*Presidential secret service aide disguised as turkey.
 
SHOCKING NEW EVIDENCE

Using computer enhanced imagery, it is possibly to produce the image shown above. This has lead to some controversy as to the "Second Weasel Theory", which tells us of the presence of a second armed weasel being launched from the old barn in the background.

WEASEL ASSASSINATION SYSTEMS BRIEF 104:
 

This is a schematic of a second generation Weasel Launcher, designed with presidential conferences in mind. The WL31 is capable of firing upward of ten weasels per second. In addition, the WL31 contains a fully enclosed Biosphere, allowing it to support up to 31 weasels for a period of several hours. This allows the WL31 to be loaded in advance, and also enables the auto-fire function mentioned above. While the WL31 is alone, a formidable weapon, it has been found that customers are, in these days of heavily armed body guards and tight governmental security, always looking for something to make their assassination attempts easier and more effective. In response, several enhancements have been developed to enhance the WL31, making it a truly indispensable assassination tool.

The laser sight attachment allows highly accurate targeting, allowing the weasels to hit their target more often, and kills to be cleaner and faster.

A heavy duty silencer has been developed, allowing the WL31 to be fired with virtually no sound. The silencer is perfect for the more delicate jobs, when the sound generally emitted by the launcher would be enough to give the target warning, allowing him to escape.

Due for release at the end of the year is an additional weasel silencer, which will stop the weasel from squealing, but will not inhibit its attacking ability. This amazing innovation is made possible by the disintegration technology, which allows the silencer to fully disintegrate just as the weasel arrives at its target. This component is currently in beta testing, and so must not be used in any life threatening situations. If you wish to participate in the beta test, you may apply directly to your local distributor.

Large scale assassination attempts have, in the past, been hampered by the fact that all the weasels had to be transported by the gunman, limiting the possible number of targets. While there have been some advances in research regarding making the weasels identify multiple targets, this remains a long term project. Today, however, we are pleased to announce the immediate availability of the ambient weasel scanner. We are all well aware of the fact that there are always more weasels around a target sight, which could be used for additional ammunition if only they could be effectively found. This new attachment makes it possible for weasels who just happen to be within the immediate vicinity of the target (commonly known as ambient weasels) to be used additional ammunition for your WL31. As you will no doubt realize, this opens up many possibilities for isolated missions, where once we would have to rely on regular weasel drops to reload our weapons.

Tired of weasels who just don't hit their target?

As you can see, this is a very exciting time in the area of weasel based weaponry, but particularly for us here at Weasel Assassination®. We thank you for your continued support and loyalty in the face of the numerous, lower quality clones which have flooded the market recently. Rest assured that your investment in Weasel Assassination® weaponry will bring long term benefits and allow us to keep pushing the boundaries of weasel weaponry research.

[BACK]

To order your WL31 weasel launcher or for more information e-mail me at [email protected]