From:		JOSEUK
Date:		Friday, April 26, 1996 8:25 PM
To:		Women Jokes
Subject:		A lesson in Chemistry...

>                  HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET
>                 =======================================
>
>ELEMENT:       Women
>SYMBOL:        Wo
>DISCOVERER:    Adam
>ATOMIC MASS:   Genereally accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from
		40-200kg.  Not know for sure for we are unable to keep one
		on a weighing device long enough.
>OCCURRENCES:   Copious quantities in all urban areas
>
>PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
>1. Surface usually covered in painted film
>2. Boils at everything; freezes (cold as ice) suddenly at times
>   without reason
>3. Melts if given special treatment
>4. Bitter if incorrectly used
>5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
>6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places
>
>CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
>1. Has great attraction for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
>2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
>3. May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent reason
>4. Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases greatly in saturation of
>   alcohol
>5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
>
>COMMON USES:
>1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
>2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
>3. Very effective cleaning agent
>
>TESTS:
>1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
>2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
>
>HAZARDS:
>1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
>2. Hearing protection maybe required.
>3. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at
>    different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct
>    contact with each other