An Anagram, as you know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or
rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following
are exceptionally clever. Someone out there is deadly at Scrabble.

Dormitory 			Dirty Room
Evangelist 			Evil's Agent
Desperation 			A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code 		Here Come Dots
Slot Machines 			Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity 			Is No Amity
Mother-in-law 			Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms 		Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness 			Genuine Class
Semolina 			Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries 	Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point 		I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes 		That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two 		Twelve plus one
Contradiction 			Accord not in it
Princess Diana 			Ascend in Paris (spooky, isn't it?)

GAUTENG 			Get a gun

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At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS 
president Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal 
complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:
On March 23, 1994 the Medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus 
and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus 
had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit 
suicide. He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency. As 
he fell past the ninth floor his life was ended by a shotgun blast 
passing through a window which killed him instantly. Neither the 
shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been 
installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building 
workers, and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his 
suicide the way he had planned.
"Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "A person who sets out to commit 
suicide and ultimately succeeds even though the mechanism might not be 
what he intended" is still defined as committing suicide.
That Mr Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below 
at street level, and probably would not have been successful in his 
suicide attempt because of the safety net, caused the Medical examiner 
to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
An elderly man and his wife occupied the room on the ninth floor 
whence the shotgun blast emanated. They were arguing vigorously, and 
he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when 
he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets 
went through the window striking Mister Opus.
When one intends to kill subject "A" but kills subject "B" in the 
attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject "B".
When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were 
both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. 
The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife 
with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. 
Therefore the killing of Mr Opus appeared to be an accident: that is, 
the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old 
couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal 
accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's 
financial support, and the son, knowing the propensity of his father 
to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation 
that his father would shoot his mother.
The case now becomes one of murder, on the part of the son, for the 
death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist.
Further investigation revealed that the son was in fact Ronald Opus. 
He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt 
to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten 
story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast 
passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered 
himself so the Medical examiner closed the case as a suicide. Very 
tidy of him. (A true story from the Associated Press, by Kurt 
Westervelt)

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Actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers:
--------------------------------------------- 
* Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".
* Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church
and community.
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we
have a nursery downstairs.
* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the 
side entrance.
* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday 
nights. She's used the program herself and has been 
growing like crazy!
* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the 
birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. 
Julius Belzer.
* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and 
North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at 
both ends.
* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. 
All ladies giving milk will please come early.
* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come 
forward and lay an egg on the altar.
* The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of
the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the 
congregation will join in.
* Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray 
the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do 
something on the carpet should come forward and do so.
* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every 
kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
* Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to 
follow.
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the 
addition of several new members and to the deterioration 
of some older ones.
* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation 
who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
"What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir 
practice.
* During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare
privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe 
supplied our pulpit.
* The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his 
audience.
* The church is glad to have with us today as our guest 
minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with 
him. After the service we request that all remain in the 
sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
* The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's 
Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The 
congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
* The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and
11.
* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church
secretary.
* Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in 
preparing for the girth of their first child.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items 
to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple 
children.

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A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right
away.
She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said,
"That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she 
consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice 
resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his
towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck 
gainer. This followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where 
he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. 

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and laid down on the
towel. She said, "That was incredible!" 
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you 
we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along." 
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. 
After about thirty laps she climbed back out and laid down on her towel 
hardly out of breath. He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic 
endurance swimmer?"

"No," she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the 
canal...

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There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, where the

following people are stranded:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 
2 French men and 1 French woman 
2 German men and 1 German woman 
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 
2 English men and 1 English woman 
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 
2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman 
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on this beautiful deserted island ...

The 1 Italian man has killed the other for the Italian woman. 

The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a
"menage a trois". 

The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate 
with the German woman. 

The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them. 

The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the 
English woman. 

The 2 Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the 
woman and started swimming. 

The 2 Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the 
woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own and the true nature 
of feminism. But at least it's not snowing and the taxes are low. 

The 2 Irishmen began by dividing their island into the North and the 
South, then set up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the 
picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of 
coconut-whiskey, but at least they know the English aren't getting 
any... 

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