I practice talking to you at night...
To prevent crying in front of you...
When you are there...
You make me feel stupid for feeling the way I do.
Even though we both know what you are saying isn't always the truth.
I feel like you are testing...
Trying to find out if there is anything left in me that hasn't broken.
But there is...
Something left...
I heal...
I mend the torn inside of me.
And it only seems that I get fucked over again.
My wounds are only healed so that I continue fighting on the battle field.
I don't want that!
I don't want this anymore!
Is this what you want?
Is this what you wanted all along?
Because you sure fucking act like it...
I don't want you to try and mend me anymore than I want to be broken.
Please....sometimes I want to cry alone.
I've gotten used to not having the choice.
Very used to it.
I'm not looking for a shoulder to cry on...
I'm not looking for someone to cry on mine...
I'm not even looking for someone who understands!
I want to yell...
I want to yell so even he can hear me in hell.
"No one fucking understands!"
But I know it's not true...
People always understand...
We all feel pain.
But why does everyone have to tinker with things?
Have I always been a toy?
Misused and left out in the rain?
Is that how you see me?
Please, I'm no dove who has fallen due to a broken wing.
And I'm no flower that will allow being stepped on.
Just...
Just...damnit.
Just go back to where you came from.
You're doing me no good being here.
~~forward~~