My JESUS Story....
By Ben T.
I was doing about 50 on the drive home from work when I heard a gentle flapping, something rapping at my windshield wiper... ...it was A DEAD RAVEN!!!
BWAHAHAHAHA Scared you didn't I?
No, actually it was a flyer someone had stuck there on the passenger side, so I didn't see it until I was nearly airborne. It valiantly held on, even as I hit 75 MPH. I finally plucked it off when I got home. It turns out - it's from JESUS!!!
I can see you scoffing at this already.
No, really! He signed his name at the bottom! (well, he typed it. What that autograph would be worth, huh?) It starts (note all the following quotes sic):
"For God so loved the world that he gave (me) his only son, so that everyone who believes in (me) him will not perish but have eternal life. [Man! I guess Jesus is the ME-ssiah] God did not send (me) his son into the world to condom it..."
Hmmm... God did not give (you) him a spell checker either! I assume it's supposed to be "condemn," though if Jesus is a Catholic it might be "did not send (me) his son into the world to condom it, but to use the sacred and oh-so effective Rythym Method." It ends with "Just call out my name, read my word, the Bible to draw strength. I love you; Jesus."
"Vist; CHURCH OF THE LIVING GOD [see.. It really IS him!!! He is living right here in town!] ...past BUCKLAND HILLS MALL, down hill, past Christmas Tree Shop, across from Uno's."
I'll bet he even works at the Christmas Tree Shop! Talk about your perfect job! Think of the great manger scenes he'd make! "No ma'am, the sheep go to the left, the cow to the right. Yes, the aardvarks and penguins were there. This is why we no longer speak of Gummo, the fourth Wise Man. He's the one bringing the gift of a trash bag full of recycleable cans for deposit."
And He Himself left it under my windsheild wiper! I never thought I'd be Touched by an Angel!
Though I got close that time I was Fondled by a Priest.....
Back to main page:
Oh, if you want to go directly to my QUOTES pages, Click below:
