
9. Kid asks for new bike, gets
pack of smokes
8. Along with presents, Santa leaves
hefty bill for shipping and handling
7. By the time he gets to your
house, all he has left are styrofoam peanuts
6. Christmas day, your kid wakes
up with a reindeer head in his bed
5. Instead of "naughty" or "nice,"
Santa has him on the "dork" list
4. Sends him off on one of them
Carnival cruises with Kathie Lee
3. First words when kid gets on
his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll
put the hurt on you!"
2. Labels on all your kid's toys
read "Straight from Craptown"
1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

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