December 9 - We awoke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow that covered every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there exist a lovelier place in the entire world? Moving here was the best idea I ever had. I shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definetly have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see the stuff again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14 - Snow, lovely snow! 8'' last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so! The wind took my breath away but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back again this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize that I have to quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back into shape that way. I wish I didn't huff and puff so.

December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought a snow tire s for the wife's car and two extra shovels. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I really think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour which I think was very cruel.

December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricty was off for four hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought the woodstove but I won't admit it. Damn, I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20 - Electricity's back on but we had another 14'' of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store in town to see about buying a snowblower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done for me and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today and it's so cold it probably won't melt until August. It took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, took a leak and got dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on the front of his truck for the winter but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23 - Only 2'' of snow today and it warmed up to 0. The wife wants me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she... Nuts?! WHy she didn't tell me to that a month ago? She says she did but I damn well think she's lying.

December 24 - 6'' of snow packed so hard by the snowplow. I broke the shovel. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his nuts. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street 100 miles an hour and throws the snow all over where I've just shoveled. Tonight, the wife wants me to sing Christmas carols and open our presents but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow!

December 25 - Merry Christmas. 20'' more inches of the @#!^3@ slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling snow makes my blood boil. Jeez, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26 - Temerature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28 - Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!

December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb he does think I am?

December 30 - Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9'' predicted.

December 31 - Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8 - I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? Well, hope you have a great New Year!