These are some of Dwight's Writings.
I loved them so much I just had to share them with everyone.
I hope everyone enjoys them as much as I do.
Here's my favorite one of all.
Feel the waves crash onto your body, let your thoughts build as your adrenaline flows as your silhouette is bathed in the moonlight.
Feel me in your mind as well as your soul knowing that we are one even though so far apart, your thoughts are mine and you read my mind every night.
Take me out of hiding as you reach into the secret place of your soul that not even you are familiar with because you realize this is the only place you can find me for when you wish to search my mind and body at once.
As another wave crashes onto you pushing you back a little you feel ashamed that you made me up but you continue this dance of fever and desire.
Sweat runs off and your heart pounds even though the water is cool to the touch...as it touches your curves and lifts you up to the moonlight and to where I am in your heart.
I remember you in my arms as you were the one who always drenched me with your cravings as the water drenches you with a craving all its own.....you always loved the water but I could never match the silky way it engulfed you and made you its own.
Make love to me in your mind...make me surrender myself to the longings of your inner most secrets, make me do your bidding as you go deeper into the velvet as it flows around you, claiming you as its own
I run my hands onto you but do you feel? I take you into my arms and kiss your lips but why do you ignore and feel the water only?
As the wolves howl they sing my pain as I watch the water take you over and proclaim you and it as one, I watch you glide through its field of desire where you cannot breath but taste the longing to have you once more.
You come up for a breath and see me watching you but you stare through me and dive once again making me wonder if you dare to return. I stare at the moon and feel it mock me as you continue to dance and remember how it was before we lost one another,
you remember how it was to be with one another outside of your mind, and how it was to be within me as you took control and let me feed on your obsession.
I swore you would be safe even though you continue to chance, to tempt the one that put you there and me here on this deserted beach and not to be with you outside of memories.
You finally glide through the silk and walk onto the beach naked but not ashamed but alone, always alone not to feast on the table I see in your heart but to starve in the prison you formed out of the confusion you keep inside, the same confusion I fight with every night and day.
A cold chill wraps its way around you even though it is very warm and for a second you stop and think "what if"? you wonder if I am there, if I can see you and if so can I hold you once again........no I cannot.
You call my name and wait for an answer but no answer comes, you ask for just one more special moment and my heart shatters once again, like when we were first ripped apart so sudden.
It was not your fault, you blame yourself every time you see what is in the mirror even though you know no one else sees it, the cut along your eyebrow covered but a reminder none the less huh?
An ice covered road, darkness and a loud crunch sound and we could see each other no more, and we have been hurting ever since..
and every night you kill a part of yourself by coming to the place where we were separated only to realize that, yes, we are to remain that way.
You wipe off the essence of the water and walk in the moonlight only to feel the barrier that separates us even stronger tonight.
You shed water from your eyes and let it trace your steps along the ocean. You feel the hate of what took me from you, you weep for the way things are, you ask "why"?
You finally get dressed and return to the person you let others see, where everything is fine and you cope so well, You walk to your car shedding one last tear and stand alone beside your car watching the moon.
All I can do is stand beside you with a hand on your cheek and say one word......"please"
You shake, feeling the light pressure on your cheek and stand in awe as you watch me appear before you...you ask how but it does not matter ,I take you into my arms and taste your essence once more.....we make love on the sand in the moonlight and become one mind and body as you had fantasized before in the water.
I taste you with my tongue and run my hands onto you as you do the same and we feel what we have missed for so long.
We come together as one unit and feel the reality of this moment as the moon sets and the sun reappears, I don�t want to go.
You ask me to stay and I want to but we both see the sky open for me and we know it can�t be.
I kiss you once more and tell you to live, live like it does not hurt anymore, I will always be here watching you.
I dissipate in the morning air and leave you alone once again but with a smile where pain has been for too long.
You open the door and ask if I was true to my word..........you feel my arms around you as you raise 3 feet above the ground.. knowing I have you in my arms you hear me say " I love you ".
It is well known that the touch of another can have a soothing effect upon us and some touches have a totally different effect upon us but there are times when a touch is as gratifying as a spring shower and a simple word can make us feel free if only for a moment as we gaze into the eyes of that special love of our lives.
Chance Meeting
---- __------------
With the cold weather outside Charles was happy to see the attendance for the last day of the bar was not much effected by it.
Charles had operated the Thunder cat for the past eleven years and he had talked to people from all over the world and dispensed life instruction to so many and he felt content to know that after tonight he could lock the bar�s door behind him for the last time and finally call it a life.
With the juke box belting out the blues and country rock Charles sent out pitchers of beer to the loyal patrons who had frequented the establishment since he had opened it, many pitchers were not paid for but that was the feeling of the night, if things were not paid for then it was all part of the party and such trivial things did not matter anyway.
The clock said it was past twelve and many were starting to call it a night themselves so hugs were given and tips ran from hand to hand as they wished Charles a good night and thanked him for all the good times they had had in his place through the years.
As the bar emptied for the last time Charles started to put up the barstools up side down on the bar not without a small tear in his eye as he realized that after tonight the Thunder Cat would become just another memory in his vault of so many throughout his forty years on this planet.
With sawdust still on the floor and the juke box still lit up Charles slowly ran the white cue ball up the pool table and watched it as it fell in its pocket one last time, he went to unplug the juke box but hated to see the bright lights die for the last time.
Charles ran his hand over the front of the brightly-lit machine and read the songs listed therein, so many songs and so many memories.
As he went to the back room to get his coat he heard the juke box begin to play a song from his past and his memories came out of hiding as they often do when they see the proper time to expose themselves to the bearer of the past events that spawned them in the first place.
Charles went to the main dance room and the room was empty but the juke played the hauntingly love song just the same and the lights seemed brighter this night than any other he had ever seen them
With the lights blinking in his face the wall he had put up to get through the night finally gave way to the flow of fresh tears and heartache he had kept inside throughout the night.
As Charles stood in front of the music machine the fragrance of that so long ago scent passed in front of his face and made its way to his heart, the fragrance that went along with the woman he had dreamt of for so many nights now.
�Hello Charles�.
Charles slowly turned and looked into the blue eyes of the lady that he had fallen in love so many years ago but had never planned to see again.
�Annie, What are you doing here, and how in the world could you have possibly found me�?
Annie slowly put her arms around the waist of Charles and hugged him gently but hard enough to assure him of her reality.
�I looked you up and saw you were going to close down the bar, I had to come by and wish you well�.
�Why did you wait till now to let me know you were here�?
�You truly looked happy and it did my heart so much good to see you enjoying yourself again�.
� I want to be happy for what is left of my life and it would be so much easier if you were part of it, if you had taken my last name like I had asked you to before�.
Annie blinked the beginning of a tear away and took a deep breath.
�Charles, I loved you then and I love you now, but there were things in my life at the time that we did not agree on and I wanted things that you did not want in my future, I never wanted to hurt you in any way but things were not meant for us to be�.
Charles could feel the tremors of the past attacking him from all sides on what he thought would be a calm evening but had turned out to be a trip down the long alley way of memories he had kept stored away, a trip he had not planned to take for another long time.
�If you did not want me then, and you don�t want me now, then why did you come here tonight in the first place�?
He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as he spoke this to Annie and he prayed it did not hurt her in any way.
Annie placed her soft hand on his cheek and spoke the words that Charles would never forget as long as he lived.
�I was going to slip out unnoticed but you were so happy tonight, sometimes chance meetings are the best thing that could happen to a person�.
Annie slipped her hand across the cheek of Charles and he could feel the love he still had for this woman and decided to take a chance, he slid his arms around her waist gently and kissed her just the way he remembered her liking being kissed, softly but with meaning from the heart, as she used to put it.
Annie was not surprised by this and welcomed the kiss by slipping her own arms around the neck of the man that she cared so much about and they stood there with the sawdust on the floor and that haunting melody in the air as the two caressed their lips against those of the other for what seemed forever.
Charles felt Annie slip slowly away and wanted to hold her longer and never let her go but thought it best to let her set the pace of the evening.
�Annie, after you moved off last time I never heard from you, why did you come back tonight�?
�I wanted to show you that I had not forgotten how it was before and you were always in my heart but you and I were so different and still are but tonight can be ours if you would like it to be�.
Charles kissed Annie once more and went behind the bar to produce a beautiful bottle of wine that he had planned to drink alone that night but the night sometimes has secrets he was learning.
With a spin of the cork and a quick show of two wineglasses the two were drinking the golden liquor in the moonlight from outside of the bar.
�I am happy to see you Annie, but I will tell you that it still hurts, how did you know that I needed to see you again�?
�I never intended to hurt you Charles, and I am sorry that I did but there is a connection between the two of us and it has been there for so long and I cannot ignore the love we have but there are things you cannot know about me and that is the way it has to be, I am sorry I hurt you�.
Charles went to the juke box and set the music to play automatically, the blues came pouring out of the machine and it was followed by one love song after another as the two danced and held one another against themselves as no time had passed at all.
Annie could feel the love he had in his heart for her and it truly hurt her to think of what he would feel after she left again but she decided not to think about that until she had to.
After the last dance was danced and the music machine shut off the two parted somewhat and she could see the tracks the tears had left on the man�s face she was holding.
� I can�t lose you again Annie, whatever is between us we can work out but I can�t lose you again.�
Annie wanted to believe that more than anything but could not bear to think of what the two of them staying together would mean and had to face the fact that she had to leave soon, maybe it would have been better if she had not come back at all but to continue to let Charles wonder about what had happened to her.
She slowly walked to the pool table and stood against it.
�I care so much about you but I have to go now, I never wanted to hurt you but had to see you again before you closed the bar down forever, it is part of you just like you are part of me, things like that are very important to me�.
Charles could feel the breaking in his heart and knew it better than to try to convince her to stay here with him but had to do one more thing before she left him again.
Charles went to Annie and put his hands on her soft face and kissed her just the way she liked it and slid his arms around her waist and held her for as long as she would let him.
Annie returned the kiss and welcomed being held again and put her arms around his neck to feel him against her.
Before he knew what he was doing Charles had swept the beautiful woman off the floor and into his arms and carried her to the back room and to the large sofa there.
Annie wanted to make love to him and had often thought of how it would be, she wanted this as bad as he did and they both knew it would be right just this one night.
With the darkness being being chilled by the cold weather outside the bar Charles and Annie were very warm inside loving on each other, both realizing that this is the way it should have been so many years ago when things were simpler.
Both did everything they knew to do in order to make the other feel pleasure and feel the love of the other and at the end of the love making they both felt satisfied and comforted that the contact was real and the memories of that one night would last forever.
Annie got dressed first and sat on the sofa next to Charles.
�I have to go now�.
Charles sat up quickly, not wanting to lose her again to whatever might be outside.
�I can�t let you go�.
Annie lightly kissed Charles on the cheek and stared into his blue eyes.
�You knew it would not work with us, I have to go and live a part of my life that you don�t need to know about but I will come back into your life again in the future�.
�When, and what role will you play in my life then�?
Annie put on her coat and walked to the door.
�I have to go now, I want to thank you for tonight and for all the memories and I will be back sometime in the future, I love you�.
Charles closed his eyes to the dread of seeing her go and before he opened them again he heard the bar door close one last time to the memories that he had made with that incredible woman.
As he sat on the bed alone in the bar he took out a cigar and lit it while walking through the bar fighting the tears rolling down his face as he heard Annie�s car drive away and as he watched the taillights dissipate to the darkness until they were red dots in the mist and then not even that.
Charles could not believe the memories the bar had had on him and the effect Annie had made on his heart, he decided it was time for one last drink.
With a glass of wine in his hand he made his way to the jukebox and while crying painful tears he disconnected the machine from the wall and finished sitting the stools on the bar up side down, still smelling her perfume.
With the lights finally turned off Charles made his way to the front door and stared into the darkness and then to the empty looking bar behind him, scared to walk out but at the same time excited to see where the road of life would lead him tomorrow, and if Annie would be part of it.
Before walking out Charles walked behind the bar one last time and reached under the bar to take a small framed picture of himself holding Annie in their younger days, with tears of pain and happiness falling onto the glass he said the one thing he could say to himself that night.
�There are important things in my life too, my love�.
Charles walked out the front door without looking back and locked it behind him, never looking back but living for the future.
Carnage.
8-26-99.
Whew!!! I have no idea where this entire story came from but I am happy to unleash it onto the world hehe!
I want to thank the one that requested that I write a romantic one, asking someone that loves to write to write something for you is the highest compliment you can give to his writings thank you hon.
I want to complete my Ceders story and se what kind of hell I can put him through this time so far he is living hell every day but this time he might find the salvation he has been looking for for so long let�s hope so!
Well, there you have it, feel free to send this to anyone you think will like it hope you like it as well all my best, seeya.
C.
Barrier.
As I sit here I can see the words flowing right in front of my face; I want so badly to put the words on the monitor, the flashing icon challenging me to write word after word, to make the words become sentences and thus allowing those sentences to create the world which I find myself in so often: the world within myself.
Every so often I get the question that makes me feel appreciated and loved but at the same time frightens the hell out of me:
"Have you written anything new recently"?
I challenge myself same as I am sure you challenge yourself, I want so badly to become one of those ghost writers that you can read the creations but the man that wrote them stays a mystery and thus lets you continue to wonder, what motivates him.
I hate to say it but the one thing that motivates me is the pain that is so present in all of us, if that pain be the loss of a loved one, the failure that plagues every person, or the doubt that exists only because we allow it to exist in the first place.
Let what is inside you become the text that lets you feel like you are not the only one out there that has pain, confide in the monitor that you have in front of you and create your own world, a world that has no barriers but answers, no questions, only solutions, no alibis, only solutions and once you find it in yourself you will find peace within yourself as the creativity flows time and time again.
With the hopes of finding the ability to enter that safe world once again, I�m Carnage, thanks for reading.
As the fall leaves bombed us from above I watched grampa sit in his porch rocker, I let the vision slide out of my mind as I prepared the irrigation for the crop of corn in the field since there had been a dry spell we all had to put in extra work to save the corn and it was fine by me cause it let me stay away from grampa and all his war stories and such.
Grampa was eighty four and visited the town doctor weekly since his wife of fifty years died recently but when not in bed all he did was sit in that creaky rocker and watch the world go by, maybe letting the thought of all this being here without him being here to see it.
My life was great. I was popular in school and played for all the teams and went to all the right social events and helping on the farm really put the bulges on me fast so what did I have to worry about? I loved my grampa but would live after he died as cold as that might sound.
As the sun sets I watched the corn dance in the breeze and felt the cool air on my sweaty body as it wrapped itself around me I stretched in the sunset and felt like the master of my domain...like I was indestructible.
I felt the coolness at my back and heard the puffing of breath before I heard grampa call my name as I had done something wrong.
I turned and right behind me was my grampa, watching the sunset as if he had never seen one before.
"Kevin, you are not taking the sunset in like you should, sunsets and sunrises are gifts to be treasured and not to feel proud of one self in" As he took a deep breath after saying so much at one time I watched him produce a cigarette seemingly out of nowhere and light it with a match the same way... as if magic.... And take a weak first draw.
I could not help but ask because it all seemed so trivial and besides, it was not the last.
"You speak of it as it is the last sunset, there are plenty to come grampa, and they all look alike to me so what is the difference"?
The first thing I knew was that my face hurt and the next thing I knew was that I was on the ground looking up at my grampa with his large hands which apparently still had strength in them as hidden as it was.
"I am sorry Kevin but you deserved that now walk with me".
"Where are we going"?
"To the top of the hill looking over the corn".
I got up and shook off the dust and walked but had no idea what was to come other than war stories and the like from which I have heard so many times over dinner and rides to town which there was no escape.
As we got to the top of the small hill grampa was breathing hard and scared me for a bit but then he took a deep breath and stepped on his cigarette and straightened up to look in my eyes and it was then that he explained to me something I will never forget.
Grampa stared at me for a sec before he spoke, I guess he had a lot on his mind in order to bring me out here on the hill so I felt it wise to listen.
"The doctor says I have little time left on this planet, whether this means a pile of shit to you or not I don't know but you need to listen to me just this once".
I was in awe of the news but felt little pain for I knew how he had suffered with his coughing and forgetfulness since grandma passed last month.
"I stopped giving advice around your age so you might want to stop also and begin giving instruction which causes less harm...I know that sounds hard to understand but you will learn ".
I had little time for his mandarins and wished to be back home where something probably had to be done while I was on this hill overlooking a cornfield I have seen so many times in my life.
Grampa silently and gracefully pointed his right arm to the field as it was totally foreign to him and asked:
"What do you see, Kevin"?
"I see the field, the same field I saw yesterday".
With this answer grampa took another deep weak breath "What does it feel like to be blind at your age"?
I turned and looked at the field once again ...I saw fine so asked him what he saw and it was then that I noticed the tears rolling down his wrinkled face to be soaked up in the dirt at his feet.
"I see the flat land that was there when your grandmother and I first bought this land, I see the first corn ever grown here before you were here to run through the stalks, I see the large elm that your father broke his fool arm when he fell out of it as he tried to climb it, and I see the patch of land where I asked your grandmother to be my wife before this land was ours".
"I finally understood what he meant by not being able to see...but all I really cared about was the present and the future cause I was part of it and was happening right then as we stood there with each other.
I stood still and watched the wind wrap the long strands of my grandfather's golden hair in its invisible fingers and thought of how beautiful he was and what a fool I had been not to notice it till now.
I wanted to see it but did not know how cause I was not there when the memories my grandfather happened but I heard of them.
"Seeing is a choice, you choose not to see the ugly but you choose to see the beauty, you choose not to see the dark and lead you to its evils but you choose to let the light lead you as it led you here with me".
I took this in and thought about it and knew he was right but realized it would be hard to se things he did when the coughing began
I stood with him and asked him if he was all right and he muttered one broken word to me
"Ticka".
I felt pain at this one word cause it finally hit home as he stood there...my grandpa was dying in front of me.
"You have to realize that time goes by...faster then you think and you have no say so in the matter so be ready to make the most of it and spend it with the ones you love if only in the memories you made with that person".
The words came to me rough but soothing at the same time and I felt the love I knew my grandfather felt for his late wife and knew he would be with her soon as much as it would hurt all of us to see him go.
I asked him one question.
" You think I should make memories for the family of the ones I care about cause no one knows what happens next right"?
My eyes met his and found the proud feeling in his heart for me I had made him happy and that lifted me to new levels of satisfaction.
He took another deep breath and said one more thing
" You cannot forget where you come from...If you do you can sometimes never find your way back".
I took his reasoning and put it in my heart to use for an occasion like this one...to give when I feel necessary to dispense on the world at large to remind them of what is important.
The sun came up after the heavy rain of the night before and it shown in my bedroom window...as I pulled the curtain to look out I saw the herse leaving our driveway and it tugged at my heart for I knew why it the rain came, grandpa died in his bed last night and his final wish was it to rain and give us happiness for the corn.
Am I different since our talk on the hill? Yes Do I look at life different now? Yes.
I feel at ease with his parting for I know he is with my grandma now and that is a happiness I could never have given him here on Earth.
As I leave his plot the cemetery is passed by a car with young teenagers in it blasting very loud music but I feel the same even though...I look to the sky and say to myself:
"Soon granpa, they will learn...thanks for the instruction".
All right, so it might not be what you are used to from me but I assure you there will be more of what you expect of me in the future cause my writing mind is always looking for more different ways of looking at the same...if there truly is such a thing haha!
Thanks to all who read this and please let me know if you like it or not feel free to forward this or keep in your own special place it is up to you.
Carnage.
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