You Must Be From Arkansas
If...
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You own more than three shirts with cut off sleeves.
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You have ever spray painted your girlfriends name
on an overpass.
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You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality
entertainment.
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Your life time goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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Someone asks to see your I.D. and you show them
your belt buckle.
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Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her
lips before she tells the cop to kiss her ass.
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The primary color of your car is "bondo".
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Directions to your house include, "Turn off the
paved road".
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Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
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You owe the taxidermist more than your annual
income.
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You ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
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Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.
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Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling
fan.
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You see no need to stop at a rest stop because
you have an empty milk jug in the truck.
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You have a rag as a gas cap.
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You have a Heafty Bag on the passenger side of
the window of your truck.
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You ever Bar-B-Qued Spam on the grill.
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You've ever had to scratch your sister's name
out of the message: "for a good time call __________".
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Your Brother-In-Law is also your Uncle.
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Redman chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas Card.
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You bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while
you're at work.
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Your Dad walks you to school because you are in
the same grade.
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You view the next family reunion as a place to
meet women.
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You prominently display gifts you bought at Graceland.
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Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck
does.
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Your front porch collapses and kills more than
three dogs.
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You have ever started a petition to have the National
Anthem changed to "Free Bird".
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You call the boss "Dude".
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You think Volvo is a part of a woman's anatomy.
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You consider your license plate personalized because
your father made it.
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You have ever been fired from a construction job
because of your appearance.
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You need one more hole punched in your card before
you get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
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Your father encourages you to quit school because
Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
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You get an estimate from the barber before he
cuts your hair.
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Anyone in your family has ever worn a tube-top
to a wedding.
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Your family tree is a straight line.
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You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
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You've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.
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You have a picture of Willie Nelson or Johnny
Cash over the fireplace.
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You still have an 8-track tape player in your
truck.
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You have sun glasses that are mirrored on the
inside.
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Your idea of safe sex is a padded head board.
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You think BMW's are the call letters of a radio
station.
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You own a belt buckle that weighs more than three
pounds.
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You've ever been to a funeral whre there were
more pick-up trucks than cars.
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Your all-time favorite movie is "Cannonball Run"
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You have any relatives named Elmer or Bubba.
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Your idea of foreplay is "Brace Yourself!".
