It's the time when military
families get together again after seperation. Reunion is
part of the deployment cycle, which includes separation and
reunion.
SEPERATION
may:
* last a week, a month, or a year
* be planned in advance or happen on short notice
*involve sites in the U.S. or abroad
*include many types of assignments and duties
REUNION
is a time of adjustment after separation.
SEPERATION AND REUNION CAN BE
CHALLENGING
- but they're a chance for families to grow,
too.
WHY LEARN ABOUT REUNION?
Because reunion can be both joyjul and
stressful.
CHANGES CAUSE STRESS--
and reunion is a BIG change. Even positive changes-a better
job, a pay raise, or a graduation - create stress. Reunion
does, too.
EVERYONE IS AFFECTED
Service members, spouses, and children feel the stress, as
well as friends and relatives.
EMOTIONS ARE ESPECIALLY INTENSE
Your joy at reunion is powerful and
exciting - and disappointments can be extra strong,
too.
Learning about reunion can make
everyone happier and more relaxed...
HOW TO PREPARE FOR A HAPPY
REUNION
Talking about your feelings is an important part of
preparing for a happy homecoming.
SPOUSES
may be thinking:
* How much has my spouse changed?
* Have I made good decisions about our money
* Did I do OK with the kids?
* Will I have to stop seeing my friends so much?
* Will we still have things to talk about?
SERVICE MEMBERS
may wonder:
* Will my family still need me?
* Will the kids recognize me?
* How did things go while I was gone?
* Will they be happy to see me?
CHILDREN
wonder, too:
* Will Dad (or Mom) come to meet my teacher?
* Will I get punished because I wasn't nice sometimes?
* Will the rules change at home?
* How long will Dad (or Mom) stay?
Remember, it's natural to feel anxious -- as well as
excited!
You can help ease the tension in a variety of ways:
COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE DURING
SEPARATION
During the time leading up to reunion, communicate through
letters, calls, or other available ways. Discuss what
you're doing and feeling -- and be honest! Compare
expectations.
REACH OUT TO OTHERS
Talk with others in the same situation. Share your feelings
-- you'll find that you're not alone!
TALK WITH CHILDREN
Ask them questions, and help them express their feelings.
Help them be excited AND realistic about the
reunion.
Learn more...
BE REALISTIC
It's nice to be romantic, but don't
expect more than is possible.
Realize that:
EVERYONE CHANGES
It's only natural that children, spouses, service members,
family and friends change with time. They won't be exactly
as you remember.
COMMUNICATION MAY BE DIFFICULT AT FIRST
Since everyone has changed, it will take a little while for
people to get to know each other again.
ROLES HAVE CHANGED
A family member may have learned a lot about managing a
home or working outside of it.
A service member may have new job skills and added
responsibilities.
INTERESTS MAY HAVE
CHANGED
People's tastes and interests may have changed. For
example, they may have different:
* preferences in food, clothing, and recreaton
* beliefs in politics and religion
* thoughts about money or careers.
OLD PROBLEMS DON'T
DISAPPEAR
It's nice to remember people at their best, but separation
doesn't usually solve problems. Concerns about family
communication, schoolwork, or household habits don't
automatically disappear -- there may be new ones. (And
don't expect to resolve any of them right away!)
SOME TIPS FOR HOMECOMING
For that exciting day when the
service member returns:
MAKE IT
SPECIAL
Plan time for a
special celebration. Get everyone
involved.
STAY
CONFIDENT
Even though people
may look or act differently than you remember, they're not
different people!
STAY
FLEXIBLE
Realize that people
may be very tired or have spur-of-the-moment ideas for fun.
Leave room for changes.
NEGOTIATE ACTIVITIES
Make time for everyone's favorite activities
on reunion day or after. Ask everyone for their
ideas.
During the weeks that follow:
MAKE INDIVIDUAL TIME
It's important for spouses to spend time together without
family or friends. It's a way to learn and grow
together.
ADJUST
GRADUALLY
Start with small
changes and make them slowly. Large or rapid changes in
roles are often a shock for the whole
family.
BE PATIENT
Don't expect everything to happen at
once. Readjustment may take up to 8 weeks or
longer.
RE-THINK YOUR BUDGET
Costs will be different with the
service member at home, and pay may change, too. Set
realistic goals for saving.
SOME TIPS FOR SERVICE
MEMBERS
When you arrive back
home, be patient and expect some difficulties.
DON'T CHANGE SYSTEMS THAT HAVE BEEN
WORKING WELL
If your spouse has been doing the checkbook, or a teen
doing some cooking, don't demand an immediate return to
"the way things were."
GO EASY ON DISCIPLINE
Don't try to "whip things into
shape." Take some time to understand how your family has
changed during separation.
EXPECT OTHERS TO BE A LITTLE
RESENTFUL
Others usually think of deployment as much more exciting
than staying home -- whether you think that way or
not.
SPEND SOME TIME WITH THE
FAMILY
Have a true "family reunion" -- before taking special time
alone with your spouse.
EXPECT SOME SEXUAL TENSION
When two people have been separated, it usually takes some
time to become relaxed and reacquainted
sexually.
SUPPORT POSITIVE
CHANGES
Show pleasure and interest in how your family has
grown.
EXPECT TO MAKE SOME
ADJUSTMENTS
Though you're looking forward to getting home, it may be a
challenge to adjust to changes in:
*where you sleep and for how long
* what and when you eat
* the people you see
* what you do for fun.
RESIST SPENDING SPREES
It's exciting to suddenly have money and
places to spend it, but spending without planning usually
causes trouble later.
ABOVE ALL -- TALK WITH YOUR LOVED
ONES!
Communication is the
basis of healthy, growing relationships.
SOME TIPS FOR FAMILY
MEMBERS
When you and your
spouse are reunited:
AVOID TIGHT SCHEDULES
Service members often look forward to fewer demands on
them.
UNDERSTAND THE SERVICE
MEMBER'S DISCOMFORT
Some
discomfort in communicating eating or sleeping, or some
sexual tension doesn't mean your spouse is unhappy with you
or the family.
ALLOW TIME TO
ADJUST
And, don't expect the
service member to do things exactly as
before.
STICK TO YOUR
BUDGET
Don't spend money you
don't have. The service member may not remember how much
money a family needs.
EXPECT
UNUSUAL FEELINGS
The service member may be a little hurt by your success at
home. This is natural -- everyone likes to feel
needed.
You can make it easier for children if
you:
GIVE THEM TIME, TOO
When a parent hs been away, it takes
a while to remember and accept the parent again. Young
children may also be mad at a parent for leaving them.
Babies may be afraid of a parent they've rarely
seen.
EXPECT TO TEST
LIMITS
When a parent returns, it's natural for children to find
out how things have changed by acting up a little -- or a
lot.
PLAN FAMILY TIME
Make time for a picnic, a trip or a
special meal. It helps bring the family back
together.
PLAN INDIVIDUAL TIME WITH THE SERVICE MEMBER
Plan some special time for just the
child and returning parent to get
reacquainted.
STAY INVOLVED
WITH SCHOOL, ACTIVITIES AND INTERESTS
It's important for parents to be involved
in their children's lives. Ask them about what's going on
-- and support their positive efforts.
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SOURCES OF
HELP
These include:
SUPPORT AND SERVICE CENTERS
The Family Support, Community
Service, or Family Service Center offers expert assistance
in meeting the challenges of the deployment
cycle.
SPOUSE/FAMILY SUPPORT GROUPS
These can be a source of emotional
support and understanding, as well as practical
help.
CHAPLAINS
Religious personnel are always ready
to help service members and their
families.
OMBUDS
OFFICES
They're often the best
source of help for solving specific problems or answering
questions.
OTHER
RESOURCES
These may include
the Red Cross, the USO, Armed Services YMCAs, and a variety
of other military and civillian agencies. Most are listed
in the phone book.
If you're still having trouble
adjusting
after more than a couple of months, or if problems seem
overwhelming, seek professional help. It's available at
your installation or through CHAMPUS.
