| Tips for Doctors Visits. 1) Germs In an earlier story I mentioned that I have spent a little time at the dermatologist�s office. On my first visit to the office I was very nervous. I looked down at the coffee table full of magazines including a National Geographic both about and from the Paleozoic Era. I was deciding which historical document I would read when I realized the only interesting magazine was being read by the woman in the seat to the right of myself. After a moment the woman tossed the magazine on the table. I leaned forward to grab the magazine and as I did this I looked over at the woman and saw her hand and I saw why she was at the dermatologist. Thought personally I knew that the only prescription she was gonna get was a bell and a plane ticket to Hawaii. At that moment I learned an important lesson from my leper friend, don�t touch things in the doctor�s office unless they come in a hermetically sealed plastic bag or straight from the autoclave. I just don�t get this sharing of germs. When you were little you were told not to touch things because you don�t know where they�ve been, well you do know where these magazines have been. They have been in the hands of people with horrible leprosy like diseases and they have been collecting these peoples� microorganisms for the countless years that the doctor leaves them in the lobby. Keep that in mind next time you reach for that Better Homes and Gardens with the cool shag rug article. 2) Blood Everyone has had to have blood drawn at on time or another and if you are anything like me you fear this like normal people fear prison rape. The most important tip I can give you to make these times easier is not to let the sadistic nurse taking the blood know about your fear. The second you tell a nurse that you are a little squeamish when it comes to needles they get this little gleam in their eye, a gleam much like that of a teenage boy who just got a new porno mag. They know that what they are about to do is wrong but they are really going to enjoy it. The nurse sees the opportunity for a little action and doesn�t just pop the needle in and draw blood; instead she pokes you in the arm about 7 times. Then they vampire decides she can�t get the vain and attacks the other arm. After about the 15th time you leave the doctor�s looking like a heroin addict you learn to keep your fears to yourself. |