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26
Fighting this need of..
Obscure and unknown stuff
Only the rain sheds a tear
Loneliness is what I most fear
Twisting my mood around your finger
As a taste that continues to linger
Lasting just forever and on
Kindling a small flame so strong
To yearn for something so far away
Only to fear an overwhelming dismay
Here I am with but your thought
Ever so cold
Realising the warmth that you brought
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27
Here I am lost in thoughts
Of you and me
Together, endlesly
This gap within
The endless despair
Me not being there
I cry, I weep
Nothing to do
But being happy with you
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28
There's always something
Either alien or familiar
Making me sadder or happier
It's just not there, missing
Do I know this? hardly
Do I suspect it? probably
Do I feel it? only recently
Do I loath it? most definitely
I know what to do
But to start, that's so hard
My search for you
Listening to advice of others and my own
And I'll be half way there
Offering my only crown
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29
It's all so white
A blank
Clear and tranquil
Yet already gone
My Ears
Hearing all
My voice
Silent
My eyes
In tears
Thoughts troubled
Choises feared
Strings dreading
I got scissors
I know how to cut
Which ones
All these ideas
None that matter
Digging that hole
To the void below
I never suspected
Yet always knew
I'll wait some more
Bide my time
Cause in the end
I know I'll be fine
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30
Concerned again
Dirt and mud
Different paths
Same endings
Different scenery
Same things
Running, crawling
Indifference
Same length
Different obstacles
Unknowing why I try
Not even doing that
Arriving at a crossroad
Taking a long pause
Pondering
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31
Ode to a wall
Oh wall of walls
There you stand
Before you falls
An eternity to meand
Having no ears
Nor eyes nor limbs of your own
Yet poored with fears
That man has grown
Standing still and silently
Being a comfort to all searching
Corners comfortable, happily
That you may for years to come
Hear us out and take us in
For you're the best to some
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32
What to do
When words are failing
When all I see is you
Blanks are filled
Thoughts
Feelings
Desire
All else
Void
Motivation lacking
Pointless
Yet you
A smile
And so much
Much more
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33
The distant clouds oozing forward
Dark and all encompassing
Deafening winds freezing
Silently earshattering
Haunting me and all
The tempest is to come
Yet you do that something to me
Showing me the sun
Its' warmth yours
Hearing only your sweet whispers
Not sure what to do
Not sure where to go
Only one present
An undying love for you
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34
Hunger
Yearning
Silently at the sideline
Watching
Listening
Breeding thoughts
Interpretations
Whispers
Shouting
Smiles
Looks
Hoping
Lingering on it
Feeling that touch
Yet no hand carressing
Knowing you're by my side
Yet feeling no presence
A shiver
A tear
Smiling
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35
Afraid of a word
Such a big meaning
Too many insecurities
Dare I say it
Do I mean it
Wanting two opposites
Fearing the choices
Waiting too long
Perhaps the greatest wrong
Remaining silent
Tearing me apart
All so new
I need help
Riddled
Overwhelmed
A guiding light
If only I knew
What I should do
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36
Feeling the light
Shining down on me
It's all so bright
As if it was meant to be
All in the darkness
Down here
Eternity a bliss
All so clear
Opening my eyes
I detest the sight
Swarmed with flies
An ocean of blight
Holding on
Too weak
Losing motivation
Wishing I was asleep
Dreaming away
Being there to stay
Forgetting
Not remembering
I weep
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37
Rage build up inside of me
Searching outlet
Innocence
Pound it
Hard
Faster
Harder
Faster
Losing myself
Mindlessly
Letting it all
Flow away
Influenced
Calming
At peace
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38
If I had a pen
If I had some
Some
Notion
Of using it
Drawing wonders
Drawing dreams
Trying
Not meant to
Forbidden
Unreachable
Make do with mud
Is it too less
To offer
To give
What more?
An illusion
Never
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39
Deceived trust
Given away
Murdered
I feel
Different
Violated
Do my eyes see
Does my body feel
The same
Never again
Healing the wounds
Forgotten
Forgiven
Negative
Starting anew
Same looks
Different void
Inside
Warped
Twisted
Yet whole
Picking up
Remains
A thread
A trail
To walk
Unchanged
All but an illusion
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40
Why is not certain
Sleep was not helpfull
Everything remains itself
Nothing changes for real
The powers to move the curtain
I know, wishfull
Untrue to myself
If only I could feel
A stroke, a touch
Gentle, needed, yearning
Not asked too much
Is it?
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41
Where are you
But in my heart
My mind, my thoughts
Tender touches slightly touching
My skin from beneath
I am so sad
Yet so happy
This need burning
This hunger yearning
Rays of light falling down on me
Alas no pretty words
Only mine
Only for you
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42
Feeling sorry all the time
Genuine none the less
For I'm not careless
This reality of mine
No stars, no light
All gathered into one
Nobody, nothing won
Saving it for this single sight
Keeping it safe nearby
Close to my heart
Yearning to show it before I die
Yet I can wait for an eternity
Being patient and hopefull
Clinging onto a mere memory
A voice without sound
Words without sight
Distant and so far away
Closer than anybody
Daring not to say the simplest of words
I love you
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43
Detached, smiling
Looking down from above
The cloud molded by such tender hands
The cloud I was put on
Shining my smile upon the mudball
Laying, looking
Pointing at the clay
The dirt that spawned me
The dirt that kept me stuck
Taken away by gentle touch
How else to express this
Lingering on the dreams that be
Marking me for an eternity
Experiencing none but bliss
Grasping all that one can
Overwhelming, and oh so familiar
Paralysed by a golden smile
I could melt with the sky
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44
Cold streets empty
Noises everywhere
No soul no movement
Save my own and a shard
Yet I am not
Voices familiar and dear
Next to me
Ignoring my own
Listening, waiting
Hearing their thoughts
Seeing their decay
Warnings go to waste
It will warp all
Creeping out of it's cocoon
Not understanding the experience
Remaining silent, desperate
Knowing change has come
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45
Pry loose the chains that bind
Burst out of the cocoon that molded
Spread wings, large and strong
A bright pallet to paint a rainbow
Adjusting to the new found freedom
Fly away reaching the sun
Blinding, burning light
So warm
So close
I don't dare to touch
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46
I've never known the meaning
Of all the things I'm feeling
To close my eyes and drift away
Hearing your voice another day
Carried away to a faraway sleep
Oh so gentle oh so deep
A dream of dreams with no noise
Save for your soothing voice
Darkness illuminated
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47
On moments like these
I just wish
We would be so tight
In each others embrace
On moments like these
I just yearn
We could just hold
One another in our grasp
On moments like these
I just know
We are closer together then
The ocean keeping us apart
On moments like these
I just sense
We are near no matter
How far the distance may stretch
On moments like these
I just want
Us
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48
Intoxicated with joy
Nearly dancing
Floating through air
Radiating happiness
A sudden despair
What can I
Offer?Do?
So little
Desire to give
So much
Can I?
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49
Hardly ever noticed
Hardly ever heard
Yet here you are
Eyes for me
Ears for me
And here I am
Lost for words
Lost for thoughts
Lost ...
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50
In need of relief I start to search for it
Seeing the surrounding as not to fit
I travel far and wide
To the darkness, shunning light
I find myself captivated
My heart that pulsated
Feeling the flow beneath my skin
A barrier so thin
A haze covering my sight
Intoxicated my soothing blight
Rubbing, scratching, stabbing deep
I feel no sleep
I feel like killing sprees
Falling down on your knees
Mercy begging oh so sad
Too bad
I am full of rage
And blood will cover the page
Turning red
Soaking wet
A euphoria so sweet
I'm glad we did meet
Gushing outward into the air
Decorating the surroundings with flair
I see you getting empty and weak
Waiting, holding back till the peak
Mindless motions into flesh
Drenched openings oh so fresh
I get my fill untill I stop
Cold, shining, sharpness which I drop
Licking it clean, tasting it's sweetness
Forgetting the foulness
Of this place and once more
I await what tomorrow has in store