[How To Give Your Cat A Pill In Ten Easy Steps]
                         (written by Glenda Moore)
 
 

       1. Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your
          elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby.
          Talk softly to it.

       2. With right hand, stroke cat's throat until it opens its
          mouth (be patient). Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat,
          noticing the direction it runs.

       3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat. Sit on
          floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill
          in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.

       4. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat.
          Bring it back into the kitchen. Hold cat as before, but hold
          down its front paws with forearm. Drop pill into mouth.

       5. Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat,
          pick up half-dissolved pill from floor and drop it into
          garbage can.

       6. Get new pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy
          towel. Stay in the bathroom with the cat, and close the
          door.

       7. Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only
          his head exposed. Cradle kitty in the crook of your arm, and
          pick up pill off of counter.

       8. Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn't know that
          cats can jump 5 feet straight up in the air, did you?), and
          wrap towel around it a little tighter, making sure its paws
          can't come out this time. With fingers at either side of its
          jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth. Quickly close
          mouth (his, not yours).

       9. Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the
          chin and talking gently to it for at least a half hour,
          while the pill dissolves.

      10. Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in
            warm soapy water, comb your hair, and go find something
            to occupy your time for 7-1/2 hours, then repeat.