THINGS I GOT CAUGHT DOING (Which I Should Not Have Been Doing):

Sleeping on the kitchen table. (Hey, the place mats were soft and
cushy.)

Digging in the house plants. (My muddy cat prints gave me away.)

Sharpening my claws on the Big Owner's waterbed. (Okay, I'll
switch to the leather chair)(Car tires are good, too).

Zooking inside the Big Owner's car. (Hey, he left the windows
open one night.  How was I to know I'd get carsick?)

Trying to eat the fish in the fish tank. (I thought it was a new
Nintendo game).

Fighting with the neighbor dog. (He called me a big pussy.) (He
lost).

Eating the neighbor's grass.  (Better than "smoking" it for
medicinal purposes).

Begging for human food. (I was desperately hungry)

Eating the Big Owner's ice cream. (I got tired of begging)

Scratching the hardwood floor with my claws while making a sharp
turn through the house (Hey, it's Indy 500 time, gimme a break!)

Eating the Big Owner's flowers. (Hey, you think "Rose Festival"
is just for humans?)

And this was just today.  It was a good day.

Thanks to Mark Mason