Joel: (scolding) Tanda... didn't I ask you to monitor him?

Tanda: It's not my fault he trawls those web-sites.

Joel: What was he doing, cyber-dating? Catching up on the Forums?

Tanda: He got stuck in a MST3K Slash website...

Joel (Silence for a beat, staring.): He WHAT?

Tanda: He was looking for blackmail to use against the Bosses, you know, find some dirt and make a Web Page that looks credible in order to lose Doctor Forrester his job.

Joel: Geez, why didn't he just set up a Denial of Service attack?

Tanda: Joel, Spyder DOES have some morals.

Forrester (appears on the screen looking smug.): Well, my little script-kiddie... how are we doing today? Recovering from the last fic? Well, you've proven to be resilient beyond my wildest dreams. That is why I've brought you this particular fic... (Pauses) What's wrong with Spyder?

Spyder (Jumps up and out of the shot): Noooooooooo!!!!!!

Joel: I need to run him through a virus checker and defrag him, and he'll be okay.

Forrester: Whatever. Anyhow, I found you a real stinker, worse even than the first one we gave you.

Tanda: How could anything be worse than the purple prose of the purple Ranger?

Forrester: Stop that!

Frank (Off screen): Forrester's jealous. He can't alliterate that well!

Joel: A little light alliteration can be alleviating.

Spyder (off screen, makes gagging retching noises)

Tanda: Spyder just blew bits!

Frank (Off screen, giggles maniacally.): Ooh, I can't wait! They're sick already!!!

Forrester: (grumpily, ignoring Frank) I give you, fresh out of Hell, as far as I can tell... this stinker is also a purple Ranger, written by a girl named Khandreia-

Spyder (offscreen, weakly, snickers): Couldn't even use... her own name...

Forrester: This one is called A Rhyme and Reason Book I: Best Kept Secrets.

Tanda (groans): Oh, Gods, no... BOOK one? How long is this?

Forrester (smug): In ten parts.

(The AI panic. Joel sighs as the beep emanates from the computer.)

Joel: Come on, guys... we've got E-mail.

---

Disclaimer: "(Mighty Morphin) Power Rangers Zeo/Turbo/in Space" and all its characters are registered trademarks of Saban Entertainment (or Disney or whoever owns it now), yadda, yadda, yadda, you get the picture. Any lyrics to any songs that appear in this also don't belong to me but to their respective artists instead. The character of Andréa, the Purple Ranger, and everything related to her does belong to me, however, not to mention everything not said about Adam or anyone else in the actual show.

Spyder (whimpers): It starts already...

Joel: What?

Spyder: I didn't understand that sentence...

Tanda: It's gonna be a looooong fic.

Only with my expressed permission will I let anyone use any of my original characters or ideas.

Spyder (Whispering): Pssst... -nobody- -ask- -permission-.

Author's Note: This was the very first fanfic I'd ever written way back at the beginning of 1998,

Spyder: And I should've been smoking behind the barn instead!

Joel: Yeah, she shouldn't have been wasting her time like this.

and it has gone through a number of changes and transformations since then. Of course, this 2002 version is the most recent reworking, and hopefully the final time I have to do so before I

All: DIE!

complete the series as a whole. The most significant change is that this has now been split up into chapters, and each chapter is named after a quote in it, similar to how it's done in the Gundam X anime series. The dates mentioned in this fic, as well as all those that follow this, are merely those I came up with myself to give a better sense of things that happen in the canon

Spyder: Because I got so confused trying to remember if 21 or 18 came after 20.

Tanda: You should have to be over 21 to read this kind of abuse.

timeline in addition to the events I've created. There are PR clichés galore in here, but since this had been my very first fanfic, I really can't do much to change them without changing much of the plot. Oh yeah, brownie points to anyone who catches the subtle Ronin Warriors character reference I've thrown into a flashback midway through the story; it'll eventually be elaborated on more much later in the series, I promise. This fic is rated PG due to the

Spyder: Vomit inducing plot and BAD writing...

usual semi-graphic violence and the like . . . nothing worse than what you'd find in an average sentai episode, really.

Joel: She's lying, Sentai has plot, interesting characters...

Tanda: Don't forget plot.

Joel: Yeah, that's really important.

A Rhyme and Reason Book I: Best Kept Secrets
By Khandreia

Spyder: She shoulda kept this whole series a secret.

(Story Timeframe: Late Zeo era, right after "Rangers of Two Worlds" but well before "Hawaii Zeo")

Chapter 1: "I Am the Purple Ranger"

. . . So it's there my homage's due
Clutched by the still of the night
Even the distance feels so near
All for the love of you . . .

--Loreena McKennitt, "The Mystic's Dream"

Joel: More like the Mystic's nightmare.

[The desert outside Angel Grove, Wednesday, October 16, 1996, sometime around 11:30 pm]

It was late at night.

Joel (sarcastic): No! REALLY?

Cogs were everywhere. Adam, alone and greatly outnumbered despite being morphed,

Joel: I guess she got an 'F' in English. No intro whatsoever. No clue how we got into this situation.

Spyder: Borrow some exposition from that other purple pinhead.

Tanda (THWAPS him): Spyder! What are you saying?

Spyder (whimpers): I don't know! Hit me again.

Tanda glares.

had no idea what to do as he tried to fight all of them at once. "Tommy! Kat! Anyone!" he called into his communicator. "Do you read me? I could really use some help here!"

Joel (snorts): Wait a second...

There was no answer. "Guys, where are you?" Adam called out once again. "I can't hold off all these Cogs by myself!" Still no answer. The Ranger stared helplessly at the approaching horde of robots and then said to himself, "Forget needing some help here; what I could really use right about now is a miracle!"

Spyder (angry): What?! This is the same Adam who kicked Oozlet butt from a bulldozer! He can whup those cogs!

Tanda (smug): Fanboy strikes again.

                                     * * *

Meanwhile at the Power Chamber, an undisclosed teenage girl, not the other Power Rangers,

Spyder: This story should be undisclosed.

 stood before Zordon, a small purple crystal in her hand. "When you were entrusted with this crystal as a child,

Spyder: Your mother said you should never stick it in your nose. Now go home and be good. The End.

Joel.: Nice try, Spyder.

you made the choice that you would claim its power if ever a time came that we needed another Ranger," the great master said to her. "That time has now come. Do you still wish to fulfill this decision?"

Joel (young girl voice): But that was only yesterday...

Tanda (stares at Joel): Where did you learn to do THAT?

Joel: Ehem.

The girl nodded. "Yes, I do."

"Then step forward and claim your destiny." She did as Zordon commanded, holding out her crystal. A bright, blinding light filled the chamber. When the light subsided, a Ranger dressed in purple stood in the girl's place.

Spyder: The Purple Ranger had destroyed the girl, squishing her under his shoes! The End!

Joel (warning): Spyder.

The alarm sounded, causing the new Ranger to jump. "I regret not being able to educate you on how to be a Power Ranger," Zordon continued, "but our time is short. You must go and help your teammate. Are you ready for your first battle?"

(All Laugh hysterically)

Joel (as Purple Ranger): I just became a Ranger...

Tanda (as Purple Ranger): And I don't know how to fight because you just chose me!

Spyder (as Purple Ranger): But sure, I'll go defeat all those Cogs Adam- who is in his third version of the Powers as a Ranger- couldn't handle alone!

(All make retching noises)

Spyder: This is gonna kill me...

The new Ranger sighed but was confident. "Ready as I'll ever be," she replied. "I promise not to let you down."

Tanda: But that was another fic...

                                     * * *

Without any other option, Adam tried running from the onslaught of Cogs in hopes that he could prolong their attack.

Tanda: Sure, let's PROLONG the attack!

Spyder: I thought he'd want to POSTPONE the attack until help could arrive.

Joel: Let's write this girl's English teacher.

Spyder: Don't bother, he's a blind octigenarian that can't read his students papers. Lucky Ba-

Joel (mutes Spyder.): Behave?

Spyder nods.

Joel (unmutes him)

Then, above the clanking and whirring of gears, he heard what he thought was the approaching sound of a galloping horse. That can't be any of the other Rangers, he thought. I know for a fact that none of them have any horses, so who or what could that be?

Spyder: He prayed it was on a Pale Horse to get out of this fic!

The galloping sound intensified, but Adam couldn't see through the darkness who was coming. Distracted by the noise, he was blindly attacked by the army. Before the Cogs could do much of anything to the helpless Zeo Ranger, though, there was a crack of thunder and what appeared to be a streak of lightning that sent the robotic army flying . . . and running.

Spyder: Their legs kicking uselessly in the air as they tried to FLY AND RUN AT THE SAME TIME!

(Spyder breaks down into hysterical tears)

When the dust finally settled a few minutes later, Adam stood up and looked around.

Joel (as Adam): No!!! I'm still stuck in this fic!

The desert was completely quiet; all the Cogs were gone. All that seemed to remain from the battle was a long staff with its blade partially driven into the ground. It didn't look like the kind the Cogs would often carry, but rather one that might have belonged to some sort of Power Ranger, as it looked similar to a glaive or Japanese naginata.

Spyder: Ding-da-ding-dading! And we have rip off!

But none of the others have this kind of weapon, Adam thought. What's going on here?

Joel: Run, Adam, you're in a BAD FIC!

Tanda: It really cheeses me off that Adam is the focus of this story. He deserves better.

(Joel and Spyder stare at Tanda.)

(Tanda grins sheepishly.)

Joel and Spyder: FANGIRL!

Tanda (defensively): I read the SLASH boards!!!!

Joel and Spyder blink at her for a moment. Spyder coughs then Joel sighs, "Okie dokie!"

All of a sudden, a shrill whinny pierced the silent air. Adam turned around and had a hard time believing what he saw. Standing at the top of a nearby cliff was a mysterious-looking figure on horseback. But it wasn't just any ordinary figure; it looked like--could it be?--a Ranger! Adam couldn't tell what kind of Ranger it was though, for he could only see the moonlight reflecting off the Ranger's helmet and shoulder armor, and the horse's sparkling black mane and tail flowing in the late night breeze. Adam turned away momentarily to look at the staff,  wondering if there was a possible connection between it and the figure, but by the time he looked back up at the top of the cliff, the horse and its rider were gone. "What the . . ." Adam began to ask himself. "I could've sworn someone was up there!" He sighed. "I can definitely tell how late it's getting by the way I'm starting to see things."

Spyder (weakly): I don't feel good.

Tanda: And a trained Martial Artist -left- the ranger weapon there?

Joel and Spyder: Fangirl! Fangirl!

Tanda (pulls down a corner of her eye and sticks out her tounge) Nyah!

Seconds later, Adam heard the sound of footsteps coming up behind him, a steady four-beated sound of horseshoes on hard earth. He turned and much to his surprise found the mysterious mounted Ranger standing before him. This Ranger was obviously female judging by her figure despite the lack of the typical skirt-like feature on the standard female Ranger's costume, however Adam couldn't tell much more about her than that.

Joel: COMMAS do NOT REPLACE PERIODS!

Spyder: Huh?

Tanda: Run on sentence.

Spyder: Run on STORY.

She did not say a word, yet he already knew she had to be on the side of good; she wouldn't have saved him otherwise.

Spyder: Sure she would, she might save him for her lunch... or the Monster of the Day's lunch!

Tanda: Never assume, Adam... she's EVIL.

Her costume didn't even look like that of a Zeo Ranger either; actually, it didn't look like any kind of Ranger he had seen yet. The majority of her outfit was purple, including her boots and gloves, a wide gold stripe crossing from her left shoulder down to her right hip. With the exception of the glove on that hand, the right shoulder and arm, as well as the collar, of her costume was a solid black. Rather than having a full breastplate like the original Green Ranger or the Gold Ranger, she only had armor on her shoulders, its design resembling flame-like wings.

Spyder (Slow realisation): Wait, that sounds like...

Tanda: Rip off city, Spyder.

Joel: It's why we don't feel guilty ripping on them.

Spyder (brightly): Oh, okay.

Her purple and gold-accented helmet resembled the head of a phoenix, its wings protruding back from it. Finally, a golden sash was tied around her waist, the ends fluttering in the breeze. It appeared to be held on by some sort of four-pointed star-shaped talisman with a purple crystal set in the middle. For some reason, it seemed oddly familiar to Adam, as if he had seen something like it before, but he couldn't determine why.

Spyder: Because he'd seen it in another and -better- fic?

Joel and Tanda: FANBOY!

As a matter of fact, almost everything about this Purple Ranger's appearance seemed familiar to him. He felt as though he had already known her from somewhere before, even though he had never seen her before in his life,

Spyder: Linda Blair reprising her role as the Demon from Hell. Run Adam!

and so it seemed to attract him to her even more.

Tanda: Fatal attraction maybe.

The two Rangers stared at each other for some time, the newest one never moving from her beautiful black horse.

Tanda (whispering): Pssst, Adam honey... she's not interested in you, she's interested in the HORSE!

Joel: Let's not start that again.

Tanda: But earlier on she mount-

Joel: Enough.

(Tanda sighs)

This all had to be a dream, Adam thought.

Spyder: NIGHTMARE! How many times do we have to say it?

Tanda: At least once more, as always...

In reality, he knew nothing of the existence of any kind of Purple Ranger, but he was so captivated by her power and beauty that it really didn't seem to matter.

Joel: So far only her uniform is beautiful... we haven't seen what she looks like yet... right?

She then dismounted and pulled her weapon from the ground. "Who . . . who are you?" Adam finally asked, not quite sure what else to say.

Spyder: How about- "Die Mary Sue Scum!"

"I am the Purple Ranger," she answered confidently, "but that is all I can tell you at this time. You'll all find out more about me when the time comes." She turned and began to walk back to her horse.

Spyder: Quote Bingo!

"Wait a minute!" Adam called out after her. She stopped, turned her head, and looked back at him. "Why are you here? I mean . . . why have you come to help us Rangers?"

"I'm a teenager like you and your friends, but I've had my powers since my childhood. It just hasn't been until now, though, that Zordon's felt the need for my services."

Tanda: Hey... I read THAT fic on slasher's annonymous.

Spyder gags.

"What do you mean by that?"

Joel: No, don't make her repeat it!

The Purple Ranger turned back to face Adam. "Well, you already know that the Machine Empire is back at full strength with the return of King Mondo, not to mention the added threats of Prince Gasket and Princess Archerina. In addition, Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa have also revived their plans to conquer the earth. Because of all these threats, it was believed that another Ranger would be necessary to help stop this evil."

Tanda: Did she just say "you already know..."

Spyder: Number One Exposition lead in of all time.

Joel: A Chimpanzee could write better than this.

Spyder: This is the internet Joel. A thousand chimpanzees given a thousand keyboards could eventually produce the works of Shakespeare, but not this crap!

Tanda: Thank gods!

Adam was amazed at her knowledge of the Rangers' opponents, but something about that didn't seem to make sense.

Spyder: Like watching them drop from the sky every day around 4:30 in the afternoon.

Joel and Tanda LOOK at Spyder.

Spyder: Don't say it...

Might she have been some Machine Empire spy bent on infiltrating the Ranger team? "But we already have the Gold Ranger. Why would we need another Ranger if he's around?"

Spyder: We need someone for target practice... hold still.

The Purple Ranger tried to be straightforward.

Spyder: But she couldn't, she was gay sideways and in love with KAT, Damnit!

Hmm, apparently Zordon hasn't told the rest of the Rangers yet, she thought. "The Gold Ranger as you know him will not last much longer due to the fact that Triforian-based powers are incompatible with the Earth human body, and he is thus

Joel: Who talks like that. (As author) I am thus an idiot.

weakening because of these incompatibilities," she said. "In short, one of the key reasons I've been called upon is to replace the Gold Ranger once he's forced to relinquish his powers back to Lord Trey."

Spyder (As Purple Ranger): And since I'm an omniscient walking encyclopedia, you have to accept me. So there.

The Gold Ranger, gone? Only Zordon could have told her that, because Adam knew that King Mondo certainly wasn't creative enough to come up with such an elaborate story about the Gold Ranger's powers. Though he had indeed noticed in recent battles that Jason was beginning to struggle even in a mere Cog fight, it had never occurred to him that this could have been the reason. However, something else about the Purple Ranger's statement still didn't seem to make much sense. If she was so new of a Ranger, and she still didn't seem to know Adam's real identity yet, how could she have possibly have known so much about the Rangers' adversaries, as well as the Gold Ranger?

Tanda: Because she's the Mary Sue, that's why!

Spyder (twitches): Didn't she say that was all she could say about two paragraphs ago?

But before the questions could even be answered, something suddenly startled the Purple Ranger, causing her to fall into a fighting stance. A platoon of Cogs had just materialized. "Green Ranger, behind you!" she cried, totally catching Adam off guard.

But no sooner had he been warned, the Purple Ranger jumped into action. She fought valiantly, often tossing the Cogs aside like they were toys. Adam was impressed even more by his new ally;

Joel: Despite his advanced years of training and blackbelt.

not just any Ranger, a female Ranger to say the least, could have single-handedly disposed of so many Cogs at once. Many questions still remained though, like who was this new Ranger, and why would she come along and rescue an ordinary Ranger like Adam? He tried to fight alongside her, but he was had already been weakened some from his earlier confrontation with the droids. "Look out!" the Purple Ranger shouted. Out of nowhere, something struck Adam on the side of the head, causing everything to suddenly go black. He had never even heard the Purple Ranger's warning of an imminent attack.

[Thursday, October 17, 1:52 am]

Spyder: How- Does she think we're stupid?

Joel: We are reading this fic.

All of a sudden, Adam woke up. He wasn't out in the middle of the desert fighting Cogs, but instead alone in his own bedroom. "Oh my god, it was just a dream," he said to himself,

All: NIGHTMARE!

breathing heavily and his head throbbing with pain. The last thing he could remember was that mysterious Purple Ranger looking at him from afar, a sharp blow to the head, and then he was here. Something about that dream felt so real, painfully real, yet he didn't know what.

Adam reached up to where his head hurt the most. He touched it and shuddered from the excruciating pain. The area was exactly where he remembered being hit in the dream, but when he brought his hand back, there were flecks of blood on his fingertips. "It was just a dream . . . wasn't it?" Adam asked himself, still in disbelief.
 

Chapter 2: "It's Like Things Just Keep Getting Stranger by the Day"

Spyder: Everybody take note, that's going to be said somewhere in the next chapter.

[Angel Grove Youth Center, October 17, 4:25 pm]

"Adam, I thought I told you I can't compete with you in this tournament!" Tanya protested as Adam kept hitting the punching bag furiously, barely even listening to her. "You know I'm gonna be out of town that weekend! Are you sure you're feeling all right, 'cause, you know, you haven't exactly been acting like yourself today."

Joel (as Adam): I'm fine, Tanya. You are the one jumping subjects randomly in the same paragraph!

"You're right," Adam answered, beginning to restrain his anger against the innocent punching bag. "I haven't been myself. There's just something that's been driving me crazy all day and I really don't know what to do about it."

Spyder (as Adam): I'm stuck in a stupid fan fiction being paired up with a girl I don't like when I want to date you!

The two walked up towards the juice bar and sat down at a table. "What are you talking about?" Tanya asked.

Adam looked around to see if anyone could have been able to listen in on their conversation, then

Tanda: Realising everyone could hear, he started to talk about Tanya's underwear.

brought his voice down to a softer level. "Did Zordon ever contact any of you guys late last night regarding a Cog attack in the desert?"

Tanya was confused. "Not that I know of. Why?"

"Last night, I had this really weird dream where I was trying to fight all these Cogs by myself, and I couldn't get a hold of you guys. That was until this amazing new Ranger came out of nowhere and chased them all off. I didn't know who she was or where she came from, but she was just . . . just . . . unbelievable! I felt like I already knew her from somewhere, like I had seen that type of Ranger at one point or another, yet I know I've never seen her before in my life. But then the Cogs attacked again, and before I could find out anything else about her, everything went black and I woke up. I never did find out her identity."

Joel: You're probably having memories of a fan fiction she hasn't written yet or we blissfully missed.

Tanya still didn't seem to get what he was talking about. "So why is this bothering you so much?"

"Well," Adam continued, "when I woke up, the last thing I remembered happening in the dream was that something struck me upside the head. But then I discovered that something really did hit me there. I dunno; maybe I just fell out of bed and didn't know it."

Tanya thought about it for a moment; it all seemed far too peculiar to be just a figment of Adam's imagination. "Look," she said, "I really think you oughta talk to Zordon about this, 'cause something tells me that was more than just some really weird dream."

Tanda: Everyone makes assumptions, first Adam knows that King Mondo isn't creative and now Tanya knows Adam's dreams can't be weird.

Spyder: I think it's because the author is an ASS.

Joel: Huh?

Spyder (rolls eyes) ASSumptions. Ass? Get it?

Joel: That was a bit of a stretch.

Tanda: So are the Purple Ranger's pants.

Spyder: Oh! Oh! Can we play the pants game here??

Joel: Nah, that only works if the story is actually GOOD.

Spyder (disappointed.): Awww...

"Yeah, maybe I should," Adam replied, "but if it is, I just don't want any of you guys to think I'm losing my mind. I mean, it wouldn't make sense how we were never told anything about a . . ."

Before Adam could even finish, a clamor arose from the other people at the youth center that had caught his attention. A large crowd had gathered around one of the practice mats out on the floor, obviously watching something. Curious, Adam got up and joined the group. When he had finally made his way to the front of the mob, he could clearly see why everyone had gathered. In the middle of it all, a girl about his age, dressed in a traditional kung fu uniform, was

Spyder: Wasn't it PURPLE?

practicing her forms. The scene reminded Adam of a few years ago when he had first met that one girl--what was her name again?--

Spyder: Satan.

Sabrina

Spyder: No, I said Satan.

(who actually turned out to be that lowlife Scorpina)

Spyder: I sai- oh, Scor-peee-na. (purrs)

Joel: Spyder, that's not right!

and the attention her practicing drew. But this girl was far superior to Sabrina in terms of

Tanda: Being Mary Sue, of course.

disposition. She wasn't perfect with her forms, showing her to be either a novice or merely out of practice, but her movements were still flowing and elegant nonetheless.

Spyder: That's an oxymoron.

Joel: The author is a moron.

 Everything about her seemed to move in slow motion to Adam, the rest of the world virtually disappearing. He could have sworn he had met her somewhere before, but he knew he couldn't have in reality . . . could he? Yet at the same time, she just looked so unusually familiar, and so he was immediately attracted to whoever she was. All he could think about were her graceful maneuvers, her quiet disposition, her long, flowing hair . . .

"Hey Adam, you there?" Tanya had joined her friend at the front of the crowd, trying to get his attention.

Joel: Trying not to get his attention, so he wouldn't see her knife the new girl.

"Huh?" Adam asked, still partially in his trance. "Did you say something, Tanya?" Finally snapping out of it, he changed the subject. "She's incredible. Do you know who she is?"

Spyder: Death incarnate?

Tanya shrugged, obviously not impressed by the girl. "I don't know. She must be new, 'cause I sure haven't seen her around here before." Her voice carried a hint of jealousy after seeing how Adam kept staring intently at this new girl. Why does he keep looking at her like that? she wondered. Adam knows I really like him. I've told him that about a million times already, but he's just totally oblivious to the fact that anyone's interested in him! I'd really like to be more than just friends with him, but I honestly don't think he understands. I mean, could I have made it any more obvious that I like him than I did last month at that kung fu tournament? Yeah, this new girl's pretty good, but I just don't get it.

However, when both looked back at the girl, she was already gone. "Hey, where'd she go?" Adam wondered out loud. "I wanted to ask her something." He kept looking for the girl amongst the dissipating crowd, not even realizing Tanya had left in frustration until she too was gone. "It's like things just keep getting stranger by the day," he said to himself, still searching for the girl.

Spyder: You have just witnessed the butchering of the episode: Goldar's Vice Versa.

Tanda (pokes Spyder) Fanboy fanboy! you're so bad you've printed out episode lists.

Spyder: Hey! Stay off of my hard drive!

[Angel Grove High School, Friday, October 18, just after 3 pm]

At last, another day was through. School seemed to drag,

Tanda: Its was Drag day at Angel Grove high, dress as your favorite Drag Queen!

Spyder: Oh! Oh! I want to the the Queen from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil!

Joel and Tanda stare at Spyder.

Spyder: The fic... the fic is evil... yeah...

as all Adam could think about was that mysterious Purple Ranger he encountered two nights before. She still seemed so unusually familiar to him, and so it was the only thing on his mind for the second day straight. Now, he thought, it was time to look for some answers as he finally told Tommy, Katherine, and Rocky the story on the new Ranger after school.

"So have you guys heard anything about this that I haven't heard?" Adam asked as he closed his locker.

"It's certainly news to me," replied Kat.

"No kidding," Tommy added. "I haven't heard anything about any new Rangers since the Gold Ranger showed up a while back."

"Don't look at me!" Rocky said,

Tanda (as Steven Cardenas): I didn't ask for this fic. I quit!

putting his hands up in surrender. "The last time I assumed something about the identity of a new Ranger, I was wrong! And you know what they say about the word 'assume' . . ." He was obviously referring to the time he thought Billy was the Gold Ranger before anyone knew it was actually Trey.

Joel: It's no fun when they walk into it so easily.

Adam sighed. "Maybe this really was all just a dream. But it's just that none of this makes any kind of sense to me. I mean, last I checked, there's never even been a Purple Ranger on any of the Ranger teams, at least not in the last few years."

"Oh, come on Adam," Kat said in her usual sweet and uplifting voice, "if there really is a new Ranger out there, there's probably a very good reason Zordon's keeping her a secret."

Spyder: And a good reason why you didn't ask him about it before now.

 Meanwhile, a little further down the hall, a small group of girls was talking and giggling--and constantly looking at Adam. "Really, you guys," one of them said, the only member of the group who was able to maintain a relatively straight face. "There is absolutely no way on Earth that Adam Park would even be remotely interested in someone like me! Besides, doesn't he already have a girlfriend?"

"Who, you mean Tanya Sloan?" another girl asked. "No! They're just friends! She only wants everyone to think that so that no one else will try to take him. I mean, look over there." She pointed in the direction of Adam and the others. "Tanya's not even with him and his other friends."

Spyder: That's because she's poisoning your water supply!

Tanda: Hey, weren't these girls in another fic that got into black magic?

Joel: They couldn't even tie their shoe strings. *shudders*

"But that doesn't mean anything," the first girl answered, still staring intently at Adam and making it quite obvious that she had an interest in him herself. "She might've just had other things going on after school today."

Spyder: Like killing your horse and leaving his head on your bed!

Joel: Leave the horse alone.

Spyder: So can we kill her and leave her head on the bed?

Tanda: A little head in bed is always nice.

(The guys stare at her.)

Tanda: What?! (Looks at Joel) YOU named me!!! It's your fault!

A third girl piped up. "So you didn't even see the way Adam was staring at you at the youth center yesterday?

Spyder: He was staring at that horendous zit on your nose!

Girl, you really oughta just go and talk to him!" The first girl still didn't seem all that impressed. "Oh, come on, Rae, we're talking about the Adam Park, one of the best martial artists in all of Angel Grove High and the one guy outside of Tommy Oliver, Rocky DeSantos, and your cousin, who nearly every girl in this school wants to go out with! This is your chance to make a good first impression on him! Go for it!"

"I don't know, you guys," the first one whose friends called her Rae said shyly. Her friends always gave her that same old lecture of just going up to Adam and speaking her mind,

Tanda: Hello, isn't this the NEW kid?

Roundhouse crew jump in the scene dancing and singing like a boy band.

Spyder (jumps) Wha! Where'd they come from?

Tanda: Dibs on Dominic! Oh! Oh! I'll take a side order of Ivan too!

Joel blinks: you're weirder than I programed you.

Tanda: That's the Internet, honey!

but talking to other people she barely knew, much less an attractive boy her age, wasn't exactly one of her strong suits. The fact that she was a junior and he was a senior didn't help either. Ever since she started school at Angel Grove High that fall, she was constantly admiring Adam from afar, but there was a lot more to it than the petty infatuations that most of the other girls had for him. Since she had known who he was, she had this unusual feeling that she had actually known him personally even though the two of them hadn't even met face-to-face yet, and so she almost felt as though she had this unexplainable connection to him. "I-I'm just . . . really . . . I haven't the first clue what I would say!" She looked at her watch, wishing there was a way to get out of this uncomfortable situation. Oh, thank you God for making me have to leave now! she thought. "Oh my gosh, I gotta go. Can I talk to you guys about this later? I'm really late for something!" She started to walk away quickly from her friends, unaware that she was about to back into someone until it was too late and she dropped her books.

Spyder: Cheeeeeeeezy!

She scrambled frantically to pick up her belongings when from out of nowhere, someone handed her one of her books.

Tanda: Out of nowhere... she bumped into someone and it's out of nowhere? Gods, somebody SHOOT ME!

Joel (clutching chest): The exposition got me!

"I believe this is yours," a voice said to her kindly. The girl looked up, recognizing that voice from somewhere, and, much to her surprise, found that it was

Spyder: The demons talking in her head again!

Adam looking right back at her. The two of them stared at each other, smiling shyly. Even though neither of them knew what the other was thinking, both were wondering the same exact thing: Is this what love at first sight is really like? . . .

Spyder: You mean the pain in the chest, dizzy feeling and numbness? NO, IT'S A HEART ATTACK!!!!!

Joel: I thought it was the Wasabi I ate for lunch.

Spyder: WASAAAAABIIIII!!!!!!

Like she had just told her friends, this girl had no idea what to say. She was too taken by the fact that fate had finally brought her this chance. "I . . . I . . ." she stammered. Then she regained her composure and graciously accepted the book. "Thanks."

Adam suddenly felt a spark of something when their hands briefly touched in that quick exchange. He couldn't understand what it was, but it was still something he couldn't ignore.

Spyder: It was a Wart! She had at least twenty of them on that hand alone!

Tanda: Eww... I do NOT want to kow where that came from.

And yet it all seemed completely right. I can't help but keep feeling this strange sensation whenever I look at her, he thought.

Spyder: It was his intestines, trying to climb up ot of his body and strangle him so that he would escape this fic!!!

Joel chuckles.

Could . . . could she really be the one I've been searching for all my life? He then took a closer look at the girl. Something about her long brown hair, blue-green eyes, and long eyelashes seemed unusually familiar to him, and he immediately figured out why.

All (horrified): MARY-KATE OLSON???

Tanda: Ew, Gross.

"Hey, you were the girl I saw at the youth center yesterday! I wanted to talk with you, but you'd left before I had the chance. So you are . . ."

Spyder (in "dumb little girl" type voice): Mary Sue, nice to meet you. (giggle) Oooh, that rhymes...

The girl blushed furiously. "Andréa Collins, but my friends usually just call me Rae for short."

Tanda: 'Coz I'm butch, now get out of my way, boy, I want to ask Tanya out!

Joel sighs: At least THAT would be interesting.

AI glare at Joel.

"Andréa . . ." Adam said to himself dazedly, ". . . what a beautiful name." He quickly snapped back into reality. "Hey, are you doing anything this weekend?"

Spyder: Is the author trying to put Jackie Chan humor on him? Because he does it much better than this.

Andréa's face suddenly lit up in disbelief. Could this be? Was she actually being asked out by one of the finest-looking guys at Angel Grove High, the one she had been dreaming about since the day she first laid eyes on him?

All: APRIL FOOLS!!!

"Well, I am kinda busy this afternoon," Andréa said, a little more confident of herself now that it seemed like Adam was showing an interest in her, "but tomorrow is open for me, if that's okay with you." She quickly tore out a piece of paper from her notebook and scribbled her phone number and address down on it before handing it to Adam. "Here's where you can get a hold of me later tonight if you need to, okay?"

Tanda (As Rea): It's a fake number, don't try too hard.

"Sounds great. I'll meet you at your place?"

Andréa smiled timidly. "I'd love it. I'll see you then." She then hurried off, apparently late for something. Even after she left, Adam was still watching her. Though Andréa was indeed the girl he saw at the youth center the previous day, there was still this odd feeling that he had met her somewhere before that. Oh, he might have seen her in passing at school that year, but Adam never knew her personally, and this was the first time they had even talked to each other. But no, it was something else about her that seemed all too familiar, and he couldn't determine why.

Spyder: Is he arguing with himself? He sounds like he's Schizoid or something.

                                     * * *

[Machine Empire throneroom, same time]

All (Startled): Aaagh!

Up at the Machine Empire Skybase, King Mondo and Queen Machina had been watching this event unfold. As always, evil was on their minds. "Well, well," Mondo said, "it appears as if Zeo Ranger IV has a new friend. Perhaps we can use her to our advantage."

"What do you mean, my dear?" asked Machina.

Spyder: Who let the plot in?

"One of the cardinal rules of being a Ranger is to keep your identity a secret," the king explained. "If we can attack this girl in front of Adam, he wouldn't dare morph in front of her, and there would be nothing he could do to defend her because he is too stuck to his honor!"

Tanda: Thank gods he's not stuck to her pride!

(Joel snorts Mountain Dew out his nose.)

"Oh Mondo, that is simply splendid! And because that poor Ranger would be powerless against us, it would mean one less of those annoying brats we have to deal with!"

Spyder: They should stop trying to get the Rangers and start trying to get the author.

"The boy will have no choice but to surrender!" The two mechanical monarchs laughed, but from the side, Klank and Orbus were having their own discussion about the plan.

"Ye think we should tell their highnesses about the Rangers' new secret weapon, laddy?" the Scottish-accented robot asked his little partner.

Spyder: Pseudo Scottish! It's an American doing a Scottish accent for a Japanese character!

Orbus giggled. "If you ask me, I think they should find out for themselves!" the tiny robot replied.

Joel (As Orbus); That we're dating...

"Aye," Klank agreed. "Gasket wouldn't be at all pleased if we did tell 'em. And the king most certainly wouldn't listen t' the likes of us. That last battle with the Cog Changer was a most embarrassin' one indeed."

Spyder (as Klank): I lost m'pants in front of the king and he nearly blew a gasket.

Tanda: This isn't *that* kind of a fic!

Elsewhere in the Machine Kingdom, as Klank had mentioned, Prince Gasket and his beloved Princess Archerina did already know; in fact, they were the ones who had launched the most recent Cog attack. And they too had been watching Adam's encounter with Andréa. "So," Gasket said, "Zordon thinks he can hide his newest Ranger in the form of a sweet, innocent girl, does he?"

Spyder: We wish they would hide her in the form of a big six foot hole with the dirt shoved back in!

"Yes my dear," Archerina answered, "and it looks like she's taken to one of the other Rangers! Wouldn't it be just perfect if we could capture her--or possibly even both of them--and take their powers for ourselves?"

Joel: Power Rangers Plot Number 316.

Gasket was pleased with her idea.

Tanda: He'd only tried this ten times before and it failed every time.

"Hmmm . . . that would be perfect indeed," he said schemingly,

Spyder: Seemingly schemingly.

"and once those powers are in our possession--especially that girl's powers--not even my mighty father would be able to stop us. Then he will have no choice but to relinquish the throne to us, and we shall at last rule the Machine Empire and then the entire galaxy!"

"Oh my love, I can't wait!" Archerina rejoiced. "We must come up with a plan immediately."

Tanda: I thought- No, it's too easy.
 

Chapter 3: "So, Green Ranger, We Meet Again"

[Angel Grove City Park, same day, around 5 pm]

Joel: Why doesn't she just show us when it is?

Spyder: PRT3K Rule number one: DON'T ENCOURAGE THE AUTHOR!

Later that afternoon, Adam decided to go to the park, hoping some time by himself practicing his martial arts would help to clear his mind.

Spyder: That won't work!

Joel: Yeah, you need something more powerful.

Spyder: Bring in Lyta Alexander to wipe your mind and then we could forget the whole fic happened!!!!

Tanda: I could go for that. Pat Talman (purrrs)

Joel and Spyder stare at her.

Tanda: What? Red-headed stuntwoman. I like athletic.

As he performed the familiar katas, all he could think about was Andréa. She was really showing some talent with martial arts, he thought. That competition he kept bugging Tanya about was coming up in almost a week; would Andréa be interested in competing alongside him instead?

Spyder: Adam had no qualms about dumping his girlfriend who saved his life so many times for this new girl he hadn't even dated ONCE!

Tanda: Don't pick on Adam. He's sacred.

Joel: Buh?

Tanda (defensively): It's not his fault, besides, he's a damn good Martial Artist, a Gentle Soul, and a kick ass voice actor.

Spyder: Fangirl.

As if he could have been psychic, Adam looked up and there was Andréa standing a few yards away. She giggled. "Isn't this sorta how we first met?"

Spyder: Noooo... nooooo.... where does she keep COMING FROM???

He smiled. "Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I was on my way home, so I thought I'd take a shortcut through the park. I just didn't expect to find you here."

"Neither did I."

Spyder (as Adam): If I did, I wouldn't BE HERE!!!

I know a lot of people wouldn't consider her the most gorgeous girl in the world, Adam thought, but Andréa's just so beautiful in a . . .

Spyder: Mary Kate kind of way. Woof!

in a normal sort of way! If only I could find the courage just to say that to her. And why does she seem so familiar? I still can't shake this feeling that I know her from somewhere already. But instead of saying any of that, he said something completely different. "Say, are you, uh, real busy right now?"

Spyder: Woof! Woof!  Arrrooo- cough oo-hack!

Tanda: Yup! Coyote ugly!

Andréa could get the hint that he was trying to hold something back from her, but she didn't say anything about it. "No, why?"

Adam still hesitated for a moment, just looking at her. Andréa looked just like any typical teenage girl, wearing jeans and a slimming, fitted purple T-shirt. She wasn't very tall (just about Adam's height, actually) or extremely slender either, but that sure didn't matter to Adam. Her shoulder-length brown hair, partially pulled up and back into a barrette, sparkled in the light of the setting sun and framed her face beautifully.

Spyder: Make up your mind!! Is it pulled BACK or FRAMING HER FACE?!?!?!

Tanda: The sun or the barrette?

Joel: Don't encourage the author.

"Would you, uh, maybe like to perhaps stay and practice with me for a while?" Adam finally asked, stumbling over some of his words.

Joel: Who put those words there?

Andréa smiled, seeing right through his invitation. "I'd love to practice with you," she said.

Tanda: I hate omniscient characters.

It started out as if Adam may have been teaching a class, and Andréa was the student. He performed one movement, and she copied it. The sun continued to set, casting its glow on the shimmering lake nearby and creating silhouettes of the two moving in near-perfect harmony. It didn't take long until Adam and Andréa were in perfect sync with each other, both moving like they were the other's reflection. Even their finishing bows were synchronized. Adam took Andréa's hand the same way he always would with his friends after a good practice or sparring match and said, "Nice job."

Tanda chokes and falls over.

Andréa blushed. "Thanks. I've been out of practice for a while because of other interests, but I guess I remembered a lot more than I thought!"

"Before I forget," Adam continued, "there's this competition coming up next week and my partner had to back out at the last minute. Perhaps you'd like to take her place?"

Andréa raised an eyebrow at this. "Her place?" Why do I have this sinking feeling he's referring to that Tanya girl? she thought. Could this whole thing of him asking me out just be a sick joke between him and his friends?

All: GOD, WE WISH!

Tanda: Adam deserves better.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"No, not at all," Andréa half-lied, still slightly skeptical. "But yes, I'd be honored to be your partner for this competition."

It was still somewhat light out, but the sun had already set behind the nearby mountains. "It's starting to get late," Adam said. "May I walk you home?"

Hmm, Andréa thought, we haven't even known each other for a whole day and he's already asking to walk me home. Maybe he really is interested in me after all . . . "Sure," she finally replied. As they walked off, Adam slipped his arm around her shoulder. There was still something about her that seemed way too familiar.

"So, are you new in town?" Adam asked.

"Well, sort of," Andréa replied. "I've been living here just on the edge of Angel Grove with my Aunt Jenny since the beginning of the summer. I was originally supposed to be going to Stone Canyon High this year, but then they all of a sudden went and changed the district boundaries, so here I am."

Spyder: Co-incidence again?

Tanda: It's Fatal Attraction. She bribed those school officials....

"They did that again? I thought that just happened two years ago, 'cause that's how some of my friends and I ended up at Angel Grove!

Spyder: Whoa! It's well established Rocky, Adam, and Aisha MOVED to Angel Grove.

Joel: Now you sound like a Trekkie Fanboy.

Spyder whimpers.

Well, my family ended up moving closer to town anyway, but still, I'm kinda surprised they would've done that again so soon." Adam paused. "But you said your last name was Collins," he continued a moment later. "Any relation to the famous millionaire family up in Silver Hills?"

Spyder: Related to a wealthy family...

Andréa laughed. "I've gotten that a lot since moving here," she said. "Technically, yes, I am related to them, but it's a distant relation. I've never met them before, and I certainly haven't gotten any money from them, so I couldn't tell you anything about them. Go figure. But as I was saying before, that's how I ended up here. Actually, if you want to get really technical, I'm originally from France."

Spyder: And FRENCH? I'm going to blow a circuit!

Tanda (boggles): Not one beet of zee axent?

Adam looked at her. "Wow, you sure could've fooled me. You don't sound anything like it."

"I get that a lot too. But really, I was born and raised in Paris 'til I was about ten, then moved back to the States with my dad. The real reason I don't sound like I'm from there is because maman was French and Dad was American, so we spoke both French and English at home."

Adam noticed how Andréa was talking about her parents in the past tense. "So what happened to your parents that you're living with your aunt?"

Spyder: No... (begins to cry) Not the tragic heroine...

Andréa stopped and looked away, her expression darkening. "It's . . . it's kind of a long story," she answered quietly.

"I see." Adam could tell that the thought of talking about her parents troubled Andréa. Perhaps if their relationship became a little closer and they got to know each other better, she would be more comfortable talking about the matter. After all, there were things he really wouldn't want to discuss about some members of his family either . . .

Joel (shudders): Like this new girlfriend.

                                     * * *

[Just past 6:30 pm]

The two were nearing the edge of the park, meaning that their walk was just about over. By that time, night had come, and the moon was already shining bright. "So, even though we ended up hanging out today," Adam said, turning towards Andréa, "are we still on for tomorrow?"

Spyder (Waveringly, eyes twitching): No... please say no...

"Of course," she answered. "Why shouldn't we be?" The two stopped and stared at each other. Andréa couldn't help but notice how handsome Adam looked in the moonlight, his dark curls blowing carelessly in the light evening breeze and his eyes as dark as the night itself. It was the first time she had ever fallen in love with someone her age (as opposed to some older celebrities she liked) and he seemed to like her back.

Spyder: I'd like to see her back... getting smaller and smaller in the distance.

Tanda: Keep goin' sweetheart!

And to Adam, Andréa was still equally as beautiful, the way her gentle brown waves shone in the moonlight and her unbelievably long eyelashes seemed to hide her uniquely blue-green eyes when she smiled. He took both of her hands into his, leaning forward to kiss her . . .

(Spyder screams, and leaves his window.)

Tanda: Should I-

Joel: No, give him a moment.

Suddenly, out of thin air, a small army of Cogs appeared. Adam pulled back from Andréa but still held her next to him. He watched the robots, which made no sudden movements. "Rae," he said, fearing for his new friend's well-being, "run and don't look back."

Andréa looked at him, scared and confused. "But Adam, are you sure you can--"

"Just go!" She did as he said. "Man," Adam complained to himself, falling into a fighting stance, "what does Mondo want this time?"

Tanda: To blissfully end her life and this fic.

Short of breath, Andréa stopped beside a tree and looked back, completely forgetting what Adam had just told her to do. What she was about to see next would absolutely blow her mind.

Tanda: Not her brains out? Damn.

"It's morphin' time!" Adam shouted, the Zeonizers appearing on his wrists. "Zeo Ranger IV, Green!"

Andréa stood there and stared in amazement as the transformation took place. Had she just seen what she thought she saw?

Joel: No, it was the alcohol.

"Oh my god," she whispered to herself in disbelief, "Adam is the Green Ranger?" She knew that Rangers weren't supposed to reveal their identities to others, so she wondered what could have happened if he found out that she knew his secret. However, Andréa was already good at keeping certain secrets, so it surely couldn't have been too hard to keep another such as this. She continued to watch in awe as Adam bravely fought the Cogs, but just then, more and more of them began to gang up on him, outnumbering the lone Ranger, and he was in trouble.

Joel: Time to call Tonto.

All of a sudden, something occurred to Andréa; Adam didn't have to fight alone. She pulled an object out of her back pocket. Andréa then opened her hand and looked at the small purple crystal she held in it. "Okay," she sighed, remembering all that she had been told, "here goes nothing . . ."

(off screen sound of Spyder whimpering)

Adam tried everything he could do to ward off the neverending attacks, but it was never enough. He couldn't understand why he was still having so much trouble with the Cogs the same way he had the other night as he continued to get thrown around and was eventually pinned down on the ground.

The Cogs were just about to close in on Adam even more when a rather familiar feminine voice froze them in their tracks. "Mind if I join the party?"

Adam looked up from where he was pinned down. Standing at the top of a nearby hill was the Purple Ranger. This time she was not on horseback, but Adam was still impressed by her determined fighting stance . . . and her speed. Before he knew it, the mysterious new Ranger had raced down the hill with her staff in hand, knocked all the Cogs to the ground, and stopped right in front of him. Not since Trey, when he was still the Gold Ranger, had Adam seen anyone as quick and mystifying as the Purple Ranger. "So, Green Ranger, we meet again," she said, reaching out a hand and then pulling him up.

Spyder (Weakly, from off screen): B...bin-go

Tanda (Falls over laughing): From "run" to the valliant dash down the hillside. That's pretty funny. I love rip-off fics.

"So it would seem," Adam replied confusedly as he returned to his feet. This couldn't have been another dream, he thought; he was just with Andréa not that long ago, so the Purple Ranger had to have been real! "Whoever you are, I . . . I want to thank you for coming to my aid again." God, I can't be falling in love with the Purple Ranger too! he thought. How can I be in love with two completely different women without betraying at least one of them?

Joel: Andrea, I would date with you! Ranger Goddess, I love you!

Tanda: Kuno, baby... chill.

Joel: Is Adam so stupid he can't recognize a voice?

Tanda: This is fanfic, no one wants logic.

A lone Cog approached the Purple Ranger from behind. Adam fell into a fighting stance, but as if she had eyes in the back of her helmet, the new Ranger whirled around and leveled her attacker with her staff. She still had not ceased to amaze Adam. Had she shown up about a year before, she would have made a fine Ninjetti warrior. He wondered what kind of spirit animal Dulcea would have given her:

Tanda: Baboon?

Joel: Buffoon.

a panther, maybe? But the thing that Adam did not know was that behind the Purple Ranger's helmet was his new friend Andréa.

Tanda: We know that! We're not stupid!

Joel: The author is.

Tanda: She has to remind HERSELF that the two are the same?

She knew that if she revealed her identity to Adam right then, both of them would most likely have been in a state of shock, seeing as how she still couldn't believe that he was really a Ranger to begin with. Perhaps it was a good thing that a helmet covered Andréa's face,

Tanda: Because her looks really COULD kill!

Joel: Uhg... no revealing... please!

because then Adam couldn't see the true feelings she was beginning to have for him. Even when their eyes met for the first time earlier that day, she knew that they were made for each other, but did it really have to be this way? Andréa knew very well that she'd rather have been able to see Adam's perfect-in-every-detail face than to just see a somewhat plain green helmet staring back at her.

Finally, she turned away from him, unable to take it anymore. Once turned away from Adam, the black visor and purple faceplate of her helmet slid back to reveal the anxious expression on her face. If only I could tell him now . . . she thought before standing up straight again. "My job here is done," she said emotionlessly, fighting hard to not let her true feelings show in her voice. "I must go now." Andréa then began to walk away as a bright light appeared from nowhere.

"Purple Ranger, wait!" Adam called out to her. "I want to know who you are!" She didn't answer. He tried to see what was going on, but he had to shield his eyes from the intense and blinding light in front of him.

Joel: Adam got taken by aliens, up to the mothership.

Tanda: Pygmie aliens?

Joel: Wrong fic.

Spyder whimpers then howls.

                                     * * *

[Saturday, October 19, shortly after midnight]

That was the last thing Adam remembered before he suddenly shot up from his bed, hyperventilating

Joel: And groaning as he hit the cieling!

and in a cold sweat. "Dammit, why does this all seem like such a bad dream?" he complained. He still couldn't understand the connection between that blinding light and his suddenly waking up hours later, unable to remember anything that happened in between. If it was all real, how and when did he get home?

Then he thought about Andréa; did she make it home all right? His mind continued to wander.

Tanda: It was trying to escape this fic, too.

Joel: Dude, when you wake up in bed after two bad episodes with a woman, let it go, man... just let it go.

Tanda: Is this like a third date kiss rule?

Joel rolls his eyes.

Could it even have been possible that she saw everything that happened, that she saw him morph into Zeo Ranger IV? And that Purple Ranger, might Andréa have seen her too? Adam flopped back down on his bed and tried to get some sleep, the only thing that made the least bit of sense at the time.

Joel: Nothing in this fic makes sense.

Tanda: I guess we should take a break and try to calm Spyder down.

Forrester: Okay, nincompoops, I hope I gave you enough time to get an invention in order...

Joel (Looking over a few sheets of paper and checking them against a thirteen inch square box. The box is purple, with blinking lights and shiny bits.): Uh... yeah, I think we're ready.

Forrester: Good. Well, go ahead. I'm feeling generous. You go first.

(Joel takes a red headed Barbie in a silver Power Ranger suit)

Joel: Well, my invention is the Purple Power Ranger cloning device... but all I had to start out with was a Silver Ranger suit... Sorry... you put it in the device, see....

(Joel opens the box and sets the Barbie in. There is a sound of whirring machinery, smoke puffs from the device, and a small ping announces that it is done.)

Joel: That should do it...

(Joel opens the box and looks puzzled. He draws out one doll, with long brunette hair in a purple tee shirt and shorts.)

Spyder: What was that, a dud?

Joel: I think that was Kristen Murphy.

Spyder: The author?

Joel: No the character... and look...

(He pulls out a doll that looks like Andrea. After that, he pulls out several more dolls, most in purple, but at least one is in green.)

Joel: Um... okie... I think I have some kinks to work out... how about you, Sirs?

Tanda (hops up on the edge of of the monitor with a box of pins): Can I have one?

Forrester (Frank is behind him, standing next to a life sized COG.): I would like to introduce the Build It Yourself COG. All parts included, even the battery. Full color instructions on how to build the COG and the remote that controls him. Another book is included free, titled Training your Cog for Fun and Mayhem. All for the low low price of $9999.99.

(Forrester turns and presses the remote control. The cog stiffens, looks around, and begins dancing like a COG on TV would while trying to ambush a Ranger. He then turns, runs, and slams into Frank, pushing them both off camera. Sounds of Frank yelling and screaming punctuate the conversation.)

Forrester (Turns back to the screen): Well, it looks like we're in something of a draw today... Perhaps it would be prudent to return you to the FIC for now... (Turns to walk off screen) No, I need Frank ALIVE! Back, Cog! (He returns to the shot, picks up the remote, smiles, and withdraws again.)

Joel: We've got E-mail!!!

Chapter 4: Adam, Do You Have Any Idea Where We Are?

[Later in the day, around 10:30 am]

Adam followed the directions that Andréa had given him over the phone that morning to her house, but when he arrived, he wasn't quite sure if he was in the right place, even though the house number matched up with the address she had given him the day before. "Angel Ridge Stables?" he read aloud from the sign in front, not recalling being told anything about that. It was a rather large house with a small barn across the driveway from it and vast green pastures behind them where a few horses munched on the grass. Then Adam noticed that someone was riding in the outdoor arena in front of the barn. He took a closer look at the rider, and it was indeed Andréa, but he didn't remember her telling him that she was into horses either,

Tanda: She wrote it, I didn't have to say anything!

Spyder (twitchy): What?

Tanda: She's INTO horses!

Joel: Tanda...

even though it almost seemed right that she would be. He watched her for a while, leaning along the fence near the gate. Andréa rode with the same amount of finesse that she would show in her martial arts, if not more than that.

Spyder: Meaning she was thrown from her horse and landed in the pile of manure all stables have for comedy effect.

When Andréa realized she was being watched, she slowed her horse from a canter to a walk, smiled, and waved at Adam.

Joel: And promptly fell off.

He smiled and waved back. She walked her horse up to the fence and took off her purple schooling helmet,

Joel: Purple... helmet... c'mon, Adam, get a clue-by-four!

pushing back a few errant strands of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail. The horse was a beautiful creature,

Spyder: Compared to Andrea, a warthog's back side is beautiful.

a coal black Arabian gelding with no markings and a long, thick black mane and tail, reminding Adam of the horse the Purple Ranger was riding a few nights before.

(Spyder thwacks Adam with a clue-by-four.)

(Tanda thwacks Spyder and takes his stick.)

Spyder: No, no, not the schtick!

Little did he know that it was the same exact horse.

(Tanda thwacks the author, repeatedly.)

"Rae, you never told me that you were into horseback riding," Adam said to her.

Joel: And they've had so much time togther.

"I know," she replied. "There are a lot of things I haven't told you yet, but yeah, I've been riding since I was about eleven."

"So what's his name?" Adam asked as he opened the gate and let Andréa out of the ring.

"His full registered name is something like HA Tihanad's Thunder," she answered, "but I just call him Thunder. He's just about been my best friend since my grandma bought him for me four years ago."

Adam pet Thunder's face, the horse already approving of Andréa's new friend, then looked up at her and said, "He's beautiful." Just like his owner, he thought.

Spyder: Everyone said she was horse faced.

"Thanks," she said modestly, setting her helmet on the fencepost. "Would you maybe like to go for a ride?"

Joel: This fic has taken us for a ride already.

"Yeah, sure, but I hardly know a thing about riding. You'd leave me in the dust!" In fact, the last time he had even really ridden a horse was the year before when he and the other Rangers participated in the police department's charity nature ride, so one couldn't blame him for being slightly tentative about the idea.

Tanda: Tentative, isn't that what you do with a meeting on a schedule? She means hesitant, right?

Andréa giggled. "That doesn't matter," she reassured him. "I don't think Thunder would mind if he had two riders. Just hang on and you won't fall off. Come on!" She slid forward in front of the saddle so she was sitting at the end of the horse's neck, allowing enough room for Adam to mount up and sit in the saddle.

Joel: Doesn't a saddle have a horn at the front... (realizes what he's saying)

Tanda: Nooo!

Joel (smirking): Jealous much?

Tanda: Don't encourage the author. It's obviously an English saddle but we'll pretend I didn't say that because then she might describe it. Of course she would break the horse's neck if she really sat there. Come to a sudden stop... quick drop. You get the idea.

Joel winces and nods.

You bet I'll hang on, Adam thought. Andréa already liked that feeling of his hands on her waist. She glanced back at him and smiled, ready to say something, but then decided not to.

All: THANK YOU!

When they were both ready, Andréa lightly tapped Thunder's belly with her spurs and they were off.

Tanda: Grr.

Neither Adam nor Andréa could have thought of a better way to spend time with each other. They cantered all through the park, Adam holding onto her closely by her shoulders. Andréa loved the feeling of someone holding onto her as closely as he was; she felt as if they could have been a prince and princess galloping through an enchanted forest. Now that she thought about it, that feeling almost felt right to her.

Spyder: Quit with the almost-flashbacks, already. We know you have some crappy fic planned where they were royalty in another life or on another planet and destined to each other. Get OVER yourself!

Joel and Tanda LOOK at each other then at Spyder.

Joel: I don't even want to know HOW you know this.

Neither wanted the day to end, but eventually they would begin to wonder if it would ever end.

Spyder: God, that's the best forshadowing she can do?

Tanda: Better than foreplay in the shadows.

Spyder: You're right.

                                     * * *

However, the two didn't notice that Gasket and Archerina were watching them from a distance. "The two Rangers are all alone now, my love," said Archerina. "Is the dimensional teleportation device ready?"

Joel: Another ACME product designed by Dr Clayton Forrester.

"Yes," Gasket answered, standing next to a cannon-like contraption, "but we must wait for exactly the right moment. Soon they will be on our turf and their powers will be ours. Then nothing will stand in our way!"

Spyder: Except a bad author, terrible dialogue, lame, overused plot, and a HORSE FACED MARY SUE!!!

                                     * * *

A short while later, the two teens walked through the park together, Andréa leading Thunder as Adam followed beside her. "So, what do you think of Angel Grove so far?" he asked.

Tanda (as Rea): Cool, I blow it up tomorrow.

"I love it!" Andréa replied. "Don't get me wrong, I loved living with my grandparents and all, but I just couldn't stand living where I did in Wisconsin. Not only were some of the winters bitterly cold, so were a good deal of those people towards outsiders like me. I had the worst time fitting in at any of my schools."

Tanda: Or my pants, or the skirt I wore last week...

Adam put his hand on her shoulder and looked at her. "Don't worry about it," he said. "California's a lot different, especially Angel Grove, trust me. It doesn't get that cold here in the winter, and I know you'll be able to fit in just fine."

Joel: As long as you stay away from Tanya 'Ice bitch' Sloane.

I already feel like I fit in just by being with you, Andréa almost wanted to say to him.

All of a sudden, Thunder shied at a cloud of fog that appeared from nowhere. Andréa tried to calm the horse down, but she too was frightened. "Adam, what's going on?" she asked in a loud, panicked voice.

Joel: She foreshadows elusive danger, but not an immediate threat? Puh-leeze.

Tanda: I'm getting sick of the pitiful girl in a Ranger's clothing. Gag!

Adam looked around, trying to find the cloud's source. "I don't know!" he yelled. But then, through the cloud, he could see two tall, faint figures watching them, and he immediately knew this was all one of Gasket and Archerina's plans. Adam dared not say anything, thinking that doing so could reveal his identity as a Ranger to Andréa. But before he could say anything anyway, both of the teens fell to the ground unconscious, overwhelmed by some strange toxin in the fog. When the fog finally cleared, all three--Adam, Andréa, and her horse Thunder--had disappeared.

Spyder (Sighs in relief): Thank God, fic over, let's go...

[Sometime around noon back in Angel Grove]

Spyder: DAMN!

Adam woke up, dazed and confused. Moments later, so did Andréa. The two stood up and looked around; nothing seemed remotely familiar with the exception of Thunder quietly munching on some grass a few feet away. "Adam," Andréa said slowly and softly, "do you have any idea where we are?"

Tanda: This is three bad wak up calls Adam. Time to hit the highway.

"No," he replied, "but I know one thing's for sure, that we're nowhere near Angel Grove."

Tanda: I thought it said up there "Back in Angel Grove"

Joel: I think it's around noon in Angel Grove, but that's not where they are.

Tanda: That's not what she wrote.

Joel: I know... we're almost half way done.

(Spyder whimpers)

"How did we get here?"

"I'm not sure," he lied.

Spyder: Damn, good way to begin a relationship- lying!

Tanda: It isn't his fault.

Yeah, Adam thought, like I'm really gonna tell her that we were probably just transported to some other dimension by Gasket and Archerina. I might as well just come out and tell Andréa I'm a Ranger if I said that! She'll probably figure it out sooner or later, but now's just not the right time. I'm sure if she found out who I really am right now, it could endanger both of us even more, and I can't risk that. I guess teleporting's out of the question too, 'cause that would just be another dead giveaway. What am I going to do?

What should I do? Andréa thought at the same exact time. Even though I know Adam's identity as Zeo Ranger IV,

Spyder: Zeo Ranger "IVY"? What is that a special school?

it would be impossible to try to contact Zordon or even teleport out of here without revealing my identity as the Purple Ranger to him. Yeah, he'll find out eventually, when we're with all the other Rangers, but right now would just be way too hard for him to take. I just have this really bad feeling we're wherever we are because of me, and now I'm probably endangering both our lives . . .

Andréa nearly jumped when she felt Adam's hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry," he said, noticing her moderately worried expression, "we'll find a way out of here . . ." He then took another look around at their unfamiliar surroundings. ". . . somehow."

Joel: That's reassuring!

Without any other options, they started down a wooded trail, Andréa leading Thunder. As they walked off, Adam's hand slowly moved from Andréa's shoulder down to her hand. The two looked at each other, knowing that this was only the beginning of an adventure that would bring them closer together than they had ever imagined.

Spyder (Shudders): How much longer?

Chapter 5: I Can't Believe I Let Them Get Away With Her!

Spyder: I can't believe the quotes she's using.

[Angel Grove Youth Center, just a short time later]

Back at the youth center, it was a typical Saturday afternoon for the remaining Rangers. Jason, Tommy, and Rocky sparred while Tanya and Katherine watched from a table. A short time later, the three boys joined the girls.

Spyder: Because they were all falling apart from this FIC!

"Hey, have either of you seen Adam at all?" Tommy asked. "He was supposed to work out with us today and he hasn't shown."

"Oh, Adam didn't tell you?" said Kat. "He was going to spend the afternoon with that new girl, Andréa."

"Hmph," Tanya interjected, looking off into space. Adam just had to be with another girl, she thought.

Tanda: C'mon, Tanya, you can do better than that! Swear a little!

Spyder: Fly into a murderous rage!

"But it's not like him to be this late," Kat continued.

"Nah," Rocky chimed in, "he probably just lost track of the time."

"Yeah," Tanya grumbled, "probably." Her jealousy was becoming quite evident to the other Rangers, something that they normally didn't see in her.

"No, that's not like Adam to lose track of the time,"

Spyder: Or Tanya to be an evil bitch Goddess, but no one was man enough to say so.

Tommy said. "He's always on time for everything and never breaks promises. I think something's wrong."

"Zordon would probably know," Jason added. As the former leader of the Power Rangers, Jason knew that it was important to look out for his teammates, and Tommy, the current leader, seemed to genuinely show that concern for once.

Tanda: I guess the author doesn't like Tommy. Just shows what kind of pooty head she is.

"I mean, we would've heard from Adam if he was gonna be late. Something must be wrong like you said."

"I agree. Let's get out of here." The five filed out of the juice bar and into a secluded hallway where they teleported to the Power Chamber.

[Around 1:30 pm Angel Grove time]

Adam and Andréa were still not having any luck finding out where exactly they were. They had been walking for what seemed like hours along endless paths that led to nowhere. As they neared a small clearing on an edge of the woods, Thunder's head and ears perked up at a sudden rustling sound in the bushes. The noise seemed to startle Andréa too. "Adam," she said, "why does it suddenly feel like we're not alone?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"I don't know. I just keep getting this odd feeling that we're being watched."

Joel (groans): God, bushes, rustling ahead, strange dimension. Adam is smarter than this!

Spyder: But the AUTHOR isn't.

Andréa was right. Cogs jumped out of the bushes and more appeared all around the two teens. Thunder half-reared amidst all the commotion. "Rae, go!" Adam shouted.

Tanda: But she just said she didn't know! Geeeeez.

"But-"

"Just run! I'll find you later!" Just like the previous night, Andréa did what he said, leaving Thunder there, but only ran far enough so she wouldn't be seen. But before Adam could even call for his Zeonizers, the Purple Ranger leaped out of the woods. Now he knew she wasn't a figment of his imagination. However, her sudden appearance distracted Adam, and a Cog thus pounced on him, throwing him to the ground and breaking his communicator.

(Spyder starts twitching again.)

Adam looked up. Once again, the Purple Ranger fought the Cogs valiantly, but she obviously couldn't take them all on by herself. She began to struggle, and two Cogs grabbed hold of her. Adam got up and ran to pull them off of her but was instead kicked backward in the process.

Tanda: woman! Watch who you are kicking!

Joel: That was the author again.

Tanda: Bleh!

Andréa fought to free herself. "Let me go, bucketheads!" she cried.

Spyder: Power Ranger cliche number eighteen.

"You heard the lady," Adam yelled in agreement, "let her go!"

Joel (Mimicking Skull): Yeah, let her go!

(Tanda and Spyder stare at Joel)

Joel: Hi?

But suddenly, Andréa stopped struggling; she knew when she had been defeated.

Tanda: She can defeat a whole swarm of cogs when Adam couldn't and now TWO have her defeated? WHOEVER WROTE THIS SHOULD DIE!!!

Spyder: Die DIE DIE!!!!!

She looked up at Adam with a regretful expression hidden behind her helmet, sorry she had to let him down. Forgive me, Adam, she thought. This is all my fault.

"No!" Adam raged. He charged toward them and lunged at the Purple Ranger in order to free her from the Cogs' hold, but it was too little, too late. They had disappeared with her before he could reach her, causing him to land hard again. Adam pounded his fist to the ground in anger, silently cursing. "I can't believe I let them get away with her!"

Spyder: I can't believe you didn't give them your blessing!

Joel: Willow Blessing?

Spyder: One bad author at a time, here!

                                     * * *

The Cogs appeared in front of a deep, dark cave, still holding the struggling Andréa, who had mysteriously demorphed. Gasket watched as they dragged the girl into the cave, threw her into a cold, dark, dungeon-like cell, and disappeared again at the prince's command. Andréa had a feeling she knew why she was there, but she still tried to deny everything Gasket asked her regarding the Purple Ranger, hoping he'd show her at least an ounce of mercy. "Let me reiterate myself," Gasket said. "If you just hand your powers over to us, I shall release you, no questions asked. If not, then you will be forced to stay here for all eternity."

Andréa felt around in her pockets; her crystal was gone! She must have dropped it and that caused her to demorph. She silently prayed that none of the Cogs, much less Gasket, had found it. "I don't have anything you want!" she pleaded, grabbing the bars on the door. "Even if I did, I would never give my powers or anything to the likes of you!"

Spyder: Pleading and then defiant in the same sentence?

Joel: She has Multiple Personality Disorder.

"Oh, so you finally admit to being a Ranger, do you?" Gasket pressed. "Perhaps you gave your crystal to your friend Zeo Ranger IV for safe keeping?"

"You keep Adam out of this!" Andréa cried. "He knows nothing of my being a Ranger!" She fell to her knees, suddenly feeling weak and helpless. Where was Adam now that she really needed him?

Spyder: But he couldn't defeat the cogs you could!

Tanda: This is Mary Sue. There is no logic.

"Ahh, so he doesn't know about your little secret then, hmm? Then that will make it all the better when I get rid of the both of you!"

"Please," Andréa begged softly, hot tears streaming down her face, "I have nothing for you. If you have at least a shred of decency, you'll let me go."

Spyder chokes and rolls.

"Never!" Gasket laughed as he disappeared. Andréa collapsed to the cell floor, crying. In the midst of it all, she prayed that someone, Adam as Zeo Ranger IV especially, would come to her rescue.

                                     * * *

"Zordon, come in!" Adam called into his communicator frantically. "Is anyone there? Come in!" It was no use; the communicator was broken, and he finally remembered why. He then tried his next option. "Andréa!" he called out. "Andréa, where are you?" No answer whatsoever. If Adam had something to kick, he would've kicked it well into the next millennium. "Now what am I supposed to do?" he asked himself frustratedly. There was no way to teleport home, the Purple Ranger had been taken captive, and Andréa had run to somewhere--where, Adam didn't know. For all he knew, the Cogs could have grabbed her too.

Joel: If only they knew...

Tanda: He knows, he's just playing dumb for the author.

Spyder: Why?

Tanda: A contract with a fan fic author like this is worse than one with Saban.

"There's gotta be a way to find them and get outta here!"

Spyder: Ditch the girls, they're not worth it!

All of a sudden, the insight hit him. "That's it," Adam said, looking right at Thunder. He and the horse stared at each other for some time, both seeming to have the same idea. "It's a long shot, but it might just work." Adam could ride off to find Andréa and the Purple Ranger, even if it meant having to search for days or possibly even weeks; after all, it was a lot better than searching by foot. He really didn't know how the idea came to him, but something about it just seemed right at the time.

Spyder: Like the fact that he doesn't know how to ride...

Tanda (cackles): Novice boy here, on an Arabian. Oh that's great... Bye Adam, nice knowing you!

Adam carefully approached the horse and patted him reassuringly on his sleek black neck. "Easy there, boy," he said, letting Thunder know he meant no harm. Then, after a few more seconds of hesitation, Adam mounted up. "I really hope I know what I'm doing . . ."

Joel: That's what Andrea said last night...

he sighed as he stared out at the vast expanse before him, hoping his instincts, as well as the horse's, would lead them in the right direction. Adam then took a deep breath and firmly kicked Thunder into motion.

Spyder: Zeus, however, was not amused.

                                     * * *

Adam really didn't know why he found it so easy to ride Thunder despite being a very inexperienced rider.

Joel: NOW he remembers!

Perhaps it was the horse's smooth, swift gallop, the gait's steadiness never ceasing. Or maybe it was the adrenaline rush he got from the wind and Thunder's long, thick mane whipping at his face and blowing his lengthening black hair

Spyder: It's growing before his eyes, he's the wolfman!

Tanda: No, that was Rocky.

Spyder: Fangirl?

Tanda: Slash reader.

Joel: Actually it's that shot of Fluphenazine they gave 'ol Thunder.

into his determined dark eyes. The pair sprinted across plains and through valleys, never quite sure of where they were going but confident they were heading in the right direction. There was no way he'd let those machine creeps hurt his friends, Adam thought, not as long as he was a Power Ranger.

Joel: and not as long as he sat on the horse not finding her. Yeah, he's on the ball.

Chapter 6: Adam, I Know It's You

[Around 2:45 pm]

Spyder: What day is it? Where am I?

While riding through a mountain range,

Joel: Is he related to Buckaroo Banzai?

Adam came upon a cave. Then a tiny glimmer of something in front caught his eye.

Tanda: In front of what?

He walked Thunder even closer, then stopped a few yards from it and dismounted. The small object was still sparkling in the daylight as Adam approached it and picked it up. It was a moderate-sized purple gem-like crystal set in a casing shaped like a four-pointed star. Adam immediately recognized it as the talisman the Purple Ranger wore on her sash, but she herself was nowhere to be seen. He looked into the dark expanse of the cave. "I wonder . . . could she be in there?" Adam asked himself. Though he was referring to the Purple Ranger, he also stopped to realize that Andréa could have been inside that cave, or perhaps even both of them. Or it could have even been a deliberate trap set up by Gasket and Archerina. Little did Adam know he was right on all of his guesses.

Spyder: So many times he thinks of both of these girls at the same time and he doesn't think, MAYBE THEY'RE THE SAME???

Joel: No, he's a brain damaged vegetable.

Spyder: What girl would want to date a dain bramaged vegetable?

Tanda: I'll date him, he's only that way because the evil purple ranger put a spell on him.

Joel: Would somebody cue the cogs?

As if on cue, a handful of Cogs appeared.

Joel: Thank you!

Their sudden appearance startled Adam, causing him to unknowingly drop the crystal. He wasn't going to waste any time this time around, he thought. "It's morphin' time!" Adam shouted. "Zeo Ranger IV, Green!" It only took a short time to dispatch of this batch of Cogs, easily throwing them left and right like he always could. "That was almost a little too easy," he muttered once they were all gone. Finally, Adam ran into the cave, not quite sure of what he might find.

Tanda: It's the evil purple ranger's spell, it's wearing off!

Adam looked down the dimly lit path. "Hello?" he called out. "Is anyone there?"

Spyder: No, no cogs here! Doh!

Andréa, who had fallen asleep for a short time, was suddenly awakened upon recognizing her friend's voice. Assuming he was probably morphed, she called back in response, "Who's there?"

Immediately upon hearing Andréa, Adam ran in her direction. When he finally saw her, he suddenly skidded to a stop, appalled at the terrible state she had to be in.

Tanda: Aren't you a little short to be a Power Ranger?

Joel spews the Dew.

Andréa herself hated to have Adam see her like this. "Are you okay?" he asked her softly, trying to keep as much emotion out of his voice as he possibly could.

"Yeah, I'm . . . I'm fine," Andréa replied, her voice quavering. She had to improvise quickly so she wouldn't blow her cover. "I . . . I was running and all these robotic creeps grabbed me and . . . and one of them kept badgering me about some Purple Ranger. I . . . I told him I didn't know anything about it, but . . . but he . . ."

Tanda: Eww! Okay girlie, it's not THAT kind of machine.

"Calm down," Adam tried to reassure her. Why did Gasket have to pull Andréa into all of this? he thought. "Everything's going to be okay. I'll get you out of here. Just stand back." He drew his laser pistol,

Spyder: And shot her in the head, repeatedly!

aimed at the lock on the door, and fired, breaking the lock.

Tanda: Damn.

The door creaked open, and Andréa walked out slowly, unsure of whether or not she should have just told him the truth on why she was there. "You should probably go now," Adam continued before she could say anything. "Your friend might be looking for you."

Andréa turned away and looked down, fearful of the possible reaction. "I don't need to go anywhere," she said quietly. "My friend has already found me." She turned and looked back up at him. "Adam, I know it's you."

He looked down, sighed, and slowly removed his helmet. "It was last night you found out, wasn't it?"

Tanda (as Adam) I couldn't resist wearing it to bed.

Adam asked, looking back up at her. Andréa nodded silently. "Why didn't you just tell me you knew?"

"I . . . I was afraid that if you found out that I knew who you really were, you'd get upset at me or something like that. But whatever happens, I promise 100 percent to keep it a secret." Andréa paused, bracing for the possible criticism she would get. "You can trust me . . . can't you?"

Adam smiled. "Of course I trust you!"

Spyder smokes and falls over.

Joel (looks at Spyder): What's his problem?

Tanda: A lot of Mary Sue fics have a 24 hour romance thing. Nothing new. It's almost a rip off, but in this case I'd say it's more of a tradition.

That answer took her by surprise. "You . . . do?"

"Yes! Rae, I knew it would've only been a matter of time before you figured it out. After all, it would be rather hard for someone like me to have a girlfriend and have her not figure it out sooner or later. But if there's anyone I'd want to trust with this secret, it would without a doubt be you."

Spyder (crawls back up on screen): Even though I only knew you for two days now.

Andréa just stood there, totally taken aback by his words. Her stunned expression said it all. Girlfriend? That was something completely new to her; no one had ever called her his girlfriend before. She then looked at Adam curiously, wondering if he really meant what he said. The look of sincerity in his eyes showed that he truly did mean every word of it as he took her hands into his.

Then, without any hesitation, Adam leaned towards Andréa and kissed her. Though she wished her very first kiss could have been under better circumstances, it was the most unbelievable sensation she had ever felt; the way it was so deep and affectionate made her want to freeze time so the moment could never have ended. And although it was only her first kiss, Andréa felt as though Adam had kissed her like that before, even though they had only known each other for no more than a few days.

Spyder: Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Tanda; I'm gonna hurl!!!

Joel nudges the recycle icon closer to the AI.

"Oh, now isn't that sweet," a sarcastic voice broke the silence. "The heroic soldier boy kissing his sweetheart good-bye before marching off to war." Adam and Andréa both turned suddenly to find Prince Gasket standing before the two of them. "Coming to save your little friend, are you, Ranger?"

A terrified look crossed Andréa's face as Adam held her closely.

Tanda: Adam should have the terriified look on his face for having KISSED YOU!

"Adam, that's the one who captured me and brought me here," she said softly.

Adam's expression quickly changed to that of total anger. "I should've known, Gasket," he said fiercely, drawing his Zeo Saber in preparation to defend Andréa as well as himself. "Only you would sink this low, taking an innocent girl prisoner to lure me into a trap!"

"Adam, don't do this!" Andréa pleaded, trying to give him back his helmet. "You're gonna get yourself killed!"

Spyder: Maybe you'd prefer to be back in your cell, your Highness!

Adam held her back. "Stay out of this, Rae. I don't want you getting hurt. If it's a fight Gasket wants, then it's a fight he'll get. This is part of what Rangers have to do."

"But . . ." There was nothing more Andréa could do. God, if I only knew what happened to my crystal, she thought, I could morph, Adam and I could kick some serious butt, and we could get the heck outta here.

Tanda: I'm gonna kick some pasty white Mary Sue butt!

Gasket drew his sword. "Are you just going to stand there, Ranger, or are you going to fight?"

Adam said nothing. Instead, with a sharp battle cry, he came around with his saber, the loud clash of metal against metal ringing throughout the cavern. Andréa cringed, the fight now under way. She could only watch from the side, hold Adam's helmet, and wish there was something she could do to stop this insanity.

Spyder: She never should have been in this fic!

Nonetheless, she was impressed by how much of a warrior Adam really was, the way he was often able to dodge Gasket's strikes.

Spyder: And survive the suckiness of this fic!

However, the mechanical prince was able to get in a few lucky blows.

Tanda falls over in peels of laughter.

Spyder hands her an orange.

Gasket slashed through Adam's usually impermeable armor, causing the Ranger to stagger backwards from the damaging blow. Without his helmet on, his Ranger powers were not at 100%, leaving him more vulnerable than normal. "Adam, you've gotta stop this!" Andréa pleaded again after catching him. "There's no way you're gonna be able to beat this guy like this!"

"Yes, there's no way you could ever beat me, Ranger," Gasket half-imitated Andréa. "Why don't you just give up and this can all end a lot quicker--in your demise, that is!

Spyder: The author! Tell that to the author!

Adam had no intentions of giving up anytime soon. All he did was glare at Gasket, totally oblivious to how wounded he really was. His eyes burned with revenge and a searing rage no one had ever seen in him before. It was one thing to capture another Ranger, but to drag the innocent girl Adam had just fallen in love with into all of this for seemingly no reason? "Maybe you should be the one giving up, Gasket," he snarled, "'cause I'm not letting you get away with trying to hurt my girlfriend!" Adam charged at Gasket again and the fight resumed.

Joel: Not the G-word!

Andréa still could not get herself to watch all of the battle, especially now that Adam was beginning to struggle.

Tanda: If Tanya was here, she'd be fighting UNMORPHED. Pasty purple WUSS.

Spyder: Meep!

Joel (looks at Tanda): You go girl.

A kick by Gasket

Tanda: How bout a kick IN the Gasket?

Spyder (winces): Yeowch.

knocked him to the ground, the prince towering above him. "This is going to be too easy," the prince said devilishly, ready to plunge his

All: AHG!!!!

sword

All: Oh!

Tanda. Darn. Well... you never know. He is a MACHINE prince... and the author never SAYS where his-

Joel: Ehem.

Tanda sighs.

into the Ranger. "It's been nice knowing you, Zeo Ranger IV."

Just seconds before the blade could even touch him, Adam blocked the strike with his saber. The two warriors each struggled to force the other's blade from themselves, but Adam eventually won the struggle, pushing Gasket backwards and giving himself enough time to regain his balance. "Don't be so quick to judge!" he threatened Mondo's eldest son.

Spyder: Actually in the original, Sprocket IS Gasket.

Tanda: Uhg. No wonder the author is confused.

"You'll pay for that, boy!" Gasket flared. He swung his sword around again at the Ranger, but he missed when Adam turned and jumped away, sparks flying from where the blade struck the cavern wall. Enraged even more, Gasket once again struck out at Adam and was more successful this time, throwing the Ranger against the wall.

"Adam, no!" Andréa screamed when his saber flew out of his hand and clattered to the ground.

Spyder: His head exploded from the shriek. The End.

Joel: Hang on buddy. Not much further.

Gasket grabbed Adam by the collar and pulled him up off the ground. "Hmmm, what's the best way I can finish you off, puny Ranger?"

Tanda: Eww!

he asked sarcastically as Adam gasped for breath and struggled unsuccessfully to break free.

Spyder: of this terrible fic...

"Stop this!" Andréa begged, trying to pull Gasket away from Adam only to be pushed backward by the prince. "Can't you see he's no match for you?"

If Gasket were human, he would have grinned deviously. "As you wish," he responded cold-bloodedly. And with that, he literally threw Adam across the cave and into Andréa, knocking both of them to the ground. The Ranger tried to get up but fell limp, too injured to even move.

Tanda: Yeah she'd make me limp too.

Joel and Spyder stare at Tanda.

Tanda: What?

"No!" Andréa screamed again, holding Adam protectively.

Gasket laughed as he kicked the wounded Ranger, making sure he was good and defeated. "You're next, Purple Ranger," the mechanical prince said to Andréa as he walked out of the cave and disappeared. The girl could only sit there, stunned.

Spyder: We WISH!

Spyder: I'm not feeling too good... but my Psychologist said-

Joel: Your psychologist?

Spyder: Uh... yeah. I found him on the Web...

Tanda: In a chat room.

Joel: Oh, Lord. That cant be good...

Spyder: HE SAID... (clears throat) He said that it would be theraputic to write about my feelings. A sort of story. Well... being an AI...

Joel: You didn't tell him that, did you?

Spyder: (Glares) NO. I'm not stupid. Give us both some credit here.

Joel sighs in relief.

Spyder: OKAY. Being an AI, I decided that instead of writing... since I have access to the computer and the network and everything... I would create an animation. I would like to present... Mary-Sue Ranger Deathmatch a la Spyder.

Joel: It's worse than I expected.

Spyder (angrily). Play the animation!

A new window opens, a childishly drawn Andrea riding an obvious cyber cutout of a Breyer horse enters the screen. The horse rears, throws the girl, and tramples her. Then the horse looks around. Another purple clad girl enters. The word Kristin appears over her head with an arrow pointing at her. Then she walks towards the horse. It disappears. Andrea is suddenly back up and the screen jumps to a clip of a wrestling match, with poorly rotoscoped purple color on their outfits. Then, without warning, a flash of lightning striks the image, and then the last image is of two poorly drawn stick figures with smoke rising from their bodies and x's for eyes.

Spyder sighs. Well, that was fun! Want to see it again?

Joel and Tanda remain silent a moment. He looks at her for help, and she shakes her head vigorously.

Spyder: I know. It sucks... but look at the two fics I've had to work with. Gimme a break...

*beep*

Joel: Whoops, look at that... we have E-mail...

                                     * * *

After a few minutes, Andréa finally looked down at Adam as he lay there in her arms, not quite sure what she should do. At first, she thought he was already dead, but he was only unconscious and barely breathing.

"No," Andréa said softly, brushing Adam's tousled hair out of his bloodstained face, "please . . . don't die."

Spyder (Girlie voice): I'll be all alone in this terrible fic!

Already feeling a very strong connection to him, tears began to flow down her face as she then leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips. "I've already lost too many important people in my life to lose another . . ."

Joel: Brace yourselves.

"Dad!" eleven-year-old Andréa screamed when she saw the intruder point the gun at her father.

Spyder (gives a startled shout) What? WHAT?

Tanda: Where the HELL are we?? No scene change, NOTHING!

"Andréa, get out of here!" her dad shouted. "Go next door and call for help! Now!"

Joel: I SAID to brace yourselves.

Spyder: I needed more time!

Joel: You had ample bracing time!

Tanda holds up some leather straps. "I'm braced."

Joel: Oh put that back.

Tanda sighs.

Three shots rang out

Spyder: Three maids screamed!

before Andréa could even escape. She stood horrified as her father was thrust backwards and into a table. "Nooooo!" she wailed as she realized he was dead, her eyes already swelling with tears as she ran to him.

The masked burglar stared at the two, wondering why he had just done what he did. He threw himself out of the window he had broken in through, and seconds later, Andréa heard another gunshot. She didn't care that the intruder had just killed himself. All she could do was cry over her father's lifeless body.

Spyder (grieving): Noooooo!!!

Tanda: Don't tell me you like her...

Spyder: No... the burglar... should've killed HER instead!!! (breaks into sobs.) So close... so close...

Joel snickers.

Andréa was still in shock when the police finally came to investigate and her grandparents came from across the street to be with her. Many others in the neighborhood had also come out to see what was going on, including Rowen, the quiet yet very intelligent young Japanese-American boy who lived next to her grandparents and was one of her very few friends after she first came to America. "Rae, what happened?" the boy asked, concerned for his one and only friend. "Are you all right?"

Spyder: I thought she said it was a subtle reference.

Joel: What?

Spyder: Nothing.

Andréa glanced up at Rowen through tear-swelled eyes, her thoughts all in a whirl. "Dad . . . he . . . the burglar . . . there were all these gunshots . . . he tried to protect me . . ." She couldn't even just come out and say it, but what else would one have expected of an eleven-year-old girl who just saw her father killed right in front of her?

The boy, just a few months younger than Andréa, could only stand there in disbelief; why did such a nice girl like her have to face so much tragedy in life?
Spyder: What damn ten year old thinks like this?

Without a single word--even with all of his intelligence, what was he to say anyway?--Rowen could only run to her and offer her a warm and sympathetic hug. That's what friends were supposed to do, wasn't it?

Tanda: Hey! One love interest per Mary Sue! Geez, he's not even the right genre!

Long after the bodies were taken away later on, Andréa remained in her grandmother's and friend's arms, still scared and confused. "Why, Grandma?" she asked. "First maman dies, now Dad. Why?"

Tanda: They didn't want to give birth to such an awful fic!

Andréa's face was wet with tears even more after recalling the horrible memory. Even though she had had the comfort of a good friend afterward, it was still far too painful to bear. "Why?" she continued to ask herself. "Why did this all have to happen, Adam?" She rested her head against his and closed her eyes, still holding him protectively. "Je t'aime pour toujours, mon amour,"

Tanda: The man needs to spend his dying breath wondering what the heck that means??

was the only thing the French-American teen could find the strength to say. She didn't even notice when Adam's hand slowly moved to hold hers.

Spyder: What she didn't know was that he was spending his dying breath trying to KILL HER!

Chapter 7: How Do You Know Who I Am?

[Power Chamber, not quite 3 pm]

"Alpha, have you gotten a lock on Adam yet?"

Spyder (As Alpha): Ay-yi-yi, no, I'm trying to get him out of her clutches!

"Ay-yi-yi!" Alpha cried. "No, I haven't, Tommy. I've done scan after scan and all of them have come up with nothing!"

Tanya looked over Alpha's shoulder and saw a small, flashing purple light on the scanner. "Hey, what's that then?" she asked.

"Oh, u-uh, that?" the robot stammered, obviously trying to disavow any knowledge of the sixth little light that signified the Purple Ranger's communicator signal. "That's, uh, n-nothing."

The Rangers were just about to question Alpha's judgment when the alarm suddenly sounded. "Rangers," Zordon said, "I'm afraid there is a more important matter at hand. King Mondo has taken advantage of our situation and sent the Destructatron monster and an army of Cogs to Angel Grove. You must do what you can to stop this attack despite your weakened status."

All (Laughing hysterically): Destructatron!!!

"You got it, Zordon," Tommy replied as usual. "All right then. It's morphin' time!"

Spyder: S'morphin time? Who has smores?

Tanda: I just hope they aren't talking about those Smurfs!

"Zeo Ranger I, Pink!"

"Zeo Ranger II, Yellow!"

"Zeo Ranger III, Blue!"

"Zeo Ranger V, Red!"

"Gold Ranger Power!"

Spyder: Oh, right, Jason has to be different...

Tanda: It's a studly, testosterone infested, "grow another chest hair" kind of yell.

Joel: "Gold Ranger Power!" (Looks under his shirt, looks back at the AI staring at him.) What?
 

                                     * * *

[Angel Grove industrial district, a few minutes later]

Joel: The fic too sickly to be a real story, and too copious to be a screenplay.

The five Rangers were teleported to the city, where Mondo, his monster, and the Cogs were all waiting for them. "Hmm, I thought there were six Rangers," the king noted. "I only see five."

"Where's Adam, Mondo?" Tommy shouted.

"And you better have a good excuse this time!" Kat added.

Tanda: That just didn't make any sense.

Spyder: This is Sucky Fanfic...

Joel: ...There IS no logic.

"You dare accuse me of kidnapping your friend?" Mondo asked. "What would I want with him anyway?"

"You tell us!" Rocky yelled.

King Mondo became furious. "For the last time, I don't have him! Cogs! Destructatron! Attack them!"

The hulking metal creation charged the team,

Spyder: But as it was huge and hulking, they had to wait a week for it to get to them!

Tanda: What the HECK does this thing even look like? Am I trembling in fear of a vaccum cleaner, or Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Joel: Um... both in one?

Tanda: Ewww. That *is* scary.

the Cogs following right behind. "Let's get 'em, guys!" Tommy commanded, leading the way.

The two sides clashed quickly, each Ranger taking on at least one opponent. The Cogs, of course, weren't much of a challenge, but Destructatron certainly proved to be a formidable foe.

Spyder (as Arnie) I'm gonna blow- you uhp!

Tanda: Are these the same cogs Adam has been completely ineffective against?

Each Ranger tried to attack him, but they always kept getting thrown aside by the monster. They could see why Mondo had decided to strike at the time the team had been diminished. "Hey," Rocky said to the others, "didn't Adam say something about some new Ranger?"

Spyder: Maybe if you all went after him at the same time, you'd win.

Tanda: Can't, it's called honor.

Spyder: No such thing as honor in a BAD FIC.

Joel: In Fanfic, no one can hear you scream.

Tanda (opens her mouth and no sound comes out): Oh that is SO wrong.

"Yeah," Tanya replied, trying to regain her strength, "but he kept thinking she was just something out of a dream!"

"Maybe he was right!" Jason shouted as he struggled to get out of the chokehold the monster had him in.

Spyder: Who the hell cares! Yousa Dyin' here!

Joel snerks.

If the rest of the team could have seen Tommy's expression, they would have seen a very grave look. "Yeah," he said, "perhaps Adam was right, 'cause otherwise she would've been here by now."
 

[Approximately 3:10 pm]

Andréa awoke when she felt a sudden yet slight movement next to her. She lifted her head and looked up to see as Adam slowly regained consciousness and opened his eyes.

Spyder: He took one look at this chick and began gnawing his own arm off to get away.

Joel: And she wasn't even attached to it.

"So, should I be expecting to see you at my side every time I nearly get killed?" he joked softly.

Spyder: Since she's the one trying to kill you? I'd say yes!

Andréa smiled. "Only if you want me to." She helped Adam to stand up, handed him his helmet, and hugged him. "Geez, what were you thinking, going after that guy like that?"

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "It's just that I've always been real defensive when it comes to someone trying to hurt my friends and all. I didn't mean to scare you like that."

"Hey, as long as we're both all right now, none of that matters," Andréa replied, accepting his apology. "But it's still just so hard to believe that you're a Ranger. I mean, I had always heard about you guys before I moved to Angel Grove, but I never would've guessed that I'd actually know one of you!"

Adam wished he could just stay there and be with Andréa a while longer, but he knew something else still needed to be done.

Spyder: Like murdering the author for putting him here?

"We have to get going," he said, putting his helmet back on. "There's someone else who needs our help."

Andréa knew exactly who he was talking about but asked anyway. "Who?"

Tanda: Because she was the Mary Sue and makes up all the rules.

Joel: Twinky girl.

Spyder: That should be a comic book.

"There's no time." He took her by the hand and led her out of the cave. "Come on."

Adam kept going but never realized that Andréa wasn't following him. She stopped just outside the cave where she found her crystal laying in the dirt.

Joel: Where NONE of the bad guys noticed it because it came from a nickle vending machine!

"Oh, thank goodness!"

Spyder: The fic is over?

Joel: Not yet.

Spyder wimpers.

she exclaimed, relieved to find it there. She picked it up and watched Adam continue to walk away. "Don't worry, Adam," she said. "You won't have to be searching for long." She took a deep breath and then thrust the crystal into position in front of her. "Purple Phoenix FireStar Power!"

Spyder: No, it's supposed to be Putrid Pasty Porkey Purple Pinhead Power!

Tanda (impressed) That works.

Spyder: Thank you.

Andréa cried,

Tanda (sniffing): You aren't the only one sister.

a bright light beginning to emanate from the talisman and purple-colored flames rising up around her.

Spyder: Burn baby burn!

The light was so bright that Adam, about a half-mile away

All: Run Adam, RUN!

Joel (as Adam): Ben Kenobi?

and only then realizing Andréa and Thunder weren't there, was temporarily blinded by it. "What was that?" he asked himself,

Spyder: She eats too many burritos, man.

shielding his eyes. "What's going on?"

When the light and flames finally subsided, Andréa emerged as the Purple Ranger. She mounted up

All: EWWW!!

and looked off in Adam's direction once again. "I guess now's as good a time as any to tell Adam the truth," she said to herself, kicking Thunder into a canter.

Tanda: But he kicked her off and reprised his role as the Black Stallion on her leetle head.
 

                                     * * *

While Adam still tried to comprehend what just happened,

Joel: It's like trying to comprehend this fic. No plot. No substance. The dialoge sucks. The characters are not engaging and the Deux ex Machina overwhelming.

Spyder belches.

Tanda (looks between them and nods at Spyder): What he said.

he heard a familiar sound.

Spyder: It was death, and he welcomed it!

He turned to find the Purple Ranger, on horseback, walking toward him.

Spyder (hyperventilating) :How the HELL do you WALK on HORSEBACK?!

This confused him even more, about as much as the time they had first met a few days before. First of all, Adam saw the Purple Ranger get captured by the Cogs earlier, and second, he had even seen her crystal laying there in front of that cave. "What are you doing here?" he finally asked. "I thought you were taken prisoner."

All: WAKE UP, ADAM! IT'S THE MURDERING BITCH!

"I--your friend helped me to escape Prince Gasket and also returned my power crystal to me," Andréa quickly corrected herself. "She told me I would be able to find you here."

Tanda: Well so much for telling him the TRUTH!

Spyder: Beee yourself.

Joel (pokes the AI): Don't drag down a good movie for this tripe.

"My friend?" Adam wondered out loud. "That's gotta be Andréa. Do you know where she is?"

Andréa was hoping he wouldn't have asked that question. She had to lie again. "I, uh, had her teleported home. She'll be just fine." God, I hope he buys that, she thought.

Tanda: Because NO one else is buying this fic!

Andréa quickly changed the subject. "Come with me,"

All: EWW!!!!

she said. "There's something I need to take care of, and it involves you."

All: EWW!!!!

She turned and Adam followed. What could she possibly want with me? he thought.

Spyder: To stab you through the eye with an ice pick and lick your oozing brains as she extracts it.

Tanda (gags) Spyder you are too much.

Spyder (looks pleased). Thank you!

                                     * * *

"My darling, I'm afraid I have some bad news," said Archerina.

Joel: there's still more fic. And it still sucks!

Spyder (hyper): It sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it SUCKS!

"It appears as though Zeo Ranger IV lives and your prisoner has escaped and reclaimed her powers."

Spyder (as Gasket): The power to cause mass vomiting, nausea, and bloating wherever she goes?

"Damn!" Gasket cursed, trying to find something to slam his fist into.

Spyder: He put it into his own head so he wouldn't have to be in the fic any more.

"I knew I should've kept a better eye on those two! But I refuse to give up this time. Come, Archerina my dear, we have two Rangers to kill off."

Spyder: Kill off? Kill? When do the monsters go to kill anyone. (shouts) Kill the author!!

Adam had followed the Purple Ranger to the top of a cliff,

Spyder: Where he pushed her off.

still wondering what was going on, when he finally spoke up. "Wait a minute," he said. She stopped and looked back at him. "What's this all about? I mean, what do you want with me?"

Tanda: Your soul, and a blood sacrifice to the Goddess of Mary Sue who will make me Queeeeeeen of the Damned!!!!

The Purple Ranger dismounted and turned to face him.

Tanda: Eww. that's a position I did NOT need to see.

Andréa was a little scared, but she knew it was in the best interest of both of them to do this.

Spyder: She shot herself!

"Ranger, there's something I need to tell you."

Tanda: I'm a lesbian and I'm hot after Tanya. Could you fix us up?

Even though no one could see it,

Joel: And no one cared.

Adam had a confused look on his face. "What is it that you need to tell me?"

Spyder: Your fly's open.

"I think it's time I tell you who I really am. From now on, we'll be seeing much more of each other, and it would only be a matter of time before the rest of the Rangers knew of my existence and I would have to reveal my identity anyway." With that, Andréa began to unbuckle her helmet, ready to admit everything to Adam.

Spyder (tensly): She was really a cow accidentally given intelligence last season by the blue ranger because he thought if beef talked it would save the animals.

Joel and Tanda exchange a glance and LOOK at Spyder

"Look out!" Adam suddenly cried.

Spyder: For a moment, Adam thought she was going to take off her helmet and show everyone how ugly she was!

Tanda: TOO LATE!

The Purple Ranger refastened her helmet and snapped her head up.

Spyder: Where it had been rolling around on the ground.

Joel: A little 8th grade grammar would be extremely useful about now.

A platoon of Cogs had materialized yards behind her. Adam leaped up

Spyder: He leaped yards?

Joel: In as a single bound.

and kicked the one that was about to attack Andréa, giving her enough time to duck out and remount Thunder.

Tanda: This chick is just too into animals. First the horse, now ducks.

Even on horseback, the Purple Ranger fought well, Adam thought. She was able to control her horse with one hand and yet still dispose of the Cogs with her staff in the other hand.

Tanda: Staff? What staff? We don't see this described ANYWHERE?

Joel: Don't encourage.

Spyder: She pulled it out of her-

Joel (clicks spyder to mute him.): Behave?

Spyder sighs and nods.

If only the Cogs hadn't shown up, I'd know who she is and then we'd probably have been able to get out of here already,

Spyder: Kill the author!

he continued to himself. But right now I just want to get this over with

All: AMEN!

so I can finally find the answers I'm looking for.

Tanda (as Adam): "Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket, Mary Sue?"

Had he only known that end was much closer than he thought.

Spyder (as Adam): Ah, sweet death. Release me from this fanfic most foul.

A Cog struck the Purple Ranger's horse in one of his blind spots, causing him to rear up and throw his rider to the ground.

Tanda: see if she had a REAL fighting horse... like an Andalusian this never would have happened.

Spyder: Shut up, she's about to die!

Joel: No fighting guys. It's almost over.

Andréa struggled to get to her feet;

Joel: They were desparate to get away from her, and were over the next hill.

though she had fallen off of horses many times before, she had never been thrown off like that, and she was hurting greatly as a result.

All: HUZZAH!!!

With few options left,

Spyder: Like this Fic.

she tried to back away from the approaching droids, unaware of just how close she was to the edge of the cliff.

Joel: Droids is a trademarked word by Lucas Ltd. (Joel drops an e-mail to the 501st Legion.) Go get her boys.

Tanda: Oh, if only I were human Joel.

Joel: ehem... Too much fic for you today Tanda.

Tanda: Hic! Protein. Yum.

Spyder (singing): Spam Spam Spam Spam...

"Purple Ranger!" Adam cried upon seeing the immediate danger she was in,

All: DIE!!!

then worked to fight off as many of the Cogs as possible to save her.

Spyder: So he could kill her himself.

Distracted, the Purple Ranger

Spyder: Wrote a bad fanfic. The end.

Tanda: No go.

Spyder. Damn.

never saw the Cog that came up around her

All: Ew!

and strike her in the face, shattering part of her helmet's visor in the process, until it was too late.

Joel: Like the rest of this fic.

She screamed out at the sudden blow,

Tanda opens her mouth to speak and Joel immediately mutes her. She makes faces at him until he unclicks her.

then jumped backwards to dodge the next attack. But then she began to lose her balance and fall backwards, almost completely over the edge when Adam swiftly turned around and barely grabbed her by the wrist. "I'll pull you up!" he shouted. "Just hang on!"

All (Chanting): Let her go! Let her go! Let her go!

Andréa held on for dear life, watching as a rock that had broken off from the cliff plummeted hundreds of feet to the ground.

Spyder: Bad anything cliche number three.

"Whatever you do, Adam," she begged, accidentally letting his name slip, "please . . . don't let go!"

All (Chanting): Let her go! Let her go! Let her go!

Adam looked at her for a moment; he didn't recall telling her his name, so how could she have known who he was? "What the . . ." he began to ask. "How do you know who I am?"

The Purple Ranger looked up at him silently; she had to tell him the truth, because she knew that if she didn't survive,

Spyder: He wouldn't know what to put on the tombstone.

Joel: Peppers, onions, and pepperoni.

he'd never know what she was feeling. And as she looked up at him, a small part of her face was exposed through the shattered visor, a streak of blood streaming down next to her eye. "Adam, I should've told you this sooner," she finally said, "but even though we've only known each other for a few days, I want you to know that I love you. I always have, and I always will, no matter what may happen to me."

Spyder: Adam considers turning himself in to Gasket and Archerina... it's got to be better than this.

A stunned, wide-eyed look crossed Adam's covered face,

Joel: Um, excuse me, if it were covered, who saw the look?

Tanda: And WHO CARES?

knowing he had just heard that same sincere tone of voice not that long before. And as he looked square into the Ranger's exposed eye, he immediately recognized her identity. "Oh my god,"

Tanda: Isn't that one of the seven deadly sins.

Joel: No, this fic is.

he gasped, realizing that there was only one other person he knew of who looked and sounded like that and also knew his identity as a Ranger. "Andréa?"

(Joel mimicks siren)

Spyder: We have a winner!

Neither of the Rangers noticed that Gasket and Archerina had been watching the entire battle from a nearby plateau. When they saw Andréa's dangling plight,

Tanda: That's not all that's dangling.

Joel snickers.

Archerina raised and aimed her bow, figuring one arrow, if right on, could kill two birds with one stone. "If we can't have that Ranger's powers," she said, watching her targets carefully, "then no one will."

Archerina fired. The arrow struck Adam in the hand with which he was holding onto the Purple Ranger, forcing him to fall backwards and let go. "No!!" he roared, the single word echoing throughout the hills.

Joel (singing): The hills are alive with the sound of screaming!

There was nothing he could do as he watched the Purple Ranger fall part of the way down, hit some rocks, and then tumble like a rag doll to the bottom where she landed lifelessly.

(All whoop and cheer.)

Tanda: Huzzah!

Spyder: Ding, dong, the bitch is dead!

Adam glanced over to the adjacent cliff on which Mondo's eldest son and his lover were standing, ready to go after them in a fit of rage before they disappeared, but knew it was more important that he tended to his fallen friend first.

                                     * * *

Adam raced down the side of the cliff aboard Thunder.

Spyder: If it killed a girl all on her own, of course a HORSE can manage it!

Tanda: Flicka! Noooo!!!

When they reached the bottom, he jumped off and ran full tilt to the Purple Ranger, tearing his helmet off in the process.

Joel: Wouldn't that rip his head off in the process?

Tanda: Ew. No, it was a magic helmet.

Spyder: Oo-yay are e-eing-bay ame-lay!

Tanda: I must protect Adam at all costs.

He then skidded to a stop and knelt beside her. "Purple Ranger, are you okay?"

Tanda: Bloody hell! You know her name now!

Joel (points off screen): but his head is over there now.

Tanda glares.

Adam asked frantically, turning her over and trying to shake her awake.

Spyder: Causing her injured neck to snap, killing her broken spine, and lodging several bone fragments into vital organs. Wheee!

"Speak to me!" She didn't answer.

Spyder: She was giving him the silent treatment.

"Come on, say something!" Still no response. He checked for a pulse, but whatever one he could find was very faint.

Spyder: It was his own from being in this fic for so long.

Seeing that there was no other option and knowing what he was going to find anyway, Adam carefully removed the Purple Ranger's helmet. His eyes widened in disbelief when he discovered that he was indeed looking into Andréa's face.

Tanda Groans: C'mon, he said so up there. He couldn't have forgotten.

Joel: Tanda... it's taken him this long to clue in on Seabiscuit there

Spyder: This is BAD fanfiction...

All: There is no logic..

"My god, no," were the only words he could manage to say. "This can't be happening." Adam still couldn't believe what he was seeing. The sweet, shy, innocent girl whom he had just proclaimed his love for--and who had just proclaimed her love for him--was dying in his arms.

Spyder: It's Miller time!

Though they had only just gotten to know each other the previous day, he already felt an extremely strong connection to her like none he had ever felt before as tears began to form in his eyes. "Andréa, please, wake up," Adam begged again. "Come on, it's me . . . Adam." Again, there was no answer. Her breathing was very faint, and it was beginning to decrease rapidly. "Oh God, please don't die on me!"

Spyder: Her ame-nay is Ary-May Uue-Say...

Then Adam looked skyward. Somewhere up there, Gasket and Archerina were probably laughing at and mocking his grief.

Spyder: She's dead.

Tanda: No, she's just pining for the Fjords.

Spyder: No, she's DEAD.

The look of sadness in his eyes disappeared and was replaced with that of anger and vengeance. After all, if it weren't for those two, neither of the Rangers would have been in this predicament.

Spyder: Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead...

"You're not gonna get away with this, Gasket!" Adam shouted to the sky. Then he raised his voice to a level he rarely ever had to reach.

Spyder (shouting to be louder than Adam) DEAD! DEAD!

"You hear me?! You're gonna pay for what you've done, even if it means killing you myself! No one is ever gonna kill the woman I love and get away with it, not as long as I live! You hear me?! You hear me?!"

Spyder: I hear you. You hear me? She's DEAD!

The words resonated eerily off the canyon walls and through his mind.

Joel: Adam's gone bye bye... Egon, what have you got left?

Spyder (gleefully): Death.

Tanda (edges away from Spyder) Adam's not the only one Ray.

Adam's rage gradually returned to grief as he looked back down at Andréa, who continued to lay limp in his arms. "Oh God, why did this all have to happen, Rae?" he asked her softly as if she could hear him. "Why couldn't this have really all been just a bad dream? I wouldn't have to see you suffering like this if it was." Adam rested Andréa's head on his shoulder, errant strands of her hair brushing against his face, and held her close to him. "Please don't die, Andréa," he whispered, closing his eyes and letting his emotions go. "I don't know why, but I already love you too much to have to lose you like this."

Joel: If you don't know why, can it really be love?

A while later, after deciding that moping like this wouldn't help the situation, Adam picked up Andréa's limp body, her head still resting on his shoulder, and carried her towards Thunder. Then he heard and spotted something that had dropped to the ground. He knelt down and picked it up; it was Andréa's communicator. "You saved the day once again, Rae," Adam said to her, a faint glimmer of hope suddenly evident in his voice. "Let's just hope there are more days for you to save."

Spyder (cackling): Noooo..... fresh out of days!

Chapter 8: "The Phoenix Blade"

[Power Chamber, around 4:45 pm]

"Alpha, is she going to be okay?"

Spyder: Please say no... please.... no no no no....

"It's very hard to say, Adam. Her life signs are very low."

Spyder (Triumphant): Hah!

Adam knelt beside the examination bed on which Andréa was laying. He held her one hand in both of his and closed his eyes. "I already lost someone close a few years ago," he said. "I can't bear to lose another . . ."

Tanda: What the heck is THAT?

Joel: I smell sequel.

Spyder (glares at them) No! Dead!

"There's someone coming right towards us!" twelve-year-old Adam screamed, the oncoming headlights growing brighter and brighter in the rain-covered windshield.

Spyder (startled); Aaagh! Another unprepared flashback!

"Hang on!" Matthew Park, Adam's sixteen-year-old brother, shouted, trying to swerve hard.

But it was too late. In a split second, there was a sharp screech, a loud crash, a severe jolt, and the headlights were gone. Adam and his nine-year-old brother Ryan looked up from where they had been sitting in the back seat. "Matt!" the two boys cried, their older brother sitting motionlessly in the driver's seat, his head drooped over the steering wheel.

Oblivious to the driving rain,

Joel: No wonder they crashed, the rain was driving.

Adam jumped out of the car and ran around to the front, struggling to open the driver's side door to no avail. "Matt, are you are all right?" he asked frantically, shaking his brother through the broken window. Matt's arm moved, but it was only because it fell limp at his side. Lightning flashed and thunder cracked. Adam could see the battered form of his brother and then knew that he was already dead.

Later that night, the police concluded that the accident was a result of the other driver being drunk and that it was in no way Matthew's fault. But that still couldn't bring him back, Adam thought. Matt was the one who he had looked up to so often and the one who had always looked out for him, and nothing in the world could ever replace him, not even the child his mother was six months pregnant with.

(Spyder begins to speak and gets jabbed by Tanda)

Though nearly five years had passed since that tragedy,

Joel: The new baby was a tragedy?

Adam still fought to hold the tears back whenever he thought about it. It troubled him so much that not even any of his Ranger friends knew about it, except for Rocky, his best friend since the fourth grade, and Aisha, who now lived in Africa. Only those who knew him during his days in Stone Canyon knew about the accident, and even they knew not to talk about it with him. Regardless, Adam hated himself for keeping it a secret as long as he had. And he wasn't going to let history repeat itself either. "Come on Rae," he said softly, "you can do it. You can pull through this. I just know it."

A few moments later, like she had heard him, Andréa gradually began to regain consciousness and breathe regularly again.

Spyder: NO! TRAITOR! Aaaaghhh! Take the pillow, cover her face, quick!

Adam looked at her and smiled as she slowly opened her eyes. "Hey there, beautiful," he said, kissing her gently on the cheek, "welcome back to the world of the living."

Spyder: Damn damn damn damn damn!

Andréa looked up, her vision still a little fuzzy.

Joel: Her eyes needed a shave.

The first thing she saw was a blurry yet familiar face staring over her, a mess of longish black hair surrounding it. "Adam, is that you?" she asked rather groggily.

Tanda: Nope, it't the Easter Bunny!

He laughed lightly. "Who else would you be expecting?"

Spyder (sobbing): The evil spectre of death!

Andréa smiled back. "An angel from above, maybe? But I guess you would qualify for that."

Tanda: Yep, and you don't deserve Angels!

Spyder: A Fallen Angel. She's SATAN!

Adam helped her to stand up and then immediately hugged her. "Thank God you're all right," he said. "I was scared to death you wouldn't make it."

"Well, I guess now we're even," Andréa half-joked, referring to how frightened she was during Adam's earlier confrontation with Prince Gasket.

"Andréa, it is good to see that you are well," said Zordon. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, I still have a bit of a headache," she replied, "but otherwise I'm fine. I guess it just took a while before my built-in healing powers kicked in."

(Spyder sobs hysterically.)

Joel (looks at Tanda): Built in?

Tanda (shrugs): Too easy.

"I just can't believe you're the Purple Ranger,"

Tanda: Neither can the rest of us.

Adam said to her, "but at least now everything makes sense.

Joel (boggles): When did THAT happen??

So how did you end up with your powers in the first place? You said the other day that you had them longer than any of us have had ours."

"In a way, that's right," Andréa began. "It's a little bit of a long story, but we seem to have time for it, so here goes.

Joel: No, not that!

Tanda: No! No exposition now! IT's too late in the fic for this!!!

Spyder whimpers.

"I think I was maybe eight or nine when it all happened, but I remember that it all sorta began when my parents and I came here to Angel Grove from Paris to visit some friends and relatives. I eventually strayed off into the woods and by chance came across this crystal--the Purple FireStar Crystal."

Spyder: Yeah, and the REAL Purple Ranger will be mad when they find out you took it.

Tanda: Purple FireStar Crystal? Sounds illegal to me.

Joel: Street value isn't very high, instead of meth they made it from grape crush.

Andréa held it in her hand, inspecting it in the light. "The next thing I knew I was in what was then the Command Center. Naturally I was scared, but Zordon reassured me that I wasn't in any danger.

Spyder: Just having another psychotic episode.

He told me about this crystal and how, if used properly, it would give me incredible Ranger powers when I was older. Of course, the Power Rangers weren't needed back then, but Zordon said that if the time ever came that my help was needed, it was up to me to accept that responsibility. Because it sounded cool that I could possibly be a superheroine and save the world someday, I accepted.

Tanda; Oh, God, a Ranger because it sounds COOL.

Joel: Isn't that how we got Dubbya?

Spyder: He wanted to be a superheroine?

Tanda: This fic needs some super heroin.

Joel: (glares at Tanda warningly.): Wrong message...

Tanda: (sighs) Sorry.

I had already moved back to the U.S. by the time the Rangers first showed up a few years ago, so when I heard about them back then, I started studying martial arts in addition to my horseback riding,

Spyder: From the Tendo School of anything goes horseback riding Martial Arts.

Tanda: Go Funny Cide.

waiting eagerly to finally get the call, so to speak.

Spyder: When it came she was accepted to idiots annonymous.

But after a while, I started to think I had been forgotten along the way. That was before I moved here this summer, though. One day back in August I had somehow spotted one of your friends--what was his name again?--oh yeah, Billy--teleporting somewhere . . ."

Spyder: Billy Telleportingsomewhere... any relation to Bob Wehadababyeetsaboy?

Joel: I think it's Scandinavian.

Tanda: And we don't have any Scandinavian Olympian women around here.

Spyder: She can jump clean over me anytime. (purrs)

"You knew about Billy?" Adam interrupted.

"Sort of. Anyway, I confronted him later on about catching him teleporting and told him about how I was supposed to be a Ranger.

Spyder: You're the one who murdered Billy! DIE!!!!

After that, he went and told Zordon about me and then came back saying that he would let me know when I was gonna join the team."

"But Billy left for Aquitar about a week ago."

Spyder: Lucky him.

"Yeah, I know," Andréa replied, still not finished with her story.

Tanda: Damn.

"From the time I first met him up until he left, he was my one and only connection to the Power Chamber before he finally made me a communicator two weeks ago. But right after he left, Billy was somehow able to contact me from there and said that whenever the next attack was would be when I finally became the Purple Ranger. You know, I'm surprised he never even told you guys about me, nor did he even tell me who you were. But anyway, that next attack was just a few nights ago, and, well, you know the rest." She paused for a moment. "Wait a minute. Zordon, isn't there some kind of sword you said once went along with my powers?"

Joel: Can she do that?

Tanda: What?

Joel: She just added more plot to the end of the story.

Spyder; What? NO! It's over!

Tanda: Besides she has a pole axe already.

Spyder: She needs a pole up her AXE.

"Yes," Zordon replied. "The Phoenix Blade, a weapon connected to your powers since before they were ever intended to be used for Ranger purposes.

Spyder: And the Ranger males all looked afraid.

When  I called you here three nights ago, my original intention was

(All scream)

to have you search for it, but it was more important that you helped Adam first. The staff you are currently armed with is already a part of your Ranger powers, but this sword will merely increase your powers."

Spyder: Dear lord, no!

Tanda: From twinky to SUPER Twinky.

"Have you been able to find it yet?" asked Adam.

"Yes," Alpha said. "It is located somewhere along the shoreline outside Angel Grove."

"Then I'm going to go get it," said Andréa.

"Rae, you can't," Adam immediately responded. "It's too dangerous. I'm coming with you."

"No Adam," she answered. "I need you to stay here and help me track my whereabouts. And if I end up getting ambushed, I know you'll at least be able to come and back me up."

"Are you sure?"

Andréa smiled. "Don't worry about it. I'll be okay."

Spyder: At least until that meteor drops out of the sky and kills you!

"Andréa," Alpha informed, "because of the strain on the teleportation unit from both our recent work with the Aquitians and the amount of energy used for the two of you to teleport back here, I can't get you all the way to the ocean."

"That's all right," she replied. "I can just ride the rest of the way there."

Spyder: Um, sorry, we ate the horse.

Tanda: He was DEEElishious.

Adam put his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, good luck."

Andréa looked back at him and smiled. "Thanks, Adam," she answered, "for everything you've done." She picked up her helmet and took a deep breath. "Back to action!"

Joel: As if there were any in the first place.

[Around 5:10 pm]

Andréa and Thunder were only able to be teleported as far as the edge of the park, but they galloped the rest of the way through the park, across town, and finally to the shore. The Purple Ranger then stopped, dismounted, and wandered along the beach. "Okay Adam," Andréa said into her communicator, "how am I doing?"

Tanda: Cheater.

"You're doing fine," was his response as he watched her in the viewing globe.

Tanda: Adam has to pay $5 a minute for using that globe.

"Just keep going due south and you should be there."

Andréa followed these directions

Joel: South is a multiple direction?

until she spotted an object shimmering faintly in front of some rocks. "I see it!" she shouted, running towards it. She stopped at that point and began to dig at the sand surrounding the rocks, eventually unearthing the sword.

Spyder: But she saw some kids beat her to it there was only a plastic shovel and a pail.

Andréa held it up in the remaining sunlight.

Joel (hums Link "discovery" music.) Ta-Da!

"Wow," she marveled, "it's beautiful." It was a long katana-like blade enclosed in a gleaming purple and gold scabbard. The hilt of the sword resembled fiery  gold wings, while the end of the handle was shaped like a golden phoenix's head. If this magnificent weapon didn't belong to her, she thought, she would  have believed it to belong to some great samurai warrior.

Spyder: It doesn't belong to you, you're a thief. Thief! Thief!

The alarm suddenly sounded in the Power Chamber. Adam looked in the viewing globe. "No!" he cried. "Rae, look out! It's a trap!"

All: DUH!

Andréa turned to look behind her, but before she could even get up, two Cogs knocked her on her back. She lashed out at them, giving herself enough time to get back to her feet. "Not again!" she complained, dusting the sand off of herself and taking a fighting stance. "Doesn't Gasket ever give up?" She tried using her saber, wondering what powers it was capable of, but nothing seemed to work. "Um, Adam, now would be a really good time for you to back me up!"

Spyder (As Adam): How about I just back up until I can't hear you anymore?

"I'm on my way!" Adam called back. "Alpha, can you teleport me to her location?"

"Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!" Alpha cried, totally frazzled as a few control panels began to spark and sputter from overload. "I just used the last bit of energy from the teleportation unit! I don't know if you'll be able to get to her in time!"

Tanda: What's this crap?

Joel: Paper Tiger.

Spyder: Tyger Tyger burning bright... take this fic with you!!!!

"That's a chance I'm willing to take," Adam said,

Spyder: Hoping he would be too late to save her...

determined not to let anything happen to Andréa again. "I'll have to go on foot."

"Good luck, Adam," said Zordon, "and may the power protect you."

"Back to action!"

While Adam sprinted across the valley towards the ocean,

Spyder Wait. command center in DESERT, not Valley... DESERT.... sheesh. She's dead. Have you ever WALKED from Vasquez to Anywhere?

Joel and Tanda: Fanboy.

Andréa did her best to defend herself against the Cogs' attacks, but she couldn't wait any longer. "I'm not one to give up on anything," she said to herself,

Spyder: I GOTTA PEE!

"but it looks like I'm gonna have to get the hell outta here." Andréa, still clutching the saber, hopped back on Thunder and galloped away in the direction of the Power Chamber. "Zordon, Alpha," she called into her communicator, "no matter what I do, it's like this saber has no power yet. Tell me anything and everything I need to do to reenergize it."

Spyder: Who gave her a walk through for her quest?

Joel: The Author needs to take a long walk.

Tanda: Off a short pier.

Spyder: A pink bunny with a drum might do it but we can't get Rocky into the suit.

Chapter 9: "All That You've Done for Me Is Enough Thanks"

Adam was already a few miles from the Power Chamber when a fiery explosion sent him flying. As he pulled himself up, standing before him once again was Prince Gasket. "Why am I not surprised?" Adam said angrily. "You'll do anything to get the Purple Ranger's powers!"

"That's right," Gasket retorted condescendingly.

Tanda: They're crispy in milk!

Joel: Silly wabbit.

 "And you think you can stop me all by yourself? Ha! I defeated you before, and I will most certainly defeat you again, this time once and for all!"

Adam drew his Zeo Saber and fell into a fighting stance. "Oh yeah, like I haven't heard that one a hundred times before." Gasket swung at him with his sword but missed. The fight was very back and forth, as Adam wasn't quite as impulsive about his actions as he was earlier that day.

Tanda: Because the author can't write fight scenes for shit.

But once again, Gasket was able to figuratively back Adam into a corner. "Hmmm, you're all alone out in the middle of nowhere and struggling, Ranger," said Gasket, doing everything possible to break Adam's spirits. "A rather familiar situation, is it not? Isn't it about time the Purple Ranger showed up? Oh, wait, that's right! I sent my Cogs to kill her,

All: Huzzah!!!

Spyder: Don't bugger it up this time!

which I assume they have already done by now. And your friends are too busy fighting my father to even help you. Looks like you're completely on your own now!"

Adam glared at Gasket from behind his helmet. "That's where you're wrong, Gasket!" he yelled. "No mere Cogs could ever stop a Ranger,

Joel (spews mountain Dew) Not like in the beginning of this story, eh wuss boy?

including Andréa! And as for my friends, I don't need them to stop the likes of you!" But his rage started to show itself, and his fighting became more and more careless. It wasn't long before his only means of prolonging an attack was to slowly back away.

Tanda: This is SO NOT Adam.

Joel: Anger, fear, aggression, the Dark Side are they...

Gasket laughed. "Face it, Ranger, you're trapped, and you know it." He was right; Adam did know that he was facing certain defeat again. The Ranger looked around, trying to find a way out.

Spyder: Of the fic.

Tanda: Because we certainly have NO clue where THEY are!

"There's absolutely nothing you can--" Gasket was cut off mid-sentence by a long, silvery streak of light that cut the air between them with a crack of thunder and penetrated the hard earth,

Tanda: It was a Ranger from a GOOD fanfic come to save the others and kill the foul Mary Sue.

knocking them both off their feet. The prince quickly got up and looked at it. "What? No! This is impossible!"

Spyder: That's what I SAID!!!

He pointed his sword at Adam and said, "Until next time, Zeo Ranger IV," then disappeared.

                                     * * *

Adam stood up and looked around again, just as confused as he was three nights before.

Tanda: Since the fic began.

He stared down at the saber in front of him, its point driven into the ground, then looked up again to see a familiar figure approaching over the horizon. Adam removed his helmet and looked harder. Reminiscent of the other night, the Purple Ranger walked silently on horseback toward him.

Spyder: Again?

She stopped,

Joel: The HORSE stopped. Twit.

dismounted, and stared back at him after her visor and faceplate slid back to reveal her face.

All: AHG!!!

Feeling that if she stood there any longer he would disappear, Andréa fell into a sprint in Adam's direction.

(Spyder screams.)

Tanda (jumps): What??

Spyder: This fic keeps messing with my middle ear imbalance. I can't ever tell where we're at.

He let go of his helmet and immediately embraced her once they reunited. Neither said a word; the way they were feeling, actions spoke volumes.

Spyder: And the action of his dagger in her stomach could fill a whole encyclopedia!

The other Rangers' battle had gradually moved to outside the city, and so when Katherine spotted two dots over the horizon, one green and one purple, she exclaimed, "Hey guys, look, it's Adam! But who's that with him?" Taking out the last of yet another batch of Cogs, the other four Rangers ran to join her to see what she was talking about.

(Spyder screams.)

Joel (sighs): That is really annoying.

Spyder: Sorry.

Joel: No, the spacial dysplasia.

Tanda: Bless you.

"I don't know," Tommy replied, "but whoever it is, it looks like they're on our side."

Tanda: Especially since Adam is snogging her!

Rocky looked harder. "I think that's that new Ranger Adam was talking about," he added. "He did say she was a Purple Ranger."

"So she is real," the Gold Ranger said to himself, wondering about the new Ranger's true identity.

Spyder: Damn!

Tanya was wondering the same thing, still rather jealous of the idea that Adam was with another girl. "Come on, let's go find out who she is!" the Yellow Ranger shouted, ready to run out there.

"Whoa, hold back, Tanya," Tommy said, holding his arm out to stop her. "Let 'em be for a while. Looks like they've had a pretty rough day. I think they need some time alone."

Spyder: Piss off Tommy, you whitebread pansy.

                                     * * *

Adam finally pulled back from Andréa and looked at her. "I can't believe you made it," he said. "Gasket had me thinking you were dead."

Tanda: You believed that bucket head?

Andréa smiled then completely removed her helmet. "One thing about the Machine Empire, they sure know how to underestimate not only the power of the Rangers, but the power of the human spirit as well." She walked over to where her sword was driven into the ground and pulled it out. "But that doesn't matter now. I got my sword and all I need to do now is reenergize it."

"How do you do that?"

Tanda: I could tell you, but this is a family fic!

"Well, Zordon said that in order for it to be completely useful, it needs to be infused with my powers as well as those of at least one other Ranger." She looked at him. "I don't see any other Rangers around, so I guess you're that lucky one.

All: EWWW!!!!

Here goes nothing."

Tanda: No kidding.

Andréa held the sword up, and Adam reached out for it both Rangers concentrating. Seconds later, it began to glow with power, illuminating the two Rangers' elated expressions. Once the glowing diminished, Andréa held it at her level. "I know this will probably sound silly," she said, "but after everything we've been through together these last few days, I think this sword should be as much yours as it is mine."

Spyder: I like my own sword just fine!

Adam was flattered. "I . . . I'm really not sure what to say!"

"You don't need to say anything. All that you've done for me is enough thanks."

Just then, there was the melodic beeping of a communicator. "This is Adam. Go ahead."

On the other end was Tommy. "Hey buddy,

Tanda (as Tommy): We saw that all the way out here, man! Didya score?

good to have you back. Where've you been all this time that we couldn't find you?"

Spyder: Standing on that hill in the distance you wouldn't let Kat go to.

Adam looked at Andréa and they both smiled; if the others only knew the half of it. "Long story, man. Tell ya later."

Spyder: Thank god they're not repeating this whole fic inside the fic!

"Well," Tommy continued, "now that you're back, we could sure use your help against Mondo's monster here. Oh, and feel free to bring your friend along too."

"You got it." Adam looked at Andréa again after signing off. "So, are you ready for your first battle as a full-fledged member of the team?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," she replied confidently.

Tanda: So you're going to die again, right?

                                     * * *

The other five Rangers had the Destructatron monster surrounded, no one attacking anyone, when Adam and Andréa arrived on the scene. Both were on Thunder similar to how they were earlier that day with the exception of them now being morphed. Adam slid down and joined the group. "Guys, Rae and I have a plan," he told them. "Fire your pistols on her command and then get out of the way. She'll do the rest."

Tanda: HER command? Feh.

"But Adam," Rocky asked, "what's she gonna do?"

Tanda: She's Mary Sue, she's gonna rescue everyone, even though we don't need it.

"Don't worry about it! Just do it!"

The Rangers waited for the signal, pistols raised and the Gold Ranger's staff aimed.

Joel: What's The Staff got to do with it, he said pistols.

Andréa and Thunder paced around, looking for the best place to strike.

Spyder: Her head!!

"You can never defeat me!" Destructatron bellowed at the newest Ranger.

"Yeah?" Andréa shouted defiantly, the monster's weak threat not fazing her. "Watch me!" She signaled the others. "Okay, now!"

They fired at the creature and immediately scattered. Andréa quickly pulled her blade from its scabbard at her side and charged towards Destructatron like a knight would charge into battle. "Phoenix Blade . . . Attack!"

Spyder: Bad fic, no cookie!

she cried,

Joel: We all are.

the weapon glowing with a fiery power. With one swift and mighty swoop of her sword while galloping past, she leveled the monster. It exploded into a massive fireball as she stopped several yards away,

Tanda: Before or after she got to the monster?

Joel: I'd say before, but don't want to encourage the author.

Spyder: WITHOUT HER HELP!

her blade raised high in victory. The rest of the Rangers who had never seen the Purple Ranger in action before came out and stood there in awe, amazed by their new teammate's power.

Andréa took off her helmet and turned Thunder so that she and the horse faced the Rangers, a huge grin on her face. Adam was the next to remove his helmet, and then the rest of the team followed suit. "So this is the rest of my team, huh?" she asked,

Spyder: No, they're here for the Luau. Have an apple porky.

seeing for the first time the real faces behind the rest of the Power Rangers as she dismounted and approached them.

Joel (As Tommy): Your team? YOUR team? New Ranger waltzes in and takes over the team...

Spyder (As Jason): Kinda like you, White Ranger?

Joel Blinks: Huh?

The Gold Ranger seemed to recognize her rather quickly. "Andréa? Is it really you?"

She looked back at him and recognized him too. "Jason? Jason Lee Scott? You're the Gold Ranger?"

The others were totally confused. "You mean, you two know each other?" asked Kat.

Tanda: Well you all only go to school together. Bleh!

"Know each other?" Andréa replied. "I'm related to him! His mom's another aunt of mine! Jason and I are cousins!"

Spyder (as Darth Helmet): I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.

Tanda (as the purple Ranger): What's that make us?

Spyder (Still as Dark Helmet): Absolutely nothing.

Joel: Like this fic.

She shook her head and laughed, then punched him lightly in the shoulder. "I never would've guessed you'd end up a Ranger, Jase, but even when we were little, you always seemed like the fighter.It's great to see you again, man." But then she thought about what Zordon had told her about the Gold Ranger; did she really want to tell her own cousin that he was losing his powers?

Tanda: No he doesn't need to know he's going to die in a lonely dark place.

Spyder: Like this fic.

Joel smirks.

"It's good to see you again too, Annie," Jason said, hugging his cousin.

Adam raised an eyebrow, amused by this new name. "'Annie'?"

Spyder: The orphan. GO BACK TO DADDY WARBUCKS.

Tanda (screaching): The Sun will come OOOUT! To-MARROW!

"That's the, uh, nickname my family and everyone else used to call me when I was little," Andréa explained, slightly blushing from being called that again. "'Rae' didn't come about until I moved to America and my friends started calling me that."

Joel: So Jason is from France too. Facinating.

(Tanda gags.)

Spyder: Annie Fannie, yep, that's what they called her. It was 'polite' for Andrea the ASS!

Andréa then continued to look around at the rest of the team, recognizing all of the other Rangers as Adam's friends: Rocky, his best friend, was the Blue Ranger; Tommy, Adam's usual sparring partner, was the Red Ranger; Katherine, Tommy's girlfriend (at least according to the gossip at school), was the Pink Ranger; and the Yellow Ranger was the one Andréa basically only knew as "that Tanya girl." While Tommy, Kat, and Rocky were all gathered around the Purple Ranger with Adam and Jason, Andréa could see Tanya standing outside the group, looking at her.

Tanda: Bitch slap her, Tanya!

Spyder: Oh, boy, a Cat fight!

Tanda: No Kat's the other one.

Joel: There should be a name for Ranger fans, like Trekkers...

The Yellow Ranger's expression was blank at first, but as she saw just how much of a friend Adam had become with Andréa,

Spyder: And she felt remorse for only a second before killing her.

she smiled and nodded. Maybe I was wrong to jump to conclusions so fast about this new girl, Tanya thought. Her eyes then met with Andréa's. The Purple Ranger already knew about how much Tanya had really liked Adam, but when she saw the look of forgiveness on the Yellow Ranger's face, Andréa knew that everything was all right and smiled back.

Tanda: Boo! Tanya would never give in that quickly. Fight for your man, Tanya!

Spyder (sings): Mary Sue, Mary Sue, perfect, prissy, proper Mary, our Maharee Suuue.

Joel: I'm scared.

[Power Chamber, 6:30 pm]

The entire Power Ranger team--all seven members--later gathered, unmorphed, at the Power Chamber to hear Zordon's remarks on their battle.

Spyder (as Zordon) You all suck. you're fired.

"I'd like to congratulate you all once again on a job well done," he said. "And Andréa, I'm sorry that you didn't have an easier time adjusting to becoming a Ranger,

Tanda (as Zordon): But I like torturing the kids and making them keep secrets that can get them killed.

Joel (As Zordon): And I'm sorrier you didn't get killed.

but you have proven yourself to be a very fast learner. You have displayed exemplary leadership skills

Spyder: Yeah, the whole "Do as I say: NOW!" Thing. That's great.

and yet still know how to work with the rest of the team.

Tanda: Especially when they do what you say.

I am proud that you have chosen to take on the ancient powers of the Purple FireStar Crystal, one of the first Ranger powers ever created, and I am sure that the original Purple Phoenix Ranger would have found you to be her ideal successor."

Joel (Fake sneezing): Bullshit!

Tanda: Hey, if she murdered Kristen there could be something good about her.

Spyder: Only if she committed suiside afterwards and never wrote again.

Andréa blushed. "Thanks, Zordon," she said modestly.

Tanda: Sha! As IF!

She looked around at all the other Rangers; never had she felt so warmly accepted into any kind of group. "But Adam deserves a lot of the credit too," she soon added. "If it weren't for his quick thinking and perseverance, I don't think either of us would probably even be here right now."

Adam couldn't help but smile and blush as he held her at his side. "No offense to you, Tommy, but I think Adam would make a great leader someday."

"None taken," the current leader replied, knowing the many times the Green Ranger had taken a leadership role when it became necessary.

"Yeah, you know, she's right," Rocky broke in, putting his arm around his best friend's shoulder. "I mean, it's not like it's every day that you get sucked into

All: AHG!!

another dimension and then find out your new friend's actually a Ranger." The way he said it made everybody laugh because they knew that the comment had nothing to do with what she had just said.

ALL: LIKE THE REST OF THIS FIC!

"But really Rae, any friend of Adam's is a friend of mine, and I think it's great that you're a part of the team."

"Guys, there's something I need to say," Tanya said. "Before I knew who Andréa really was--before any of us knew, actually--I didn't want anything to do with her. I was real jealous, I admit it. But now that I see what she's all about and know what she and Adam went through today, I've put it all aside." She turned to Adam. "Even though I've really liked you and all since I joined the team, I really think she deserves to have someone like you at her side more than I probably ever would."

Spyder: And now the author shows her bigot colors.

"You mean it, Tanya?" Andréa asked.

"If there's one good quality about Tanya," Kat cut in, "it's her ability to forgive and forget."

Tanya nodded in agreement and hugged her new friend and teammate. "Welcome to the team, Purple Ranger."

Spyder (As Tanya): Besides I've just slapped a poison patch on the back of your neck.

"Let's do it," said Tommy

Spyder: Right here, in front of everybody?

Tanda: WOOWHOO!

Joel: Woowho?

as the seven Rangers stood in a semi-circle. Each one--Tommy, Jason, Kat, Tanya, Rocky, Adam, and then Andréa--then reached out a hand to the center and leaped into the air.

Power Rangers!" they all shouted in unison.

Spyder: Power Ranger Cliche Number one.

Chapter 10: "There Is a Rhyme and Reason for Everything in Life"

Who then can warm my soul?
Who can quell my passion?
Out of these dreams, a boat
I will sail home to you.

--Enya, "Exile"

Tanda: Nope. No Ripoff here either folks. Nothing to see. Move along.

Spyder: It's really sad when these fic authors rip off other fic authors.

Tanda: Especially when it's the bad writers ripping off the GOOD authors.

Joel: And you two know this HOW?

(Tanda and Spyder get real quiet.)

Joel: Uh-huh...

Spyder: We're... getting to- know the enemy, yeah...

(Joel doesn't look convinced.)

[The shoreline outside Angel Grove, Sunday, October 20, about 5:40 pm]

The sun was beginning to set over the ocean, a lovely end to an eventful weekend. Adam watched from a distance as Andréa rode quietly. Light waves lapped up on the shore, washing away some of Thunder's hoofprints. He stared intently as Andréa performed difficult yet graceful maneuvers; it was like seeing katas or a ballet performed on horseback.

Spyder: Let's all imagine a ballet on the back of a horse...

(All Laugh hysterically)

Then Adam's attention focused solely on Andréa as she from time to time looked out to the ocean, her long hair flowing out behind and beside her.

Spyder: She needed Rogaine.

She looked so innocent, too innocent at times Adam thought, for her to be the Purple Ranger. Andréa continued to ride quietly, barely even noticing Adam was there. And then there was that thing of her seeming so familiar; even the way she rode seemed right to him. Why did she seem so familiar? And why did he seem to have such strong feelings for her already?

Tanda: That's just nausea from the intense about of SAP you've been forcefed Adam.

But a short time later, Andréa did see him. Facing Adam, she drew Thunder to a halt and saluted dressage-style, dropping one hand to the side and nodding once.

Spyder: What she really meant was, I stepped in horse doo-doo!

Then she gathered her reins and walked toward him.

Tanda: Wait, she walked, leading the horse? She never got off the horse...

Spyder: I'm trying to figure out when she got reigns too...

"That was incredible," Adam said.

"It's nothing really," Andréa replied, sliding down from the horse.

Tanda: Waitasecond!

Joel: Oh, the HORSE walked to Adam.

Tanda: That's not what she said!

Spyder (whimpers.) Spacial Dysplasia again. AHG!!!

"Dressage really isn't that much different from doing katas, except for the fact that you're on a horse."

(All Giggle uncontrolably.)

Tanda: And it's a Kata, unless it's a form, unless it's a Horse?

There was a short silence as the two Rangers looked out to the ocean, both admiring the sunset. "You know, it's amazing how much my life has changed these last few days," Andréa finally said, changing the subject.

"I know what it's like," Adam answered. "I felt the same way after first becoming a Ranger myself two years ago. It really does change your life, sometimes I think for the better."

Spyder: Except for insipid fangirls writing dreck about me all the time.

"After everything I've been through in my life, a change for the better is something I really need."

"What do you mean by that?" Adam asked, sitting down on a rock.

"I guess I wouldn't have been able to keep it from you much longer," Andréa began.

Spyder: No, not another flashback!

Joel: I think there were a few flash sideways in there.

"When I was nine years old and still living in Paris, I remember my mother telling me she was just going out to run an errand just down the street. She said she wouldn't take more than an hour, but she never returned and left no trace of her whereabouts. It was like she just . . . vanished into thin air.

Spyder: She was escaping you, Ko-Duh!

I know she wasn't trying to abandon me or anything--

Tanda: She's in denial.

Spyder: The Nile? Drown her! Drown her!

we were too close-knit of a family for her to have wanted to do that--yet I haven't seen her since. I don't even know if she's still alive." She stared off into space. "Less than a year later, Dad and I came back to the U.S. He just thought there was nothing left for the two of us in France, so we moved in across the street from his parents back in Wisconsin.

All: Wisconsin?!

Joel: ah, the power cheese.

Tanda: this fic is what's cheezey.

Spyder: Yum, Kraft Dinner! The Cheeziest.

But about a year after that, someone broke into our house one night, and . . . and I was forced to watch as the burglar shot and killed Dad before he jumped back out the window he came in from and shot himself.

Tanda (As Andrea): It was a Hit gone wrong, they were supposed to get ME and get paid by Dad...

Joel (Tries to follow): Killed dad... and the dead father jumped out the window, and shot himself... again?

Spyder (Reels and falls over.): My Dysplasia! AHG!!!

I ended up with Aunt Jenny because I couldn't live alone when Grandma died at the end of May. But even five years after Dad died, I still can't stop thinking about what happened."

"Something a lot like that happened to me at about the same time," Adam said.

"You lost someone in your family too?"

Adam stared out at the setting sun. "My older brother. I've never told anyone this after coming to Angel Grove, but I guess it would've been hard to keep it from you as well.

Spyder (As Adam): Since you're a nosy, omnipotent Mary Sue who gets away with everything!

Matt was just sixteen; he had only gotten his license a few weeks before. But I remember that night when he was driving my younger brother Ryan and me home from something, I can't remember what it was anymore, but all I can remember was that it was pouring rain outside. All of a sudden, there were headlights coming right at us and

Spyder (as Adam) I was sudden;y in this awful fanfic. Matt was the lucky one.

coming fast. Matt tried to swerve to avoid hitting the car, but it was too late. The head-on impact killed him instantly, but Ryan and I walked away without a scratch.

Joel: Ever see Unbreakable? I'm that guy...

When the police finally came, they said that the other driver was drunk, way over the limit.

Tanda: Is that anything like "A little pregnant?"

But that still couldn't bring Matt back. Since I was little, I had always looked up to him,

Spyder: Because he was taller.

and he always looked out for me. Three months later, my sister Kara was born,

Joel: With three sixes on her head. Rahr!

but I knew there would still be something missing in my life. Like you, the memory still haunts me five years later."

Spyder: You just met her, how can she haunt you five years later?

Tanda: Consider the fic.

Joel: I'm trying not to.

Andréa sat beside him on the rock

Spyder: That fell from the sky just for this scene.

and took his hand,

Joel (as Adam) Hey give that back! I'm not Skywalker!

looking at him. "It's hard to say, but sometimes I wonder if these things happen for a reason, that they happen in order for us to become stronger. Maman always used to tell me

Spyder: Who?

Tanda: Like Adam should read her mind and know.

Joel: Shh! Don't feed the thieving author!

that there's a rhyme and reason for everything, both good and bad."

Spyder: What was the reason for this horror Fic?

Tanda: Ask the Mads...

There was a brief silence between the two, the only sound being that of the waves crashing up onto the shore.

Spyder: Even the waves are trying to kill themselves!

(Tanda snickers.)

Andréa stood up and looked out to the ocean again, the cool breeze wafting through her hair and tossing it across her shoulders. "Adam?" she then asked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you really like me?"

Spyder: Well you're a little gamey but some mustard should fix you right up.

Adam then stood up and joined her. "Of course I like you. Why do you ask?"

Andréa sighed. "I don't know. Maybe it's just that . . . ever since I first saw you over the summer, I always thought we'd be nothing more than just two students at school who'd maybe see each other sometimes in passing yet never really talk, and that I'd always be stuck watching you from afar with some other girl on your arm, never a care in the world.

Joel: What teenager talks like this?

My friends kept trying to convince me otherwise; in fact, that's exactly what they were doing right before I bumped into you on Friday. I dunno; maybe it's just because I've never known what it's like to have someone outside of my family care for me like this."

Tanda: Because my whole family died trying to escape my smarm.

Adam turned to face her, brushing a lock of hair from her face. "Well, now you do," he said. "And that girl on my arm, I can't think of anyone else right now that would be but you. I know you don't remember me saying this, but I really want you to know that, no matter what happens to us, I love you and I promise to always be there for you if you need me."

Spyder: Guy rule number five, if all else fails, quote a Hallmark card.

(Tanda glares.)

Andréa's lips formed a thin smile.

Joel: That explains everything. The author forgot to mention this was stick figure theater.

"I was about to say something to that effect, but I guess you already knew that after what I said yesterday." Both laughed, then their expressions softened some. "But it's true; I really do love you too, Adam." This time, she was ready as Adam leaned into her, holding both of her hands, and kissed her with the same tenderness and affection as their first one the day before, and under much better circumstances.

Spyder: Right before he bit her lip off.

"There is a rhyme and reason for everything in life," Andréa's mother's voice echoed to her in English in her beautiful French accent. "Sometimes you just do not know what it is until much later on."

Tanda She's hearing voices. Oh Gods she is Schizo!!!

The End

(Everyone sighs in relief)

 . . . for now

(All scream in horror)

Joel (Looking at readers): Hello, everyone. I just had a thought. If the Purple Ranger were to come rescue us... how would it go?

Tanda (Off Camera): I'm not doing this!

Spyder (Off camera): Oh, come on, you'll be great, and besides, you know how Joel whines until he gets his way.

Tanda (Off camera): Gods, I hate that... Okay, you win.

Joel (Grins, then starts in the 'bad acting' tone of voice.) Oh, I'm stuck here on the 13th floor and can't go home. The evil scientists have me at their mercy. What will I ever do?

(Tanda jumps into the shot, her face Photoshopped onto the image of the Purple Ranger uniform. She faces down Spyder, who has a squiggly pair of eyeglasses and mustache drawn over his image. She pulls out her staff, and Spyder draws a chainsaw from thin air. He attacks the staff.)

Joel: No, no... maybe if she rides the horse.

(Screen clears, and now enter Tanda and the horse. Tanda is precariously trying to do ballet on horseback. She keeps wobbling. Spyder enters the shot and throws a pair of ballet slippers at her. She falls off the horse.)

Joel: No... no, I don't know... I don't think anything will work.

(A blip from the computer announces the arrival of Forrester, for real. He holds a purple hemlet under his arm.)

Forrester: Well, Boobies. As entertaining as that wasn't...

Joel: What's that you've got there...

Forrester (Sees the helmet, squeaks in a startled way, and throws the helmet out of the shot. Frank is heard to yell from off camera.) Nothing, Pipsqueak. Nothing at all. By the way, the Purple Ranger will not come to rescue you...

(Interruption from a strange sound, a grinding noise, squeaky wheel, and then large, wet squicky thumps. Frank is giggling.)

Forrester (giggles): Where was I... The Purple Ranger could never get in here... penetrate our little fortress...

(Frank enters, wearing a purple phoenix ranger costume. It's snug, and covered in blood. Little smears of meat have stained the front.)

Frank: You know, I was wary at first, but I like it... It makes me feel pretty.

Forrester (Takes Frank and turns him, pushing him out of the shot.): Quit goofing, Frank! Is the burger meat ready for dinner?

Frank (Off camera, giggles wildly): Fresh burger meat. This should taste good. Should I freeze what we're not going to eat tonight?

Forrester: (Smiles wincingly at Joel, then shouts off camera to Frank): Of course.

Joel: How much is left over?

Forrester: About a hundred and sixty eight pounds...

(Joel and the AI look horrified. Spyder makes a gagging noise and leaves the screen. We hear retching noises.)

Joel: Oh, Sirs, you should be careful... you could get mad cow.

Tanda: I'm going Vegetarian, right now.

Spyder (Whispers): At least it's not the horse.

(Off Camera A horse whinnies and Frank yells) Whoa!

All look horrified.

Forrester (calls off screen): Push the button, Frank!

*end transmission*

Reprise the theme song, and roll the credits.