1. Do I look like a damn people person?
2. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
3. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
4. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
7. You!... Off my planet!
8. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
9. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
10. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
11. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
12. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
13. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
14. Allow me to introduce my selves.
15. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
16. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
17. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
18. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
19. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
20. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
21. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
22. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
23. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
24. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
25. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
26. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
27. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
28. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
29. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
30. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
31. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
32. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
33. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
34. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
35. I plead contemporary insanity.
36. And which dwarf are you?
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. Meandering to a different drummer.
39. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
