Everybody needs a degree in SOMETHING, right? That's why at U.COM, you can get a degree RIGHT NOW.
Mind you, it's a pretty low-budget affair: no graduation ceremony, no post-graduate reception, no send-us-money alumni magazines in the mail for the rest of your life. All you get is a listing here, on our Honor Roll of distinguished Instant Thesis graduates.
Here's what you do:
- Send us an AMAZING thesis (50 words or less) on any subject. Send it to THE INSTANT THESIS REVIEW COMMITTEE.
- After careful consideration (serious damage to six-pack usually does it), we will post your designated name, your thesis and the honourary degree conferred by our committee.
- That's it! (Hey, what do ya want for nothin'?)
04/09/97 ARCHIBALD MUMBULL, H.B.T. Honorary Bachelor of Trendiness
Sing me a song about suffering,
a tune about sorrow and pain.
Sing it for twenty-four verses, oh-ho,
and sing it all over again. (REPEAT)
O4/13/97 CHRIS OHM, H.M.F. Honorary Master of Fermentation
More things in the world should taste like beer.
04/13/97 "VERA", H.D.C.D. Honorary Doctor of Cute Discourse
The carried need not understand. Get yourself a stroller.
06/03/97 TORI LILLY, H.B.S.E. Honorary Bachelor of Social Engineering
Don't be so happy, it's depressing.
03/05/98 EDGAR FRIENDLY, H.D.S.C. Honorary Doctor of Spiffy Confusion
An Intricate and Detailed Analysis of Conversations That Ramble Beyond the Initial Subject Matter
The attention span of the French Twane bird is about as long as that of an average oak tree.
Oak trees, once considered rare and worthy adversaries, were often attacked by knights. The knight would mount his steed in the presence of at least five witnesses and demand satisfaction for some sully on his honour committed by one of the aforementioned trees. The knight would then instruct his squire to eat the tree. Many squires died in this manner until the practise became unfashionable (as well as illegal).
The Twane bird still flies today.
05/27/98 TIM PETERS, H.M.T.S. Honorary Master of Technological Servitude
My computer was bundled with DOS and dat,
a nuclear hard drive and a dead, smelly cat.
'twas a marketing thing too draught in big orders.
It's two years old... makes a good flower holder.
