VOLES- the very mention of their name is enough to strike terror into the heart. But most people have only a vague idea of the true nature of these secretive and deadly beasts. The Vole Appreciation Society aims to educate the masses about the ever present threat of Volish insurgence and the terror that would await them under a Volish regime.

    For centuries mankind's fate has been intertwined with the vast and mystical powers of the legendary vole race.

    Voles first came to Earth in 1200 BC aboard space pod 735-B jettisoned from a passing space liner. It was voles who built the mighty pyramids, using their superior engineering prowess to create these massive structures in as little as three hours. Within these mighty shrines they entombed the last of the great cosmic vole space warrior princes who lead the vole army to victory over the hated Mongol hordes in northern Scandinavia in 1066 AD.

    In Ancient Rome, vole advisors were responsible for Caesar's rise to power and his reign of a thousand years. Little did the people know that he was a mere puppet of the secretive 'Dark Vole' and his followers in the Temple of Eternal Vole Supremacy who had taken a vow of world domination. There is some evidence to suggest that Caesar himself was in fact a number of voles in a large suit with an electric head.

    With the Golden Age of Philosophy (circa 742 BC), some voles took pity on the flailing human species and shared a minute part of their vast knowledge with the likes of Pontius Pilate and Pythagoras.

    However, all of this pales into insignificance next to the influx of influence into Western Music during the Classical and Romantic eras (Around 47 AD). Voles were able to impose their wills upon human composers with alarming ease and forced them to use sacred Vole rhythm patterns and harmonic techniques. Dominant Seventh chords, thought at one stage to be tools of the Devil, are now known to be tools of Voles.

    Many human composers became so possessed by the near-crazed state brought about by the Vole music that they would frequently forget their own identities and start crawling around in the grass making shrill squeaking noises.

    It has also been suggested that several of histories greatest composers were in fact, merely the puppets of voles, or at least in some way vole related. Consider, for example, the following names, perhaps left as hints to those versed in the true nature of voles: Vi-vole-di and Volckmarr - Coincidence? Perhaps...

  Monkey Appreciation Society (Official Affiliate Website)

  The Church of the Gerbil

  The Clu Clucks Clan

  All Hail the Magical Plastic Grocery Bag

ATTENTION: BK Corporation takes no reponsability for personal injury or death incurred through intentional misuse (ie. consumption) of Beans 'n' Kole (tm). Exposure to Beanz 'n' Kole may be fatal in some** cases to persons not wearing suitable protective clothing. Do not open in confined areas without adequate ventilation. Contents of can react violenctly with water liberating a highly flammable gas. All rights reserved 1997.       
 

If you have any comments or questions about things Volish, email me at  [email protected]

Masses Educated Since 06/09/1997

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