A long time ago...while sleeping in eachothers arms..he would whisper to me, "Love is a dangerous angel." I never knew quite what he meant, but I always agreed. Love is a dangerous angel...it is sweet and soft and seductive with touch...the way it can kiss your lips and suck the life right out of you with a few simple words...full of meaning...full of nothing...that means nothing but feels as strong as hot wax poured down your chest or a hundred invisible needles stabbing you...or...or...oh, I don't know. There aren't enough words for it. This dangerous angel..it likes to play with you...it leaves you alone, stranded somewhere to be engulfed by an ocean...an ocean of salty tears that trickle all the way down to your legs on your naked, frightened, shivering vaulnerable body...So you soak yourself in water....so the salt will blend instead of residing in your cuts... so that you can try to avoid thinking...but it all is in vain. when you are left alone with quiet, what else is there to do but think? So you plot against this dangerous angel and the angel is has tied you to...you look for a way to escape sitting in a bath tub crying...wanting to die...looking for something to weight you down so you can die...but you never go through with it. The angels wont let you. So you get out of the water....you wrap something around you....not for the sake of drying off but for the sake of not freezing...you crawl to your bed...and lay naked in the sheet....sratching and clawing and biting the world for one decent hour of sleep...you dig your own nails into your own skin...you tell yourself it is going to be okay...that you will make things okay...you drive youself crazy...until about 15 minutes of sleep drives itself in...but you awake abruptly... You don't know if you are not allowing yourself sleep or if sleep is not allowing you...you lay there...thinking of the nightmares you have...you wondering which of them are true...you wait until morning...when all you can remember is...love is a dangerous angel...you don't know why or how...but you are afraid to give in.
~~forward~~