I slip myself out of my daily attire and stand alienated and naked in front of myself in the mirror. I stare silently as though I had never seen this image before then regain my senses and glance at the shower. Realizing I don�t have the strength in my arms to even reach up and wash my hair, I put the stopper in place and draw myself a bath. As the noisy water flows, filling the once white tub, I reach with the stronger of my two arms for anything I might need including a glass of juice I had been drinking previously. I wait for the tub to be full then slowly sink myself into the water while wishing I had made the water hotter so that it would have almost burnt me at its touch. I begin my ritual and lather myself up with soap then sink further down, letting my body rid itself of the suds as the bubbles rise to the top of the water. I point one leg up in the air and gently lather it then shave it with what I find to be a dull razor. It makes an almost ripping noise and this somehow pleases me. I continue with my work until my leg is fully shaved.
I sit up intending to reach for the shampoo but end up contradicting myself and rolling to my stomach. I press my face half way into the water and peer around with my eyes then plunge myself into the water. I lay there with my head underwater and eyes closed and think about what it�d be like to drown. I wonder if it is even possible to drowned one�s self without weighting themselves down. I can feel the lack of oxygen in my lungs and think about whom the person will me to come and find my naked body. As I drift in my thoughts I begin to loose consciousness and all at once rip my head from the water. A large clump of my hair has made its way onto my face but I make no effort to remove it and just concentrate on how loudly I am breathing and the two little circles that form in the water every time I breathe out with my nose. I start to breathe at a normal speed again and now notice the clump of hair that is running down my face. I watch as the length in the water seems limp yet full of life. I plunge my head underwater again, this time not to think about death but to think about life. I lay once again with my head underwater and eyes closed and feel the warmth of the water and notice the bite of cold air on my shoulder blades and ass where the protrude out of the water. I take my head out of the water once more but this time with more care. I arch my back so that the water shifts and covers more of my body and press my face up against the cold tile, half kissing it with my lips, then I turn my head to the side so that the side of my face with also feel the sensation of cold.
I roll over to my side and pull one arm up and rest it against one side of my face with my hand almost resting on the other and look at my body alignment. A little pool has developed on me. Some of my hair lay heavy and lifeless covering my breast. I try to understand my body as it curves in through my torso that always seems to be too long. I see how far my hips reach out as the make a small smooth mountain in the water. I watch as I sink away again as I get to the end of my visible self with my tucked in knees.
I extend to arms and feel for my legs, ankles and feet as to make sure they are still there and realize I�ve only done so much as shaved one of my legs. I hurry and lather up my neglected leg and slide the razor against my leg with ease, once again enjoying the noise of the blade as it cuts across my flesh and am quickly finished. I sit up and shampoo my hair and rinse, neglecting to it condition it out of lack of interest. I once more lay back down in the now cold water then stand up and ring the water out of my hair. I step out of the tub and once again in front of the mirror. Dripping with what I am told is to be cleanliness, reeking with what is said to be a floral fragrance, shinning with what I can only hope is beauty, I dry myself, dress myself and go to bed�.Dreaming of a time when my biggest complaint about bed with be that my significant other never wants to let me escape his arms in the morning.
