midget pilgrim on the Mayflower; and if it makes it to the year 2001, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for "THE longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity." Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omnipotent being" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: Chain Letter Type 1: scroll down) Make a wish!!! No, really, go on and make one!!! Oh SHUT UP, they'd NEVER go out with you!!! Wish something else!!! Not that you pervert!!!!! Is your finger getting tired yet? ok now stop. Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :) Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you'll be raped by a mad goat. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes: Send this to 1 person: and one person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Send this to 2-5 people: and 2-5 people will be really pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Send this to 5-10 people: and 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life. Send this to 10-20 people: and 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will probably firebomb your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!! Chain Letter Type 2: Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats or chickens. But he does have chlamydia, herpes,gonorrhoea and cancer of the lung, pacreas, prostate, stomach and left testicle, which happens to be the only one he has left after his last goat "Pinky" crushed it when "Pinky" died and collapsed on top of him. But this little boy's life could be saved!!! BY YOU!!! For every time you pass this letter on, twenty-eight cents will be donated to the "L.D.S.L.A.G.B.B.F." THE "Little Diseased Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund". Oh, but, we have absolutley no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of utter bullshit. So, go on, reach out!! Send this to 6 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to less than 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!! Chain Letter Type 3: Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897! This is absolutely incredible, since there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 17 minutes or something horrible will happen to you, such as: *Bizarre Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a 14 story waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!! *Bizarre Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend. They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable puppies and kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. BUT if you send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay. And the morale of the story is???? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail. Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll have to look at me naked!