.BEST CHICKEN JOKE EVER
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a 
cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning and 
looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters to no one in particular... 
"Well, I guess we answered THAT question!!! "

********************************************

BLOND JOKE

Three women all work in the same office with the same female boss.
Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls
decided that, when the boss left, they'd be right behind her. After
all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening
and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa
before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy happy happy to be home, but when she got to her
bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she
cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with
HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her
house.
The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned
leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them.
"NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!"

********************************************

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the
last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement
at short notice.

The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking guy.
The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff but
was told that this was the best they could do at such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his
fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the chief
of staff about the cook, but he was told that this man was supposed
to be a very good chef.

The meal went okay but the President was sure that the soup tasted a
little off, and by the time dessert came, he was starting to have
stomach cramps and nausea. It was getting worse and worse till
finally he had to excuse himself from the state dinner to look for
the bathroom.

Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook scratching
his rear end and this made him feel even worse.

By now he was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so
disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom.

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a
door that opened and as he undid his trousers and ran in, he
realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's
office with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard her
president whisper in a barely audible voice, "sack my cook". And
that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

********************************************

Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten
married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next.

Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the
perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits
you?"

"No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring
them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on
looking!"

"Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just
like your dear ole Mother?"

Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again.

"So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?"

Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom.
My mother loved her, they became great friends."

"Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"

"I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"

********************************************

Joseph was very depressed. He ran into his friend Jon. Jon asked him 
what was wrong.
"I'm just depressed and can't get over the fact that I have three balls."
"Three balls? You're DEPRESSED? Son, we can make a *fortune* with 
this!" Jon exclaimed.
"How do we do that?"
"We go from bar to bar, and bet everyone that between you and the 
bartender you've got five balls. It can't miss!"
Joseph brightens up and off they go.
They get to the first bar, make friends with some of the strangers at 
the bar, then made the annoucement, "I'll bet anyone that between the 
bartender and my friend Joseph, they've got five balls." Jon announced.
Almost everyone rushed up to place their bets.
Jon turned to the bartender and said, "You don't mind if we use you on 
this, do you?"
The bartender said, "Not at all. In fact, I'm very impressed."
"Yeah?" Jon asked, "How come?"
"Well, I've never met a man with *4* balls before. I've only got one."

********************************************

A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked: "Will you buy booze?"
The bum said: "No."
The man asked "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said: "No."
Then the man asked: "Will you come home with me, so my wife can see 
what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

********************************************

Here's the Humor... What Will He Be?

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The 
parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide 
about his career path... so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and 
putt hem on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would 
think they weren't at home.
The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a 
businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a priest - but if he 
takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited 
nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive 
home. He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. 
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and 
slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also.
Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative 
whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his 
room,carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than 
I ever imagined..."
"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.
"Our son is going to be a politician!" replied the concerned father. 

********************************************

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my roomwatching 
television when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
A girl's voice came over the line.
"Can I speak to Ben, please?"
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a 
wrong number & I was bored.
"I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
Silence on the other end...a confused silence.
"Is this Steve?"
My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.
"Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
"Well...he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him..." 
she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said 
that he would be back at 10:00."
A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"
"The girl he went out with."
"I know that! I mean...who is she?"
"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message 
for Ben?"
"Yes...please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her 
temper flaring.
"I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"
She exploded this time. "Who's Jennifer?"
Apparently she wasn't.
"Well...he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her.
Sorry...it was an honest mistake."
"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him 
and the she's Very Upset and that I would Like Him to Call Me as Soon 
As He Gets Home."
I smiled and said, "Okay, I will...but Becky isn't going to like 
this..."
" Click "

********************************************

 Request

The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the 
following reasons:
 has to work hard;
 has to work at great depths;
 has to work upside down;
 has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work;
 has to work in a high humidity environment;
 has to work at high temperatures;
 does not get weekends and holidays off;
 does not get time off after extra hours of work;
 has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional 
sickness.

Request denied
--------------
for the following reasons:
 does not work 8 hours in a row;
 does not answer immediately to all requests;
 does not have a degree;
 after a short activity period, falls asleep at work;
 shows no fidelity to the workplace;
 retires too early;
 does not work at all unless pushed from behind;
 does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work.

********************************************

The Prince of Wales was driving around his Mother's estate one day
when he accidentally ran over her favorite Corgi. The poor unfortunate dog
was crushed beyond recognition. The Prince got out of his car, sat down
on the grass and started crying. The whole world was already against him
and now his mother would be furious with him as well.

Suddenly he noticed a lamp half buried by his foot. He dug up the lamp and
polished it-Lo and behold, a genie appeared. "You've freed me from
thousands of years of imprisonment", said the genie. "I grant you one wish".

"Well", said the Prince, "I have all the money and material things that I
need, but let me show you this dog".

They walked over to the splattered remains of the dog.
"Do you think you can bring this dog back to life?" asked the Prince.
The Genie looked carefully at the remains and gently shook his head.
"This body is far too mangled for even my magic to bring back to life... isn't
there anything else you would like"?
The Prince thought for a moment and then reached into his pocket and took
out two photographs. "I used to be married to this beautiful woman named
Diana," said the Prince, showing the genie the first photo. "But now I
love this woman named Camilla." He showed the genie the second photo.
"You see, Camilla isn't beautiful at all-do you think you can make Camilla as
beautiful as Diana?"
The genie studied the two photographs and after a few moments said:
"Let's have a look at that dog again."




********************************************

The Prince of Wales was driving around his Mother's estate one day
when he
accidentally ran over her favorite Corgi. The poor unfortunate dog
was
crushed beyond recognition. The Prince got out of his car, sat down
on
the
grass and started crying. The whole world was already against him
and now
his mother would be furious with him as well.
>
Suddenly he noticed a lamp half buried by his foot. He dug up the
lamp and
polished it-Lo and behold, a genie appeared. "You've freed me from
thousands of years of imprisonment", said the genie. "I grant you
one
wish".
>
"Well", said the Prince, "I have all the money and material things
that I
need, but let me show you this dog".
They walked over to the splattered remains of the dog.
"Do you think you can bring this dog back to life?" asked the
Prince.
The Genie looked carefully at the remains and gently shook his head.
"This
body is far too mangled for even my magic to bring back to life...
isn't
there anything else you would like"?
The Prince thought for a moment and then reached into his pocket and
took
out two photographs. "I used to be married to this beautiful woman
named
Diana," said the Prince, showing the genie the first photo. "But now
I
love
this woman named Camilla." He showed the genie the second photo.
"You
see,
Camilla isn't beautiful at all-do you think you can make Camilla as
beautiful as Diana?"
The genie studied the two photographs and after a few moments said:
"Let's have a look at that dog again."


