This is a wonderful new dance that is sweeping the nation (ok, sweeping cat slave's house anyway). All it takes is a over full bladder and clumping litter! First, you hop in the litter box and commence to pee, pee, pee, pee, pee, etc. Now, you must pee a sufficient amount to cover your back feet. Now, stomp around enough in the box to get your feet covered with clumping litter and you're ready to dance! Jump out of the litter box and step, step, shake a back leg--step, step, shake a back leg! Repeat until a human feels sorry enough for you to go get a wash cloth and try to get the litter off your feet. Looking pathetic and meowing mournfully will help speed this up. Once you have had sufficient practice, you may be able to advance to:
The Shroomie Scoot! This is a group dance that requires one cat and several humans. Hop in the litter box and do a really big poop, now work around somehow until some of the poop gets stuck on your backside (hint: long fur helps with this step). Now hop out of the litter box and run to the closest and most expensive carpet (oriental rugs are GREAT for this) and start to dance. First take two steps and drop your butt and scoot, up, take two steps, drop your butt and scoot. Now the humans steps are :
1. Laugh hysterically
2. realize Shroomie is not stopping his dance
3. Realize he is leaving deposits behind him
4. realize you liked your carpet the original color
5. Holler for your spouse while simultaneously
6. Running for the cat and
7. Running for a washcloth
8. Send your spouse for rug cleaner while you
9. grab the cat and head for the bathroom
The climax of the dance occurs when you and Shroomie emerge from the bathroom, soaking wet with him howling and fussing while you try (in vain) to dry his butt and your body before getting scratched to death (hopping and jumping are allowed in this portion of the dance).
Remember to award extra points for interesting poop patterns on the carpet, this is an artistic dance and should be viewed as such.
- Catatonic--Knockout gin drink for a wild cat party.
- Caterpillar--semiprofessional, always gloved man who gives pills to cats.
- Catapult--falling movement off a fence by wailing toncat as a bottle misses his head.
- Catastrophe--cat show award for best cat derriere
- Category--violent, scary Steven King book for kittens.
- Catch--hopeless game played with a tennis ball and a cat's mouth.
- Catechism--oral exchange of affection with lips.
- Catsup--that fishy stuff in the cat dish every evening.
- Catalyst--cat with speech impediment.
- Catty--formal wear for cats on a hot date.
- Cattle--propensity for cats to confess when under pressure.
Happiness is (for cat lovers)...
- Making it to your morning coffee without stepping in cat barf.
- Walking into your house without suddenly thinking "I need to clean the litterbox."
- Whisker kisses without fish breath.
- Hearing the cat barf in the middle of the night, waking up the next morning to go looking for it, and after not finding it, realizing you must have been dreaming (OK, it is probably under the coffee table, but you can HOPE).
- Your spouse cleaning the litterbox without your having to ask.
- Having your in-laws over for dinner and your cat not jumping on the table once!
- Being able to butter your toast without your cat licking it.
