Ruanchy Jokes

Little Johnny Joke

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. �"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left." �"None," replied Johnny, "'cause the rest would fly away." �"Well the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking."
�Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?" �"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
�"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

The Texan & The Hitch-hiker
A Texan was traveling through California and stopped and picked up a hitch-hiker. As they were going down the road the Texan seen a sheep with it's head hung in a fence...he slammed on his brakes..jumped out of the car...went across the road and had sex with the sheep. When he got back in the car, he said, "boy that was good..you should try it." The hitch-hiker thought for a minute and then said, "what the heck!" and he jumped out of the car and went and stuck his head in the fence.

The IRS Man & The Billygoat
A man from the Internal Revenue Service knocks on a door and it is opened by a little boy.
The man asks the boy, "Where is your mother?" The boy states, "She's in the backyard, screwing the goat."
The man exclaims, "Son, it's not nice to make up stories like that!" The boy says, "Come on in and I'll show you."
So the taxman follows the little boy to the back of the house and looks out the window into the backyard. There, he sees a woman screwing a goat. Disgusted, he turns to the boy and says, "That is gross! Doesn't that bother you?"
The little boy answers, "Naaaaaaaaah!

A Few More Blonde Ones
Q: How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style? A: She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over and beg.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is horny? A: Stick your hand down her panties. If it feels like a horse eating oats, she's horny.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank? A: She tied up the safe and blew the guard.
Q: How do you know when the blonde has been in the refrigerator? A: There is lipstick on the cucumber.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk? A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor.
Q: Why can't blondes water-ski? A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.
Q: What is the mating call of a brunette? A1: "All the blondes have gone home!" A2: Has that blonde gone yet? A3: When is that blond bitch going to leave!
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead? A: "Next!"
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear.

Here's A Few Good Ones

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."

A frog hops into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor, my private parts are turning yellow." The doctor says, "I can't do anything for you, go see the wizard."
So the frog hops off to go and see the wizard. Right after the frog leaves to go see the wizard, a zebra comes in and says, "Doctor, can you help me? I think I'm losing my stripes." The doctor says "I can't do anything for you, go see the wizard." The zebra says, "How do you get there?"
The doctor says, "Just follow the yellow dick toad."

Staggering in from their tenth anniversary dinner, the drunken husband collapsed in a chair and let out an enormous belch.
"That's it George! I've had it this time." his wife screamed. "I'm cutting you off forever."
"That's impossible," he replied, "you don't even know where I'm getting it."

A man and his wife are doing yard work. The husband says to the wife, "Your rear end is as wide as the grill." She ignores the remark.
A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then goes over to his wife while she is bending over working in a flower bed, he measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill."
Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. She calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to a Texan on an overseas flight. � After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded,� "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."
When the Texan remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.� "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."

Deaf Genie Joke

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man,"Where did you get such a big lighter?" The man replies,"See that man playing piano over there? He's a genie and he'll grant you one wish."

So the guy walks over to the genie and says,"I wish for a million bucks." All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says,"That genie is a little hard of hearing isn't he."
The guy replies, "Yeah. You think I asked for a 14 inch bic?

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