The Package of Knowledge
A college man’s guide to not fucking things up.
Volume 2 (151-300)

151.	"Less is not always more.  Sometimes it's just less." —Marc 

152.	Never underestimate your opponent.  You will undoubtedly lose.

153.	Every good play is followed directly by a bad play made by the same player.  The same is true of ideas.

154.	If you buy junk, you will get junk.  Spend the extra money; it'll be worth your while.

155.	If you take life too seriously, it will be less fun.

156.	Keep at least one map in your car at all times.  The more maps you have, the less likely you are to get lost.

157.	If you cut a piece of scrap metal, it will be sharp.  (See #4)

158.	Sometimes it is best to start writing in the middle and write the beginning and end later.

159.	Makeup sex is usually just more sex, and isn't enough to jumpstart a failing relationship.

160.	It is not a good idea to get married after knowing someone for three months.  Sometimes it works out for the best, but often it does not.

161.	It is an exceedingly poor idea to put the following things into a fire: alcohol, hairspray, gasoline, small animals, dynamite, bullets, or other people.

162.	Water boils at 212°F, paper burns at 451°F, and if it gets hot enough, the air itself will burn.

163.	Do not set fire to papers hanging on the wall.  The building might catch on fire, you will get in lots of trouble, and no one will like you.

164.	Do not put sneakers or small animals in a microwave.

165.	If you are defrosting a loaf of bread in the microwave, remove the twist tie; it's made of metal.

166.	Do not microwave metal.

167.	Getting an apartment with a significant other puts a lot of strain on a relationship.  Don't do it unless you’re sure that you're ready.  (see also #93)

168.	Don't use your cell phone at a rock concert.  You won't be able to hear, and people will get pissed off.

169.	Despite what you may hear, the truth does exist, and it is your job to find it.

170.	"' ‘Nietzche is dead.' —God" 

171.	Enlisting in the Armed Forces is like selling your soul to the devil; only at least with the devil you know where you’ll be sent.

172.	If you are white, dreadlocks may seem like a good idea, but in the end, they will just make you look dirty.

173.	Murphy, like all good Irishmen, was a smart man.

174.	Hammurabi was not Irish.  

175.	When you are planning to smoke pot in your dorm room, consider the following: is the room well ventilated?  (An open window and a fan will help.)  Can smoke escape under the door?  (A wet towel under the door helps this.)  Have you put the left over pot in a safe, hidden place?  (If school security comes by and sees it, you are liable to get in trouble.

176.	If you pull a loose thread from fabric, it is likely to create a large hole.  It is better to tie off the loose thread and cut whatever is left dangling.

177.	The right to vote is as dangerous as the right to bear arms.  Exercise both with caution.

178.	Blind dates, like stale cigarettes, are products of desperation.

179.	When searching for a job, try to find one with good medical and dental coverage.  Pipe dreams have neither.

180.	Rock stardom is not a career choice; it is a pipe dream.

181.	Running away from your problems will never actually get you away from them.

182.	Never underestimate the power of good friends, nuclear weapons, or stupid people in large groups or positions of power.

183.	Learn to spell people's names correctly.  They will take you more seriously. 

184.	Do not skip your classes for three weeks straight, especially if you did not do well the previous semester. 

185.	Clean your dry erase board occasionally.  Even dry erase markers will eventually become permanent. 

186.	Clean your dishes often.  Even the smallest amount of leftover food quickly becomes gross. 

187.	Wear comfortable shoes if you plan on standing for a long time.

188.	If something in your car breaks, it is best to get it fixed as soon as possible.  This goes doubly if it is your brakes that have broken.

189.	If something breaks and you aren't qualified to fix it, bring it to someone who is.

190.	Sometimes your best just isn’t good enough.

191.	The following are not good jobs to have on your résumé: late night gas station attendant, taxi cab driver, mime, crack whore, and street weirdo.

192.	Take road trips when you can; they're good for the soul.

193.	It's not difficult to overstay your welcome.  Learn when to leave.

194.	Drink water while you're drinking alcohol.  Your head will thank you in the morning.

195.	Do not mix different types of alcohol.  It will only make you sick.

196.	Don't buy catsup bottles that are already red.  You won’t be able to tell when they are empty by looking.

197.	Songs, slogans, and commercials that seem cute at first become grating after repeated exposure.

198.	Wisdom and inspiration come from the least expected places.

199.	You are not "doing good" unless you are working for the betterment of mankind.  When you are just in a good mood, you are "well."

200.	Always tip the doorman.

201.	"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy."  --Charlie McCarthy

202.	If you are going to fix something, fix it.  (See #189)

203.	If something isn't broken, don't fix it.

204.	Be careful where you walk—you don't want to step on ice or in dog shit.

205.	To correctly extract catsup from a Heinz bottle, tilt the bottle at a 45° angle and hit the "57" with your palm.

206.	Water freezes at 0°C or 32°F.  Human blood freezes at 0°F.

207.	Be careful where you ash; no one likes ashes in the catsup, their drink, in anything else that they consume.

208.	When you are standing on furniture, be careful that it doesn’t fall over.

209.	It is best not to make inflammatory remarks about someone who has direct control over some aspect of your life, especially if there is any chance of them finding out.

210.	There is a difference between constructive criticism and an inflammatory remark.

211.	PowerPoint presentations are not professional; they are just stupid.  (See #16)

212.	Most rules have exceptions.  The Package of Knowledge does not.

213.	No matter where you go, people will drive poorly.  You can't escape it, so don't bother trying.

214.	Pay attention to signs; they usually contain helpful information.

215.	It is difficult to convey emotion over AIM.  Sending someone a virtual hug just isn't the same.

216.	Don't substitute online communication for actual human interaction.

217.	Quit while you're ahead.  Trust me.

218.	Do not keep sharp objects in your pocket; you are liable to stab yourself with them.  (See #4)

219.	Don’t take credit for things you haven't done.  Someone will find out.

220.	Take pride in your own work.

221.	If you are planning on going to sleep, don’t drink more than three cups of coffee in one night.

222.	Unless you can actually grow a beard, shave.  Not doing so will make you look as gross as someone who doesn't brush his teeth every day.

223.	Brush your teeth every day.  I'm not kidding.

224.	Public displays of affection have their time and place.  Public is not the place.

225.	Working the late shift at a diner is like riding your bike into a parked car—it's an accident, not something that anyone should do willingly.

226.	Don't ride your bike into a parked car.

227.	Given an infinite amount of time, anything is possible.  Be careful how you spend your time.

228.	The original is always better than any subsequent facsimiles.

229.	Your friends' parents are not predisposed toward hating you; don't make them.

230.	Your girlfriend's parents are; deal with it.

231.	Don't grasp at straws—they aren't very strong.

232.	Don't blow your friends off for sex.  Blow jobs are good, quick fun, but good friends last forever.

233.	"Everyone gets shot sometimes." —Moe's Dad.

234.	Caller ID exists for a reason.

235.	Old flames, like bad habits, die hard.

236.	Paranoia often causes more mistakes than it's worth.

237.	If you can't see out of your car's side window, roll it down.

238.	A gay bar is not a good place to pick up women. 

239.	It’s fun to play with other people’s cell phones.

240.	If you know you will be spending time outside in the sun, be sure to wear sunscreen.

241.	If you plan to have a fire, limit your alcohol consumption.  Alcohol will impair your judgment.

242.	Visit your friends in college; they will appreciate it and will, no doubt, return the favor.

243.	Don’t go on vacation with someone who has a crush on you if you are not romantically interested in them.

244.	Do not take pictures of the crotches of underage children.

245.	Picking up underage children over the internet is not only creepy, it’s a felony.

246.	Alcohol you find in dumpsters is probably not good or good for you.

247.	Don’t forsake friends for a relationship.  You’ll end up with neither.

248.	Don’t piss off your roommate; they may be more vengeful than you anticipate.

249.	Knocking before you open a closed door is a good idea.  You never know what’s on the other side.

250.	Do not believe the hype—reality TV shows are not representative of real life.

251.	STL (Standard Template Library) <string> is much easier than using char*.

252.	In all likelihood, an infinite number of monkeys will create an infinite amount of monkey feces, not the complete works of William Shakespeare.

253.	People don’t change; don’t expect them to.

254.	Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.

255.	Don’t leave your phone number for waitresses.  They will not call you.

256.	Know what you’re putting into your body.  This is especially important when dealing with hard drugs.

257.	If you tell the truth, you won’t have to remember what you said the first time.

258.	Everyone has their idiosyncrasies; learn to live with them.

259.	Microsoft is the devil.

260.	No matter how much you disagree with a law, you are still subject to it.

261.	Learn something about that which you know nothing.

262.	Television may be entertaining, but it can’t take the place of a book.

263.	When using percentages, make sure that the parts add up to 100.

264.	Most things cause cancer.

265.	Deep-throating inanimate objects is not always a good idea, especially the following objects: a miniature model of the Statue of Liberty, knives, salt shakers, and tail pipes.

266.	Say what you mean.  Mean what you say.

267.	Fire does not provide sufficient light by which to read.

268.	Being shat upon by a bird is not good luck; it’s just gross and stinky.

269.	Calling in sick to work too many times jeopardizes your employment.

270.	Know whether or not you’re in a relationship.

271.	Going to graduate school is a good way to extend your youth.  Dropping out of school is not.

272.	Just because someone is in charge does not mean that he knows what he is doing.

273.	If someone is choking and he refuses your help, when he passes out you have his implied consent to help them.

274.	Don’t burn too many bridges; you don’t know when you’ll have to cross them again.

275.	It is a bad idea to use the following things more than once: toilet paper, condoms, Kleenex, women, excuses, syringes, pickup lines, or enemas.

276.	Unite with people who share your interests.  Sometimes it’s good to have people off of whom to bounce your ideas.

277.	Sometimes sarcasm and cynicism are just funny.

278.	Things just aren’t as good in translation.

279.	Be confident without being arrogant.

280.	Some things aren’t philosophical; they’re just plain crazy.

281.	Vote.  It may not elect the president, but it is your civic duty.

282.	It is inappropriate to laugh in the following situations: while at a funeral, a bris, having sex, a convention of battered women.
283.	“Don’t wear sweatpants to the nudy bar.”  —Tony

284.	Graduating from college has less to do with doing things you like to do and more to do with doing things you have to do.

285.	Forced inspiration leads to forced results.

286.	Learn to read.  Oh wait…

287.	In order to avoid a problem, you must first know what the problem is.

288.	If you are carrying a heavy object down a flight of stairs, know how many steps there are so that you can count them and know when you have reached the ground.

289.	Given the right incentive, even undesirable tasks become desirable.

290.	Write legibly so that you can read your writing later.

291.	In order to get a new perspective on a situation, you need to change how you look at things, not change the situation.

292.	The perfect is the enemy of the good.

293.	Be careful where you put things; you may need to find them later.

294.	Don’t doubt yourself.

295.	Do not destroy malformed paper dolls.

296.	Either make things so simple that they have no mistakes or complex enough that the mistakes are disguised.

297.	Murphy’s Law is recursive: washing your car to make it rain doesn’t work.

298.	Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

299.	Godliness is next to impossible.

300.	"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. " —The Beatles