While we were at the clinic, waiting for them to help us, Sheena did the
most bone chilling
thing, several hours before she passed away. She was laying on the floor
with Frank, and
suddenly her head bolted upwards, in the direction of an empty corner of
the ceiling. She
started to whirr her little stubby, and yelped and cried like a new born
puppy, and tried to get
up and go towards it. I saw nothing, or felt no presence in the room. Frank
was desperately
trying to keep her still on the floor, and she literally got up, with him
sitting on her back, and
dragged him across the floor towards the corner. She did that strange cry
one more time,
whirred her stubby, and just laid down and relaxed. Frank and I said nothing
about it to each
other, but we were both visibly shaken by it. After that last cry, Sheena
laid silent, and let us
do everything in our power to try to save her. In my mind, I thought that
it was that point in
time that she really died. I kept it to myself, and made a valiant effort
to give her a reason to
stay, to no avail.
When the vet clinic made us leave Sheena, I came home, and updated my other
Rottie list on
how she was doing. On two separate occasions, I felt a strange tingling
sensation,
and pure
coldness from within. I some how knew Sheena was leaving me, and I sat
with my fists
clenched and tried to encourage her to stay with me. The first time the
feeling went away, but
I kept coaching Sheena in my mind constantly. Then the second time, it
came and never left,
no matter how hard I tried to fight it. I knew that she had gone. Several
minutes later, the
phone rang... I already knew whom it was, and could not compose myself
enough to take the
call. My husband had to do it.
After the news, I was in hysterics, and suddenly a calm and peaceful feeling
came over both
myself and my husband. It felt so nice, but then I freaked out because
I should not feel like
this, since my best friend just died. I fought that feeling very hard,
and did for a very long
time. I don't know if the brain releases endorphins at stressful times
like this, but I never felt
it before that time.
That same day, on two separate occasions, a coldness came through the house,
like a door or
window was open. I walked around the house to see if something had been
left ajar. There was
not. It was very disturbing to both me and my husband. This coldness left,
just as suddenly
as it came. I have no idea of why it happened, or what had caused it.
Now, just last week, nothing strange has happened, and I had so many problems
to let
Sheena go. I was standing in the kitchen at the sink, and suddenly I felt
her presence (or
thought that I had). My head snapped up to look at her special spot on
the deck, and there
was nothing there. I silently cursed at myself for being such an idiot,
but then it happened
again. I had not felt this presence since the moment she died, and it was
so comforting for
that few seconds that I had felt it. Nothing came to my mind, no hidden
messages or
anything, just peace.
I am not a big believer of the super natural, or anything like that, but
these things were so
strange. That day, last week, when it felt like she had come to see me,
I felt an enormous
weight being lifted off of my heart. I always BEGGED her to just tell me,
or give me a sign that
she was okay where ever she may be. That way I could perhaps move ahead
and find some
peace within myself. I think that I did that very day. At least I really
hope that is what it was.
I remember when Sheena was alive, she always knew what I was thinking.
She would get so
frustrated when she wanted or needed something from me, and I was too dumb
to understand.
I don't want to do that to her in death as well.
That day, I was able to bring the dogs to the river for the first time
since before Sheena died.
I can say it was so wonderful to be there again, and I had so much fun
with the dogs that day.
I was able to see Diva experience the river for her very first time, and
see her realize that
Rotties cannot walk on water. Before that day, I could never imagine ever
being able to bring
myself to take the dogs there again. The river had always belonged to Sheena,
and I wanted it
to be that way forever.
I don't know if Sheena came to me for real that day, but I feel so much
better since it
happened. My husband even dreamed about Sheena the night before. He said
that he had
Damian in the front seat of his truck, and suddenly Sheena popped out from
under the seat
(you know how dreams are). She growled a big growl to tell Damian to get
the heck out of her
front seat. I remember Frank calling out "Grump" loudly in his sleep that
night, but just let it
go. He said when he called out her name, he woke up, and the dream would
not come back to
him, no matter how hard he tried to make it. He sounded so happy when he
called out her
name that night, it broke my heart.
I probably have gone crazy, but I just felt compelled to write about this
whole thing, in hopes
of sharing something special that you may have had happen to you as well.
I think it is my
way of healing my broken heart, and perhaps it will help some of you. Maybe
others had these
things happen, and just dismissed them as being another step towards insanity.
July 16, 2000
On Friday night I took the dogs for their midnight stroll. I was rather
upset because my hubby
went out with the boys, and left me at home. Frank and I have not been
out together since
Sheena was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. I have not been out since
that time at all.
My hubby would go out occasionally, and I was happy to stay with Sheena.
We would go for the
best cruises together, and probably had a better time then my husband did
in the end. Now
that she is gone, I feel the pain and loneliness of Sheena's absence more
then any other time.
As I was walking along the waters edge, the dogs were playing and doing
whatever it is dogs
do, I saw something out of the upper corner of my eye. It appeared to be
an ember from a fire
pit. It was such a bright orange/red color. It slowly floated down, and
blew right beside my ear.
I jerked out of the way, as I did not want my hair to start on fire. It
still followed right beside
my head, and suddenly vanished. As I looked to where the ember came from,
I saw a very tiny
but dim light about two feet in front of my face. I watched it slowly get
brighter, and it seemed
to increase in size. I thought I was staring for too long, and my contacts
dried out, making me
think I was seeing this thing grow before me. When I blinked, it was still
there, steadily
increasing in size, and going from a dim pale yellow light, to a larger,
intensely bright bluish
white light (like the blue of a flame on a welding torch). It grew to the
size of a one dollar coin.
It slowly dawned on me that this must be a fire fly. Gross! It was trying
to fly into my face or
something! EEEWWWW!!! If you knew how much bugs freaked me out you could
envision how
fast I ran out of its way, flailing my arms in the air, so it would not
fly into my hair, whilst
running a safe enough distance from where "it tried to get me".
I did not dwell on it much, until, I started thinking about how freaky
a bug that can light itself
up really is. What the heck is it made of? I'd rather not see a bug while
it is trying to attack me
at night, it is better for all of us, since screaming after midnight, is
not the most positive thing
for the community. I wondered why I have never remembered encountering
such an awful little
creature before. I then realized that in my entire life of living in this
city, there have never been
fire flies. Nobody has ever encountered one, or ever made mention of such
a thing. It is too
cold here for them. I have walked around this water for several years,
and all that hangs out
there is bugs of the blood sucking kind, and the gigantic dragon flies
that eat them
(EEEWWW!!! Do they have to hover around my head like that all the time).
Never once have I seen these, and I know I will never see one again. It
was so bizarre, and
then I forgot all about it. Today I was thinking it about for some reason,
and then I realized
that if this was a bug, with the size it grew to, it should have been making
some awful noise as
it buzzed around. This thing was totally silent, and just floated weightlessly,
unlike a big huge
bug. As a person whom is terrified of insects, just the sound of this thing
coming, would have
had me out of range before I would ever see it.
Today, I wondered if this may have been some way for Sheena to accompany
me for my lonely
walk. When this thought crossed my mind, I felt so terrible, because I
ran away from it. I guess
that I will never know the answer to this question, but I hope that is
what it was. I take comfort
in that. Not only because Sheena came to see how I was doing, but because
huge bugs that
glow in the dark disturb me more then dragon flies do.
