If you didn't know much before, read this and you'll know even less! Watch for new additions!
Our newest definition is:
Tailwind - Results from eating beans in the airport coffee shop, often causing oxygen deficiency in the immediate vicinity.
180-Degree Turn - A sometimes difficult maneuver to perform; the degree of difficulty is usually determined by the size of the pilot's ego.
A & P Rating - Enables you to fly grocery supplies. ,
Aero - That portion of the atmosphere that lies over Great Britain.
Aerodrome - British word for airport. Exactly what you'd expect from a country that gives its aeroplanes names like Gypsy Moth, Slingsby Dart, and Fairey Battle Bomber.
Aileron - A hinged control surface on the wing that scares the hell out of airline passengers when it moves.
Airfoil - 1. Sword used for dueling in flight. Often used to settle disputes between crew members and passengers. 2. What pilots wrap their sandwiches in.
Airplane - The infernal machine invented by two bicycle mechanics from Dayton, Ohio and perfected on the sands of the Outer Banks of Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Precursor of the Frisbee.
Airspeed - 1. The speed of an airplane through the air. 2.True airspeed plus 20% when talking with other pilots. Deduct 25% when listening to a Navy aviator. 3. Measured in furlongs-per-fortnight in student aircraft.
Airstrip - In-flight performance by exotic female flight attendant.
Air Traffic Control Center - A drafty, ill-kept, barn-like structure in which people congregate for dubious reasons.
Alternate Airport - The airport that no aircraft has sufficient fuel to proceed to if necessary.
Angle of Attack - Pick-up lines that pilots use.
Arctic Frost - Attitude shown by uncooperative stewardess.
Arresting Gear - Police equipment used for keeping order at airport parties.
Aspect Ratio - 36-24-36.
Bail Out - Dipping the water out of the cabin after a heavy rainstorm..
Barrel Roll - Unloading the beer for a hangar party.
Caging the Gyro - Not too difficult with domestic species.
Carburetor Ice - Phrase used when reporting a forced landing caused by running out of fuel.
Carburetor Icing - Usually vanilla.
Cessna 310 - More than the sum of two Cessna 150's.
Chart - 1. Large piece of paper, useful for protecting cockpit surfaces from food and beverage stains. 2. An aeronautical map that provides interesting patterns for the manufacturers of children's curtains.
Chock - 1. Sudden and usually unpleasant surprise suffered by Mexican pilots. 2. Piece of wood the lineboy slips in front of wheel while pilot is not looking.
Cockpit - 1. A confined space in which two chickens fight each other, especially when they can't find the airport in a rainstorm.� 2. Area in which the pilot sits while attempting to figure out where he is.
Collision - Unplanned contact between one aircraft and another. As a rule, collisions that result in the creation of several smaller and less airworthy aircraft from the original two are thought to be the most serious.
Cuban 8 - A family of political refugees in Miami.
Dead Reckoning - You reckon correctly, or you are.
De-icer - De person dat puts de ice on de wing.
Dive - Pilots' lounge or airport cafe.
Drag Chute - Emergency escape slide near pilot's window. Opens automatically if male copilot shows up in women's clothes.
Engine Failure - A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks become filled with air.
Exceptional Flying Ability - Has equal number of takeoffs and landings.
Fast - Describes the speed of any high-performance aircraft. Lower-performance and training aircraft are described as "half-fast."
Final Approach - 1. Last pass a pilot makes at the opposite sex before giving up.� 2. Many a seasoned pilot's last landing. 3. Many a student pilot's first landing.
Flashlight - Tubular metal container kept in flight bag for storing dead batteries.
Flight Instructor - Individual of dubious reputation, paid vast sums of money to impart knowledge of questionable value and cast serious doubt on the coordination, intelligence, and ancestry of student pilots.
Flight Plan - Scheme to get away from home to go flying.
Glide Distance - Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
Glider - Formerly "airplane," prior to running out of fuel.
Gross Weight - 1. A 350-pound pilot (also see "Split S").� 2. Maximum permissible takeoff weight plus two suitcases, 10 cans of oil, four sleeping bags, four rifles, eight cases of beer, and the groceries.
Hangar - Home for anything that flies, mostly birds.
Heated Air Mass - Usually found near hangar, flight lounge, airport cafe, or attractive, non-flying members of the opposite sex.
Horizontally Opposed - NO! (Also see "Arctic Frost")
Hotel - The letter H as pronounced in the phonetic alphabet. Most often heard in intercom conversations between pilots and flight attendants.
Hydroplane - An airplane designed to land on a wet, 20,000-foot-long runway.
Induced Drag - When a male copilot is forced to put on women's clothes against his will.
Jet-assisted Takeoff - A rapid-takeoff procedure used by a general aviation pilot who suddenly finds himself taking off on a runway directly in front of a departing 747.
Junkers 52 - A collection of elderly airplanes that even the FAA can't make airworthy.
Lazy 8 - 1. Well-known fly-in resort ranch.� 2. The airport operator, his four mechanics, and three lineboys.
Log - A small rectangular notebook used by pilots to record lies.
Magneto - 1. Spanish for, "What a cool-looking magnet!"� 2. Not-very-famous Italian vaudeville magician, "The Great Magneto."
Mode - Term used by pilots in the Lafayette Escadrille during WWI to describe what they had to land in during rainy weather.
Motor - A word used by Englishmen and student pilots when referring to an aircraft engine. (also see "Aerodrome")
National Airport - Inordinately congested airport in Washington, D.C. whose Potomac River approach was used by Korean War pilots practicing to bomb the bridges at Toko-Ri.
Navigation - The process by which a pilot finds his way from point A to point B while actually trying to get to point C.
Occupied - An airline term for lavatory.
Oshkosh - 1. A town in Wisconsin that is the site of the annual Experimental Aircraft Association fly-in. It is believed to have been named after the sound that most experimental aircraft engines make. 2. Usually followed by "B'Gosh".
Parasitic Drag - A pilot who bums a ride back and complains about the service.
Pilot - A poor, misguided soul who talks about women when he's flying and flying when he's with a woman.
Pitch - The story you give your wife about needing an airplane to use in your business.
Pitot Tube - On long flights, something into which the pilot can pitot.
Radar - An extremely realistic type of video game, often found at airports. Players try to send small game-pieces, called "blips," from one side of the screen to the other without colliding with each other. Player with the fewest collisions wins.
Range - Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air.
Roger - The most popular name in radio.
S-turn - Course flown by student pilot from point A to point B.
Short-field Takeoff - A takeoff from any field less than 10,000 feet long.
Slip - Apparel worn by some pilots.
Split S - What happens to the pants of overweight pilots (also see "Gross Weight").
Stall - Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late because you spent the money on flying.
Stewardess - A pretty gal who asks you what you want, then straps you in so can't get it.
Trim Tab - 1. A device that can fly an airplane better than the pilot.� 2. Popular diet beverage for fat pilots (also see "Gross Weight").� 3. A soft drink popular among female pilots who like to wear skin-tight red jumpsuits.
Useful Load - Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, without regard to cargo weight.
Wilco - Roger's brother, the nerd.
Wingstrut - Peculiar, ritualistic walk performed by student pilots upon getting out of low-winged trainers following first flight performed without instructor yelling at them. Usually results in instructor yelling at them.
Contributor Credits
Melanie (Planedancr)
J. Andrew Poth
