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276
Memories of being
Breathing and eating
Sustaining life
So ignorant
From ignorance onto bliss
A euphoric conjunction
Of senses awakend
Stimulated through love
From bliss into despair
Horrofic living in darkness
Enduring angst
Prolonged by loneliness
From despair to hope
A star in nothingness
Slow nearing
Ever brighter
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277
Growing into banality
Of supported society
Explanations given
Never questioning
Ever more stagnant
Festering hollowness
Rationalising all
Never wondering
Until
Filled
Once
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278
Dragging along that which is
From memories blank
Bearing an unknown
From uncertain living
Strange eyes seeing deeper
From without knowing
If only to remember
From mistakes learned
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279
Organs lifting
A burden of soul
Pushing down
That beneath
Fading strength
Letting down
Watery vision
Into tears
Waking up
Inner flame
Listen closely
New resolve
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280
The covering of white
Roughly stripped away
Revealing a lust
Covered in pale
Hiding a scent beneath
Let rip the cord of oppression
Freeing the flow
Cries of joy
Howling into a frenzy
Smelling salty lakes of fear
Spines bared for all to see
Woe is me who cannot stop
Caught in the moment
Ever more
Ever harder
Until the voices cease to plea
The rush subsided
Breathing calming
All that is left
A mess
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281
Oh woe is me
How laughter
Mockery find their way against me
Eternally casting me out of the lights of others
Pushing me into the bog where the multitude awaits
Embracing me with care and tenderness
Feelings of peace and content
Why then
Condemn myself with the doomed voyage of hope into the light
Into ascension there where none want me
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282
Doomed
Cast away into solitude
Blinded
Unaware wandering
Through a dark
Sinking further
Nearing Oblivion
Then at long last
Though a mere ray
Sunlight
Gift of sight
Guiding
Green valley
Nature's breath
Embraced by warmth
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283
Not thirsty
Not hungry
Only yearning
Only lusting
To quench a thirst
To quell a hunger
Always needing
Always wanting
Forever mine
Forever yours
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284
Empty time
Forced upon
Trapped unwilling
Fighting mentally
Useless feeling
Rage building
Depression falling
Anger resisting
Resolve strengthening
Phoenix rising
Crushing obstacles
Reaching bliss
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285
Conceited
Nothing to complain
Taken care of
Spoiled
Yet alone
Oh so aware
Only one
Nobody else
Missing you
Wanting you
Needing you
If only to behold
No need to talk
No need to act
Just near you
Waiting
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286
If need of being solely entwined
To give others their peace of mind
When the purpose of life
Is purely inner strife
After your use is faced
Concluding you can be replaced
I beg of thee
Release me
Let strings of life be cut
So this chapter to be shut
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287
Petty hate machines
Willingly programmed
Reason ignored
Tolerance shown
Freedom given
Did not open your eyes
Hardship of life
Interpreted punishment
Fingers pointing
Accepting hate
Alternate reality
Anger boiling
Fear
Determination
Death
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288
A touch so far away
In memory sinking deeper
Yearning it once again
Crumbling walls of experience
Tumbling over into rubble
Leaving a shattered mind
How all was comfortable
Only a pale grey remains
Need to remember
Before it's all Blue
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289
As long as I will remain
Am I haunted by memories in vain
Of a life which used to be mine
Experiencing sensation so fine
Most of all those last moments
A senseless following of events
Where chance made our paths cross
Yours not to take but eventually my loss
Feelings turned to be
A last saviour for me
Hatred raging
Disgruntled plotting
All that is left to do
Is have my revenge on you
Mind body and soul to maime
As long as I remain
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290
Tendencies
Cynical
Murder
Comical
A sound so tempting
A mind distracting
Silent gazes of admiration
Did cross at the sight of you
From there a stir of pure emotion
Finally knowing what to do
A mind so tempting
A body distracting
Intimacy
Touching
Bliss
Keeping
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291
Close your eyes
Drift away
A soothing voice
Breathing calmly
Guided safely
Sensing
Hesitating
Touching
Reassured
Embrace
Warmth
Don't look
It'll be gone
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292
Were you told lately
Euforic effects
Of soothing calmness
Ever heard
Eternal gratitude
For a state of mind
Perhaps not
Lack of attention
Taking for granted
Hear this now then
Accept this gift
Unconditional love
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293
Down in the valley
Picking up pebbles
Collecting dirt
Gush of wind through hair
Looking up into the sky
Mountains so high
What view that must be
Reaching clouds
Overlooking into the distance
Such adventure to get there
Hazards and dangers
Before reaching top
Daydreams
Watching feet
Collecting dirt
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294
Without thought or reasoning
The mind cleared of meaning
A cry inside fighting to get out
Yet none hear the desperate shout
Part of a husk did guide
Bluntest of blades did slide
The opening started so small
Fascination when sensing after all
Out did the life flow
Staining all that lies below
Shame for lasting was not meant to be
And shame hid it from all to see
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295
The grabbing down my pants
Became a lot more intense
When I saw those two
Belonging to you
So you're to blame
That I already came
But give it a few
And we'll start anew
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296
To nurture
To protect
Failing
Only to be able to be near
All that is left is trying to support
Failing
Becoming the machine you warned me about
I would become if I went without
Failing
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297
Time to choose that path
How to choose when blinded
Time to take that step
How to walk unguided
A thousand whispers offer
But fall on a deaf man's ear
A thousand breezes nudging
But fail due a scared man's fear
See him take a seat right there
Foolishly awaiting for the illusionary aid
See him sitting there out in nowhere
Foolishly awaiting for all the paths to fade
Surrounded by demons
Does he shed a tear
Surrounded by angels
Does he wish his end near
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298
Summer within
Close ones
Express merriment
Faery Flight
Mental discord
Barren Eden
Bound delight
Mercy sacrileged
Season skipped
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299
Wanting to
Needing to
Flawed expression
Confronting history
Jealousy
Motivation
Endless
Hopeless
Despair
Concede
Fail
History confronted
Expressing flaws
To need
To want
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300
What weight you carry
Hunching as if crushed
So clear to all
Feeling cursed
Forsaken
Falling that endless fall
It's so strange
So unfair
You heeded the call
Hear this now then
You are not alone
You are understood
The hand offered
A decision to be made
As only you could