Gah! How the hell did you get here?! You scared the beejeezus outta' me! Just look at me! Anyhoo...so...you wanna know a little bit about me, huh? Well, okay. Sure. That's kewl. But where to begin? Well...let's start with the basics. My real name is Gregg, but I have a ton o' knicknames that I've aquired over the years. I live in the lil' college town of Cortland , NY. Yep. I was born here. I'm what the college kids call a "town-ee." Waaaaay back in the Spring of '97 I went to TC-3 , or, in English, Tompkins-Cortland Community College. Harvard On The Hill. Tee-Hee-Hee. Tinker-Toy Tech. Dryden University. I did approximately one semester there. Why, you ask? It's got a basketball court in the center of it. That's all I gotta say. Hopefully, if I can get my ass in gear, I'll be attending SUNY Cortland. Since I wanna' write comics/animation/television/films/etc. I'm gonna' have to major in Communications. But like I said, I gotta get my ass in gear. If theres anybody with a lighter or a book of matches out there, please...I implore you...LIGHT IT UNDER ME BUM!
I used to work at a lame-ass hardware store called Valu Home Center. Take notice to the key phrase "used to." How come I'm not there anymore? Because a bitch with flaming red-hair name Ms. Craig whined to the speech-impaired District Manager (Hey! He's a jerk! He said some mean, nasty things about me behind my back about the fact I have Panic/Anxiety Disorder! If he can pick on my medical illness, I can sure-as-heck pick on his Elmer-Fudd-soundin' ass!)and had me fired because I wouldn't take her snotty, lousy attitude towards employees who were harrassed when under her yolk. Go write them and tell them what a nasty, rotten, vile, inhuman, evil, etc. person she is! And while your at it, give out some props to some kewl friends of mine who still work there: James, Lisa, Brian, Rich, Linda and the Head Manager, Mr. Kazuba-the dude who didn't want me fired. Give 'em mad props!
So now your probably wondering what my hobbies are. Y'know. What I'm "into." Well, I'm into a lotta' kewl things. Well, at least things I think are kewl. Well, for starters, as I mentioned, I wanna write comics. I'm a comics fan. Currently, I have, like, a gazillion-billion-quad-trillion of 'em. I'm reading tons of titles: Hulk, Batman, Avengers, Iron Man, Fathom, Tom Strong, League Of Extroidinary Gentlemen, Etc. As far as my fave pics right now, I'd have to say Superman is really friggin' kewl right now.
The two titles to pick up are Superman, And Action Comics. Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness are the team on the first book, with Joe Kelly and German Garcia on "Action". Loeb's work is amazing, though it's the first I've read so far by him. Ed McGuinness I followed over on Marvel's "Deadpool" along with Joe Kelley who wrote it. Joe Kelly is one the hottest writers in the field today! I hope maybe one day my stuff'll be as kewl as his (yeah, right!). Also in the comics/movie field is my hero, Kevin Smith! He's kewl-as-friggin'-shit! His run on "Daredevil" was awesome! The story kicked ass! Religion and a second-string villian were made totally kewl in his story arch. Plus, considering he's the director/writer of my one of my all-time fav flicks, "Clerks", not to mention "Mallrats", "Chasing Amy" and "Dogma" he just wails!
So what else do I like to do? Hiking and camping are favorite pastimes of mine. Thankfully I live in an area of NY that's absolutely gorgeous in the Spring and Summer. I collect rocks, fossils and stuff like that. Video Games are kewl, movies-awesome. Oh! Speaking of movies, I'm a huge animation freak! I love all sorts of nifty animation. , or, Japanese Animation to the unintiated. And speaking of the Japanese, I'm a big Godzilla fan. Ever since I was a wee-lil' lad, I loved the big, green, blue-fire-spewin' lizard! And to all you roody-poo candy-asses out there who bitched about the 1998 American-version...I have just two words to say: SUCK IT! What the hell were you expecting? "Ben-Hur" with a big dinosaur?! IT WAS ABOUT A BIG, RADIOACTIVE, MUTANT LIZARD! GET OVER IT! BOOYAH!
I'm a huge science-geek, too. Dinosaurs are kewl. Sharks are kewl. Steve Irwin AKA The Crocodile Hunter...well, he's the man. What can I say? He wrestles down Crocs and poisonous spiders and sch'tuff. HOOOAAAHH! I can usually be caught watchin' The Discovery Channel, usually specials on giant, big-ass Great White sharks gnawin' on sea-lions or that lame show with the hot Australian babe called "The Aquanauts." And who says science is boring?!
Okay...my fingers are getting writing this stuff down. If you honestly need more info...look below. See-ya'! -Gregg
FULL NAME: Gregory David Strauff, Esquire
NICKNAMES: Daktari, McGregor, SHARK-MAN!, Gerg, Gergarious, Da' Strauffada, Strauffer, Cheese, Assass, Spaceman Gregg, Spelunker Gregg, Spelunker-G, The Dinosaur Guy, DJ Daktari and Daktari...Grand Masta' MC!
DOB: 2/25/76
HEIGHT: 6' Even
WEIGHT: 180 Lbs.
EYES: Hazel
HAIR: Dark Brown
SCHOOL: TC-3
PETS AND NAMES: Slowpoke (Turtle), Barron (Dog), Lucky (Cat), Sparky (African Pygmy Hedgehog)
JOB: Former Piss-Ant for A Great Metropolitan Hardware Store
HOBBIES: Hiking, Camping, Swimming, Spelunking, Ghost-Hunting
COLLECT: Comics, Movies, Rocks, Fossils & Toys
WORDS OR PHRASES YOU USE TOO MUCH: Gotcha'! Booyah!
DREAM CAR: Hummer, Jeep or VW Concept
COOLEST EXPERIENCE: Kahunaville. The name says all.
SCARIEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE: Lookers. Syracuse. February 25th, 2000. That's all I can say, kiddies. That's all I can say.
FAV THING TO DO IN THE SUMMER: Go swimming!
FAV THING TO DO IN THE WINTER: Drink hot coco and snuggle up with a female...
SPECIAL SKILLS OR TALENTS: I can devour nearly 20 Taco Bell soft tacos!!!
WHAT I WANT TO BE: Something kewl...
RELIGON: Christian
YOUR FAVORITES:
MUSIC: Everything except Hip-Hop & R&B
COLOR: Green
FOOD: Mexican
LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Lima Beans
BOOK: Anything by Micheal Crichton or Peter Benchely
VACATION: Orlando, Florida
SUBJECT: Parapsychology & Cryptozoology
SPORT: Hockey (It Kicks Ass! Literally!!!)
ACTOR: Sean Connery
ACTRESS: Penelope Ann Miller
CARTOON: Scooby-Doo
MOVIE: Scent Of A Woman
MUSIC VIDEO: "Heroes" by The Wallflowers
ANIMAL: Gorilla
LEAST FAVORITE ANIMAL: Spiders & any Arachnids
MONSTER: Godzilla
TV SHOW: The Others
DAY: Friday
MONTH: July
HOLIDAY: St. Patty's Day
PART OF THE NEWSPAPER: Comics
THINGS TO WEAR: Jungle Khaki's, Jeans, T-Shirts, Sneakers, Sandals, Hiking Boots...Anything comfortable, basically.
RANDOM THOUGHT: Y'know...The Funniest Thing To A Great White Shark, Must Be A Wounded Seal Trying To Swim To Shore, Because...Where Does He Think He's Going?!