The AFS Adventure:

Tips & Suggestions to enhance your experience

The AFS Experience:

Every AFS experience is unique--shaped by the student, host family, friends, and community. There are, however, certain aspects common to all AFS experiences. The AFS Adventure offers some suggestions for dealing with the challenges of an AFS experience abroad. The rest is up to you-- your sensitivity, your eagerness to explore without preconceived ideas, your willingness to go more than halfway with others, your ability to work on any difficulties you encounter and your sense of humor.

AFS Adventure offers you advice from staff, and from U.S. studets who have gone abroad recently with AFS.

"Each AFS experience is unique and depends on the individual to be positive or negative. No one can be expected to do everything right. Just be yourself and your stay will turn out best for you and your family."

An Adventure in Learning:

How much do you know about the country where you are going? How much do you know about the United States? What will you learn from living in a country and culture which are different from your own?

Your stay will be more rewarding and exciting if you go abroad with some knowledge of your host country. It will please your host family and new friends to see that you made an effort to learn about their country before arriving. So we encourage you to find out about the government, history, economy and cultural heritage of your host country.

It's also very helpful to make sure you are up to date on U.S. current events, politics and lifestyles, and the history and special culture of your home community.

You and Your Host Family:

"When I first started living with my host family, things were very confusing and I had real difficulty expressing myself. After I had been there a while, we were having a big family celebration. I gave my family the gifts I had brought from home-- carvings and crafts from my hometown and embroidery my mother had made for them. I was able to explain what each gift meant. The family seemed very pleased and touched by the thought that had gone into choosing these gifts for them."

A family is a mixture of personalities, temperaments and interests all living under one roof. Family members will communicate and show affection, sadness and happiness in their own ways.

However, your AFS family is special in their generosity; they have opened their home and are eager to share their lives with you.

It is up to you, the student, and your new family members to build your relationship and straighten out any rough patches. Avoid comparisons; your relationship with your host family will be different from the one you have with your family in the U.S. and different from the ones other AFS students have with their host families.

Be alert to the way the family does things and try to do them that way, too. For example, your new family may eat some, or all, of their meals together. If they do, it's very important that you join them (and considered very rude if you don't.)

Ask about the family rules and customs if you're not sure. And, don't feel that because you accept their way of doing things, you are going to "lose your identity." Actually you are more likely to develop a clearer understanding of who you are by trying on different behaviors and practices.

"The hardest adjustments were in my family. I wasn't used to the constant attention or the vast difference in my two families and at times it was frustrating and discouraging. I now realize what a valuable experience being forced to make those adjustments was."

"Most of the girls in my group found it very difficult to adjust to the restrictions of their family until they realized that this was a natural way for them to be treated in Spain and really showed the family's love. They found it awkward being kept at home when they almost took it for granted that they'd be going out."

Some AFS students quickly fit into their host family and immediately feel like family members. Others find it takes some time to feel fully at home.

One way to ease the transition is to be open and frank with your host family. If you don't understand something, or if there has been a misunderstanding, discuss it right away. Ask them to be honest with you too. Remember that they have been living together for many years. It will help a great deal if you can be sensitive to the relationships in the family and consider their feelings.

Consult your family when planning activities, no matter how simple or ordinary. Because they feel responsible for you, they may be even more careful of you than they are of their own children.

Although many AFS students form close relationships with their host brother or sister, you should be prepared to pursue your interests and use your initiative in making friends without depending entirely on your host family. And, don't be disappointed if you don't become a close companion to the host brother or sister nearest your own age. People often prefer to spend time with people who aren't their "relatives."

"How strange it was when for the first time in my life I needed extra understanding, sympathy, help and patience, and then realized what the same must mean to others when it comes from me."

"There were so many interesting foods that I decided to try everything and not worry about dieting, especially after seeing my mother laboring for hours in the kitchen. I enjoyed the foods so much more when I wasn't always thinking what they'd be doing to my waistline and, just as AFS had said, I was able to take the weight off easily when I returned home."

Communicating:

AFSers communicate in their new countries by learning the language, by using some English and by relying on plenty of gestures and "body language." No matter how you do it, the important thing is to start communicating with your new family, friends, and other contacts immediately.

Learn as much of the language as you can. This is a vital way to gain insight into your host country and the people you will meet. You will also be able to make friends much more easily. So it is important to begin studying the language of your host country now. Once there, continue to build on your knowledge by spending time each day learning new words and talking with people. It doesn't matter if your grammar or pronunciation is wrong. What does matter is that you keep talking. Your mistakes may provoke laughter occasionally, but your efforts will bring you closer to your host family and friends and will be a big help in school.

"When one begins school, the bomb hits. These people actually speak another language all the time! People tend to treat you like a baby because, after all, you haven't learned how to talk yet. That is when you hit the low point. Then out of this dark cave comes a glimmer of light. You begin to understand what is being said at home. Then you yourself stumble through a few sentences and it sounds rotten but at least you tried and they understood!"

You will quickly see differences in the way things are done in your host country. It will take time and effort to understand them completely. Using different forms of communication and being sensitive to how others use them will help you learn about your new culture and its patterns of behavior.

"One thing I noticed immediately about my family was that they talk very loudly with each other-- in my opinion, it was close to arguing. It seemed that to get the message across to each other, members of my family would just yell at each other. At first, I hated this because my own family in the U.S. is sort of on the quiet side. Anyway, I realize now that this arguing was the way this family communicates-- to each their own way, right?"

"When I first got to Turkey, I noticed that Turks often raise their heads or eyebrows instead of just saying 'no.' This really turned me off at first, since such an expression would seem rude in the United States. It took me a few weeks to get used to this method of saying no, but pretty soon I was doing it myself. It's not impolite at all in Turkey, of course."

Fitting In

"It wasn't a marvelous vacation-- it was living and coping with things, and I believe I learned more from this than if it had been a wonderful dream."

Each student will have a different experience. You can't predict how easy or hard it will be. Your attitude is most important-- your sense of humor and your willingness to face a problem and work it out in your own way. All students face adjustment difficulties and many report that they grew the most by overcoming these challenges. Some problems are easily solved; others require compromise, effort, and understanding. Still others may lead you to reevaluate your ideas and habits.

There will be quiet times and busy times, exciting moments and dull moments. Even in the warmest home, there may be times when you miss your family, friends, and activities in the US. Homesickness is normal and you'll be more likely to get homesick when you're having problems learning the language. If you immerse yourself in the new environment and get involved with people, customs, and events around you, this will help you learn the language faster.

If you're tired, frustrated or homesick, try not to let these feelings take over completely. A good night's sleep and a fresh start in the morning can work miracles.

During your time abroad, everyone has to make adjustments. Not only you, but each member of your host family will be faced with unfamiliar situations. If you have no adjustments to make, step back and take a look. Is your family doing all the adjusting?

"Be prepared to be homesick. No matter what you think now, you will be. The first week, the first few months-- the key to curing the disease seems to be your own initiative for reaching out, establishing ties, and involving yourself.

"One of the most profitable experiences I had was just being away from home. I just couldn't get used to myself without my family and friends. Just me. And I, alone, starting from scratch, had to show all these new people who I was."

School: For Year and Semester Program Students

School is, of course, and important part of your AFS experience. It is an opportunity to learn not only the subject matter but also the nature of the educational system and the values it creates. Plus school is a great place to meet people your own age.

You are expected to work hard and treat school seriously even if you don't need the credits in the US. Your host family, your new school and the local AFS organization are all counting on your being motivated and making a serious effort in school. On the other hand, if you are accustomed to doing well in your US school, don't be upset if you don't do so well at the start because of the difference in language and academic background.

Your placement in a class abroad will be determined by your host school authorities and the AFS representative, taking into consideration your academic record from the United States. While your classes may seem too advanced in the beginning, you should find them both challenging and interesting, especially after you have mastered the language.

At first you may find it hard to understand your place in the school or to appreciate the educational system. It is up to you to take the initiative in meeting people-- you are the newcomer, and the people you meet will have already formed friendships and become involved in activities. Sometimes you may become frustrated if the school concentrates more on acquiring specific knowledge and memorizing facts than on sharing ideas. But, when you think about it, learning about this kind of cultural difference is a key part of your AFS experience.

Getting Help

It's important to remember that, while you're away, you can count on AFS for assistance. The AFS volunteer structure varies from country to country. Some communities, but not all, have established chapters which organize parties and other AFS activities. However, there are AFS staff and volunteers in your host country who care about you and are ready to help.

There may be times when you can't easily resolve a problem you are facing. It might be a personality clash that persists or a difference in opinion that can't be talked out. Although misunderstandings can usually be resolved if you discuss them with your host family when they occur, there may come a time when you want help from a "third party"-- that's when AFS can help. AFS support is intended to help everyone involved resolve their issues-- not to fix blame but to fix the problem and go forward.

Whenever there are misunderstandings or problems during your AFS experience, there may be a tendency to want to pick up the phone and call home.

Calling home can lead to making the problem much larger than it really is, and it keeps you from facing the situation head-on. Instead of calling home, get in touch with your local AFS contact immediately. The name, address, and telephone number of this person will be given to you at your orientation.

Most of the people involved with AFS abroad are returnees (alumni) and have good understanding of the adjustments you are facing. Be completely frank with your AFS contacts, since they can help you only if they have all the facts. If there are no AFS contacts in your town, write to or call your AFS national director and explain the situation and your feelings.

There are times when a mutually satisfactory solution cannot be found. In these cases the best solution is for the student to move to another family. A move should take place only after everyone has had a chance to discuss the situation and efforts to improve the relationships have proved unsuccessful. Should this happen, you can learn from the experience, but there's no reason to feel that you or your family have failed.

Final Thoughts

You will find great rewards if you actively participate in life in your new culture. Returnees talk about how much they learned about themselves and the world today, and how confident they feel about their ability to handle new situations. They talk about their friendships and how their new world view opens up new choices for lifestyle and career. And many AFSers appreciate the advantage AFS gives in terms of college admissions and their ability to earn advanced placement credits, especially in languages.

Your AFS experience does not end when you return to the United States. In fact, its value grows as you make use of the skills and insights you have gained and share what you have learned about your host country and yourself. The time you spend with AFS is a special time which you will value for the rest of your life.